Major setback. Need strength and talking off the ledge.

[LostOne08]

Guys,

 

It's been almost three months since my breakup. Our relationship wasn't very long, but I'm still stuck on her. Probably because I pined for her for years before actually getting her. I've hit a roadblock here recently. Basically, she broke up with me because she says there was no chemistry, she felt like we didn't move passed being friends and she needed time to heal from her previous relationships. Fine. Cool. Only problem is I was falling for her really hard before the breakup. I chased a little, then five weeks ago she told me not to contact her "for now". Since then, I've been no contact.

 

Except...I haven't really been no contact. I haven't had the strength to do anything about Facebook and it keeps setting me back. Including recently. I know I'm stupid for not unfriending her or blocking her on there, but I can't bring myself to. It's not like I'm checking constantly what she's up to, but I do see periodic updates that are giving me huge setbacks. I really need the strength to cut the Facebook cord, so I'm leaning on you all for it. This would be the last tie I have to her, which is probably why it's so hard for me to sever it.

 

Admittedly, even after all this time I'm holding on to some false hope. I've been dating here and there and I have really strong feelings for a friend of mine who I had been interested in before my ex. Thing there is that I don't know how she feels, and I don't want to jeopardize the friendship there without knowing more than a friendship could develop. Hints have been dropped by others, but I'm not sure. Plus, even though I'm convinced my feelings for her (the friend) are genuine because I had them prior to my ex, how can I be sure I'm not just trying to detach from my ex with this relationship?

 

Lastly, all this time removed from the relationship has let me think. My ex says she was still hung up on her previous relationships and she thinks that led to some of our problems. She had relationships of several years and then dated a little bit prior to me, but she was over a year out of her last relationship when we started dating. Is it still possible to be lost in previous relationships after that long? Or to have never dealt with the healing process? I guess I'm hung up because she told me this and kept saying she can't be with anyone "right now". I know I should let go, but part of me wants her to admit we have no chance ever again. I want to reestablish contact to talk one last time. I know it's foolish, so I need talking off the ledge. But, I also need guidance. If there's a chance she does need to heal and there's a shot for us, do I need to go into true NC to even make that a possibility?

 

Thanks for putting up with my ramblings if you've read this far. I'm just a mess right now, still. Feels pathetic.

[Omei]

Awww you sound sweet sorry the girl you tried so hard to get didn't work out that sucks =[ its just gonna take some time.

 

Normally I would say remove from fb completely but since you didn't date that long here is my suggestion if you can't delete her and want to maintain a friendship soon why dont you just deactivate your profile for a while take a Fb break.

 

Don't contact her till you're over her I've done this its the worst all that will happen is she will be nice maybe even sweet out of general respect you'll build up even more hope then in the convo you'll ask the big Q and you will get the same answer and be crushed all over again.

 

Don't do it!

Edited November 19, 2013 by Omei

[LostOne08]

Thanks for saying that. I hear what you're saying and that's good advice. I've been contemplating deactivating FB for awhile, so that could be an option. It's just been causing me way too much pain inadvertently lately. I'll be feeling better about things and then a sudden status update that I just happen to see will set me back. It's excruciating. Maybe I could just do I trial period of hiding all her updates. Friends who have gone through similar situations have suggested that.

 

I'm just struggling with emotions right now. Like I said, I fell for her pretty hard in a short amount of time. Things weren't perfect in all aspects of our relationship, but I was willing to work on it. She just never gave me an opportunity or brought up any concerns she had until the breakup. I've broken NC twice before with horrible results, so I know where that can lead. I just feel like one last time would be all I needed and I could fully move on. Sounds crazy, but I suppose that's normal.

 

The situation with my friend isn't helping because I find myself wanting her more and more. I confided in her and she helped through this breakup. I helped her through a similar situation. I just don't want to hurt her or myself any further, but I think about her and what a relationship with her would be like a lot.

[Omei]

Don't maybe, don't it could be an option.

From the contact you've had so far looks like it has done you no good. Time to put in some action.

 

You're only starting to love her more without even being with her cuz it was so short you're tricking yourself.

[Brown-Eyez]

f

 

The situation with my friend isn't helping because I find myself wanting her more and more. I confided in her and she helped through this breakup. I helped her through a similar situation. I just don't want to hurt her or myself any further, but I think about her and what a relationship with her would be like a lot.

 

i am so sorry that you are feeling so bad!!

but now is definitely NOT THE RIGHT TIME

to get into a new relationship!!

 

you're thinking about the new friend alot

cuz you're hurt & lonely

its only going to confuse you both if you hook up with her

 

you want your new friend to be hurting like you do now

when you dump her in a couple of months??

 

be strong and be brave

you can do this without using a rebound

why drag someone else down

just so you'll feel better??

[BC1980]

Here's the truth. We hold onto these ties with people because we are in denial. Actually, the relationship is over, but deleting Facebook means you really have to face it. We want to hold onto any tie we can because it gives us hope, but let's be honest. The relationship has been over.

 

Today, I packed up the last of my ex's things for my sister to deliver to him. It did upset me, but the reality is that we have been living separate lives for the past 7 months. It's just stuff. It's just Facebook. It's a false tie to a false relationship. I know it's harsh, but facing the truth now is better than later. Because you will have to face it at some point.

[barky2]

^ that's exactly it.

 

You haven't progresses zero in 3 months obviously if you're still where you were at 90 days ago.

 

You need to give up hope and move on with your life.

 

Right now you don't have a chance dude.

 

You're holding on, for absolutely no reason at all.

 

You know looking at her Facebook is bad, yet you continue.

 

So kind if like you saw slowly off your arm with a hacksaw, knowing it'll hurt.

 

See what I'm getting at?

 

Stop doing it.

 

Grow a pair, block her, and move on dude.

 

Right now YOU DONT HAVE A DAMN CHOICE.

 

 

Barky

[BC1980]

So kind if like you saw slowly off your arm with a hacksaw, knowing it'll hurt.

 

This is a good analogy. Just rip the bandaid off. All you are really doing is facing reality. Right now, you are living in the hope you have created in your mind. I did it too, and I don't recommend it.

[chris21422]

She clearly told you to not contact her for now..

 

Let her contact you! stay with No contact bro..

 

also remove her in facebook or if you really having a hard time just deactivate your account for 3-4 months till you are fully healed..

 

Fully healed means that you don't seem to care anymore if she post something or do an update.

 

I know it's hard but you gotta do it man.. for yourself!

 

 

 

 

It's been almost three months since my breakup. Our relationship wasn't very long, but I'm still stuck on her. Probably because I pined for her for years before actually getting her. I've hit a roadblock here recently. Basically, she broke up with me because she says there was no chemistry, she felt like we didn't move passed being friends and she needed time to heal from her previous relationships. Fine. Cool. Only problem is I was falling for her really hard before the breakup. I chased a little, then five weeks ago she told me not to contact her "for now". Since then, I've been no contact.

[organizedchaos]

^ that's exactly it.

 

You haven't progresses zero in 3 months obviously if you're still where you were at 90 days ago.

 

You need to give up hope and move on with your life.

 

Right now you don't have a chance dude.

 

You're holding on, for absolutely no reason at all.

 

You know looking at her Facebook is bad, yet you continue.

 

So kind if like you saw slowly off your arm with a hacksaw, knowing it'll hurt.

 

See what I'm getting at?

 

Stop doing it.

 

Grow a pair, block her, and move on dude.

 

Right now YOU DONT HAVE A DAMN CHOICE.

 

 

Barky

 

Yep, it's been 4 months now for me of LC and I'm now at the point of going full on hardcore, NC. I never understood why the dumpee deactivates their FB and removes contact from all of their friends because of one other person. Just block them, problem solved. And that's what I'm doing. I set tomorrow night as my night to finally block her (I defriended her right after we broke up). Blocking her on Instagram for good too (tried it once before, then unblocked her).

 

I'm finally ready to let go and realize she is gone. I am going to disappear from her life since she didn't want to be a part of it anymore.

[LostOne08]

Thanks for the replies everyone, that's why I've lurked and joined these forums for these months. Sometimes you have to hear other people tell you that you're making a mistake in order for it finally to sink in. I do need to block/unfriend her, I realize that. Like you said, barky, it's like slowly sawing my arm off every time I look at it even though I know it hurts. A good quick clean break is what it has to be, something irrevocable so I can't backslide on it. Ripping the bandaid off like BC1980 said. My biggest fear is that eventually, she's going to get into a new relationship (if she hasn't already) and make that apparent on FB while I'm sitting here making no progress and I'll get sent back to square one as soon as I see it. I need to make sure I don't subject myself to that. She clearly doesn't want me in her life. Even if she just means for "right now" like she says, it doesn't matter. I need to get out of her life. If she ever does want to contact me, she'll find a way like chris21422 said. If she doesn't want to, then hey…she already made a mistake by walking away from something that would have been so good for her if minor corrections were made and she never even attempted to make those corrections.

 

Like Brown-Eyez said, I'm concerned with dragging my friend's feelings into this. But, I literally can't stop thinking about her. It's either her or my ex that I'm thinking about. Like I said, this is the friend that helped me through this breakup (and I helped her through one as well). I might not be in a position to be in a relationship right now, but I don't know, I keep wondering about the possibilities with her. We were friends before I met my ex and I had feelings for her since then. She has her faults as well, but we're cut from the same cloth. She gets me, in a sense. Maybe I am just putting her on a pedestal right now because of the way I'm feeling, but I can honestly say I felt the same way about her before. That's why I'm not so sure this would be a rebound...

[barky2]

She WILL be with someone else.

 

That's the truth that each and everyone of us face.

 

I had to see it first hand.

 

But I also did it first hand.

 

Get back on that pogo stick bro.

 

But first and foremost delete her dude, in no way shape or form , keeping her on your fb will get her back.

 

And you should give a damn **** less what that broad is doing right now, you should be so dove into your own life that it shouldn't freakin matter what she's doing.

 

 

Barky

[cavalier99]

Just block her..simple. Like right now. Cav