Denisejojo35 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I will try to keep this story short and concise. My ex and I dated on and of for 3 1/2 years. it was a very turbulent relationship. He cheated on me in the very beginning, admitted to having a alcohol problem and I ultimately stayed with him while he recommitted to our relationship and entered treatment. We have had our ups and downs, mostly downs as he was not able to kick his drinking successfully which caused a strain on our relationship. Prior to our deciding to move together, we had an argument and broke up. We broke up but still maintained contacts with many unsuccessful attempts to reconcile. During the most recent reconnect, things were going great for almost a month and then we got into an argument. I felt that he was being petty and controlling and left his apartment for a break to cool off. That was over a month ago. A lot of words were exchanged and needless to say we couldnt patch things up. He has since held my things hostage so I cannot get them back. I decided to go NC and have been for 2 weeks. Lo and Behold, he sends me an email around 1 in the morning on a Friday night, stating how much he misses me and doesnt think he can handle never talking to me again. He said he wanted to try to be a true friend in time and to slowlly start to communication and focus on reconnecting as friends. I was doing pretty okay since going NC, now Im in a tailspin. I am not over him, still miss him but no that if I get back the rollercoaster cycle will continue. Im trying to be strong but am confused if we should try to be friends. Mind you we were best friends before and that was the highlight of our relationship despite our differences. He's not drinking as much. But smokes a great deal of marijuana. I miss him but dont know if or when I should even reply? Help!!!
d0nnivain Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 If he's holding your stuff hostage, he is in fact committing a crime. Call the police if the stuff is worth going that far. He doesn't really want you back & he doesn't want to be friends. he wants NSA sex. If you want that too, get in touch with him. If you don't want that, stop responding to him. 1
Author Denisejojo35 Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 Thanks for your responses. Yes I tried to be civil and get my things back and he said he felt insulted that I was making it about my "things". It nothing major. My shoes, clothes, iron, etc. After several attempts to get them back, and him ignoring my requests, I gave up on it for peace. Then he sends me an email about missing me and wanting to be friends. I think he likes to play games and its been just one trip after another. The thing is he always sound sincere when he tries to get back or the latest, "miss you want to be friends". Ive known him for 20 years and I admit its hard to just completely walk away and act like I dont know him.
GoGetter1 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 holding onto your things is his way to ensure he has the upper hand! to remain partly in control. to use your things as a way for him (or you) to communicate with eachother. it means he does not want to completely let go of you.
Pa76 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Think you two need a break from each other and then decide if you two should be friends. I personally wouldn't.
stillafool Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 He treated you badly when you two were together, therefore he is not your friend. Let sleeping dogs ly. Just leave him be and keep moving forward.
Author Denisejojo35 Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 I think you guys are right. It hurts for some reason still, but I at least feel some control over the situation and am moving toward acceptance. The reality of never speaking to him again is surreal.
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