lykamaureen Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 hi guys. i've been in a same sex long distance relationship for 2yrs and 2 months and suddenly two weeks ago she dumped me by sending a break up email saying that this is not working for her. she is dumping me because she's unhappy and told me that she will block me in any form of communication as to not make her feel more guilty than she already is. i gave her space but after 4 days i just couldn't take it i wrote her an email saying how could she do that to me and told her that I'm not mad but I'm extremely hurt and begged her to talk to me. she wrote back saying that she's sorry but if she talks to me she will most likely comeback to me because she knows that thats what i want. she also said that she didnt want to do it this way but she had to or she will end up doing what she dont want to do. after reading her respond thats where i lost it i called her non stop and emailed her but got no respond so i stopped and gave up. its been 5 days today since the last time i reached out to her i still miss her and wonders if she's thinking about me. and i'm trying my best to move on but there are times like today when she's constantly in my mind and im having a hard time resisting sending an email and calling her. what do you guys think can we still be friends? how should i approach her? can somebody please give me some advice
bill101 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 My experience with women thought me this: Chasing them back never gets you the desired outcome. What I'm trying to tell you is the more you chase her back the more control she gets and the more likely she is to ignore you until she decides ( if she ever does) to talk to you again. I understand it's very very very hard not to send just a quick text message or an email. But if you resist, you MIGHT turn the table around. She might wonder why you are not contacting her anymore and maybe her curiosity will get the best of her ... Good luck ! 3
CherryT Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 You were LD, can I ask how often you saw each other? Because the breakup is fresh, you have hope to be friends and to keep some kind of connection to her. But after awhile you'll start to heal and see that what she did was pretty disrespectful - if you saw each other pretty often. At the very least, she could've called you if she couldn't afford to travel and do it in person. She didn't give you any closure but instead she just closed the door after 2+ years. Take some time for yourself... days do start to get easer. Sorry for the pain you're in. 2
Author lykamaureen Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 shes's working overseas( riyadh) and i'm in the philippines. we communicate via skype video chat and wechat every time that she's not at work. we saw each other every time she's on vacation basically 1 month at a time. in the 2 + yrs that we are together she went home on vacation 3 times already the last was this February.
ThisGal Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) My experience with women thought me this: Chasing them back never gets you the desired outcome. What I'm trying to tell you is the more you chase her back the more control she gets and the more likely she is to ignore you until she decides ( if she ever does) to talk to you again. I understand it's very very very hard not to send just a quick text message or an email. But if you resist, you MIGHT turn the table around. She might wonder why you are not contacting her anymore and maybe her curiosity will get the best of her ... Good luck ! Don't ignore this good comment. I'm a woman and I can say he's right lol. Sorry you're going through this, I know how difficult it is to ignore someone you care about but if you do not write her she may contact you instead. Give it time, and more time...if she does not initiate contact then she really isn't interested in rekindling and you will just have to accept that fact and move on with your life. But whatever you do, do not contact her at all. You will only push her away. You already said what you had to tell her, no need to reiterate it. She knows. Give her space and in the meantime, try to move forward without her. Edited November 20, 2013 by ThisGal 1
Iguanna Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I'm not a fan of long distance relationships, I have tried it and exoeriencing the real deal, living with a man you love, I consider this one year I spent looking at a screen and making plans for trips that last a week or so really lost period of my life. I don't recommend to keep this kind of relationship unless there are very strict rules, like knowing for sure that it will last for a limited period of time. I know you loved this woman but think that maybe this is your chance to go out to the real world and meet a good woman where you live, who you can hug and cuddle, and not looking at a screen. I'm sorry, maybe I'm not the right person to talk about this matter, but I really wish now I had never spent a year of my life talking to a screen.
Author lykamaureen Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 thanks guys I'm really trying my very best to move forward without her as ive said its been 5 days since the last time i reached out to her and i have been struggling since then. i just don't understand myself. how could i be not mad at her for doing this to me?
sun1972 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I'm not a fan of long distance relationships, I have tried it and exoeriencing the real deal, living with a man you love, I consider this one year I spent looking at a screen and making plans for trips that last a week or so really lost period of my life. I don't recommend to keep this kind of relationship unless there are very strict rules, like knowing for sure that it will last for a limited period of time. I know you loved this woman but think that maybe this is your chance to go out to the real world and meet a good woman where you live, who you can hug and cuddle, and not looking at a screen. I'm sorry, maybe I'm not the right person to talk about this matter, but I really wish now I had never spent a year of my life talking to a screen. how often did you see this person for that year if you dont mind me asking?
Iguanna Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 We met 3 times and we planned to live together after the 4th meeting, and then he just realized that this was not what he wanted and broke up with me (for which now I thank him cause I met my soul mate after he left me ).
sun1972 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 We met 3 times and we planned to live together after the 4th meeting, and then he just realized that this was not what he wanted and broke up with me (for which now I thank him cause I met my soul mate after he left me ). Each to their own, but to me it would feel more like having a pen pal meeting every 3 or 4 months.. so i think you made the right decision...well obviously you did as your happy now
justwhoiam Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 she is dumping me because she's unhappy and told me that she will block me in any form of communication as to not make her feel more guilty than she already is. i gave her space but after 4 days i just couldn't take it i wrote her an email saying how could she do that to me and told her that I'm not mad but I'm extremely hurt and begged her to talk to me. she wrote back saying that she's sorry but if she talks to me she will most likely comeback to me because she knows that thats what i want. she also said that she didnt want to do it this way but she had to or she will end up doing what she dont want to do. after reading her respond thats where i lost it i called her non stop and emailed her but got no respond so i stopped and gave up. ... can somebody please give me some advice Question: is she trying to give up being a lesbian?
Author lykamaureen Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 @justwhoiam sorry for the late reply. but to answer your question, no i don't think so.
justwhoiam Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 to answer your question, no i don't think so. Why don't you think so? Is she dating other girls? Or? What is the guilt for?
WhoreyBull Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 I am really sorry for what you are going through. Take solice in the fact that she had the decency to tell you, rather than dissapearing. It shows she cares for you, but as she sais, it's not working for her. If you care for her you should respect her wishes and not contact her, you wouldn't want to force her into something she didn't want, right? You need to take some time to yourself to heal. Focuse on a hobby you like, or work, but don't try and push your feelings down. If you need to break down let it all out. If you hold it in then you will one day suddenly it will come to the surface and you'll be back at square one. Cry, focus on yourself, and move on. Things WILL get better, and there will be another love waiting for you.
Author lykamaureen Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 @justwhoiam i think the guilt is for ending it with me via email. the break up was a surprise to me. received 2 emails and that's it she never replied to any of my email again. she even blocked my calls. @whoreybull i really thought i was moving on. didnt cried for a week but i dont know whats gotten into me today i couldnt stop crying. i dont know why someone could do something like this. i hate myself for missing her.
justwhoiam Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 she never replied to any of my email again. she even blocked my calls. Don't harm yourself any further. Leave her alone for good. She's some insensitive person and not worth your love nor your time.
lil hoodlum Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 i just don't understand myself. how could i be not mad at her for doing this to me? You didn't just stop loving her, she just abondoned you. Being abondoned by someone you love can bring out some rather strange emotions. It would have been different if things just weren't working out between the two of you. She just walked away. Maybe one day someone will treat her the same way she treated you and she will understand the pain and heartache that she has brung into your life. 1
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