Kansas87 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Are there certain things girls do/wear/say, certain behaviors, etc. that seem to say, "Don't come talk to me?" Would you rather wait for her to come to you? This is a spin-off from an online dating thread, where I mentioned that I almost never get talked to, hit on, etc. by guys in real life. Online I'm on fire, but IRL? Almost never. So what is it? Do guys just not do that kind of thing anymore? Are there certain places I need to go? Certain times? What makes you just strike up a conversation with someone at the bookstore, or the grocery store, or a bar, or whatever? Do you only do so at parties, bars, specific social activities? What's the secret?
jba10582 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 If you don't want to be approached Don't smile. Don't make eye contact. Don't have open body language. Don't live in the moment. Don't show interest in him. Don't think he may be a great guy. Don't think he is normal person that may be fun to get to know.
Valen Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 If you want to be "approachable", you have to be alone. Girls tend to travel in pairs or groups and that not very approachable. Sit somewhere and read a book also makes it easier to approach you. If you are constantly moving about, the guy might miss his chance if you are no where to be seen. By sitting alone and reading a book, gives a guy an easy opening to talk to you. He'll probably ask you about the book to start a conversation. Also have a pleasant demeanor, don't look pissed. If you are in a store browsing, walk really slow and take your time to look at the merchandise, this way it gives a guy a chance to work up the courage to approach you. Other than that, dress pleasantly, don't over do it. Have a positive vibe about you. 1
Author Kansas87 Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 If you want to be "approachable", you have to be alone. Girls tend to travel in pairs or groups and that not very approachable. Ha, I have always suspected this. Thank you. I was just telling a friend today that I don't feel like I could realistically meet guys at the local singles bars because I wouldn't want to sit in a bar alone.
Johnson1 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Another thing (and probably the most important), doll yourself up.
MrCastle Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Open body language, eye contact, smiling. I'll do the rest. If you want to be avoided, wear headphones or have your face glued to your cell phone screen. You will be invisible to me.
normal person Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Ha, I have always suspected this. Thank you. I was just telling a friend today that I don't feel like I could realistically meet guys at the local singles bars because I wouldn't want to sit in a bar alone. Don't go alone but don't with the whole group either. Being alone is a little odd but being with a large group will make the group too self involved and hard for some guys to crack. I would suggest bringing one friend with you. Do the makeup and if possible, wear red (it's attention grabbing and there's been a study done that shows women who wear red get approached more). Smile a lot, do not be insular with your friend and tucked away in a dark corner with your body turned away from everyone. Be at the bar don't be afraid to make conversation with a guy who comes up to get a drink. Believe me, they'll want to talk to you.
Imported Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 About two weeks ago, I was in DFW waiting on a connecting flight to SFO. I saw a few girls that were probably checking me out, but one in particular was a blonde girl that gave me a look as if she either thought I was a jerk or she was really attracted. I get that a lot. The flight was delayed, so I went and had a few drinks. Sadly, she didn't do the same although drinks there are like $13 for a beer. I didn't really think anything about it. On the plane, she goes to the restroom twice, each time eyeballing me as she goes by. I do nothing....wtf am I supposed to do lol? I was pretty sure she was interested, but I was pretty tired and had been away from home for a month. Other things were on my mind. I go to the luggage carousel. I always stay in an area farther away, because I hate crowds. I wondered where she was and looked around, she was right behind me, standing real close. Ok, I knew what I was going to do. I was going to offer to help her with her luggage. So I am thinking about what to say, when she brushes against me to stand directly in front of me in the space between me and the carousel....nut to butt. There was no reason for this, plenty of space around us. Yep, she even backed up a little and...butt cheek on penis. I apologized and stepped back. Pretty sure she got a good imprint of my penis on her butt, luckily I had a bit of a chubby thinking about her and damn near a hard-on when I was apologizing lol. From there, we talked. Wondered to a coffee shop and talked over coffee. So, there you have. If nothing you do is working, go for the accidental butt cheek on penis.
Author Kansas87 Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 So, there you have. If nothing you do is working, go for the accidental butt cheek on penis. LMAO. 3
Author Kansas87 Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 What makes them approachable? Cleavage. That explains it then!
runningfar Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Another thing (and probably the most important), doll yourself up. I don't know; I get approached a fair amount and I never wear makeup and usually am wearing workout clothes or jeans- fashion is not my forte. I think I look unintimidating and that's why; if I were exceptionally attractive or had a different sort of look about me, I figure it would be less
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Guys, what makes a girl "approachable" in public? ... social behavior patterns that she shouldn't be exhibiting when alone after dark, or when walking down an alley other than her own, etc.
ltjg45 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 What makes them approachable? Cleavage. Actually, the more cleavage a woman shows, especially when it was intended, the less I want to approach her. I get the impression that she's hard to please or she already got a man. At this point, if a woman doesn't show strong signs of interest or actually approaches me, I wouldn't even bother.
jcrew11 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 What makes them approachable? Cleavage. Yeah, show some skin, wear some hot clothes. Wear some makeup. Its totally your appearance and personality. If you are a fun, happy, smiling girl then people will want to talk to you. If you walk around staring at the ground and look emotionless, then people will avoid you.
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 (edited) Don't be a spaz. Sexy is a subtle art. Edited November 19, 2013 by AShogunNamedMarcus
Phoe Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 OP, I need some help with this too! Gonna look out for some more useful tips that may pop up here. I find myself taking my time more than usual while out in public now, in hopes that it'll help. I used to rush quite a bit through the grocery store, always preoccupied with which ear of corn to get or something similarly asinine. Hasn't helped yet but I figure it can't hurt!
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 OP, I need some help with this too! Gonna look out for some more useful tips that may pop up here. I find myself taking my time more than usual while out in public now, in hopes that it'll help. I used to rush quite a bit through the grocery store, always preoccupied with which ear of corn to get or something similarly asinine. Hasn't helped yet but I figure it can't hurt! Do you dress up and do your hair/make up when you go to the grocery store? 1
Phoe Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Do you dress up and do your hair/make up when you go to the grocery store? Well I don't put on a dress and heels because that's ridiculous, but I wear normal daily clothes. The other day for grocery shopping I wore a nice sweater, leggings, and knee high leather boots. I think I looked cute, I liked my outfit. My hair is just down and straight everyday. I don't wear much makeup in general. I don't look much different with or without makeup. Just a lil eyeliner and mascara to bring out my eyes.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Well I don't put on a dress and heels because that's ridiculous, but I wear normal daily clothes. The other day for grocery shopping I wore a nice sweater, leggings, and knee high leather boots. I think I looked cute, I liked my outfit. My hair is just down and straight everyday. I don't wear much makeup in general. I don't look much different with or without makeup. Just a lil eyeliner and mascara to bring out my eyes. I was just picturing the bolded. Your outfit sounds great. I do wear about the same and also never get approached grocery shopping. I chose to think that we intimidate men with our good looks 1
Phoe Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I was just picturing the bolded. Your outfit sounds great. I do wear about the same and also never get approached grocery shopping. I chose to think that we intimidate men with our good looks My best friend wears heels and dresses and full makeup to go run errands because she never has any other time/place to wear her nice stuff haha. Her fiancee thinks she's lost it 1
Grumpybutfun Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Well, when I was single I remember being really interested in women who looked happy, friendly, smiling, busy doing stuff, chatting, comfortable in her own skin, well groomed and shiny hair, good strong white teeth with a healthy physique. Look open to interaction, as someone said earlier, don't put on earphones and look grumpy. Hey, what works for me won't work for you.... Grumps 1
GravityMan Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Open body language, eye contact, smiling. I'll do the rest. If you want to be avoided, wear headphones or have your face glued to your cell phone screen. You will be invisible to me. Well the following make a girl harder to approach. If she is moving. She is looking down. closed off body language like arms crossed. She is on the phone or has head phones in. She is with people, especially a guy who appears he could be her bf/partner. What would make her approachable is if she isn't moving much or standing/sitting still. She looks at you. Open body language. She smiles, blushes, or some other positive indicator of interest for you. She's not doing anything you'd feel bad interrupting like maybe she's looking around. She is alone or with only one other girl. Alone is better. Technically a guy could get all the signals and notice a girl he likes and not approach. He might be having an off day. Might be gay or in a committed relationship. Might just be chicken. He also could approach a girl who is with a group of people and looks very busy and unapproachable. Well, when I was single I remember being really interested in women who looked happy, friendly, smiling, busy doing stuff, chatting, comfortable in her own skin, well groomed and shiny hair, good strong white teeth with a healthy physique. Look open to interaction, as someone said earlier, don't put on earphones and look grumpy. Hey, what works for me won't work for you.... Grumps These are good answers. It's all about vibe in my opinion. Open body language, a smile and eye contact are key. No need to doll yourself up or dress to the nines (although looking well put-together does help). If a woman looks like she doesn't want to be bothered...examples: walking briskly to some destination; engrossed in a book or frowning over some job-related material; while out with friends focusing on the group you're with and paying little if any attention to strangers...then most guys who recognize that will respect that and leave her alone.
MalachiX Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 First there's the approach and then there's the moving forward and getting a number. I admit I'm a lot more likely to approach a women who isn't surrouned by a bunch of friends. That doesn't mean she can't have come with a group but there needs to be moments when she's alone or not with many so I can make an introduction. As others have said, open body language is huge as is eye contact. Once we've made an introduction, asking about me is usually something that lets me know it's cool to proceed further as is laughter. And yeah, you're on fire online because there's a lot less risk for many men and because a lot of guys have been trained to try everyone because women have so many more options and success is often rare. I think personal connections still feel a lot more satisfying than online ones but that's just me.
Woggle Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Men are scared to approach women these days since many of don't know what is harassment and what acceptable.
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