CantonBound Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 So here's the story: I'm mid-20s and she's early 20s. I met her at a party through a friend on friday night. We hit it off and had a lot in common. We ended up kissing a bit and exchanged numbers. After I left, she sent me a text saying how cute I am. On Saturday, I messaged her and set up a date for that night in the local bar area. She agreed enthusiastically, then changed the plans to me just coming over her place after work. Again, she seemed excited about it. I got to her place and was pretty sober, but she bought alcohol. We talked for a while (again, awesome conversation), then started making out hardcore. She stopped me when things started getting more hot and heavy and said "I have to get more drunk before we go further". After that, she started shutting me down more. I told her that I didn't care if we didn't have sex and that I was looking for something a little longer lasting anyway. She, then, told me about how she just got out of a relationship and she had been hurt (she didn't go into detail). Anyway, I've been refraining from casual sex because I'm trying to get into a relationship and I haven't been masturbating so I was extremely horny that night. I had a bit much to drink and started pushing sex more. Eventually, she made up an excuse that her roommates heard us (they were sleeping) and wanted me to leave. She walked me to the door, asked me if I remembered her name (which I definitely did and was surprised that she asked me that), and said to definitely text her. She was looking at me with puppy dog eyes during this whole time. I texted her the next morning. She responded after a little while and basically seemed mad at me, saying "you were trying to get in my pants the whole night". I sent her a text explaining where I was coming from, what I wanted, why I acted that way, and asked for the opportunity to prove that I'm not just looking for sex. She seemed receptive (though less enthusiastic than she had been previously). Today, I sent her a meme via text in the morning, an inside joke about something we talked about. No response. I'm pretty unhappy about this because I liked this girl. Clearly, I did some things wrong here and I don't deny that. Based on her lack of response and the situation, I'm guessing that a one of two things may have happened: 1) She thinks I only want sex, is hurt from her previous relationship, and doesn't believe what I'm telling her. 2) She was looking for rebound sex with me, then decided not to go through with it. She only saw me as a potential hookup. Maybe both happened. I got some advice from my friends. They advised that I mostly just drop it. Send her a text on friday asking her how she is, but don't hold my breath for a response. I will most likely run into her again (since we have mutual friends) and she may act like she doesn't know me at that time. So what do you all think? Do you think my friends are right? Just drop it and move on?
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 So here's the story: I'm mid-20s and she's early 20s. I met her at a party through a friend on friday night. We hit it off and had a lot in common. We ended up kissing a bit and exchanged numbers. After I left, she sent me a text saying how cute I am. On Saturday, I messaged her and set up a date for that night in the local bar area. She agreed enthusiastically, then changed the plans to me just coming over her place after work. Again, she seemed excited about it. I got to her place and was pretty sober, but she bought alcohol. We talked for a while (again, awesome conversation), then started making out hardcore. She stopped me when things started getting more hot and heavy and said "I have to get more drunk before we go further". After that, she started shutting me down more. I told her that I didn't care if we didn't have sex and that I was looking for something a little longer lasting anyway. She, then, told me about how she just got out of a relationship and she had been hurt (she didn't go into detail). Anyway, I've been refraining from casual sex because I'm trying to get into a relationship and I haven't been masturbating so I was extremely horny that night. I had a bit much to drink and started pushing sex more. Eventually, she made up an excuse that her roommates heard us (they were sleeping) and wanted me to leave. She walked me to the door, asked me if I remembered her name (which I definitely did and was surprised that she asked me that), and said to definitely text her. She was looking at me with puppy dog eyes during this whole time. I texted her the next morning. She responded after a little while and basically seemed mad at me, saying "you were trying to get in my pants the whole night". I sent her a text explaining where I was coming from, what I wanted, why I acted that way, and asked for the opportunity to prove that I'm not just looking for sex. She seemed receptive (though less enthusiastic than she had been previously). Today, I sent her a meme via text in the morning, an inside joke about something we talked about. No response. I'm pretty unhappy about this because I liked this girl. Clearly, I did some things wrong here and I don't deny that. Based on her lack of response and the situation, I'm guessing that a one of two things may have happened: 1) She thinks I only want sex, is hurt from her previous relationship, and doesn't believe what I'm telling her. 2) She was looking for rebound sex with me, then decided not to go through with it. She only saw me as a potential hookup. Maybe both happened. I got some advice from my friends. They advised that I mostly just drop it. Send her a text on friday asking her how she is, but don't hold my breath for a response. I will most likely run into her again (since we have mutual friends) and she may act like she doesn't know me at that time. So what do you all think? Do you think my friends are right? Just drop it and move on? Yes. You two were drunk anyway.
Kate9292 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Yes, you are done with her. You were too pushy. Next time be more respectful of woman's wishes. If she says "no", it means "no".
Author CantonBound Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 Yes, you are done with her. You were too pushy. Next time be more respectful of woman's wishes. If she says "no", it means "no". It just bothers me that I can't mistakes. I like the girl and I got a bit drunk. I f'ed up and now she's done with me. That's pretty messed up too, imo. I feel like I have to be perfect all the time.
Kate9292 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Uhhh, if you were pushy that's very far from perfection. It was not a mistake. You wanted what you wanted, but you went about it completely wrong. Mistake would be if you for example called her wrong name. But what you did would be immediate turn off for me and soon after I'd want a guy to get away from me too. Just try considering other person's feelings and you'd see an improvement.
MidwestUSA Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Even tho no means no, she changed your plans and invited you to her place. And provided alcohol. It was obvious what she had in mind, and she should be a bit more forgiving that you pushed it. You both screwed up, don't be too hard on yourself. She sounds like a mess, move on. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 ]It just bothers me that I can't mistakes.[/b] I like the girl and I got a bit drunk. I f'ed up and now she's done with me. That's pretty messed up too, imo. I feel like I have to be perfect all the time. How was that a mistake, exactly? You knew what you were doing. You even said she was shutting you down more, so you became pushy? Sorry, that is no mistake. No means no. I would've asked you to leave, too. Take your friends' advice and drop it. More importantly, learn from it. When a girl shuts you down, back the hell off. 1
CarrieT Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 You *might* be able to recover the situation by asking her out I a PROPER date, apologizing, and emphasizing there will be NO alcohol consumed whatsoever. Take alcohol out of the equation entirely! Take her out for a nice meal and talk to her. If she is receptive to the idea, it could work. Otherwise learn from the experience and stop getting drunk. 3
Lansing Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 You are too reactive. It has been less than 24 hours. Maybe she felt no need to respond to your message or it slipped her mind or wasn't as funny as you thought. Ask her out again (call her, don't rely so much on texting all the time.. or, just use texts to ask her out vs. trying to make small talk).
Eggplant Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 She herself is reeling from being hurt from the last guy, so she's oscillating. She'll push sex, and then the next minute she'll freak out. Tread lightly. Don't expect here to be on her top game; she's injured. I'd give her a little more space than usual and go slow at first.
Author CantonBound Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 First, thanks for the responses everybody. There is definitely some good advice in this thread. So she ended up texting me back yesterday: a very short text that, to me, signified a loss of interest. She said my pic (that I sent her the day before) was funny and that she was sorry for not responding sooner. I didn't respond to her, mostly because I had been texting her way too much over the past few days. Figured I'd give it a rest for the next couple of days. I plan on texting her tomorrow night and asking her out for Friday night (I haven't decided yet if I'm just going to casually text her and tell her to call me....or if I'm just going to ask her straight out via text). My date plan is a good one: I act in a local theatre with our mutual friend. I plan on inviting her there to participate (she is artsy so this would probably be something that she would find fun). I also plan on adding a dinner onto that either before or after. I figure that this is a solid date plan. If she declines this, then she likely has lost interest. I'm hoping that she will say yes, but I'm expecting a no or no response at all. Based on my experience with women, I don't think I will be able to recover this. Either way, this situation made me realize that I've been doing things all wrong when it comes to dating. In the past, I've been mostly hooking up and having FWB so this is somewhat foreign to me. Since this incident, I've been interviewing successful married friends of mine and spoke to a good friend that is a psychologist (who has a special interest in dating and relationships) and I've really learned a lot. I've certainly learned the mistakes I've made with this girl...and I won't make them again. Hoping she comes around, but I won't hold my breath. Thanks again for the advice everyone!
Author CantonBound Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 I texted her today, just saying hi and she basically gave me a one-word response. At that point, I figured she wasn't interested so I just blew myself out and asked her out over text (with that date idea that I mentioned previously). Unsurprisingly, crickets. My guy friends summed it up for me and said that I messed up in the following ways: - I went too hard for the sex (coming off as needy) - I apologized for it the next day (coming off as needy again) - I told her that I wanted to get into a relationship (making myself look to available and like I don't have options) I've been thinking about it and they're right. It's unfortunate that it appears that most women are the same.....and I have to be perfect when I'm with them and can't make mistakes. I'm sure she moved on to the line of other guys that she has pursuing her (probably even having sex with him). Either way, I'm done. I will not be contacting her again.
Author CantonBound Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 Sounds like she plays too many games. That's a lot of work and you're not going to be perfect all the time. Best to just move on and meet new girls this weekend. Also, stop stressing so much over girls that you barely know lol. This girl played me pretty bad.
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