ss1891 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Today was possibly the worst birthday ever. I was kind of dreading it ever since the breakup happened because I knew I would have to face the prospect of not hearing from him. Today, the pain of him not contacting me was coupled with some bad news. My friend decided that 10 minutes before my birthday was the best time to break the news that my ex is completely over me and is really into this new girl. They are apparently going on a date soon. After rebounding with his ex girlfriend, he's found "the one". So of course, that's all I could think about this entire day. I can only remember all the good times celebrating my birthday last year with him. I thought I was getting over him, but I guess I'm not. How am I supposed to deal with this?
d0nnivain Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Your friend kind of sucks for telling you this on your birthday. You didn't need to hear that today / yesterday. You deal with this the way you deal with all break ups: time, distance & distraction. Take care of yourself. Do things that make you feel better. Surround yourself with positive people (not the friend who gave you the update). Change your hair. Redecorate your living space. Re-engage in a beloved hobby or interest. Try to remind yourself that you are another year older & another year wiser. In time you will feel better & be back to your old self. 2
Veryconfused12345 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Hi ss1891, Big occasions following the end of a relationship are truly unbearable because even if you tell yourself that you're moving forward, a part of you holds out hope that your ex will remember or get back in touch. I know its like a kick in the gut to hear that but (and I know this sounds ridiculous but) its almost like biting the bullet and going through the worst case situation. Now that you've heard it, whats the worst that can happen? When I found out my ex-fiance had started sleeping with someone else about a week after we broke up (and incidentely 3 weeks before my birthday) I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach and the pain wouldn't let up. It does hurt. Terribly. But, and I know this is hard to recognise now, in time I promise you'll recognise it as closure you need to start looking towards the future. I've started to realise some people (definitely not me) are far far better at looking towards the future for the happiness they seek. I don't know if you're like me, but I have a bad habit of staying rooted to the past reliving "happier times." I think its time for you to be a bit more selfish - take a few days to mourn the loss of this and perhaps not the best birthday (although there will be plenty more and much happier) and then take it as a massive milestone that marks the time when you need to start rebuilding yourself as an even stronger version of yourself. You're going to get there, I promise - it's just about making you sort of your hobby in the sense that everything you do from here on out is a "positive" for you that allows you to emerge as "ss1891 2.0" As for your ex, maybe he's found "the one" or maybe he's just tried to pave over any upset by jumping in to another relationship incredibly quickly. Please don't take your friends comments too closely to heart - it always looks like the ex is doing so much better than they are in reality. What i suspect is that by the time you go through the "hard work" of mourning this and recovering, the reality might hit him (a bit delayed but generalising massively here, men do tend to mourn the loss of a relationship further down the line than women). Finally, really really not cool of your friend to tell you that. Or if she did just have terrible terrible timing in telling you that, she was totally out of line for saying that he was "totally over you." Some of the best advice I ever got is "friends can either be "radiators" or "drains."" Its not some complicated theories, they either give you energy and hope or you walk away feeling deflated and worse than when you arrived. Part of your 2.0 version of yourself is knowing what makes you happy and what doesn't and cutting anyone like that who isn't a positive influence on your life. You're eventually going to be ok, I'm absolutely positive about that.x 6
30andsad Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I feel your pain. My birthday was two weeks ago and the ex officially ended it only two weeks before that. Like you, I was dreading the birthday from the moment she ended it. I woke up on my birthday, my 30th, supposedly a pretty big milestone birthday feeling like total crap. I got through it though, played some golf with my buddy and went out with the family. I can't tell you how alone I felt coming back to an empty house after the party and I won't lie and say it was the great birthday it was supposed to have been, but I lived through it. I'm sure Christmas isn't going to be that great either, and know Thanksgiving won't be amazing. But, by this time next year, you'll be geared up for a wonderful birthday and holiday season and this forum with have a whole new cast of characters going through what we all are. Unfortunately, the holidays and special occasions bring the emotions up higher, but each one will be a little easier until they start becoming those special days again. 2
Author ss1891 Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Thank you all for the incredible advice. Thanksgiving was especially hard because last year, it was one of the happier times in our relationship. But all of your posts have helped me through it. Just an update-his date with the new girl never happened because she bailed on him. However, I found out that he has set up an online dating profile so he's becoming more open to the idea of meeting other people. I guess it's time to finally move on.
d0nnivain Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 It is time to move on & you can do it, even if you don't think so.
organizedchaos Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Thank you all for the incredible advice. Thanksgiving was especially hard because last year, it was one of the happier times in our relationship. But all of your posts have helped me through it. Just an update-his date with the new girl never happened because she bailed on him. However, I found out that he has set up an online dating profile so he's becoming more open to the idea of meeting other people. I guess it's time to finally move on. And tell your "friend" to stop updating you on your ex!
JDPT Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 My birthday is coming up in a few weeks and quiet honestly I don't have the slightest hope of her contacting me at all. Her birthday was this past July and I did the right thing by not contacting her at all. Later found out that she went on a "trip" this was merely an affirmation to now that she was/is alright and clearly did not need me wishing her anything. All in all, my birthdays have been pretty crappy for the past decade believe it or not. She managed to ruin my last birthday by later trying to make it up and having breakfast together, what a joke that was. All I can say is that you are all that matters from this point forward. Think about yourself and no one else, try to come to terms that she is no longer part of your life and that life does go on no matter what, nothing remains stagnant, nothing. Find comfort in something else, I know our exes were once "IT" and our go to for everything but that's no longer the case. Be strong buddy we are all in this same rollercoaster.
Simplysimon Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Thank you all for the incredible advice. Thanksgiving was especially hard because last year, it was one of the happier times in our relationship. But all of your posts have helped me through it. Just an update-his date with the new girl never happened because she bailed on him. However, I found out that he has set up an online dating profile so he's becoming more open to the idea of meeting other people. I guess it's time to finally move on. Your friend is not your friend. Why would she tell you this other than to hurt you? Forget him. Move on and find someone else. There is someone more loving tab your ex, hotter than your ex, and feels the same way about you. You just got to find him. When you wake up every day you have a choice to be happy or sad. You choose to be sad and live in the past. Tomorrow every time he comes in your thoughts block him out. Get out there and find the 'one' for you. Screw him, screw his birthday, thanks giving etc cos next year is gonna be amazing Hugzzz 1
elbe Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 You should be happy X didn't contact you on your birthday. It would have just torn open old wounds. Wouldn't that have been worse? IMO, she did you a favor.
Author ss1891 Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 The worst part of it all is that my friend is still best friends with my ex. She's known me for four years and only known him for 6 months. But every time I bring him up in a negative light (eg. "He was horrible to me, I deserve better"), she would immediately defend him. She also has a bad habit of offering me information at the worst possible times. I've asked her not to tell me anything about him, but she does it anyway claiming each time that she "forgot". I have a feeling she's lying to me about things. I once asked her if she could send me any conversation she's had with my ex about me and she claims she deleted them all. I get the feeling that she and my ex are making a huge joke out of me.
BC1980 Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Today was possibly the worst birthday ever. I was kind of dreading it ever since the breakup happened because I knew I would have to face the prospect of not hearing from him. Today, the pain of him not contacting me was coupled with some bad news. My friend decided that 10 minutes before my birthday was the best time to break the news that my ex is completely over me and is really into this new girl. They are apparently going on a date soon. After rebounding with his ex girlfriend, he's found "the one". So of course, that's all I could think about this entire day. I can only remember all the good times celebrating my birthday last year with him. I thought I was getting over him, but I guess I'm not. How am I supposed to deal with this? Well, number one, it's time for a new friend. I don't know what kind of friend would tell you that, but most, even semi-decent people realize that they shouldn't mention your ex with another girl. Two, be glad he didn't contact you. My ex sent me a birthday card yesterday, and I threw it away after I opened it. It was just a generic card saying he hopes I have a happy, healthy next year. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt to see such a generic message, signed with only his name. No "Love, the ex." That hurt a hell of a lot worse than him ignoring me, which I wish he would have done.
BC1980 Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 The worst part of it all is that my friend is still best friends with my ex. She's known me for four years and only known him for 6 months. But every time I bring him up in a negative light (eg. "He was horrible to me, I deserve better"), she would immediately defend him. She also has a bad habit of offering me information at the worst possible times. I've asked her not to tell me anything about him, but she does it anyway claiming each time that she "forgot". I have a feeling she's lying to me about things. I once asked her if she could send me any conversation she's had with my ex about me and she claims she deleted them all. I get the feeling that she and my ex are making a huge joke out of me. WTF? Get rid of this supposed friend. 1
JDPT Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Exactly, time to let this so called friend go as well.
Author ss1891 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 It's so hard letting go of my friend given that I've known her for four years Maybe my problem is that I get too attached to people and excuse their behavior even if it ends up hurting me. Now that I've found out he's on dating websites, all I can think about all day is how easy it was for him to get over me. It's confirmation that he really has forgotten about me and is ready to meet someone else. The worst part is that I created an online dating profile in retaliation and we ended up being a 93% match.
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