Fiance left me for best friend.

[Jam23]

So my fiance of 6 months and girlfriend of 3 years left me about 3 weeks ago. It was really surprising to me because about 2 weeks before she broke off our engagement and left me she wanted to buy a house with me and nothing seemed really peculiar until the day before we broke up. So anyway it all started Halloween night, I got super pissed about something really stupid and basically left her with all of our friends. Me being the stubborn person that I am, refused to stop being mad (which may very well have prevented all of this from happening). A very close friend of mine was at this party we were supposed to go to, he had been my roommate for years and she new him fairly well and he knew her. They both got really drunk, talked for hours and then kissed. The next day I was completely oblivious to all that had transpired until later that night when we went out to eat and I started to get suspicious (by this time I had also apologized for my behavior and promised to make it better) on the way back to her car I asked her 3 times if something happened last night and if she was keeping something from me. All three times she said no. The next day she was very distant and what is usually a day we hang out she suddenly got sick and stayed home. I didn't hear from her until the end of the night and for the first time in 3 years did not tell me she loved me before hanging up the phone. I knew immediately something was wrong and began frantically trying to contact her but to no avail until she finally sent the text "we need to talk tomorrow after work" I knew what this meant and tried to save what I could. I confronted her before work with flowers and found out from my best friend what had happened Halloween night. She told me that she hadn't been happy for a long time and didn't think we should get married. I was led to believe by both of them that what happened Halloween night was a one time thing, so being the forgiving and very trusting person that I am I forgave both of them and tried to let her go. 2 days later they slept together and when I asked my friend if he had been seeing her he lied to me.. multiple times. We had a good relationship, people thought we fought a lot but it was really just the way we talked to each other. We are both very stubborn and she is very stand offish. While I am not stand offish and easily forgive. The way she had acted for the six months we were engaged was not the way someone acts when they are unhappy, especially her. I've known her for years and she is like an open book to me. So here I am three weeks later still waking up in cold sweats, and still unable to eat. I've spoken to her a few times and I'm either greeted with "I was never happy with you and this was the first good decision I've made in years" or "hey, whats up, how are you?" She is acting very unlike herself and the funny part is the guy she is with now is exactly like me, just less attractive and lazier. My friends tell me to forget both of them, that they stabbed me in the back and don't deserve forgiveness. I won't forgive my friend, however I can't get mad at my ex. I just want the best for her even if it isn't with me. I'm not really sure what to do, I can't find closure until I know whether all of this is an act, or she really did change completely in the course of 3 days. I would also like to mention that my friend before all of this had never had a girlfriend or was even remotely interested in my fiance.

[Mariposa10]

What a horrible situation. I'm sorry to hear you're hurting so much.

 

You need to stop talking to your ex, it's as simple as that. What she did to you is not fair. I get people not wanting to be in a relationship, but why cheat?

 

My advice is to go NC because if you don't, you'll just be reminded of how unimportant we become to our exes after the relationship is over.

 

Cry and scream all you want, get it out of your system. Accept the breakup and start healing. The only way you'll start healing is if you distance yourself from your ex whom is being mean by telling you breaking up with you was one of her best decisions. Your ex and "best friend" are only thinking about their feelings and well being. You need to do the same. BE SELFISH, start taking care of yourself and focus only on yourself.

 

Good luck and you can always vent here.

[CaliBabe]

Omfg this is so horrible. I am so sorry you are going through this. Like the above poster mentioned. You need to go NC on both of them and try to seek your own happiness... Without them. Be strong, you will get through this.

[chris21422]

Man I thought breaking up with my 2 year ex gf is horrible but I must say I feel your pain!

 

I thought things like this just happen in the movies but man.. You need to get all support that you can!

 

This is really hard.. My advice though is stop contacting her from now on.. Nothing good will came out of it..

 

Let her have her time and space to figure things out.. Pushing yourself and contacting her only makes her right about her decision..

 

Trust me that thing will never last with your best friend. If you try to move on and forget about her she might came back to you..

 

but man do you ever want to accept someone like that? left you for your best friend.. That is just plain horrible childish act..

 

Good luck to you bro. I hope you get past all through this..

[Jam23]

Yea I never expected something like this to happen. I mean they had no interest in one another, I really just need unbiased opinions. My friends have been great but they are either to mad or to sorry for me to offer insight. I keep blaming myself for all of what is happening because I could have prevented this. She told me she felt like I didn't care about her and I guess that Halloween night he made her feel cared about. The sad thing is I know he is sorry for everything that has happened, he is terrified of me. But I think they are both in a way manipulating each other. In any case it makes me sick to think of them together, and I can't help but think about it.

[Crila16]

Well...it's not going to last with this other guy. I'm usually right about stuff like this. Nothing beautiful can ever grow from something so ugly...and this situation is ugly. I don't care how mad you got at you that night. No excuse. She made a commitment to you...and she cheated and betrayed you. Cheating is not the answer. If she had an issue with your temper, then she should have left you for it, not cheat.

 

I don't like cheaters. I think cheaters are untrustworthy and don't have respect for other people. They think of themselves only and are selfish.

 

Let her be with this guy for now. It was a spur of the moment thing that won't last. The fact that he's your best friend and would do that to you says it all. He's not a good man. He's selfish. If she was that unhappy, she should have ended it with you first...then moved on.

 

You probably will take her back when she comes crawling (and she will), but if you do, you'll never forget. The relationship is over. She destroyed it. Take her back, but this poison will destroy the relationship one way or another. It's unforgivable. She's the one who will have the regrets in the end. I promise.

[lookingforbalance]

Jam

Same thing happened to me, after a year and a half, and we work in the same building as well. I found out about them about a month after she broke it off with me. She called me the next night after I found out, only to ask if I was going to do something at work to make her lose her job. I told her that it was really sad to think that she would think I would harm her well being in any way at all, but it goes to show the guilt she was feeling, just not any care about me, only herself. I told her that I wanted nothing to do with her and to leave me alone, she was his issue now.

At the end of the day it is just about filling her own needs, without concern to anyone else. I was very close with her youngest daughter, she considered me her dad, and it broke my heart all over again when she told me I couldn't see her any more.

I haven't spoken to her since that phone call, 73 days ago. Its all you can do, move on and don't look back. If she had any respect for you whatsoever, even with your shortcomings in the relationship, she would have NEVER hooked up with your best friend.

As far as my "friend" that she is now in a relationship with, I confronted him, told him that I thought he was a huge coward and spineless, and left it at that. He knows better that to even look my way if I were to see him anywhere.

Its been very difficult, but it can be done, you have to will it away. I still love her, but only because I knew what I felt for her was unconditional. I just know I could never be with her again, so I put her in the past and move on. Time and persistence.

[NoLeafClover]

Now this this is,

one of them occasions,

when the homies not doing it right,

I mean he found him a hoe that he likes,

but you can't make a hoe a housewife..

...

..

 

 

 

Seriously how can you forgive someone who screwed your best friend?

[Mcnulty]

Christ, I wonder why I'm on this site at times, it's hurt after hurt after hurt...but, it has words that help me at times, people who are so insightful, i thank them for their wisdom. This post made me think of this poem by Charles Bukowski......

 

The flesh covers the bone

and they put a mind

in there and

sometimes a soul,

and the women break

vases against the walls

and the men drink too

much

and nobody finds the

one

but keep

looking

crawling in and out

of beds.

flesh covers

the bone and the

flesh searches

for more than

flesh

[fancy feast]

Best advice I can give you is to ignore both of them into oblivion. A tough thing to do considering I would be ready to lay the people's elbow on the "friend."