Jilly10340 Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 My boyfriend is driving me crazy, and we've only been going out for a little less then two months. He's so immature!!! I just need to get some things off my chest that he's done because the more I think about it the angrier I get. None of the things are horribly bad or anything, it's just little things that annoy me and i don't understand why he's done them. First, there was the problem with how many guys I've been with. I've been patient with him and explained it to him that there's nothing I can do about it but it just seems to keep coming up. Plus, it makes ME uncomfortable that he has a problem with it. True, he's a virgin, but that doesn't make it right that he seems to judge me just because I'm not. He says that now he has accepted it and moved on and it doesn't bother him anymore but that still doesn't make me feel better that he had a problem with it in the first place. Ahhhhhhhh When we first started going out we used to try to see each other at least every other day, now it seems that he doesn't even care when he sees me now. Like last week we saw each other on Saturday (not last night but the saturday before.) Then, I didn't see him on Sunday because he went to the Bengals game and then did something afterwards, and that was fine. I didn't see him on Monday because he had basketball practice at 9 so we just didn't have time, and that was fine. So I was so excited because I figured that I would see him on Tuesday but that morning he writes me an email saying that he was going to some big poker tournament at his friends that night. Like it didn't even matter that he hadn't seen me for the past three days? So i write him back when he was planning on seeing me, xmas eve if that? So he calls and asks me out to lunch. So we go to lunch and I tell him the problem i have with his being bothered about the sex thing and he gives me a hug, like that's going to fix everything. So I decide to let it go and we drive around after we have lunch. We're talking and I tell him that the reason that it bothers me that it bothers him is because there's this website (loveshack ) and on there I see all the time these guys who have a problem with their gf's not being a virgin and they usually end up dumping the girl because they just can't get over it. So he started asking about this website and asked what kinds of things I've asked for advice on about him and I wouldn't tell him because I said it was private. He keeps asking and asking and I won't tell him. So he gets mad, says i'm being dishonest and distrustful with him and he wasn't going to talk about anything else until I tell him.....WTF? Oh, it gets better... When I won't tell him, we're driving around in his car. He has holes in his front seat where you can pick the little foam stuff out of the seat. He starts picking the foam from his seat and throwing it on me! I ask him to stop several times and he just keeps doing it. I told him he was being immature and he needs to grow up but he just kept doing it. So tonight, I'm about at the end of my rope. I was planning on seeing him after he got back from the Bengals game, which he went to again. He didn't call me after the game like he said he would so I figured he probably went home and took a nap. He called me around 8:30 but I was taking a shower so I didn't answer the phone but he left a voice mail saying to call him. I call him, he doesn't answer so I call his house phone. He dad said that he wasn't there, that he went to play poker somewhere...this is the third time this weeks he's played poker *sigh* So I call his cellphone again and he answers. I just ended up hanging up on him. It made me mad that, what, he decided to call me at the very last minute right before he went to his friends house. He'd been home since the game ended around 4, he couldn't call me before then instead of at the last second? Apparently I'm not that important to talk to for more then a few minutes before he leaves. I guess that just made me mad because I was going to ask him to come over tonight because I know I'm not going to see him tommorow because of basketball practice, but I guess he just doesn't feel the same. He would rather play poker with his friends then waste time on his girlfriend who he's only seen three times since last saturday. This could go on and on but I'll stop now. I don't know what to do. I really like him but it's just not working out. I just don't seem very high on his list of priorities. This post doesn't really have a point except to b*tch and moan about how I can't seem to find a bf who likes me as much as I like him, or who just doesn't seem to be available or who doesn't have enough time to be with me. The last time I was happy in a relationship was almost exactly a year ago, and I've had three relationships since then. When will I be happy again? I guess I don't have a specific question but if anyone wants to respond I'd be more then happy to see what they think about what I've said. I don't know if all this stuff is just me overreacting or if I'm doing something wrong. I don't know much of anything anymore it seems...
Mr Spock Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Why are you dating this guy? If you'd stop dating losers, you might just find that you'd be a happier person. How nice he's decided to FORGIVE you for having sex. You need to tell HIM that you forgive him for being a virgin and having to teach him just WTF he should be doing.
Barby Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Hey Jilly. Sorry to hear that you're having a hard time... First, there was the problem with how many guys I've been with. I've been patient with him and explained it to him that there's nothing I can do about it but it just seems to keep coming up. Plus, it makes ME uncomfortable that he has a problem with it. True, he's a virgin, but that doesn't make it right that he seems to judge me just because I'm not. He says that now he has accepted it and moved on and it doesn't bother him anymore but that still doesn't make me feel better that he had a problem with it in the first place. Ahhhhhhhh If he has moved on then you should let it drop also (easier said than done). But he also couldn't help how he felt but since he's sort of "okay" with it now. If he had a problem with it still I'd say drop him... When he doesn't see you every couple of days, it could be that he feels that you're okay with that...have you explained to him how you feel about this? I can't really advise you except to say that you should clue him in on how you're feeling...
sean001 Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 GREAT RANT! But I would say that you should NEVER tell anybody you're dating about this site!!!!!! Sooner or later, they're going to find your posts, and that's going to be VERY embarrasing! By the way, who is this geek you're going out with? I mean it doesn't sound like he's the right guy for you. Obviously, you know how to speak, pick up the phone, etc. Has he done any of that lately? And I completely agree with spock -- who wants to be a teacher, FFFFFFFFFFFF that
Author Jilly10340 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Posted December 27, 2004 Yes, I've clued him into everything. I'm honestly tired of talking to him. That's why I hung up on him tonight, I just couldn't stand talking to him anymore. Relationships should not be this hard. I know that every relationship takes work and compromise, but this is just too much. Maybe he's just too immature. He's going to be 21 January 11 and I'm 22 1/2. Maybe I need to just date older guys. This is just really hard because I do like him a lot. When we're together everything is fine. We get along and have fun with each other. It's when we're apart that things just don't seem okay. Does that make sense? It just seems that now that his friends have come home from school for winter break that all he ever does is play stupid poker games. It doesn't even seem to phase him when he doesn't see me for a few days or when he doesn't talk to me all day. I always want to see and talk to him. Spock, it not like I not like I knew he was a loser when I started dating him. What's with me meeting these guys and they seem all nice and stuff at first but then they just turn into jerks...or weirdos?
Mr Spock Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 You're dating YOUNGER men.....sheesh Jilly.....there is PLENTY O' TIME to date younger men WHEN YOU ARE OLDER. You may just very well be a "jerk magnet" try breaking the cycle and dating someone different. Not this guy. Not the foam picker. Try dating someone who will view your sexual experince as an asset instead of a hinderance-it will make you feel good as well as more than likely allow you to experince fantastic sex.
Author Jilly10340 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Posted December 27, 2004 lol...hahahahah..."foam picker"...thank you for that Spock. I actually laughed out loud at that. That just made my night By dating him, I thought I was dating someone who was different. He didn't seem to be a jerk, he was sensitive, didn't mind talking about his feelings, or having in depth conversations. Only recently I've seen some of the things that he's narrow-minded about. This is the only guy, the ONLY guy, who has ever had a problem with my sexual experience. Most guys think it's great, even the four people I've dated in my life who were virgins when I first met them. He's just starting to suck, and annoy me.
CurvyGurl Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Originally posted by Barby Hey Jilly. Sorry to hear that you're having a hard time... If he has moved on then you should let it drop also (easier said than done). But he also couldn't help how he felt but since he's sort of "okay" with it now. If he had a problem with it still I'd say drop him... When he doesn't see you every couple of days, it could be that he feels that you're okay with that...have you explained to him how you feel about this? I can't really advise you except to say that you should clue him in on how you're feeling... I agree. Why keep bringing it up? If he brings it up again, remind him that he is 'fine with it' and you're not going to go into it again. You're right he's immature, but it's not very mature to keep picking a fight. As well, you're not vocal at all about the issue that's bothering you : not seeing him on a regular basis. Do you have a scheduled date night, when you know for sure that you'll see each other? Too much talking about what does not matter and not enough talking about what DOES.
Mr Spock Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Originally posted by Jilly10340 lol...hahahahah..."foam picker"...thank you for that Spock. I actually laughed out loud at that. That just made my night By dating him, I thought I was dating someone who was different. He didn't seem to be a jerk, he was sensitive, didn't mind talking about his feelings, or having in depth conversations. Only recently I've seen some of the things that he's narrow-minded about. This is the only guy, the ONLY guy, who has ever had a problem with my sexual experience. Most guys think it's great, even the four people I've dated in my life who were virgins when I first met them. He's just starting to suck, and annoy me. Sensitive, my arse.......he's living a double standard here. He talks about his FEELINGS like he's some kind of new age dude but dammit HIS women need to be "pure". This is the kind of guy no matter what his sexual experience will always resent the history of his girlfriends (hey, Jmargel, maybe you guys can hook up and play cards) Don't confuse being a typical ass headed man with being "sensitive"
Author Jilly10340 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Posted December 27, 2004 Well he wrote me an email this morning asking why I hung up on him and why I'm mad at him. He also said that he's a little p*ssed because he really really really doesn't like being hung up on. Well, I don't really really really don't like feeling that I'm not worth his time or energy. I didn't write him back, because I don't really want to talk to him. I don't plan on talking to him for the rest of the day. I don't know if this would just make things worse though. *sigh*
Barby Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 So he emailed ya huh? Well that's good that he at least contacted you, but I woulda thought if it meant that much to him he'd have called you last night to get everything squared away. BUT I have to say this (please don't get offended) but you kinda can't expect him to bail on his long time friends (assuming they had previous plans to get together) just to please someone he hasn't been with that long. BUT if he didn't have plans and chose to see them and not include you then I think that's rude.... You need to evaluate things and decide if you can continue with the way things are (I doubt they'll change much) and go from there in deciding what to do.
Author Jilly10340 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Posted December 27, 2004 Thank you, exactly. I figured I just must not be that important to him if he didn't bother to call me last night and figure out what's going on. I'm not mad that he was hanging out with his friends. What makes me mad is that he said he would call me after he got home from the game. Instead, he calls me when he's on his way to his friends house, so i know he wasn't planning on talking to me for any good length of time (even though I hadn't heard from him all day.) And I know he was home earlier then that because he told me what time he got home from the game before I hung up on him. It just doesn't seem to bother him if we go for days without seeing each other. I just seem to put more effort into seeing him then he does into seeing me. He can see his friends whenever he wants, they live like two minutes away. It's not like I can just whip on over there whenever I want, I live half an hour away. Besides that, he had been with his friends all day. That's who he went to the game with...
Author Jilly10340 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Posted December 27, 2004 Alright, to end this thread and for anyone who still cares, I wrote him an email telling him why I'm mad at him. This is what it said: "Well, first of all, considering that I asked you if you would call me after you got home from the game and you said you would...I naturally expected you to call me when you got home from the game. It pissed me off that you decided to call me as an after thought right before you went to your friends house, like I'm not important enough to talk to for more then a few minutes before you leave. I hadn't heard from you all day so I kind of wanted to talk to you for a while, but apparently i'm not high enough on your list of priorities that you couldn't call me earlier then that. Second, I was hoping you would of called when you got home because I was going to ask you to come over because I knew I wouldn't get to see you today. It kind of hurt my pride to find that obviously it doesn't really matter to you when you see me, especially since I've only seen you three times in almost a week and a half. Third, it pissed me off even more that you waited until this morning to find out what the hell was going on. Because if I was important to you, you would of wanted to get things squared away as soon as they happened, not the next day. And you would've called me, not sent me an email. And that's really all I have to say. I have to get back to work." And this is what he responded with: First: I Did call you after I got home from the game. Second: It Does matter that I see you. Third: I wrote that email last night, Not today. Last: You hung up on me. I won't beg you to talk to me, and I have more respect for myself than to be hung up on and call right back like an idiot. Also: If you think any of that crap you wrote about being an after thought or not a high priority is true, then you have self esteem issues that quite frankly, I don't know why you have them. You have every reason to be confident and self assured. Don't take your past out on me. And this is what I responded back with: I'm not taking my past out on you because honestly, I haven't ever had this problem with anyone in my past except for Ryan. I can't help that that's how you make me feel. And thanks for saying that how I feel is crap.
Barby Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Jilly Jilly, I have been following your thread, I'm sorry but your guy has a point, this is based on deeper self esteem issues...you have to realize that just because he has a busy life outside of your relationship doesn't mean you're any less important to him. I can't really say anything except that I see both sides of the point, he has a point and so do you.... My advice...work on making yourself feel good about yourself, if he makes you feel worse, dump him and work on you, then when you find someone who compliments that, consider entering a relationship. I have a feeling (I could be wrong) that you look to men for self validation..you're a great person and you need to realize that...and so does the guy you're with....If he makes you feel good then stay with him and work on your self esteem issues... Keep your chin up girl
Author Jilly10340 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Posted December 27, 2004 Well, I can see your point but I don't think I need a guy for validation. I know I'm good enough and that's why I'm so mad about this. I know he has a life outside of our relationship, but I won't put up with the "i'm too busy" excuse because that's just crap. I have a busy life too, and honestly it's a lot busier then his, but I still make time to see him. I like him enough to make all the time in the world to see him. I think that a relationship should be equal and it seems that I put more of an effort to see him then he makes to see me and I don't think that that's fair. Now I don't know what to do after his email. he hasn't written me back. I don't know if I should take a couple of days to cool down or wait for him to call me or what.
Barby Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 I say you should call him or email him, let him know that you respect the fact that's he is busy, you make the time to see him and was hoping for the same in return, tell him you don't have self esteem issues but it's the fact that you really enjoy his company and all you want to do is be able to spend time with him and hope he feels the same and is able to make it happen. Then I'd make a polite excuse to end the conversation, tell him you miss him (whatever you feel else needs to be said) then end the email, or conversation..then wait for him to make the next contact.
Mr Spock Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 I think you need to dump his ass and find someone who makes you happy and wants to see you more than once or twice a week. What the hell is the point of dating someone if you never get to see them or have contact with them? Add on the fact he seems intent on making you feel bad for not being YOUR first and I think you'd do better to find someone that is so proud of you that he wants to take you with him to his friends house.
Author Jilly10340 Posted December 28, 2004 Author Posted December 28, 2004 Well, I did dump him. He blew the whole hanging up on him thing so out of proportion that it was just humorous. He acted like I killed his cat or something for petes sake. He didn't really want to talk to me so I told him that if we can't talk about things when we have a problem then there's no point in us being together. I told him that he could accept my apology for hanging up on him and let it go or he could hold on to it, drag it out, and cause us to break up. He told me not to say that just to "test him." I said that I was dead serious. So he said that fine, he accepted it but he had to get off the phone. I told him not to lie to me to try and get off the phone but he said that he really had to go so I just said that it was over and good luck with his life. He completely flipped out. He emailed me three times and called at least 15 times begging me to talk to him. He told me how much he cared about me and how he wanted to come over to talk about things. I told him he could come over but that doesn't mean i'm going to go back out with him. So he came over and we talked for awhile about everything and all our problems. We worked some things out. We're still together but we'll just have to see how things go for the next couple of weeks. He needs to learn that I'm not going to be pushed around and treated like crap.
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