shocked74 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I was with my ex-bf for a year and a half. from the time we met I knew he would have to go back to his country for two years for work. we built the relationship mostly in my country. then he went back to his to start a new job. I lived with him for the summer and came back home. a couple of months later he broke up with me by phone, less than a week before I was scheduled to see him. we had both struggled with the distance. he'd complained of depression and panic attacks, etc. my ex was a pretty tender man. when we were together, he really relished our domestic routines: cooking together, reading to each other in bed, hosting dinner parties. we also traveled together to a few different countries. I had tried to end the relationship a few times based on my own insecurity but was always talked into staying by my ex, claiming devotion to me and to us being able to get through the two years until he got back to my country. in the conversation that turned out to be our last, my ex said that missing me was unbearable for him, that after we spoke he couldn't concentrate for the whole day, that he felt like he was failing at his new job and failing me. he said that it was too hard for him to have his heart in a different country. right before the breakup, we had gone quiet for about two weeks. I hadn't wanted to phone or skype because I was worried about him but overwhelmed myself. I had asked to really talk and catch up in person because I was very stressed about family and work stuff and knew that I would be seeing him soon. i am so hurt that i never got to see him, and I am utterly heartbroken. I miss him dearly. any thoughts about what happened here and if there is any way to put this back together?
Canadiangirl78 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 It sounds like he was just having a hard time being in a LDR with you. Some people can handle that type of relationship, others simply cannot. If I were you I would just give him some time. You mentioned that he said he felt as if he were failing at his job and also failing you..it seems that he is torn between wanting to succeed at his new job but having a hard time focusing because he's missing you. Of course, I don't know forsure but I think he may just need some time to get in his groove at work then maybe..a big maybe, he can revisit your relationship. Just be prepared though that he may decide that your relationship is too complicated because of the distance and not want to be with you..either way, you need to start focusing on yourself and your own needs. Whatever is supposed to happen with him will. Have faith, chin up and stay strong! 1
Author shocked74 Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 thank you so much for taking the time to respond. i know that you are right. he and i are in the same profession, but i am much further along. i think he was also feeling very insecure about whether he would be able to find a job in my country in two years time. he was very worried about disappointing me. my complaints about things have always shattered him; he'd end up on the couch for hours because of an off-handed remark i might have said. i wasn't very gracious at the end of that conversation. i told him i would never talk to him again and he just kept apologizing until i hung up. i am so sad. but i know i have to move on. i just wished i had gotten myself out a bit sooner.
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