moon Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Hi, I was just thinking about my last two horribly nasty break ups. I think these two relationships kind of seem to overshadow each other now. I can't decide which was more painful. But now I am starting to feel like a failure in the relationship department because I've had two break ups and the guy ended it both times. I did have one other break up where I ended, but we got back together and way down the road it resulted in the last bad break up I just had. But, I am wondering about other people's break up histories. Is two big breaks ups a lot for one life? I mean from long term relationships. I've had friends who have had different break ups but the relationships didn't last that long. I have also had friends who have only had maybe one break up and then found "the one." I am just wondering how many break ups is normal here. Or can somebody top two bad and nasty break ups in one lifetime (from a long term relationship)?
Merin Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 2 Both times I was the one who ended the relationship(s) First suck~ass break up was when I divorced my Husband.. We got married to young & it wasn't going anywhere good.. so I ended the marriage, we're okay friends now and honestly I have zero feelings about him at all anymore.. doesn't matter to me what he does, where he goes, or who he see's. Second suck~ass break up was more recent with my Boyfriend.. I knew he wasn't good for me. He was very manipulative and controlling.. the more I gave, the more he took.. we "broke up" several times but he would always talk his way back into my life.. lie his a** off blah blah.. but I think everyone has a limit of what they can or will put up with.. and I got there. Oddly enough, although I was the one who ended the relationship with him.. it was harder to do the right thing for me in ending things with him because I really loved him a lot and because he asked me for another opportunity as recently as Christmas Eve.. but I knew it wasn't going to work. I try to look at both as a learning and growing experience..
Isabella82 Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 I have had 2 long term relationship break ups. I thought this was alot too, and feel like I am also a failure in relationships. My relationships have both lastest two years. The first one was in high school, he cheated on me, I left him, then I went off to college and that helped because I was in a new atmosphere. It took a while to get over him and I was crushed. My most recent one also lastest two years, but this is the first guy I wanted to marry. I am still crushed. Some days I'm okay and other days I feel like love doesn't exist. I truly loved him more then life itself, and I didn't feel that way about my ex from high school.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Two. Both fiances. In one of them, I broke it off. Nothing is worse than having to look someone in the face and tell them honestly that you don't love them - not in the way that you need to love someone to be married. The guilt is stupendous. Its amazing how much guilt we can take on just for the simple 'sin' of not loving someone who everyone else thinks we should love. In the second one, he broke it off. Same reasons. He didn't love me in the way that people need to in order to maintain a marriage. Being on the receiving end is pretty bad, but I think its far worse to have to be the person doing the breaking up. Having a broken heart is bad. Causing one is even worse.
Gottabestrong Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 I had 3 bad breakups in my life. 1st when I was 23. Knew him for 3 years, we were engaged but I broke it off because I knew he was not the right one for me. 2nd when I was 24. Only were together for 3 months. Thought he was my soulmate but one evening after a short conversation he broke up with me. I could not believe it and tried to get him back by staying in his life as a friend. Did not work. Suffered for nearly a year, was so heartbroken that I got physically sick and developed a tumor. 3rd and most recent one with a guy I was together for 2.5 years. Really loved him and wanted to marry him. He broke it off because he did not want to marry me or have children with me, and he did not want to waste my time anymore. I really hope that my next relationship is going to last because I hate going through breakups.
alphamale Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 i've had maybe 3 bad breakups. since I usually was the dumper of the women most of them would just eventually go away once they figured out they were history. did not have any stalkers or psychpatic ones. i think mostly men handle the breakups worse than women do. women deal with it better cause they have a better support group to help them out. men are like "WTF!!!, she don't WANNA B with me no more, i'll kill the bytch and her little dog too!!!" yes, it would be 3 but that counts my bad divorce also, but i guess that is a brakup of sorts. old girlfriends never really die....they just fade away over time.
Stone Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 one we we're engaged and had a son then he decided to turn into a junkie... So I left him 5 years ago he is just now comming around again and hopefully he is sober and we can be friends.
Author moon Posted December 27, 2004 Author Posted December 27, 2004 It sounds like a couple break ups is the average. They are so much work to get over anyway. It really makes me reluctant to just jump into another relationship. LucreziaBorgia, that is interesting what you said that breaking a heart is worse than having your heart broken. I've only really initiated one break up with a guy. I guess because I had been broken up with the time before (with another guy) I didn't feel as bad (and I knew the history of the guy I was breaking up with and he was usually the dumper). But when I reconnected with the same guy a year later I was shocked at all the bad things that had happened to him while we were apart. He never fessed up to any of it being my fault, though. But he went through all sorts of tragic events in his life. He said he was depressed after our relationship ended for a number of reasons. He lost his job, was having problems with his family, etc. So he never said his depression had anything to do with me. I guess it depends on the reason you are breaking up with somebody. I wasn't breaking up because I didn't love him. I told him I loved him, but knew he couldn't give me what I wanted. He couldn't fully commit. So I basically gave him the opportunity to commit and when he didn't take it I broke off all contact. But I guess if I had said to him I don't love you, I don't want to go out anymore, than I would have felt bad. The time that I ended it with my ex was my easiest break up. I thought about it long and hard and didn't want to waste my time anymore. So now I am dealing with a bad break up with the same guy and I can't believe the different emotions that I am feeling. I can't believe that another year and a half with the guy (after being broken up for a year and dating a little over a year before that) could make such a difference to me. I guess I finally fell in love or I guess what he did to me while we broke up this time really hurt. I think my ex just changed a lot. I think he became more of a callous person and I became more docile. So I feel much more like the victim this time. It sucks!!! I never wanted it to get to this level. But it did somehow. I let my guard down with the wrong person I suppose.
LiveLoveLaugh Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 2 here as well, I initiated the end in both, though I consider the bad to be everything leading to the final break up. The break up itself was actually a sigh of relief, for me anyway.
munkeygirl Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 I have had four really bad, "wanting to stick my head in the gas oven" break-ups. The determining factor of whether they were horribly difficult was whether I had been the dumper or dumpee. Of course, being dumped makes it a thousand times worse because you have no control over the situation. The pain lasts a few months sometimes. It still hurts to think about it years down the road. Things do get better, and you do become gloriously happy again. I'm not afraid to give my heart away again, even after all that crap.
Puma Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 ive had three break ups..but i wouldnt classify either of them as bad..no matter what happend in each situation. i feel to classify them as bad would set me up with that mentality. ive noticed that some people on herefeel taht they are failures when it comes to relationships..that is not true!! if this applies to you please, for yourself, acknowledge the greatness that u are as a person and tell urself taht u are not a failure in anything. because ur relationships havent gone as u may have wanted does not make u a failure...who says u are a failure? urself. has anyone told you "geez, ur a failure with all those bad breakups"? if someone has actually told ya taht..tell them to fu** off!! haha or say thanks..and let that be ur motivation to feed ur determination of improving urself. dont feel bad..i can tell u that i have never dumped anyone..now do the math if ive had three breakups. but i dont see myself as a loser that other people might think if they were in the same history. i know who i am, what ihave to offer, and im confident with myself as a person and as a young man. i dont blame anyone or myself for the break ups..i accept it an realize that i am who i am because of them. we should all come out stronger!! some might read this and think im either being fake or too optimistic...well i too want my most recent ex back, but i understand that i must accept her decision adn through positive thinkin..good things will happen, not just for myself but others around me. so i pray for us all on here and for our lives and wish you all the best cause tahts what we all deserve just be happy people..no matter how bad a situation may seem, we choose to feel how we feel..it may not seem liek taht but think about that and let me know if ya'll understand
Kat Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 Just one, abusive relationship and then found out I was pregnant
VirginiaBob Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 Let's see, not sure which of these is classified as bad or not. A bunch of mini relationships in-between, but those break-ups were never bad. I'll let you rate them: First long term relationship: I was 15-16, she was 17-18. My parents called the police on her when she turned 18 for kidnapping me even though my parents gave me permission to go out that day. That was the end of that one. Haven't had contact since it's been so long ago. 2nd long term relationship (17 yo to 19yo): She broke it off the first time. Got back together, but I broke it off because I never really trusted her committment due to the first break up. I begged a lot the first time, attempted suicide. She begged a lot the 2nd time. She was my first time for full intercourse sex anyways. Also, got together as friends a few times after, but not in years. Haven't had contact in 5 years. 3rd long term relationship (20 to 22 yo): Most passionate (and in-love) relationship I was in since we both were very emotional. Were engaged and planning a wedding. The relationship was wonderful until she cheated before the wedding. Not too many wedding plans were in place, at least. Called her to try to get my stuff back, and her roomate kept answering the phone calling me a bastard and jerk. Still, to this day, do not know what I did wrong or if it was an attempt to justify the cheating. Finally got my stuff back when I sent her a note. She showed up at my door with my stuff. I gave her hers, but never let her in the apartment. I don't think we really had a bad breakup, I think it more had to do with her roomate's interpretation of something. Needless to say, this one damaged me emotionally (due to the broken engagment) and I wasn't able to get into another long term relationship for years. Ended up leaving grad school due to emotional issues and frustration. No contact rule still in effect. 4th long term relationship (27-28 - a month ago): 2nd enagement. She left a month before the wedding (scheduled this Jan 1st.) because she said she never really loved me (but i think the real reason is her new "friend" that she has been talking about in her emails to me since the break up). So depressed. She kept showing up at my house unnannounced everyday (with friends) to move her stuff out one piece at a time in her compact car. I told her she needs to get a moving truck and do it all in one day and to tell me when she is coming over. She came over unannounced once again. I told her she couldn't come in to my house. She was mad because it was a 30 minute drive and wouldn't leave my property. I called the police for trespassing. She left immediately before I formally filed a report. No contact rule on my part (don't answer her emails, phone calls, etc.) still in effect.
Author moon Posted December 29, 2004 Author Posted December 29, 2004 Thanks for the input. I guess if everyone gave up after the very first bad break up everybody would just be single and nobody would date anymore. So you have to keep trying. Puma thanks for the words of wisdom.
Naive Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 I had two bad breakups. The first one I broke up with him and the second one the guy broke up with me. They were not bad as in name calling but bad as in people I loved.
DoggyDog Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 Moon, Now let's see....how many breakups??? From what I can remember my first love was a heartbreaker. I was totally in "love" with my brother's friend. In fact my first kiss was when I was 12 with him at my house in the back hall when he liked me also and that night was also my first kinda date (watching TV) LOL...I was heartbroken from him because I loved him for 5 yrs thru HS. Then puff....we graduated and never saw each other for a long time in passing. Even now, he comes up to me and reminises (sp) about the past??? Then I met the "Cherry breaker"...as naive as I was at 18. He was a "real macho womanizer" but of course I didn't know really what men did. (cheated). I was engaged from 18-23 with him. What a trip. I thought he was the love of my life....He brought out things in me (never knew I had)...We were the flint and the lighter....REAL BAD...But I learned so much about men and really wised up by being with him. (cheating, lying, drinking, you name it)...We still talk 30 yrs later and he still wants to be with me....BOY ... I cried so many times with him and even got my mom to drive me places to check on his cheating nights after he'd drop me off home from a "date". Then there was my husband....Who also broke my heart. Married 5 yrs. He gambled, lied, sold drugs (I didn't know anything ) and stole (ex: my income tax)....But the big one....cheated and got OW pregnant while we were married (didn't find out for at least a yr after he just walked out the door and said I was f_____cked up...all I wanted to do was go to Bingo, eat, blah blah and left me also Thanksgiving week. I was totally devestated and distraught. I would go on to the next 3 yrs with a MM....who I found out never left town to promote a movie we wrote and found him to be at his house with W....That one made me "NOT TRUST ANY MAN"....It hardened me so much. But then I met another MM....This one WAS MY LAST LOVE...He brought me so much and I loved myself and trusted again. 20 yrs..and he broke off with me 2 months this Jan the day before another Thanksgiving..... Needless to say....You know my history now.....Where men are concerned...I don't care if I EVER AGAIN fall in LOVE....I've been hurt way too much in this ole life.....All because of MEN...I should become a lesbian...LOL (Only joking) L DD
tanbark813 Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 My past 3 breakups have been due to the girl lying and/or cheating.
Isabella82 Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 Okay so I had to recount, you know when your over someone sometimes you forget how hurt you really were. I have had 4. My first heartbreak was when I was 15, I was in love, he was my first, went out for about 4 months.....we had a fight and he hit me. I broke up with him, and he never tried to contact me until about 3 years after. My second heart break I was 16-18, together for two years. He cheated on me, I caught him, so I broke up with him. He then called me after a year. The girl he cheated on me with was his girlfriend and she cheated on him. My third heart break I was 19, we were dating for about 8 months, he didn't like titles. He was trying to get with my best friend, so I called it off. I was so heartbroken. He then came into my wotk about 2 months after, but I went into the breakroom until he left, I did not want to talk to him. The fourth is the one I'm going through right now. From 19-21. We were together two years, had future plans, wanted to marry me. Basically lived together. He broke up with me out of the blue and still hasn't contacted me, it has been about 8 months almost 9. This one is the worst out of all of them.
blind_otter Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 7 bad breakups. all my relationships end badly. probably my fault.
Barby Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 probably my fault. You've got to be kidding? I'm sure they couldn't ALL be your fault and the LAST one....PLEASE don't blame yourself for!
daphne Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 3 bad out of... i'm not telling. but a lot more than 3 ended fairly amicably even though both parties were disappointed. only had bad breakups w/ the sociopaths honestly. the highly intense guys w/ issues.
Author moon Posted January 18, 2005 Author Posted January 18, 2005 highly intense guys w/ issues That's the perfect way to describe my ex boyfriend. What a waste of time he was. The issues usually override any of the intrigue or mystery.
Author moon Posted January 18, 2005 Author Posted January 18, 2005 highly intense guys w/ issues That's the perfect way to describe my ex boyfriend. What a waste of time he was. The issues usually override any of the intrigue or mystery.
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