BellaStella Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Today he called me up and said that he had told his wife everything, packed a bag and moved out. Even though I have been wanting this for a long time, part of me is in shock. I am sitting here after just spending the day with him. Usually I think a lot about him and wait for his call, but now it is not that way. I think this is going to take a while to get used to.
Zoot Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 So you were all about dating this guy while he was married, but now that he's left his wife you are confused as to what to do? Why were you in a relationship with him? What did you want from it? I don't follow your point.
Grinning Maniac Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Originally posted by Zoot So you were all about dating this guy while he was married, but now that he's left his wife you are confused as to what to do? Shocking.
Mr Spock Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Originally posted by BellaStella Today he called me up and said that he had told his wife everything, packed a bag and moved out. Even though I have been wanting this for a long time, part of me is in shock. I am sitting here after just spending the day with him. Usually I think a lot about him and wait for his call, but now it is not that way. I think this is going to take a while to get used to. Are you confused as to whether or not you want this or are you confused as to where the relationship starts from here? If he's moving out of his house into his own place you two can start dating each other normally, like he meets your friends and goes out publicly with you. But you will need to ease into that gradually, and will need to respect the fact he may have a lot of "baggage" to deal with. Now you know he's made a decision to leave-so you've got less competition in the form of his wife. That's why you're not pining away for him to call, because you can now call him any time you want to. Don't focus on the fact your relationship won't be "forbidden" anymore, but focus on the fact you now have the chance to have an open relationship with someone you love.
littleflowerpot Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 i think maybe you're just stunned because in your heart you may not have believed he'd really do it. maybe you weren't as prepared for it as you thought you'd be. good luck.
Leaf Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Good Luck. Dang.. he told his wife he was leaving the day after christmas? yeeeouch.
cheatersrsad Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 Well break out the champagne! Another marriage down the drain with a side of adultery to boot! Whoooooo. What's a girl like you to do? Now that you have the man you never had before do you really want him? Cheaters are a dime a dozen.
indigo_moon Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by Leaf Good Luck. Dang.. he told his wife he was leaving the day after christmas? yeeeouch. Yeah. Can you imagine finding out just a day after Christmas that your husband has been having an affair and that he's packed his stuff and left you? How terribly sad.
Patiently waiting Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by cheatersrsad Well break out the champagne! Another marriage down the drain with a side of adultery to boot! Whoooooo. What's a girl like you to do? Now that you have the man you never had before do you really want him? Cheaters are a dime a dozen. Don't fret dear BellaStella......I will break out the champagne for you! I hope that your guy is worth the approx. 1 cent you paid for him!! What a bargain!! hehe! Good luck to you in your new "real" relationship.....you are envied my dear.....
lady Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 try being told 2 days before Christmas your husband of 18 yrs is having an affair
SixthSt.Girl Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 Hey, I thought this board was for support of those who find themselves with a committed partner. Ha! It does not seem like that's the case right now. Why do those who feel the need to be mean and judgemental post on a board that is for the other man/woman?? Why wouldn't they post on a Christian love board or something in order to bring good to those immoral cheats of the world, lol?
Barby Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by BellaStella Today he called me up and said that he had told his wife everything, packed a bag and moved out. Even though I have been wanting this for a long time, part of me is in shock. I am sitting here after just spending the day with him. Usually I think a lot about him and wait for his call, but now it is not that way. I think this is going to take a while to get used to. Were you not ready for this? Since you haven't responded to any other posters I'm assuming you may not be around but I'll give you my opinion anyway.... If you were asking him, pushing him, or in anyway making it known to him that you wanted him to leave his W to be with you...and now he did and you don't know what to think........I think you were in the "relationship" for the pure "forbidden" aspect of it. (or the thrill of being a homewrecker)?! Now you got him away from his W you can have him all to yourself, you'll get to do and put up with all the things the W had to deal with...you saw his good side, I'm sure he was on his "best behavior" with you...now the "realness" begins.... If you're not ready for this you need to do yourself and your "MM" a favor and be honest about it. If you are and are happy about this....I say good luck and I hope you're the exception to "what goes around comes around" rule! TaTa!
Barby Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by SixthSt.Girl Hey, I thought this board was for support of those who find themselves with a committed partner. Ha! It does not seem like that's the case right now. Why do those who feel the need to be mean and judgemental post on a board that is for the other man/woman?? Why wouldn't they post on a Christian love board or something in order to bring good to those immoral cheats of the world, lol? Knock it off, this has gone round and round...there hasn't been that negative of responses on here...people are FREE to say what they think....I think this invokes harsh responses because here this woman got what SHE wanted by having her "MM" leave his wife and now she seems to be having "second" thoughts or doubts...why did she help aid in the break up of his home if she wasn't sure?
SixthSt.Girl Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by Barby Knock it off, this has gone round and round...there hasn't been that negative of responses on here...people are FREE to say what they think....I think this invokes harsh responses because here this woman got what SHE wanted by having her "MM" leave his wife and now she seems to be having "second" thoughts or doubts...why did she help aid in the break up of his home if she wasn't sure? Hmmm, you say that people are free to say what they want, yet you tell me to "knock it off." That makes sense. Look, I have my say too, and the right to question peoples' negative responses on a board where they really have no business being since they're obviously not other men/women and just want to criticize and start trouble. So, don't tell me what to - please keep your lectures to yourself. I have the feeling that this board could become a haven for those who were cheated on and want revenge on the OW/OM. I hope that is not the case. OW/OM need a place that they can turn to w/o the immature mockery. Bella - I hope that you will work this thing out - just give it some time. All the best.
Barby Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 So, don't tell me what to - please keep your lectures to yourself. I have the feeling that this board could become a haven for those who were cheated on and want revenge on the OW/OM. I hope that is not the case. OW/OM need a place that they can turn to w/o the immature mockery. Yes I said knock it off...I was wrong for that but why get into another debate? That's not what the thread is about, it's about advice for the orginal poster! This is NOT only a forum for "OW" or "OM" obviously it's geared towards that but there is NO where in the rules that says you "HAVE" to be one of those things in order to offer advice/support. Some responses are rude in nature and some uncalled for but the over-all desire is to help lessen the pain of others, offer advice and try and be supportive and help them to see what's best in their situation (rather or not they take it is up to them). I'm not gonna hijack this thread anymore...nor am I going to be hostile towards you, I hope you feel you can get support here no matter if you like the responses or not, it's stated with the best of intent! (usually)
cheatersrsad Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 Bella - I hope that you will work this thing out - just give it some time. All the best. SixthSt.Girl: This forum is to talk about a situation someone/your in and get feedback. Whoever said it should be supportive? Shouldn't people face the truth regardless of whether or not they like it? If your child/family member caused major damage to another person/family would you just say "there, there, I hope things work out"? People need to be accountable for the damage and destruction they cause when they are involved in someone else's marriage, relationship and family. If you are involved and talking/posting on this website in this forum, then be strong and listen to everyone...sarcasm, spitefullness, support and otherwise. This is probably only the tip of the iceberg that the wife/Husband is going through that's being cheated on and I say suck it up and understand that most people don't love a cheater.
Leaf Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 Actually, its what we all make it. Not what anyone dictates it to be. I would like to think that people here are here for support, advice, ect.. not for the sole purpose of laying the smack down on people for jollys.
izzybelle Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 cheatersrsad, Whoever said it should be supportive? actually the description under the forum on the main page for this site says "support and discussion" the problem with some of the "discussion" that takes place here is that some, and i'm not saying you, resort to name calling of the OWs who post. being referred to as a "slut" hardly counts as supportive or discussion and actually goes against the main guidelines for the site. while many, also, may feel that they are providing discussion on the topic, there are many times when what people say could be said differently, without sarcasm, without venom and perhaps have a more positive impact. i know people feel strongly about this issue, but chances are, most of us who are here are trying to find our way through a trying time. we may already realize that the relationship that we're involved in is hurtful to us and to others but being put down, doesn't help clarify the situation, trust me. yes, sometimes the harsh reality hurts and having someone point it out can, and is, sometimes helpful. my wish for the new year is that those who have a "harsh" message to deliver would realize that perhaps more can be accomplished by conveying that message with some "kindness" instead of sarcasm and venom. anyone who hasn't been through this situation probably has little understanding of how much pain the people who post here may be in. although it may have been our fault that we're involved in the relationship that doesn't take the pain away. and i think you'll probably realize through many of the posts here that much of the correspondence between OWs is encouraging each other to remain strong and helping each other get out of the situation. yes, we walk a fine line with these relationships. our hearts may tell us one thing while we know our heads are telling us another. and i'm not saying that you, or others, with strong feelings should coddle or even provide sympathy for those of us who post here. all i'm saying is that you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. in other words....you can win people to your side more easily by gentle persuasion than by hostile confrontation.
Bellastella Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 Sorry about the lack of reply but I am back. I have been spending everyday with the MW, he is going through a lot of stress/guilt right now, and I am just trying my best to support him. He has been in therepy like everyday, he says he wants to become a better man for me. I was very glad to have him with me on New Years, I have always missed him on Holidays, and this was a wonderful first holiday to have together. As long as we work through everything, and go slow, I can see the two of us having a very long and wonderful relationship with him.
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