aznirishanna Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I have been reading LS threads trying to cope with the BU, but I have reached the point where I need more guidance and advice. Here's my (long) story: I was in a LTR for 7 months with a childhood "ex" (we dated when we were 13 and I moved away) rekindled by social media. I decided to move back to my childhood town to be with him. After 3 months living together, I broke his trust. I went through his messages out of insecurity. Unfortunately, I found that my insecurities were there for a reason. He had been initiating contact with his ex when I was still long distance. I forgave him for his wrong doing, but he could never quite forgive me for my betrayal (I had made a big deal about us not invading each others' privacy if I were to move in with him), ironic huh? After 2 more months, and the day after our 1 yr anniversary celebration, he said we needed to talk. He wanted me to move out. He was unhappy. I was devastated. I didn't know he had let my betrayal fester for that long. I thought we moved past it. He confessed that he wanted to stay a couple, and that we just needed some space. I agreed. The next week I visited my old city. I let outside influences in and decided that it was not right for him to kick me out and for me to act complacent. If I moved out, it would be the end of us. He had me call him (since we hadn't talked during my time away) and he tried very hard to make me see that it wasn't because he didn't love me, that we just needed some space. But I was too hurt and confused. I got back, and he apologized. Begged for me to stay. For us to work things out. I resented him for hurting me so much. So I kept my guard up. Things got a little better. But I still stayed guarded, even looked for another place to live when my insecurities got the best of me. Then it happened. I saw that he had checked out of the relationship. He blocked me on social media... while I was still living with him. So we got in a huge fight and he kicked me out again. I officially ended it. Moved out a week later in a massive hissy fit. Completely humiliating myself, and ruining my image. After a few more convos with hard blows, we decided to exchange things. I wanted nothing to tie us together anymore. After 1 week NC, he contacted me about something I had left behind. We had LC after that and decided to meet up. We had coffee, great conversation and even caught a movie. He contacted me again. We kept making plans together (met up 2-3 times a week) and I eventually got too comfortable and slept with him. I just missed him too much. After a couple of weeks I sensed his withdrawal. He finally stood me up and I initiated NC. Two weeks later, he told me he was seeing somebody else. Am I the dumper or dumpee? I feel like we were both. I feel like we needed the break to grow and change back to the people we fell in love with. Am I stupid for wanted a second chance?
heartshaped Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 No, you aren't stupid for wanting a second chance. However, be honest with yourself. There was a reason why you felt the need to go through his things and that reason turned out to be valid as he was talking to his ex. Honestly, this guy sounds like a mess and probably a cheater (at least emotionally if not physically) too.
Author aznirishanna Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 How do you think I feel I know I need to ground myself and work on things. But do you throw away all your effort because of unnecessary drama? Or do you filter it out and try for a new beginning... so confused...
Absinthe Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 If you feel the need to go through somebody's phone there is a good chance you already know what you will find. I've only felt this urge once and yes, it ended up exactly how I thought it would. But: I learned this lesson. Do not move to be with someone - make sure you have other motivations (at least it was your hometown). Ugh, I moved COUNTRIES to be with one guy. I thought he was really serious about me, he was talking about marriage, kids, the works. We started saving up for a house. It took me a long time to establish my independence, I had to learn another language and get to grips with the culture etc. but we were, I thought, really happy and drama-free for almost a year. Then he broke up with me out of the blue, not wanting to discuss anything beyond saying that we lacked the perfect connection he and his dramatic ex had shared. He just expected me to return to my home country whilst he kept the apartment and the furniture, off ya go, buh-bye. (Oh, but he was keen for casual sex whilst I was still living with him). To be honest I was surprised to find how little I missed him or cared once the shock had worn off. I was mostly just so angry that he'd dropped me like a hot potato and his attitude was "yeah so, deal with it". That's annoying enough when you're living with someone in your own city, but when they asked you to emigrate for them? There's a light at the end, though: as a result of my work experience abroad and becoming bilingual, I got offered a few jobs in a couple of different countries not long afterwards. The other day he texted me to bitch about how haaaaaard it is to find a smaller flat (the city has a housing queue) and how he can't afford the rent on our old place. My attitude by then was "yeah so, deal with it".
d0nnivain Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 You aren't stupid. You are human. Your break up was just more bumpy than many. However, the relationship is over now. You need to move forward. Don't worry about the lables. Who broke up with womn doesn't matter as much as the fact that you are apart.
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