Bella_D Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Seventeen days ago, on 01.11.2013 I met my boyfriend for the first time ever. We have been together for almost 6 months now and it has always been amazing. Before we met I didn't even think it could get better but the days we spent together were probably the happiest days of my life. It's the greatest feeling to be absolutely comfortable with your partner, share your laughter, silliness, tears, smiles, cuddles, kisses, share your life. And I am lucky to have experienced it. Everything was perfect until today - the day he had to leave. It's been difficult to stop my tears the last couple of days but now it just became impossible. No words were needed while he was packing, nor while we were on our way to the airport. And thats where my heart just broke. To kiss him goodbye and pull away but how to do that if you know you wont be able to feel a kiss like this for months? Well, let me tell you how - you feel your tears rolling down your cheeks and you can't do anything about it, you don't even want to. The last hug.. your chest suddenly feels too tight and taking a breath becomes painful.. The last kiss is the most bitter pleasure you could feel. Then you have to let go of all you have ever wanted, you turn around and walk away, while you are burning on the inside. That's exactly how it felt for me back at that moment. I don't know how to deal with that, he is gone but at the same time he is everywhere. Everything reminds me of him and it hurts so bad that I can't feel his arms around me anymore. I know I am lucky to be having someone to miss but I don't know how to keep it together. I need him so bad and I don't even know when am I seeing him again.. Thank you for reading this, please comment if you have any advices or you want to share an opinion.
CherryT Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 As someone who's been in a LDR for a few years and is finally closing the gap... you need to figure out a way to deal with it. Yes, the distance sucks but there's no reason to dwell on the distance if you're both wanting to make it work. If you keep focusing on the depressing parts of your relationship, that'll only drain the good. I've seen a lot of LDR fail not because the two people in them didn't love each other dearly, but because the focus on the negative aspects became too much. Who wants to live in such misery 90% of the time? Finds things that make it work... communicate and talk about your future plans and don't dwell on how sh*tty it is being a part (too much). Skype and be proactive on the next time you see one another. Good luck. 1
Author Bella_D Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 Thank you so much! We are doing that, we skype every day for a few hours at least and text everytime possible, we are usually focusing on the happy things, we started talking about moving in together. It is still hard though.. There comes a point where you are lying alone on the bed you were lying with them.. Anyways, thank you again Cheers!
CherryT Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Thank you so much! We are doing that, we skype every day for a few hours at least and text everytime possible, we are usually focusing on the happy things, we started talking about moving in together. It is still hard though.. There comes a point where you are lying alone on the bed you were lying with them.. Anyways, thank you again Cheers! I know those moments. I have my moments too... but if you're both planning to eventually close the distance, when you have those moments just think it's one day closer to you being able to be with that person full-time.
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 (edited) Thank you so much! We are doing that, we skype every day for a few hours at least and text everytime possible, we are usually focusing on the happy things, we started talking about moving in together. It is still hard though.. There comes a point where you are lying alone on the bed you were lying with them.. Anyways, thank you again Cheers! Cherry made excellent and pragmatic points. My only addition is to be very careful about moving in with someone whom you have only met one time. I know you may love each other, have a lot in common, planning a future, etc. but that is a MASSIVE RISK if you have only met once in person. I would suggest winging another 6 months of back and forth visits if possible before making that big leap. I am unsure of the proximity and life situations but if it is international and even national distance be very careful with giving up your job, apartment, etc for someone that you have only known for 6 months and met 1 time (and from the internet at that). Feel out the flow in person a handful more times before making such a serious commitment. Is he financially responsible? Does he pay his bills on time? Does he budget? What is his overall outlook on finances in general? What are your views on gender roles/ household responsibilities? Is he a slob or a neat-freak? Lifestyle choices/compatibility? What are his job prospects like where you are? What are your job prospects like where he is? Are visas needed? Are there children to be considered? Does any of you have strong ties such as a business in your state/country? Does either one of you have money to move? Do you like his state/country? Vice versa? What is your back-up plan (if God forbid it didn't pan out)? What is his back-up plan? Etc. So many important things to think about on a practical level! Edited November 19, 2013 by nomadic_butterfly 2
The Thinker Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Sounds like the meet-up went well and the connection translated. Instead of focusing on the fact that you won't see him for a while, be happy that it was a success and that you will likely see him again. There will be lots of pain, but you're lucky to have someone you feel so comfortable with. The time away will only make the next time you see him all the more enjoyable. Out of curiosity, how much distance is between you two?
Author Bella_D Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 He lives in The Netherlands and I live in Bulgaria so about 2000 km.. We have spoken about all sorts of important things and he is really really supportive. We have a big age difference - 10 years (he is older) so that helps with the whole moving idea as he is already a man and not just some douche bag guy
LLQ1986 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I can still remember vividly our first meeting at the airport. My heart was pounding like mad while waiting at the arrival gate, I got super nervous when I finally saw him coming out and looking for me. He requested to hug me and I did so in a pretty awkward manner as we had only met each other for the very first time. Anyhow, sending him off at the airport for the first time was the hardest. I was crying while hugging him goodbye and I cried even harder driving home from the airport. I have been in a long distance relationship since Sep 2011, my bf and I are 6000++miles apart and there is a 7/8hr time zone difference. We had visited each other's home country once and had traveled to another country once. I'm going to visit him again next Feb with my dad Recently the bf is under a lot of pressure from work & accounting exams & some family matters...and that left him feeling miserable I feel hopeless being so far away from him. It just hit me when he told me that he can't have me when he needed me the most. I have then decided I will pack my bag and spend a couple of months with him mid next year. Quitting my job, moving to another country and being jobless are easier said than done. But we both agreed that we need to spend more time together as a real couple instead of only meeting once/twice a year! Wish me luck guys! 1
Iguanna Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 The only reason I would get in a LDR again would be only if I knew that it won't last long. I consider the year I had one LDR really a waste of time. The only things I remember are the time we spent together. Life is not only 1 - 2 -3 months in a year though. Other than that someone has to be really careful with guys that they meet online and create a relationship with them cause they can really easily be the usual player guys that have their long time relationship and they want the adventure for when they travel for work or similar reasons. If my sister or dear friend would ask me how I feel about her having a LDR I would be really negative. It depends of course also on how old they are. At 20s it's not really terrible to lose a year to have this experience, but after 30 I think it's a total waste of time.
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) The only reason I would get in a LDR again would be only if I knew that it won't last long. I consider the year I had one LDR really a waste of time. The only things I remember are the time we spent together. Life is not only 1 - 2 -3 months in a year though. Other than that someone has to be really careful with guys that they meet online and create a relationship with them cause they can really easily be the usual player guys that have their long time relationship and they want the adventure for when they travel for work or similar reasons. If my sister or dear friend would ask me how I feel about her having a LDR I would be really negative. It depends of course also on how old they are. At 20s it's not really terrible to lose a year to have this experience, but after 30 I think it's a total waste of time. Lol. Uh-oh. This will be fighting words for some posters One has to be discerning on and off line. People have been lying, cheating, stealing, leading double lives, perpetrating since the beginning of time but I suppose one just has to exercise emotional intelligence at all times. I don't think this applies to everyone or even the majority, but what you've stated does in fact happen. I am having my first and last attempt at a LDR. We are "friends" (at least in my mind) until we meet in person and come up with a solid plan should it go as anticipated. I've done a background check on the family and cross checked certain things to the best of my abilities. We're planning to meet early next year so should that come to fruition it should all be confirmed and crystal clear theoretically :-). Edited November 20, 2013 by nomadic_butterfly 2
LLQ1986 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 The only reason I would get in a LDR again would be only if I knew that it won't last long. I consider the year I had one LDR really a waste of time. The only things I remember are the time we spent together. Life is not only 1 - 2 -3 months in a year though. Other than that someone has to be really careful with guys that they meet online and create a relationship with them cause they can really easily be the usual player guys that have their long time relationship and they want the adventure for when they travel for work or similar reasons. If my sister or dear friend would ask me how I feel about her having a LDR I would be really negative. It depends of course also on how old they are. At 20s it's not really terrible to lose a year to have this experience, but after 30 I think it's a total waste of time. LDR is very hard to maintain indeed, I too tell people around me to avoid LDR at cost if possible. The only reason I'm having a LDR right now is because I trust the bf and we are planning and slowly building our future together I agree that if you do not see urself long-term or having a future with ur LDR partner, it's gonna be a total waste of time.
ThisGal Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 (edited) I know that feeling, OP. I felt that way when I met my b/f a year ago. The long awkward walk towards each other at the airport, and the sad goodbye at the airport. But as someone else mentioned, try to shift your focus and not dwell on the negativity. Will it be difficult at times not being together? Absolutely! I deal with it sometimes. But you gotta keep pushing through. Keep communication very strong and enjoy making future plans. I also agree with another poster who said do NOT plan on moving in with him just after only one visit. That's not wise at all. You may feel like you know all there is to know about him and you completely trust him but every day you will know him better, vice versa. More of you will be revealed to him and more of him to you. Do not rush. No need to. Be smart. Enjoy the time getting to know each other better. Regarding another comment, I agree that you should always be careful, but that goes with anywhere you have met that man; be it online, in person, through a friend...you just always have to practice safety and intelligence. Be cautious. Don't let your emotions/heart make all the decisions for you, use your brain and think logical. And also know that the 10 - year age gap is pretty significant but nothing wrong with it. My b/f is 6 years old than me and I am aware that with age comes experience/intelligence. I may think that I know everything there is to know about the world at my adult age, however, I do acknowledge that because he is older he may know more. So be careful to not allow anyone to take advantage of you. It'shard to word what I'm trying to say but just don't be suckered. There are men out there that prey on younger women. Anyway, enjoy getting to know him! I'm glad the first meeting went very well! Many more visits to come Take care. Edited November 21, 2013 by ThisGal
sun1972 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 awwwwww i can remember my first meeting with my ldr like it was yesterday.. we met on a dating site and she had been a member for a couple of years, and in my profile i had put that i like to travel. She messaged me just saying 'if you like travelling, come and see me' After chatting constantly on msn etc we met somewhere neutral for a carvery (a 2.5 hour journey for us both) I was pretty nervous but hid it well, when she walked in she was practically shaking with nerves which helped my nerves as i wanted to calm her down It was lovely, and i was smitten Anyway to the OP, it is important to have a plan on how you will bridge the gap i think But i echo others in saying its a good idea to spend plenty of time to know him first. Good luck!
HeavenOrHell Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 My partner lives in The Netherlands I'm in the UK, I was there for 16 days in November, came back last wednesday. He lives in The Netherlands and I live in Bulgaria so about 2000 km.. We have spoken about all sorts of important things and he is really really supportive. We have a big age difference - 10 years (he is older) so that helps with the whole moving idea as he is already a man and not just some douche bag guy
sun1972 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 My partner lives in The Netherlands I'm in the UK, I was there for 16 days in November, came back last wednesday. Just curious how you met him?
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