This girl is acting Hot and Cold and is me. me out

[Jack1987]

Hey guys, this is my first post on loveshack.org. My name is Jack and i am going through a problem that i haven't spoken to anyone about and kept it in myself for about 3 weeks now.

 

I met Emma through her best friend Lisa who is also my good friend about a year ago. At that time Emma had a boyfriend and I was busy chasing other girls on my own. Honestly speaking, me and Emma connected very well, as we had loads of fun when going to bars, i mean i was really open to her, had nothing to lose and i had no intentions what so ever. I considered her as a friend since she was new in the UK, she came from the US to complete her Masters here. Anyways i usually met Emma just once in a month or max twice through Lisa. And we didn't contact each other, i mean at that time, i never thought of her, she was busy in her life, she had a boyfriend and i was busy with my own life.

 

There went a period of about 4 to 5 months, where i hadn't seen Emma. But Lisa, spoke about her sometimes, that she was single now, and this caught my attention. It would be a lie if i said, that she didn't catch my attention, she did, she is absolutely gorgeous, i knew back then, but there was nothing to try for back then. Last month i met Emma for the first time, after so many months, we really connected again and she was hanging out with our friends (Mine and Lisa, since Lisa and I both go in the same class and Emma hardly has friends here in the UK). We spoke, had fun, laughed on each others jokes, teased each other and that was it. A week later i met her again, at our college year party, this time i noticed something strange, as we both were drinking, and while i was talking to one of my friends, i noticed her looking at me, as if she was giving these short glances and then she came towards me and we started talking. During that same night, after a couple of hours had passed by, i was unable to find my friends, i went in search for them and so i found Emma, sitting as she herself couldn't find her friends as well. So i decided to give Emma company, we both had fun and she even bought me drinks and then held my hand for the first time. I would say me and her were both drunk there but she still held my hand and i felt a type of a sexual tension between us but i didn't do anything.

 

Days to come, Lisa was having a game night at her place, and as usual everyone from our class was invited and even her. She actually gets excited when she saw me, playing games all night and while drinking, she sat next to me and as i spoke to Lisa about this new application on iPhone called Snapchat, Emma jumped in the conversation and said i have it and you should probably add me. I gave her my phone and she added herself into my Snapchat account and the next day when i opened my phone i saw that she also added her phone number. We both were drinking that night but we weren't that drunk, i would say not even tipsy.

 

A week later, it was one of my friends birthday and i couldn't make it till later that evening, and Emma was there with Lisa as well, Emma sent me Snapchat videos and after a while Lisa started calling me, telling me to come to this bar with Emma and Lisa and so i did. As usual we started to drink and this time i got a bit drunk but before that, at that bar we were at, i had loads of fun with Emma, i teased her and she does the same and was all around me. Later that night, when me and Emma were talking for almost the entire time, i asked her to come outside with me as i had to go have a smoke. We sat there and she told me some personal stuff about herself and i made a mistake of asking her out. She replies, ''I am already seeing someone else''. After that i asked Lisa about it and Lisa told me that she was lying. At that moment i realized that Emma might not be interested in me and i might have been friendzoned, so i pretty much decided to move on from there but that same night i happened to hold hands with her again.

 

3 days later, Emma texted me for the first time, i never texted her before and it was her who texted me the first time. We had a short conversation where i teased her a lot but i noticed that she wasn't keeping the conversation going but she did reply to me instantly. That same week, we went out and now my friends were teasing me that something was going on between me and Emma and i just said that i don't know. Weeks to come these were the actions coming from Emma, she sat next to me, even when we went out as a group of friends, she was spoke, most of the time one on one conversation, she teased me and i did the same, she would be all around me, looking at me, if she sat in a distance, give me short glances, sometimes we shared an intense eye contact, she would make plans for a concert and asking me and my friends but focusing directly at me, heck even if i had to go outside to have a smoke or do something, she would say, ''I am coming too!''. Like i said she was all around me, while drinking and going to bars, i just saw her being right next to me, we would drink together and even if my friends left, she would stay till the end with me, she would dance with me, lean towards me, lay her head on my shoulder while going back home and we held hands more than 5 or 6 times now, sometimes close to an hour, in interlock position. She makes comics of me on bitstrips and asks me why don't i do the same for her...

 

The problem is that she acts so hot around me and when i am not there the remaining 6 days she would act cold. She never texted me first after that. I texted her, i would say 4 or 5 times to start a conversation but she never kept it going. Something was off about that. Even if there went a week by, she would never text me. And sometimes after having a short conversation, she would never reply me back to my last text which i send her regarding to the coversation. Her texts appear to be short sometimes like, ''Hahaa'' or Hahaa K''. Sometimes they are in 2 or 3 sentences. Sometimes she doesn't reply me back to the conversation going on. So i decided not to text her also. I controlled myself, and i just texted her once a week to ask her if she wanted to come and hang out with me and my friends and which she did. But other than that she never texted me.

 

My friends know me for my reputation and i am positive Lisa told her about me. I am fairly popular in college and know many girls. Plus i played a girl before in my class, i never knew that i was going to be in the same group of friends as her. But i was in that very same group. I apologized to that girl and Emma knew about it through Lisa and she kept on bringing that girl's name whenever i was there and when i told her that i was stupid and made a joke of myself, she then said she didn't care. So why would she be calling her name before... Anyways as mentioned before, that Emma is very very beautiful, i think she has plenty of options and i don't know where all of this is leading, does she like me, is she not interested or is she just being friendly ? I mean i don't know what kind of friends holds hand, since me and her are not Best friends, we aren't. So what do you think ? Any advise would be help.

 

Thanks for reading.

Regards

Jack

[Absinthe]

Sounds to me like she's not interested, but she knows you are and she's enjoying the ego boost.

 

If I like a guy, and I know he likes me too, I usually encourage him to ask me out, but I'm not seeing that in any of Emma's behaviour. When you asked her out, she even told you that she was seeing someone else when she wasn't...that's not playing hard to get, that's just letting you down gently.

 

Also I wouldn't worry about your past misdemeanours. If a girl really likes you, none of that matters. Trust me.

[Jack1987]

Yes I do understand but what about the things she started do after I asked her out ? All those holding hand events etc, I do feel also that she isn't that interested but what is she then trying to do ?

[Absinthe]

Yes I do understand but what about the things she started do after I asked her out ? All those holding hand events etc, I do feel also that she isn't that interested but what is she then trying to do ?

 

Like I said...she's enjoying the ego boost. You'd been drinking when she did the hand-holding, close dancing and leaning on your shoulder, right? I am guilty of doing these things when I was younger so I recognise them!

 

If she was genuinely interested, things would have picked up a bit more steam by now. You would have at least kissed, for one.

 

You can always ask her out again. You'll get a far straighter answer out of that than attempting to decode her behaviour via text and social media.

[Jack1987]

This is so true, i mean all of it what you said. And yes we had been drinking and then she would hold my hands etc at the end of the night while going back home or just at a party. All that attention she was giving me, i mean she was all around me and i never spoke or thought about asking her out, since things were going okay when i saw her. But i won't be asking her out again, i know what i have to do, i have to let her go, i have to think about myself for once. The only problem is that, we have the same group of friends and i don't know how to act towards her. My guess is, acting the same way i normally do, being that fun guy, and of course not giving her any attention and ignore her a bit as well and finally talk to other girls.

 

It would be a lie if i said i am not hurt, it's been such a long time and i finally found someone i really liked and what ever she did or is doing, i just didn't expect that from her, some days ago i was at this bar with my own friends and i was comparing her to other girls, she is absolutely gorgeous then i remembered one thing the first time i saw her, what are my chances anyways, being with a girl like her, and i knew it back then, there were none and this has been proven. But i think i have to get on with my life now...Thanks

[Teknoe]

word of warning to the wise... avoid hot and cold girls as significant others.

 

they love the ego stroke, and you're a low priority to them.

 

but they are addicting, because the hots are HOT, but then the colds are COLD. relationships are not like that. it would be far too unhealthy and unstable for anyone to maintain their sanity.

 

avoid her.

 

God bless and good night