I know now that I took my ex for granted.

[NoMoreJerks]

Also their relationship seemed pretty toxic from what I gather. There was physical fighting and cheating on both sides. I know I wasnt THAT bad of a boyfriend. I guess that's why I stand some chance of her wanting to come back. As long as the new guy isn't totally perfect.

Since you guys were together, she's already left you for 2 different guys. You're being/acting like her doormat. Stop it. Move on, and find someone else. Sheesh. You're telling her it was ok for her to treat you like a doormat, and that you're willing to be her doormat again if only she would come back to you.

 

Why do you want someone like that? Don't you want someone who will never even dream of doing anything that would make you slip through her fingers??!? Instead, you want a chick who left you for 2 different men... I don't get it. Sorry.

[cavalier99]

Hope needs to be killed in my opinion. This is one of the 1st and most important steps to getting over it and regaining your sanity back.

 

Tell yourself she is gone..FOREVER. There is no hope of reconcilliation. It is a pipe dream. Repeat this over and over. Cry..get it all out but accpet you will never be with her again. Feel the pain. And then brush yourself off and get up. of course maintain NC too.

 

I did this from day 1 of my BU and it helped me immensly. Super painful but sooo important. Otherwise it is easy to on for months with false hope and you will delay your healing. Cav

Edited November 19, 2013 by cavalier99

[cavalier99]

You can have the hope, everyone has that. But it's important to maintain no contact. She will slowly become our of sight, out of mind. Stay away from her social media, that is part of no contact. The hope will run out on its own.

 

I totally respect you opinions but on this one we disagree. Hope needs to be killed almost immediatly. Much better sooner than later. This is essential along with NC for a quick recovery. Cav

[BC1980]

I totally respect you opinions but on this one we disagree. Hope needs to be killed almost immediatly. Much better sooner than later. This is essential along with NC for a quick recovery. Cav

 

I think NC is so important because it helps you kill that hope.

[cavalier99]

I think NC is so important because it helps you kill that hope.

 

Yup you cant do it without pure NC.

[Parkour]

I'm in a similar position in the sense my gf broke up with me saying we didn't see eachother enough as well as other excuses, and was in a 7year relationship with her ex when he dumped her. (i'm 25 she is 26). Although only went out 10months but it was a great relationship until our holiday where we did break up.

 

We had arranged to meet for Nando's 2 weeks after break up, i thought i was strong enough and thought there was a small chance (not naive) she would change her mind. Anyway she changed her mind and thought it was a bad idea to meet up and was too soon. I text back saying i'd stop messaging her but if she changed her mind about Nando's let me know.

 

Anyway i've been NC since, i definitely feel better week by week. I couldn't have done that limob shizz for much longer, nothing made sense to me anymore. Sure i have my down moments and still think about her everyday, probably will for a long time yet. But i feel i can move on too, and NC is a big part of that.

 

I had the same feelings as you man, like someone said before it takes two in a relationship, you can't force her. Let her come to you now, you've done your bit. Improve yourself and learn from it before you meet someone who does appreciate you.

 

It's good to have closure sometimes too, but trouble is your ex is very unlikely to want to talk about negative things or be made to feel bad. In my opinion that's why NC is only beneficial and can do no harm. And if there is a chance you get back together it will be because it was supposed to be rather than forced which is destined for another break-up anyway.