how can i get him back

[mandyxo]

I too did this with my now husband and he was extremely hurt by this. Men take breaking up with them (when you don't mean it but just want a reaction from them) extremely hard and serious. Lucky for me he loved me and we went back together but he said don't ever break up with me again unless you really mean it. Mine wasn't being as hard ass9ed as yours though. We went back together after 2 days.

 

I regret it with every part of me!! He just called me and said he misses me and he talks about me all the time where he is (hes in jail for the next 18 days.. dont judge) ......... i dont know what will happen with us I have no way to predict it at this point cause we been so up and down since our breakup and then when I finally had enough of the breadcrumbs he got arrested :s

[AnyaNova]

For some reason I have this fear & I keep dreaming that my ex is going to get with this certain girl. I have no reason what so ever to believe that. They dont talk, they're not fb friends but shes a mutal friend of mine & she is talking to his bestfriend now so she could end up coming around. & I'm terrified they're gonna fall in love & he'll forget all about me. Sounds crazy i know!! & extremely insecure of me. What is up with this!

 

If you are actually having dreams about it, it is probably your brain trying to work through some of the last of your residual feelings.

 

I think it is possible to be pretty much over someone, and yet still have some jealous feelings when you think about them with someone else. If this is the case for you, I would recommend making yourself think about them with someone else.

 

Here is a hard truth. One that took me a long time to swallow. He is your ex. He is trying to forget all about you if he hasn't already. Now, he won't succeed. Surveys indicate that people report thinking about their exes way too much. But that is neither here nor there. If he's not moving mountains to get back with you, then you need to get over him so you can move on with your own life.

 

Besides, no relationship rekindle you guys tried could ever work if you haven't moved on from him and completely recovered. Basically, the only way to be ready for any new relationship in the future, even with your ex, is to heal from relationship, to the point where you can take or leave your ex. And, the only way to do that, is to give up all hope of ever getting back with your ex.

[elbe]

Please don't take it out on him. This is something you've made up in your mind. Try to straighten up before it interferes with your relationship. It's not real.

[mandyxo]

If you are actually having dreams about it, it is probably your brain trying to work through some of the last of your residual feelings.

 

I think it is possible to be pretty much over someone, and yet still have some jealous feelings when you think about them with someone else. If this is the case for you, I would recommend making yourself think about them with someone else.

 

Here is a hard truth. One that took me a long time to swallow. He is your ex. He is trying to forget all about you if he hasn't already. Now, he won't succeed. Surveys indicate that people report thinking about their exes way too much. But that is neither here nor there. If he's not moving mountains to get back with you, then you need to get over him so you can move on with your own life.

 

Besides, no relationship rekindle you guys tried could ever work if you haven't moved on from him and completely recovered. Basically, the only way to be ready for any new relationship in the future, even with your ex, is to heal from relationship, to the point where you can take or leave your ex. And, the only way to do that, is to give up all hope of ever getting back with your ex.

 

I love what you said about healing from this relationship in order to be ready for the next. Even if its with my ex. I need to just let it be & stop obsessing over what happened or what will happen or what could happen. I have no way of knowing how this is all gonna play out & I'm scared to death but what else can I do bsides let it be

[d0nnivain]

For some reason I have this fear & I keep dreaming that my ex is going to get with this certain girl. I have no reason what so ever to believe that. They dont talk, they're not fb friends but shes a mutal friend of mine & she is talking to his bestfriend now so she could end up coming around. & I'm terrified they're gonna fall in love & he'll forget all about me. Sounds crazy i know!! & extremely insecure of me. What is up with this!

 

 

After I broke up with this one guy I was concerned that he was going to hook up with a former mutual friend. She & I had a falling out a year or so before. The idea of him with somebody new didn't bother me. The idea of him with HER made me nutty. I didn't discuss it with anybody & boards like this weren't around. It's been over 10 years & as far as I know, they don't even talk at this point so I guess I worried for nothing.

 

You do need to understand that the point of an EX moving on is to forget about the past to some extent so you will have to come to terms with it. However, you will always be somebody he dated in the past.

[mandyxo]

Okay, I'm gonna rewrite my whole storey because random bits and pieces are in various threads.

 

To those of who you been following my threads and giving me advice. Thank you for all of your advice, i respect all of your opinions. Also, sorry for being annoying. Lol:o I'm probably beating a dead horse at this point.

 

So, i met my ex 8 months ago. I immediately felt something from the second i looked at him.

The first time we hungout, we had sex.. Im not the type of person to do that on the first date but it happened, and from that day we were together. We didn't even have to go through all the weird awkward first dates, wondering whether we were official or not official. We just were. I felt like i knew him forever. So comfortable...

 

I broke up with him a couple times, because i have my own issues i need to work on. I let my emotions get the best of me. I get angry, stubborn and i react off of emotion rather than logic. So i broke up with him almost everytime we fought, so gain some type of control. It never lasted. We didnt even consider them real breakups..

 

He's very shallow. This bugged me when we first started dating. He's egotistical, and money/looks/nice shiney things are all very important to him. He also wants to have children, has strong family values. Is caring, affectionate, ambitious. He is always planning for the future. He always used the term 'our future'.. Wants us to move in together. Planned on purposing to me next year. The idea of spending my life with him makes me happy. Despite all of his negative qualities. Ive accepted them. Ive accepted him as a person. Maybe, in a logical sense i do deserve better than him. Im 24, full time student, i work two part time jobs. i have a big heart and im a very loving, caring person. I will make a great wife and mother some day..

He is 29, been in and out of jail his whole life for selling drugs, has the mindset of a criminal. He no longer does this stuff. He works hard, he has his own business. All he wants is kids and a marriage. Hes changed from who he once was.

 

 

So i broke up with him a month ago, in anger..went out and my guy friend text him off my phone saying 'sorry bro your not the one, there is someone else'.... i hurt him. Even though my friend text that. He said he had enough of it. He was sick of it and it made him look stupid. Obviously i know this was all wrong. I ****ed up big time. So i tried getting him back, i admitted i made a huge mistake, i love him, etc etc. Well he treated me like i meant nothing pretty much. So i stopped calling, i never chased. He would call me every couple of days. I seen him at a bar one night, he stood by me the whole time. We talked, everything was normal. I tried kissing him, he pulled back. Tried hugging me goodbye than left.

 

I got a text from him a day later 'i found one of your eyelashes. IT made me sick to my stomach. Want to get some coffee this weekend'. I agreed. He called me a couple days later, said he was going out for his buddies birthday. Got a party bus, a couple girls were going. Said he loved me etc. I told him to be good and i loved him too. By our conversation that day i assumed he was wanting to get back together without actually coming out and saying 'i want you back'. He has way too much pride and too big of an ego to admit that to me.

 

So he didnt call me the day after he went out. It freaked me out, i thought he met someone at a bar. Took her home, they fell in love and that was it. Which sounds crazy, but its exactly what happened between him and i.

 

So i called him twice, he didnt answer my phonecalls. I wrote him a message saying i couldnt do this anymore. I was getting too hurt. I was really ready to just let go of us and move on. GO completely no contact.

 

So after i sent that message he read it, said he was too hungover and we are still friends. I didnt reply.

 

He called me four times the next day, texted me a bunch asking why i was acting like this. I didnt reply. He sent me a message on facebook saying 'I know your just mad right now, ill leave you alone for a couple days. Dont think your just gonna cut me out of your life'. I replied back saying i was cutting him out of my life and that i was done with him. Maybe in a couple months we can be friends. He replied 'im still getting you a christmas present and i want one to k.' Trying to be funny... I didnt reply. He sent me another 'I love you' i didnt reply.. he sent another 'you get on my damn nerves some days'. I still didnt reply.

 

I sent him a message an hour later, saying 'i love you too but im not sitting here arguing or having a conversation. We need to go our seperate ways for a bit'.

 

He never read the message.

He was arrested for a probation violation.

He called me today from jail and said 'I miss you so much, your all i talk about in here and the boys are making fun of me'.

we chatted for a bit, told him i missed him too.

 

Im driving myself crazy, he's all i want. Despite EVERYTHING. I tell myself i need to move on. I deserve better. but all i feel is love towards him.. like an insane amount of love and hate at the same time.

 

i Just needed to get all of this out. Please opinions on my situation would be appreciated.

[letsplaygofish2]

The best thing you can do is move on with your life. Create new memories for yourself and fill in those gaps where you think he created a big hole in your life.

 

Whatever he choses to do is what he wants with his life. Same for you! Even though you shared a great history together, those memories will NEVER change. They are yours to keep, a souvenir

 

Be brave and try to work through your issues with him. At this point, you both should be working on yourself. Be considerate of yourself... and as someone wise once told me, "Take care of yourself".

[d0nnivain]

Relations that start fast & hot rarely last. They burn themselves out.

 

Relationships that have never ending cycles of breaking up & making up, are fundamentally flawed & unhealthy. Breaking up with someone every time you have a fight, is also immature. It's OK to disagree with somebody.

 

You admit this guy has the mind of a criminal. You admit that you don't trust him because when he didn't respond instantaneously to your message you assumed he picked up another girl at his friend's birthday night out & fell in love with her. The fact that you think people can fall in love that fast, indicates to me that you don't have a good handle on what true love actually is.

 

You don't mention the nature of the probation violation that landed him back in jail but you should think long & hard about that. It shows his decision making abilities or lack thereof. It also doesn't bode well for your future.

 

Start thinking about this with your brain not your heart or your body.

[letsplaygofish2]

He's very shallow. This bugged me when we first started dating. He's egotistical, and money/looks/nice shiney things are all very important to him. He also wants to have children, has strong family values.

 

You said that he's shallow, egotistical and materialistic. I'm sorry honey, but how do you expect him to have a family with you if he only cares about himself? I'm sure deep down he wants to have all of those things, but in reality he needs to work on himself before he can commit to anything. Plus, obviously he did something wrong and is in jail now.

 

As for you, I think that you are right that you need some cooling down time. You two are both emotionally hurt and vulnerable, but running to each other for safety at this time is NOT the solution. You need to learn how to stand on your own feet right now and tend to your own wounds.

 

Please, take this as a sign that you need a break from one another. The Universe sometimes forces us to see things even if we don't want to.

[lollipopspot]

I think adults should have whatever kinds of mutual relationships make them happy, even if they seem destructive.

 

However, I think if you have children with this man, you are choosing to give them a father with a criminal mind-set who will be in and out of jail for many years, and that will be on you. I think that would be horrible to do to any future children. You see that, right?

 

If you stay with him, you should most consider Implanon, Depo Provera, or an IUD:

http://www.ppsev.org/media/documents/Top10BestFormsofContraception.pdf

[MrBossMan]

You need to get yourself together. You have low standards to be dating a guy like this. I mean, he's in prison. He's being quarantined from society because he is a threat and is unable to function as a healthy member of the community.

 

Take some time to work on yourself as a person. Look for someone who will bring you up, not drag you down (and rest assured that he is guaranteed to drag you down).

 

All the best.

[Woggle]

Never break up with a guy unless you really mean it. It's a petty game to do it as a test.