mandyxo Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 (edited) Its been 18 days of our breakup and I'm so confused.. we been together for 6 months. I know that's not long but our relationship was great. We were planning a future together, we oftwn talked about marriage kids etc.. The reason that it ended was we got into a fight and I broke up with him when I was angry, this is not what i actually wanted it it was just a fight & I was mad.. well I tried to explain that it wasnt what I wanted a couple days after our breakup but he said that we weren't getting back together.. I know he loved me and cared about me a lot. He always told me how he felt & over one weekend everything was ripped apart.. so its been 18 days since our breakup, he randomly calls me with lame excuses to talk but we haven't talked about us or anything to do with our relationship whenever he calls.. there was a few ofus at a bar this weekend and he shows up, I stood at the bar and he came up behind me and says hi, we talked everything was normal the whole night between us. He stood by me the whole time, we did shots, laughed and he was telling me new things going on in his life. I went to kiss him and he basically pulled away, so I walked away and he kept looking back at me. Finally he came up to me and hugged me and then left... that was Saturday. I haven't heard from him since and I'm refusing to call him. I dont understand him. We love and care about each other so why is this breakup so easy for him when hes all I think about and all I want. My heart hurts..why am I so disposable. It took me 9 months to get over my last rrlationship. I cried ans obsessed everyday. I finally got over it, met him and found happiness again. I dont want to go through another heart break again. Opinions, advice. Anything would help Edited November 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
ConstantVoyager Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 My advice is to not use breaking up as a strategy to win a fight. He may well love you. He may also not want to get back together with someone who is manipulative enough to use the future of the relationship in a fight. 1
Philosoraptor Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Sounds like you need to learn to control your emotions better. But you're not disposable, you ended the relationship. All he did was stood his ground afterwards and said he did not want to restart with you. 2
theonlyjuan Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Just talk to him about it! You are both probably waiting for each other to make the first contact. Talk it through and find out where you stand, or try and move on now. You already regret making one mistake, will you regret just sitting about waiting for him? 2
Author mandyxo Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 Just talk to him about it! You are both probably waiting for each other to make the first contact. Talk it through and find out where you stand, or try and move on now. You already regret making one mistake, will you regret just sitting about waiting for him? I tried that after a couple days when we first broke up, but he said no maybe in a month it was immature and childish, which is true I know this. I do react on emotions and i made a mistake. I'm afraid if I try to talk to him about us, hes just going to reject me again and that hurts even more. When I tried kissing him and he pulled away, that was an indication hes not wanting for us to get back together.. but he also wouldn't leave my side in the same night. Doesn't make any sense.
Author mandyxo Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 Sounds like you need to learn to control your emotions better. But you're not disposable, you ended the relationship. All he did was stood his ground afterwards and said he did not want to restart with you. I know I need to control my emotions better but how can something as small as that can cause a person to walk away . When him and i see couples who cheat on eachother, lie and disrespect eachother and still stay together. Our problems within our relationship are small ans can be fixed & all relationships need a little work
ConstantVoyager Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 A breakup doesn't feel small when you're the person being dumped. 1
Philosoraptor Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 I know I need to control my emotions better but how can something as small as that can cause a person to walk away . When him and i see couples who cheat on eachother, lie and disrespect eachother and still stay together. Our problems within our relationship are small ans can be fixed & all relationships need a little work The issues may be small, but telling someone you don't want to be with them anymore isn't small at all. Some people wallow in pity, others tell themselves "time to put on your big boy pants and move on". He seems to be trying to do the latter.
Crila16 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 I did the same thing to my boyfriend. He almost didn't take me back, but he realized I was important to him (or so I thought at the time). The worst thing you can possibly do is threaten the relationship. That builds insecurity and you now no longer have trust. Who's to say you won't use it again him ever again? That's what my boyfriend (now ex) claimed. The next argument though, I didn't break up with him. I promised I would never do it again...and I didn't. Instead he broke up with me. If this guy is really in love with you and can't live without you, he'd at least give you one more chance. It's really that simple. He's not giving you the chance, it's because he doesn't want to. You're kicking yourself for having broken up with him out of anger, and you're punishing yourself. I have good news...1. You learned your lesson 2. It's not all your fault that he's not back with you. If your relationship is that easily broken over 1 mistake...then all relationships should fall apart. You won't do it again. If he was really in love with you, that wouldn't be enough to keep him away. My boyfriend just broke up with me for the most ridiculous reason, and I'd still take him back. 1
Author mandyxo Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 I did the same thing to my boyfriend. He almost didn't take me back, but he realized I was important to him (or so I thought at the time). The worst thing you can possibly do is threaten the relationship. That builds insecurity and you now no longer have trust. Who's to say you won't use it again him ever again? That's what my boyfriend (now ex) claimed. The next argument though, I didn't break up with him. I promised I would never do it again...and I didn't. Instead he broke up with me. If this guy is really in love with you and can't live without you, he'd at least give you one more chance. It's really that simple. He's not giving you the chance, it's because he doesn't want to. You're kicking yourself for having broken up with him out of anger, and you're punishing yourself. I have good news...1. You learned your lesson 2. It's not all your fault that he's not back with you. If your relationship is that easily broken over 1 mistake...then all relationships should fall apart. You won't do it again. If he was really in love with you, that wouldn't be enough to keep him away. My boyfriend just broke up with me for the most ridiculous reason, and I'd still take him back. Amen girl. I agree with everything you said. If he cares about me as much as he said he did then he would take me back. But I dont know if he will or not at this point. Cant read him at all. He called me today, and got mad at me for talking to a guy this past weekend & said I deserved a great guy with class & that guy that was interested at the bar wasn't good enough.... so be that great guy idiot!!!
Author mandyxo Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 I dont know how to approach this situation. I want my ex back, & I'm 50/50 convinced he wants to work on things too. I'm definitely not 100% convinced he wants to get back together but we've been talking a bit, and small details lead me to believe he still has feelings. I dont want to appear desperate & I'm afraid I will get rejected if I try to talk to him about us. All of our conversations have been on a friend type level, although everytime he calls me there's no real reason he just uses an excuse to call. I tried getting him back once before and he rejected the idea so I dont want to put myself out there again. Anyone have an advice on how I can get him talking about our situation. I'm female I need to know what's going on at all times lol I care a lot about him and I want him back. I tried no contact. I rarely ever call him/ text him. Hes always the one that calls or texts first. I might even be over anazlying our conversations, he could just consider me as a friend & that's all and I can be compleletly stupid about the whole thing but out breakup wasn't even a month ago. Cant read him at all at this point.
Philosoraptor Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 If this guy is really in love with you and can't live without you, he'd at least give you one more chance. It's really that simple. He's not giving you the chance, it's because he doesn't want to. You're kicking yourself for having broken up with him out of anger, and you're punishing yourself. I have good news...1. You learned your lesson 2. It's not all your fault that he's not back with you. If your relationship is that easily broken over 1 mistake...then all relationships should fall apart. You won't do it again. If he was really in love with you, that wouldn't be enough to keep him away. My boyfriend just broke up with me for the most ridiculous reason, and I'd still take him back. This is just silly. Breaking up with someone isn't just "a mistake", it tears into someone. He may just be thinking "if she broke up with me over this so easily, what makes me believe she won't do the same thing again". He even told her that he felt like things were ripped apart. It's not something you just get over because you love someone. The fact that he is still keeping in contact and bouncing back and forth between emotions is at least a positive sign that he is conflicted and doesn't seem hard set on the relationship ending forever. If OP wants to make it work she needs to take it slow and be patient. This "breakup over nothing" plus bouncing to the bar isn't making her look like a stable person to have a relationship with. It smells of "you left and already looking for a new person". Doesn't really make most men say "I want that back". 1
Author mandyxo Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 This is just silly. Breaking up with someone isn't just "a mistake", it tears into someone. He may just be thinking "if she broke up with me over this so easily, what makes me believe she won't do the same thing again". He even told her that he felt like things were ripped apart. It's not something you just get over because you love someone. The fact that he is still keeping in contact and bouncing back and forth between emotions is at least a positive sign that he is conflicted and doesn't seem hard set on the relationship ending forever. If OP wants to make it work she needs to take it slow and be patient. This "breakup over nothing" plus bouncing to the bar isn't making her look like a stable person to have a relationship with. It smells of "you left and already looking for a new person". Doesn't really make most men say "I want that back". You're misunderstood. The guy at the bar was a guy ive known for awhile & all he was trying to do was talk to me. Then when my ex showed up I walked away in respect to my ex. & the guy kept looking over at us. And he didn't say things were ripped apart. Those are my words. I broke us and I understand that I shouldnt have done what ive done.
Philosoraptor Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 You need to be patient. You dumped him randomly during a fight and he is processing all of these emotions. Respond kindly to him, and do not get overemotional. Again, be patient. Just because it ended on a moments notice doesn't mean it won't take months for him to feel safe with you again. 3
Author mandyxo Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 You need to be patient. You dumped him randomly during a fight and he is processing all of these emotions. Respond kindly to him, and do not get overemotional. Again, be patient. Just because it ended on a moments notice doesn't mean it won't take months for him to feel safe with you again. I agree being patient is the best way to go, I'm afraid he'll start dating someone else if I'm too patient. Which may be insecure, or whatever.. but hes a good looking guy and girls love him lol it wouldn't take him long before he finds someone else 1
Philosoraptor Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I agree being patient is the best way to go, I'm afraid he'll start dating someone else if I'm too patient. Which may be insecure, or whatever.. but hes a good looking guy and girls love him lol it wouldn't take him long before he finds someone else If he does, he does. That's not your call to make right now. If he wants to get back with you then things will find a way of working out. Just stay patient and kind, and trust yourself to know when the right time is to bring up starting fresh. 1
xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 You broke up with him, you regretted and asked him back, he said no. That"s the scenario. So you're a dumpee at this point. My advice to you is instead of asking if he loves you ask yourself if you love yourself? If you do, you would not accept beadcrumbs nad push-pull tactics from him. Go strict NC so you can clear your head. If he wants to come back he will, rght now you need to show you can live without him and let him ponder if lettig you go was a good decisions.
Zahara Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I know I need to control my emotions better but how can something as small as that can cause a person to walk away . When him and i see couples who cheat on eachother, lie and disrespect eachother and still stay together. Our problems within our relationship are small ans can be fixed & all relationships need a little work The same could be said for you. How can a fight cause you to just throw away a relationship? If it was of value to you, you'd be very careful to treat it with respect. It was just a fight you say. And yet you chose to end it. Take accountability for your actions.
Philosoraptor Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 You broke up with him, you regretted and asked him back, he said no. That"s the scenario. So you're a dumpee at this point. My advice to you is instead of asking if he loves you ask yourself if you love yourself? If you do, you would not accept beadcrumbs nad push-pull tactics from him. Go strict NC so you can clear your head. If he wants to come back he will, rght now you need to show you can live without him and let him ponder if lettig you go was a good decisions. Wait, what? How is she the dumpee? She dumped him and at the moment he doesn't want to try again. She got turned down, like asking any random stranger out on a date. Not a dumpee.
Author mandyxo Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 You broke up with him, you regretted and asked him back, he said no. That"s the scenario. So you're a dumpee at this point. My advice to you is instead of asking if he loves you ask yourself if you love yourself? If you do, you would not accept beadcrumbs nad push-pull tactics from him. Go strict NC so you can clear your head. If he wants to come back he will, rght now you need to show you can live without him and let him ponder if lettig you go was a good decisions. What are breadcrumbs
Philosoraptor Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 What are breadcrumbs Breadcrumbs is a term used for little actions meant to keep the person hanging on but still not giving them the relationship that they desire. In your case you have a guy conflicted that seems to want to be with you on one side, but having issues either with his ego or being able to trust that you won't take the same actions again. Hence why patience is important. Have to let him sort this out on his own on whether or not he is willing to give you another chance or not. 1
Author mandyxo Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 So i received a text from him on Wednesday, saying "I found one of your eyelashes (referring to a fake eyelash) & it made me sick...you and I should go out for a coffee this weekend" I agreed. Haven't heard from him since. So I'm expecting him and I to get together this weekend at some point, I'm afraid he wont call cause that's litterely all I'm waiting for. Does anyone think its a good idea to just text him a "I miss you" text, or something along those lines or just play it cool & start off slow with this. Been almost a month of our breakup! Little contact until we have a talk about our situation or should I just tell him how I feel, & make the first move. I think his ego might be in the way of letting him do that & that's why all of our conversations are on a friend level. I also dont want to try to let it all out and then have him go the opposite direction & ill be back to sqaure one. Any advice will help. Thanks
Am4Real Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Most guys and gals do not want any part of someone who uses “breaking up” as a tool to get their own way. It can be indicative of the person’s character and as the recipient you would have to wonder how often this threat will be used and will it one day be permanent. You’ve learned a valuable lesson through this action. Keep this close to you and modify your behaviors in future relationships.
stillafool Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I did the same thing to my boyfriend. He almost didn't take me back, but he realized I was important to him (or so I thought at the time). The worst thing you can possibly do is threaten the relationship. That builds insecurity and you now no longer have trust. Who's to say you won't use it again him ever again? That's what my boyfriend (now ex) claimed. The next argument though, I didn't break up with him. I promised I would never do it again...and I didn't. Instead he broke up with me. If this guy is really in love with you and can't live without you, he'd at least give you one more chance. It's really that simple. He's not giving you the chance, it's because he doesn't want to. You're kicking yourself for having broken up with him out of anger, and you're punishing yourself. I have good news...1. You learned your lesson 2. It's not all your fault that he's not back with you. If your relationship is that easily broken over 1 mistake...then all relationships should fall apart. You won't do it again. If he was really in love with you, that wouldn't be enough to keep him away. My boyfriend just broke up with me for the most ridiculous reason, and I'd still take him back. I too did this with my now husband and he was extremely hurt by this. Men take breaking up with them (when you don't mean it but just want a reaction from them) extremely hard and serious. Lucky for me he loved me and we went back together but he said don't ever break up with me again unless you really mean it. Mine wasn't being as hard ass9ed as yours though. We went back together after 2 days.
Author mandyxo Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 For some reason I have this fear & I keep dreaming that my ex is going to get with this certain girl. I have no reason what so ever to believe that. They dont talk, they're not fb friends but shes a mutal friend of mine & she is talking to his bestfriend now so she could end up coming around. & I'm terrified they're gonna fall in love & he'll forget all about me. Sounds crazy i know!! & extremely insecure of me. What is up with this!
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