dg2501 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 So after a great deal of time, self reflection, etc; I finally started dating again. I work full time and go to grad school so my options are limited. I'm not interested in any of the girls I meet on campus because they are too young, and my last relationship was with a coworker and was an utter nightmare, so I went online. I'm just out to make friends, not taking anything seriously. So I went out on my first date with this girl, we both had a good time and would definitely do it again. Well, definitely turned into maybe which to me there was someone else. I didn't care, it was one date and my first in over a year and half. Today I received a message from her apologizing for being chicken for not telling me she's seeing someone else. Big deal; however the next line bit me like a ton of bricks "you're a great guy and I'm sure you'll find someone." I mean those words hurt, and I've heard them before, but never after a first date. Then I started thinking, if I'm a great guy, and I been asked why I haven't been snatched up yet, why do I keep hearing that line. I know there's more that needs to be said, but just confused by all this.
Author dg2501 Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 Thanks for reply. I guess what confused me was this was something I heard after seeing someone for awhile, not after I wrote someone off after the first date. It just seemed weird. Ps I have another date this week, so I'm not taking it personally. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 It is one of those phrases that people say. Do you have "nice guy syndrome"? That line seems to fit that scenario. If nothing else, take some comfort in knowing that you pick honest women. This woman told you she was seeing another person & not just you. I think the baby steps you are taking are just fine. Don't get so hung up on this 1 person.
Kate9292 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 It just means they weren't feeling it and are letting you down easy. Don't take it personally. When I was single, people told me all the time they couldn't believe I was single and I got the same treatment from some of the men online that I met. Dating is a numbers game. Not every person you meet will be in the right place emotionally or feel it with you. Don't get bent out of shape about it. I am sure you have met girls you thought seemed great but you felt there was no connection What she said. This girl didn't like you that way but there was no reason to rip on you either. So polite but decisive rejection is what you got.
Author dg2501 Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 I don't think stating my case accurately. I don't feel rejected, I knew it was a dead end with her, or to put it another way, I had no further expectations. I didn't follow up with her, she sent me that message. Yes, it was refreshing to have someone be honest for a change. It's just that phrase struck a cord for no apparent reason with me and I don't understand why? I don't know about nice guy syndrome. I'm a sarcastic ass when I first meet someone, confident to the point of arrogance. Later the nice guy comes out if I trust them.
jba10582 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I don’t know if you wait around and ponder and reflect on the meanings of something that seems so confusing as you externalize something that seems so out of reach or have even started thinking about this for a while. Or, if you stop and wonder what it’s like to not think about these things at all. Imagine for a moment how much better things will be when you begin to notice that the more your focus begins to shift away from unnecessary negative ideas about who you are, the more you realize that what she says become less and less important. Either way, it is not necessary or to even encourage you to become aware that the more you allow yourself to realize that any value you assign to her is insignificant, the more you recognize you own value growing.
Guitarisgood Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Use it as a flame to improve mate.At the same time dating is a numbers game. When you find the right one, it'll make all these 'you're a great...' worth it.
MrCastle Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 There's a lot worse things you can have said to you. If you stick around here long enough you'll see what I mean She just wasn't into you and was mature and upfront about it. She let you know in a non confrontational way. You have to have thick skin in this dating game sometimes.
nescafe1982 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 As a woman who's said something very, very similar to men in the past, I cringe when I think of how it feels to hear these words. This woman probably respected you, and wanted to show it by giving you the proper send-off as she's seeing someone else. But we send these kind of messages because 1) we aren't interested, but 2) we are scared you'll take it personally, and 3) it's not you, REALLY. I would say stuff like this to a guy ("I know you'll find someone," "she's out there," and "you're a great guy and it won't be long," etc) because saying it made me feel less bad about (potentially) letting him down. I said it for me, not for him. Which is why I find it so cringe worthy. Honestly, the kinder thing to do would be to NOT patronize a guy. But that would be hard to do... sort of like firing someone and allowing them to get as angry as they want about it. OP, glad you're not taking it personally. TaratheHut is right... it's a numbers game. Get back out there!
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 So after a great deal of time, self reflection, etc; I finally started dating again. I work full time and go to grad school so my options are limited. I'm not interested in any of the girls I meet on campus because they are too young, and my last relationship was with a coworker and was an utter nightmare, so I went online. I'm just out to make friends, not taking anything seriously. So I went out on my first date with this girl, we both had a good time and would definitely do it again. Well, definitely turned into maybe which to me there was someone else. I didn't care, it was one date and my first in over a year and half. Today I received a message from her apologizing for being chicken for not telling me she's seeing someone else. Big deal; however the next line bit me like a ton of bricks "you're a great guy and I'm sure you'll find someone." I mean those words hurt, and I've heard them before, but never after a first date. Then I started thinking, if I'm a great guy, and I been asked why I haven't been snatched up yet, why do I keep hearing that line. I know there's more that needs to be said, but just confused by all this. That's just a standard rejection line without any meaning. Same like "you are such a nice guy but" etc. She probably uses it on everyone. People are rarely honest when bailing.
MrCastle Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 The only thing I'll ever take offense to is "good luck." And not just in dating, but in life. I don't know how else to respond to it besides "F*UCK YOU! YOU NEED LUCK! :mad:" For some reason I get annoyed when people say that.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 The only thing I'll ever take offense to is "good luck." And not just in dating, but in life. I don't know how else to respond to it besides "F*UCK YOU! YOU NEED LUCK! :mad:" For some reason I get annoyed when people say that. Good luck is also a standard rejection line. People are not really wishing you good or bad luck...just kind of a filler phrase. Those lines have nothing to do with actual reason for rejection. 2
nescafe1982 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 The only thing I'll ever take offense to is "good luck." And not just in dating, but in life. I don't know how else to respond to it besides "F*UCK YOU! YOU NEED LUCK! :mad:" For some reason I get annoyed when people say that. LOL I say that all. the. time. Not in the context of dating (that would be weird in my opinion), but whenever I want to wish someone well. Never thought about it like this before.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 LOL I say that all. the. time. Not in the context of dating (that would be weird in my opinion), but whenever I want to wish someone well. Never thought about it like this before. I also use good luck a lot :/ Unless a guy is a total a-hole then I just tell him that he has no idea what he is doing in bed.
nescafe1982 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Unless a guy is a total a-hole then I just tell him that he has no idea what he is doing in bed. ouch. that's gotta sting. I can recall one time I was doing an excellent job telling a guy I was not interested (declining a third date). Things were going well, when I cracked under the pressure and I said "it's okay, though.. you're really hot and your find someone eventually." Smooth. He groaned audibly and I hung up the phone, my face hot with embarrassment. Sometimes I say stupid things.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 ouch. that's gotta sting. I can recall one time I was doing an excellent job telling a guy I was not interested (declining a third date). Things were going well, when I cracked under the pressure and I said "it's okay, though.. you're really hot and your find someone eventually." Smooth. He groaned audibly and I hung up the phone, my face hot with embarrassment. Sometimes I say stupid things. I only ever used it once. He totally deserved it plus it was true. I think words like that can haunt a guy for a long time. 1
nescafe1982 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I only ever used it once. He totally deserved it plus it was true. I think words like that can haunt a guy for a long time. I seriously thought about using that once too. It wasn't kindness that stopped me, honestly. It was that I lacked the balls to say it. But he would have deserved it, lol.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I seriously thought about using that once too. It wasn't kindness that stopped me, honestly. It was that I lacked the balls to say it. But he would have deserved it, lol. I actually did it in person as I was walking out of the door But usually guys I reject are genuinely good people so I try to hurt them as little as possible. I have a question for guys on here: what would be your preferred rejection line that a girl can use on you?
Dark_history Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I actually did it in person as I was walking out of the door But usually guys I reject are genuinely good people so I try to hurt them as little as possible. I have a question for guys on here: what would be your preferred rejection line that a girl can use on you? "Your penis is too big that it hurts to be with you....... goodbye" as you go off running in tears 2
MrCastle Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 LOL I say that all. the. time. Not in the context of dating (that would be weird in my opinion), but whenever I want to wish someone well. Never thought about it like this before. I don't know if it's the actual phrase or the delivery. I think it's the delivery. I have heard people say it and be sincere and genuine and really hope the best for you. Then other times it comes off as standoffish, cold, obligatory, forced, insincere, etc. It's how they say it and in what context.
HokeyReligions Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Sometimes I think people say it to make themselves feel better. So they can sleep at night not thinking they were an ass, and also not realizing how depracating they sound to the other person.
jba10582 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 "Your penis is too big that it hurts to be with you....... goodbye" as you go off running in tears THAT is the proper way to reject a guy!
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 "Your penis is too big that it hurts to be with you....... goodbye" as you go off running in tears I am seriously going to use this. 1
Leigh 87 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 yeah. I don't use these plattitudes.... I had to do this to a guy recently... The guy who is in love with me atm who, sadly, I don't love back, is a "nice guy" but LOL, there was not way I was going to give him the whole " yuo are such a nice guy but" spiel. I actually said " look, I am just not feeling it with you, and I like to have some sort of a spark" We talked, we both know HE feels the real deal for me, and he earns good money and he would have taken care of me. He treats me like a princess. We would have Taken overseas trips once a year or so and paid for my poor student ass. I love being around him but lack that chemistry where I want to kiss a guy and hug them constantly, and even get excted about their texts. I said " you know, I am in a position where I feel I can probably land a guy I feel chemistry with from the start, so I would rather take my chances at that, than getting to know a guy I really really like over time and GETTING the spark that way, with a guy I otherwise adore" I just told him why. Plain and simple. He doesn't believe in sparks or chemistry really and thought I should have given him a go. I still did for over two weeks of constantly seeing him now that Uni holidas are upon me. I lived with him practically. STILL no urge to kiss him or please him sexually. After weeks. I told him that it had nothing to do with him not being good enough; that he was just as good looking and had just as much of a great personality, and actually better in fact, than guys I HAD sparked with. I was not going to tell him " thanks, you are really nice guy" but, I did not want him to think he just wasn't good enough, either. He is really badly in love so I had to have an actual discussion about what I wanted, opposed to the short, after first date let down.
Leigh 87 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 The other guys I let down, I simply say that I enjoy being single, and I don't move forward with guys I don't feel chemistry or sparks with. Actually, one guy I accidentelly faded on because the last ex I had knocked my socks off so I did not even think to text or call the other guy. We had two dates, he tried to kiss me on the second even though I was ot feeling it at all, yet we had dinner twice and we enjoyed talking. I replied to his texts after that but never intiated as I was too focused on the guy I fell for. He stopped texting/got the message:lmao: oops!
Recommended Posts