Resilient_Shy83 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Hello All, So I posted a thread back on October called "Losing partner due to Grass is Greener Syndrome" there you will find my long winded story. But basically, I was dealing with a Cake Eater who after a 6 year LTR started showing his ass and became involved with someone and made her his GF all while I was pregnant with his 2nd child. After 3 months of rollercoaster emotions I couldn't take it anymore. With me, there is no gray area You have to either give me all of you or nothing at all. I initiated NC Oct 18 and yesterday, Nov 17, he sent his "contrite" confession of the big mess that he made . I really did not feel any longing for him when I read it because I basically do not want to be him anymore. I don't want him anymore because I feel as though he is damaged and he has to find what that void is that he is trying to fill. I did not respond and I am in no way shape or form am ready to talk with him. I realized that I have been a DOORMAT and now that I am making him face the CONSEQUENCES of his actions, he sees that this is not a joke and our relationship and family was not a joke. This is the message he sent me..... I understand if you never respond or talk to me EVER again in life!.... I have wronged you on every level anyone could ever imagine, I've humiliated you, disgusted you, deserted you, betrayed you, fronted on you, embarrassed you, shamed you, and the list could go on and on.... all you did was love me, support me, believe in me, follow me, trust me, embrace me, cherish me, adore me, and I took that for granted, and misused that.... you were everything you were supposed to be to me and I am forever grateful!!!!!!!!!! the reason I'm sending you this message is to let you know that I realize what I've done to you, and how I've hurt you, these last several weeks have been hell for me knowing that you should be reaping the benefits of the success of my company.... I feel so low for leaving you high and dry, and that alone kills me inside day and night because you've done nothing wrong to me but be there.... I hope that on day you will accept my apology.... I am truly ashamed and sorry for the things that I have done to you!!!!! I've been wanting to say this for a while but the guilt has impaired my actions..... please accept my apology. what do you guys think of this?
tjr Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Generally I like to be "fair" but, i'd make sure to get everything you can from him for the kids. You don't even get the luxury of just walking away . 2
BC1980 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I would wait a good, long while to answer that. Forgiveness can take a long time to find from my experience. He has humbled himself; he deserves some credit for that. It seems like a sincere apology, but I would be slow to respond or make any blanket statements accepting the apology or offering forgiveness. You probably need more time to find out out you feel about it. 2
xUnknown Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I agree with the above. Give it some time, think on it, to see if you want to accept his apology. He never said he wanted you back...but, you also mentioned you don't want him back..so I guess that doesn't matter. But give some time. 2 weeks? then respond. 1
Author Resilient_Shy83 Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 @tjr I filed for support, he hasn't given me anything since I initiated NC. I think, that he thinks, that I will break and ask him for money. Petty. @BC1980 he is sooo manipulative that I halfway believe him. I will be definitely taking a breather though. @Xunknown yeah he definitely didn't say he wanted me back I don't care but in a way I do...I guess its my ego?
rec88 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 My opinion is going to differ from what's already been written. This sounds like a half-assed apology to me. It doesn't sound sincere, more like he used you as a stepping stone to get where he's going and now in hindsight is looking over his shoulder and saying 'Oh, I hope I didn't hurt you!'. Things like these last several weeks have been hell for me knowing that you should be reaping the benefits of the success of my company sound like really backhanded compliments. If he truly appreciated all those things he mentions, I believe he would take some action to prove it. Instead, he wrote about it. Real courageous 1
Author Resilient_Shy83 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 My opinion is going to differ from what's already been written. This sounds like a half-assed apology to me. It doesn't sound sincere, more like he used you as a stepping stone to get where he's going and now in hindsight is looking over his shoulder and saying 'Oh, I hope I didn't hurt you!'. Things like sound like really backhanded compliments. If he truly appreciated all those things he mentions, I believe he would take some action to prove it. Instead, he wrote about it. Real courageous that's,how I felt,exactly. Because,now he is sending me nasty messages because I won't respond
Frank13 Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 that's,how I felt,exactly. Because,now he is sending me nasty messages because I won't respond After he wrote: I understand if you never respond or talk to me EVER again in life!. So much for a sincere apology. He was looking for an ego boost. He wanted you to tell him how great he is for such a nice apology. 1
Author Resilient_Shy83 Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 After he wrote: I understand if you never respond or talk to me EVER again in life!. So much for a sincere apology. He was looking for an ego boost. He wanted you to tell him how great he is for such a nice apology. Yeah now he sending msgs through family members apologizing and even sent Mr ANOTHER msg apologizing for sending me the last nasty msgs. Smh. What is wrong with somebody that acts like this? I haven't responded
LadyM Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 I think he wanted to ease his feelings of guilt in the first message. When he didn't get a response from you, he lashed out in anger. So, you see, the first note was not sincere. If it had been, it would have been ENOUGH for him to just write it and you to read it. But, no. He wrote the note with every intention of a positive, or some, response from you. I am SO glad you didn't respond to ANY of his notes as he does not deserve a response. He wrote the note for selfish reasons only. It wasn't about you, it was all about him. Good going!!
Author Resilient_Shy83 Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 I think he wanted to ease his feelings of guilt in the first message. When he didn't get a response from you, he lashed out in anger. So, you see, the first note was not sincere. If it had been, it would have been ENOUGH for him to just write it and you to read it. But, no. He wrote the note with every intention of a positive, or some, response from you. I am SO glad you didn't respond to ANY of his notes as he does not deserve a response. He wrote the note for selfish reasons only. It wasn't about you, it was all about him. Good going!! Yes! Your absolute right. But why the desperation? The last msg he sent me said something about having closure. But im saying to myself, what the hell does HE need closure for because I feel he created his own closure when he left me for someone else.
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