Can our relationship be saved?

[krooton25]

My boyfriend is my first serious boyfriend and literally did not know how to be in a relationship with someone.

The problem is my boyfriend did not tell me earlier what he did not like about me so I could work on it. Now he thinks that "I'm just like that..and that I can't change"

 

Okay, my boyfriend is really nice. We have been dating for nearly 2 years. But throughout these years, I have become clingy and jealous for the wrong reasons. I have some personal issues as well and I failed to to see the bigger picture. I admit that I have become selfish and controlling on my boyfriend. Though I didn't know I have become like that already. I wanted to keep him close because he told me he was a playboy before he met me.

 

The truth is, he hasn't cheated and although he is "flirty" with other girls. He loves me BUT I didn't want to believe that. Instead, I accused him of things and started acting childish when he talked to other women.

 

I feel so guilty for doing this now because my boyfriend said he is tired of doing things for me which I keep on taking for granted in a way.

 

I have realised this after a major fight (about me being jealous) which almost broke us up. He told me that he is tired of getting hurt and maybe I made him think badly of himself. He said that all the girls that he had in the past said exactly the same thing about him and I am just like one of them? He said that his past gf can never trust him...and thats usually the cause of the breakup.

 

Okay, so I know I have my set of mistakes. And I should've given him his own space and freedom because somehow I made him feel trapped with a controlling woman. I was never like this in my previous (not really serious relationship) and the truth is I don't know how to react yet on jealousy until this relationship.

 

I said sorry to my boyfriend but he keeps on saying that he is tired. I tried to fight for him..and tried to change but he won't come back to his old self. That loving guy who loves me so much. I don't want him to be distant and I want him to understand that I am not perfect and that he has to forgive me...if he doesn't do this, we cant move forward in the realtionship and everything will fall apart real sooner.

 

I asked him if he still loves me, he said yes. But he said that he is not ok right now. (I feel like I have hurt him so much that it changed his feelings towards me). I asked him if leaving him alone would make him happy. He said that he needs a vacation and not sure of his feelings right now. but he also said that when I was having trouble with myself, he didn't leave me alone. I stopped right there, and didn't respond anymore. I just said that I missed him and hope that he comes back to his old self because I love him.

 

The next day after this serious conversation, he messaged me again with i love you..like a normal day for us. He asked me where I was and started chatting with me like nothing happened.

 

I am so lost right now..I don't know if I will still be able to save this relationship. I feel like I am forcing him to fix it, but then I see very little or no effort coming from him. He still seems confused..but probably still loves me thats why he's still here.

 

I know that this is very childish, but is it really impossible for him to forgive me and start all over again? I just don't understand why one day he could be so loving and the next day he is totally different person. Does love change so fast? or could there be ANOTHER reason that he is not telling me thats why he wanted me to break up with him instead of him breaking up with me?

 

I don't want to let go yet until I have "done" all my best to fix it. Thats just me..but what else can I do to try?

 

When I have done everything I could and still nothing happens, I can tell myself that I've shared my part and there is no regret. But it's really painful to deal with a guy who seems to love you but cannot forget what you did. He just couldn't forgive me i think..and just wanna stay distant til he finds someone new.

Edited November 18, 2013 by krooton25

[d0nnivain]

If you two are still talking & acting like nothing is wrong keep that up. AS long as everything is going on as before you said the words about breaking up, if your actions are that you are together, let it be for now. After a few weeks of everything being calm & easy, say I'm glad we got over that hurdle & just keep dating. Sometimes this stuff spirals out of control when people talk it to death.

 

Learn to control the whole jealousy thing. You will never be able to control your partner. You can only control yourself.