saz123 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Hi new here! I've been in a relationship with this guy for about 6 months now and I'm his first girlfriend. He's 22 and I'm 18 - considering I'm his first girlfriend he's just so shy about feelings and emotions. He's not shy with me in other ways, we're always laughing together and we're like best friends. When I say he's shy about feelings and emotions I mean he's shy when admitting how he feels to my face. However over text he'll quite happily say things, obviously because it's less nerve racking. I could deal with this quite happily but lately I'm struggling. I want to be told things in person. I think our relationship is developing and more serious than it was and as a girl I'm expecting more and more things. I completely understand that I'm his first girlfriend therefore he's inexperienced with the whole relationship thing... But it's every girls dream to hear the words 'I love you' but I haven't been told it yet. Infact he doesn't know what love is. Surely love is when you don't want to be without that person, no matter how many months/years you've been with them. Am I right? I don't mind about the 'I love you' thing but sometimes I don't feel valued. Personally I think I'm quite insecure and I've been hurt in the past. This guy though is really respectful but sometimes he falls back and slacks because he's not experienced. Obviously I can't just click my fingers and he'll know what to do all the time but lately the inexperienced business is really hurting me, almost pushing me away. But I don't want to be pushed away... And I know it sounds cliche but I'd never find another guy like him... But I don't know how to deal with the shy guy anymore. Also, I need some help on another topic. He has a friend who is a girl and they meet up about 2 times a month, I guess. I know there's nothing to worry about and they're just friends but I'll let you into a couple stories. She's recently booked tickets for them both for a gig... On valentines day! I don't know if this was on purpose? There's 2 gigs in the same place, one on the 14th and one on the 15th. I'm now going to spend the evening at home with my cats and rubbish Friday night tv when I should be out with my boyfriend, but he's out with her instead. What do you think? Shy guy being the naive guy? I don't know. Also another story, he told me he was going to pick me up one evening after I'd finished dinner with friends, but he wasn't there. Instead he was having dinner with her instead. So I had to make my own way home. I'm not sure if it's because he's inexperienced and doesn't think but... You guys tell me.
d0nnivain Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Shy is not the same thing as unable or unwilling to verbalize feelings. If he has texted you the words, tell him that it's OK to say them out loud. If he hasn't used the words in any form, back off. If at 22 you are his 1st GF, 6 months may be too soon for him to make that declaration for the very 1st time in his life. The Valentine's day gig with the female friend is a bit suspicious. I'd bring it up again in January & ask if you can go along too. It might solve all the issues. You do need to befriend his female buddy. What they say is true: keep your friends close but your enemies closer.
salparadise Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Yea, I agree. I wouldn't worry too much about the words, but leaving you at home and spending valentine's day with the female friend would not be acceptable. I say have a talk and ask him if he thought about how that would make you feel.
Author saz123 Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 Shy is not the same thing as unable or unwilling to verbalize feelings. If he has texted you the words, tell him that it's OK to say them out loud. If he hasn't used the words in any form, back off. If at 22 you are his 1st GF, 6 months may be too soon for him to make that declaration for the very 1st time in his life. The Valentine's day gig with the female friend is a bit suspicious. I'd bring it up again in January & ask if you can go along too. It might solve all the issues. You do need to befriend his female buddy. What they say is true: keep your friends close but your enemies closer. Thanks! I see what you mean, I've said to him that he can just say what he texts me to my face but he just gets nervous. Also what do you mean by 'back off'? Do you mean be distant or just back away from saying 'I love you'? And very true. This girl though only has guy friends and a couple girl friends, but I'm 100% she's not into girls or anything she's just a tomboy I guess lol - but I personally think she feels threatened by me as she's been friends win him for longer than I've been his girlfriend. I think it's too late for me to get tickets now, but there's no harm in asking
Author saz123 Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 Yea, I agree. I wouldn't worry too much about the words, but leaving you at home and spending valentine's day with the female friend would not be acceptable. I say have a talk and ask him if he thought about how that would make you feel. Yeah exactly. But do you think he just hasn't thought about it, because he has never had a girlfriend and doesn't see what's the problem? But everyone else can see that it's a big issue However I did ask how he'd feel if I was going out with a guy friend on valentines day and he understood why I was upset then. He wouldn't like it. I was and still am upset about it, so I said to him (as a joke) that I would find a boy to take me on a date on valentines day instead of staying by myself. He thought I was being serious and got upset. Just wish some things in life could be simple! Haha
salparadise Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 It's possible that he just wasn't thinking at first, but does it really make any difference now? You brought it to his attention an he's still planning to leave you at home? He's either incredibly naive, unbelievably insensitive or both. I was going to ask how old he is, but I looked back and see that he's 22. Old enough to know better. If I were you I'd tell him in a decidedly not joking way that if he intends to go through with this then you will definitely be finding someone else to have a nice romantic evening with. Personally, I'd just be moving on already. Why would you want to be with someone this clueless? 2
Author saz123 Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 It's possible that he just wasn't thinking at first, but does it really make any difference now? You brought it to his attention an he's still planning to leave you at home? He's either incredibly naive, unbelievably insensitive or both. I was going to ask how old he is, but I looked back and see that he's 22. Old enough to know better. If I were you I'd tell him in a decidedly not joking way that if he intends to go through with this then you will definitely be finding someone else to have a nice romantic evening with. Personally, I'd just be moving on already. Why would you want to be with someone this clueless? I totally agree with you, I'm 18 and it seems I know better. I brought to his attention that maybe he should cancel going, but apparently it's too late to refund tickets. I personally think also that he's afraid of what she might say to him, like she wears the trousers in their friendship. I've met her a couple times and on both occasions she's come across as bossy And yeah I think I will say nearer the time that somebody else is taking me out, after all it's only fair! Do you guys reckon I should meet them at the station when they return home? They're getting the train. Or when the time comes, should I just be distant and enjoy my evening?
The Thinker Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Have you tried talking to him about his inability to be open with you in person? As a fellow "shy guy", I think it would be easier to be more open if I were confronted about it. Our brains work in mysterious ways, even to us (I can't really explain it). However I'd be more worried about the fact that the's spending Valentines Day with another woman. Even if she is just a friend, that's totally unacceptable. Talk to him about these things.
Author saz123 Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 Have you tried talking to him about his inability to be open with you in person? As a fellow "shy guy", I think it would be easier to be more open if I were confronted about it. Our brains work in mysterious ways, even to us (I can't really explain it). However I'd be more worried about the fact that the's spending Valentines Day with another woman. Even if she is just a friend, that's totally unacceptable. Talk to him about these things. I've confronted him about both problems and he just shuts down and doesn't say much. He hates me bringing up the valentines day business so I just don't say anything anymore I think it's totally unacceptable as well, also this girl is my age too, weird! Time to confront again, thanks for your post and I'll take the shy guy advice helpful.
Zezima Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) If most girls liked shy guys, Id probably have 5 girlfriends by now. (not at the same time) My only gf ever was on Runescape but she dumped me because I didn't give her 10k. Her name was Amanda4ur411. Edited November 20, 2013 by Zezima 1
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