Mario79 Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 Hey community. As part of my therapy, my therapist said I should list things I did not like about my ex so I do not think it all rosy. I have come up with some, but I know I am forgetting others, I am sure everyone here had things like this, knowing what you disliked about your ex might make me remember more. I would appreciate your help. My list so far: -You never let me check my phone without acting jealous. -You always wanted to talk on the phone but never about anything that happened to me. -You lied about certain things to see how I would react. -You never came out on time when I went to pick you up. -You accused me of being gay -You always told me how the guys at work desired you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Meadowgreen Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 Hey, this is a really good idea, and kinda cathartic! What I don't like about the person who broke my heart: He snorts coke He's a womanizer He has little to no aspirations in life He's got a fat nose, like a bull (which I never noticed until recently) He's self-centered He hangs out a seedy bars He's moody He's tactless with his words He's a user, or as my friend put it, an 'emotional pirahna' Also, she sounds like a piece of work - you're better off without her! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Kansas87 Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 I was just thinking about this today. You expected me to read your mind and then got mad at me when I chose incorrectly. You got mad over little things and instead of explaining to me why you were upset you would give me the silent treatment for 2-3 days, until I came after you and forced you to talk to me. You demanded something of me that I cannot give, no matter how hard I tried, and refused to accept any evidence that you were wrong about it. You made me tell you about my entire sexual history and made me totally paranoid about withholding anything even if I didn't mean to. You were SO insecure about yourself, and I constantly had to build you up. You made me cry, a lot, and never apologized for it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mario79 Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) Thanks, I was missing self centered, oh and the sexual history, she once made me get an HIV test to prove I didnt have it. See thats stuff I have to remember, and the insecurity, I always had to prove over and over again that I found you attractive. Geez. Edited November 20, 2013 by Mario79 Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 The big thing that sticks out in my mind right now...I don't like to think about specifics or dwell on them too much so I won't post the list I made shortly after the relationship's end, is that he completely lacked the ability to stand up for his own needs, wants, desires, and identity and I am pretty sure he let his parents walk all over him and determine these for him, instead of standing up for the things that he enjoyed and needed for himself. Right now, where I am focusing most on is my own thought processes and what-not through it, so that I can learn from them and grow. Focusing on me right now instead of him. I spent enough months doing the latter, thank you very much. Too many months. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgesIsntAtHome Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 He snorts coke He's a womanizer He has little to no aspirations in life He's got a fat nose, like a bull (which I never noticed until recently) He's self-centered He hangs out a seedy bars He's moody He's tactless with his words He's a user, or as my friend put it, an 'emotional pirahna' ! Jesus... sounds like YOU'RE better off without him as well ! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
firststeps Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 lm getting onboard here: -selfish - bottles up his emotions - tempermental - never statisfed with anything - negative - road rage - insecure - attention seeker - acts before he thinks thanks for your post, l need to remember the bad so it reminds me that l deserve better then someone who walked out after 20 years for someone else. Good riddance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 i hate that he threatened me with taking the kids off me and never lettign em see them again because i was a loon when all i did was ask him to stay home and look after them until i got better i hate the way he ignored me, made me feel less than what i was never acknowledged i still tried to keep a house together from inside a hospital until they banned me from the phone....... i hate the way when i admitted i was sick, he was so cold and callous with me because all he wanted to do was be with his affair partner i hate how when i tried to reach out and let him know i was sick and was struggling to keep it together he didnt care and i hate that i depended on him to care that i loved him regardless that i would have forgiven him the lies the deceit............that was my mistake and many of the above i contributed by allowing him to affect me.......i sacrificed my own self worth.....i cant blame him for my choices...but i do know what i cant put up with in future relationships.......ignorance.......is one....it depreciates my self worth.....so my positive is have learned what isnt right for me i do like the fact my ex apologised and said to me this......you are and always have been a good mum.....even when i am sick.......and that he knows he stuffed up.....that gave me back a lot.....i know that it just wasnt meant to be me and him........we had good times and some really bad ones.....and i am no angel......i except responsibility for our break up, it takes two not one.......deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mario79 Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 My list is getting bigger. Selfish and temperamental was some I was missing, it wasnt like that always, but when those two reared their head it was difficult, and ignorance. When people see you have problems and dont invest time in listening to the whys and worse judge you for them and then throw them back at you. Yeah that sucks. Thanks guys 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AnnaAnna Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Hey, this is a really good idea, and kinda cathartic! What I don't like about the person who broke my heart: He snorts coke He's a womanizer He has little to no aspirations in life He's got a fat nose, like a bull (which I never noticed until recently) He's self-centered He hangs out a seedy bars He's moody He's tactless with his words He's a user, or as my friend put it, an 'emotional pirahna' Also, she sounds like a piece of work - you're better off without her! Your ex sounds a lot like mine. Except the nose part lol... And you are better off without him! He's narcissistic and you don't want somebody like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RespectfullyAlone Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 She's a liar She's dishonest She may have been seeing this other guy behind my back She was "back" in contact with him on the same day she sent me the breakup FB msg whilst I was overseas She was meeting his family within a week of leaving me, even joking there better be a ring on it soon! Yet she still has my heart. I want it back. Either you give it back when you come back, or go live a life that explodes in your face, and then be filled with regret, struggling along each day rooing your mistakes whilst you raise your 3 children ALONE. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chinacat sunflower Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 -Despite our similar taste in humor......he never really made me laugh. -very moody -wasn't comfortable with me having a gay best friend -bratty -he was rude to his parents -he gaslighted me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mario79 Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 I get what you say respectfullyalone, I remember now that guy which she is now with, was always too close, and chinacat, I had never heard the term gaslighted, but that has happened to me so much, and because I have to pause and recollect while she was able to throw her facts and version of things so fast I just had to accept that as truth. Thank you for that one. Link to post Share on other sites
Pa76 Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Well the stuff I didn't like... He loves "suicide girls" (tattooed soft porn girls...whores) He would look at girls big time when we went to car shows He didn't put effort in to see me Always looking at car stuff even while watching movies Never communicated how he felt He seemed like he wanted to appear like one person when around certain friends Didn't tell me truth about his first ex...she was stripper whole time they dated...who dates that trash???? Stopped doing the little things Wasn't very affectionate Hate him 3 Link to post Share on other sites
esteem-jam Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 He loves "suicide girls" (tattooed soft porn girls...whores) Hey, I like SG too. Its more erotica that porn. But I would probably not marry someone like that. I think some sets are very artsy, others not so. It would be interesting to have a drink and listen about their tattoos and cuts... but I wouldnt date someone like that... I think they are too dangerous for me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Meadowgreen Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Well the stuff I didn't like... He loves "suicide girls" (tattooed soft porn girls...whores) He would look at girls big time when we went to car shows He didn't put effort in to see me Always looking at car stuff even while watching movies Never communicated how he felt He seemed like he wanted to appear like one person when around certain friends Didn't tell me truth about his first ex...she was stripper whole time they dated...who dates that trash???? Stopped doing the little things Wasn't very affectionate Hate him I once dated someone who was with a stripper for 7 years. I think he was spoiled by all the nasty **** she was willing to do for him (foursomes, SnM, humiliation etc) I was too vanilla, I guess! PS, not judging anyone if that's your thing, but in my experience it hardly ever makes a person suitable for LTR material Link to post Share on other sites
Shaine Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) Nagger Demanding Big nose Balding Fat Small Not speaking with his brother bc of an online game issue. Online game! Not in good terms with his family His whole family doesnt know how to act around him cause he's always angry My friends thinks he's already 40 or 35 something when he's just 29. Vain. Ugly but vain. Dramatic Has lots of health problems Edited November 20, 2013 by Shaine 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Meadowgreen Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Nagger Demanding Big nose Balding Fat Small Not speaking with his brother bc of an online game issue. Online game! Not in good terms with his family His whole family doesnt know how to act around him cause he's always angry My friends thinks he's already 40 or 35 something when he's just 29. Vain. Ugly but vain. Dramatic Has lots of health problems Wow, I already know from this description alone that this guy was punching above his weight going out with you. Hope you're starting to see now that you can and will do so much better than him! PS you're pretty! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shaine Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Thank you! And yes, im positive i'll find someone better than him. Good riddance! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mario79 Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 It is very interesting to hear all these things in relationships. I need to remind myself of these things to just not glorify her as much as I have. We had great moments, but she wasnt perfect, neither was I, but I have to stop idealizing her. And remember how she also hated the way I dressed. pfft. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chinacat sunflower Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Mario, remember, it's one thing to take responsibility of our actions/faults, but it's a whole other situation when we start taking responsibility of things that we cannot control. We are who we are, the right person will love us just the same for our faults. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Augh. Other than the things that were said and done out of emotions and lack of clear thinking throughout our awful situation, there's nothing I can think of about him that I didn't like. I loved everything about him. Link to post Share on other sites
ABrokenNerd Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 My ex wasn't too bad but here are some of things I didn't like. -she never could hang out with me often because of her parents being strict -she hid the relationship out of fear that her parents and family wouldn't accept -she kind of gave up trying to make things work towards the end -always came to me for a kind word but was kind of selfish to return the favour -never initiated contact, it was always me, never called or texted first Link to post Share on other sites
Jules78 Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) He was so f'n needy! His snoring ripped my eardrums to shreds Spoke terribly about his ex-wife which always bothered me (he's probably saying the same things about me now) He must not have thought those things he said about her were true since he stuck his in her while we were together. He looked better with sunglasses on lol His nose was not cute He was a liar! He was way too clingy He needed constant validation He was a sex fiend. No, not always a bad thing but I would like to bend over to pick something up without having a d**k shoved in my biz. His taste in clothes was horrid. His taste in anything was horrid. Everything he ate was "AMAZING!" Drove me nuts. Know a good meal dude, dang! Irresponsible Cheater His feet were hideous. Please, why are you wearing flip flops?? Who sold these to you?! He could not dance AT ALL. Yet he always would. In public. I mean, how hard is it to clap on beat? Edited November 20, 2013 by Jules78 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I think I have you all beat. I had a real bitch for a GF: She has herpes She has a deadbeat felon ex husband She felt jaded She was moody and cold towards me I drove an hour to her house every week. She came to my house twice in a year When she answered the door, she wouldn't greet my or hug me, just said hey and walked away She didn't invite me on a horseback trip she planned, but invited her sisters boyfriend I bought her an expensive watch for her birthday she said "I already have a watch. Why did you buy me another? Two weeks later the box was still sitting on the floor. We went on a trip and she didn't want to pay extra to sit together on a plane There's more I'm sure... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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