Spectre Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 I've known this girl a long time(we are both in our late 20's) and I realize I am in love with her and she has told me she feels the same. She has expressed she does want to get into a committed relationship with me, but I'm pretty hesitant to do this, mostly because she is a cop. Actually not just mostly, that is 100% the reason. I do think she is the one for me and she has expressed similar feelings, but again her job is just getting in the way. I've read stuff about guys who date female cops and it seems some of the time the problem is the guy feels slightly intimidated by her, etc. things like that. That..really isn't the case for me at all. Yes she could probably kick my ass, but I don't mind and since I know her I know if she ever did she'd probably have a good reason for doing so anyways. It is not that aspect i have any problems with or anything like that. My problem is more..worry. As my feelings have grown more intense over these past months for the first time I really find myself worrying about her a lot. Being a cop is obviously a dangerous profession. I know she loves her work, but sometimes when she is at work I can't help but feeling really afraid something might happen to her. Every time I hear a police siren in the distance I wonder..is she involved in that call? Will this be the time she gets hurt or killed? I hate having these thoughts. I'm unsure how to proceed because to be honest..I have recently had to go on medication because my blood pressure was high. I have not told her about this because I do think part of the reason is because of the stress I've been feeling every day and I do not want to make her feel bad about anything or think it is her fault I am having problems. I'm not sure how to go about this, I feel I do express what is probably a normal amount of concern to her for someone who has a dangerous job..but I know she really has no idea how much it effects me. I do want to be with her, but I have nightmares about something happening to her.
Grumpybutfun Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Spectre: I think this is a pretty normal reaction you are having. Dating someone who is in harm's way most of the time is stressful. I honestly think this is something you need to speak with her about. Find out what she does, how safety procedures are met, how she gauges her interactions, etc. Unfortunately the world is a scary place, and most people are vulnerable to crime regardless of what their job title is. I also do not think she will feel bad if you are honest with her. It is better to do that and figure out a plan together than to sit by and be miserable and make yourself sick. You are already in love with her, so it wouldn't hurt to try to communicate and come up with a plan of action to help allay your fears rather than just break-up. When I was in the military, my wife stopped watching the news altogether, she stopped with any media, and she surrounded herself with "happy news" online sites and watching comedies. It did help her to deal with deployment. She also would talk to other military wives who had been in longer and they knew how she felt. Sometimes it really is about facing your fears and then figuring out ways to manage them. If you have a spiritual advisor or friend perhaps they can give you some meaningful inspiration to help you also. Good luck, Grumps
Author Spectre Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 Well I don't really have any spiritual advisors or anything like that since I'm not big on religion or anything of that sort. I guess I will tell her what has been happening and take it from there.
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