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Happiness

sambo77

By sambo77
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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sambo77 Established Member

sambo77

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There's a tendency for us (people nowadays) to think of "being happy" as a kind of "organisation of life circumstances" so that everything is "just as it should be." We can kinda relax and feel happy and satisfied when we have managed to accumulate for ourselves all of the social and material resources we think we need.

 

I think I've certainly (and it's hard not to) put myself under pressure to find "love," a respectable career, success, health, a family, beauty, social admiration for being cool, an education, and so on. And that's not surprising given that these are the mythical ingredients emphasised in modern society as reflective of a desirable life.

 

But it's as if I think I'll be happy IF I COULD JUST GET ALL THAT STUFF IN PLACE. Then my life would be perfect! Trouble is, I've NEVER managed to get all that stuff in place in 34 years and I don't think I ever will.

 

The problem is that with this mentality "living your life" becomes the very essence of consumerism; making sure you have all the "stuff" you are convinced that you "need" in order for your life to matter.

 

I don't think it's surprising that we have developed this way (given our world)...but I also don't think (for me anyway) it's really the key to "happiness."

 

For one thing, life becomes a constant juggling act of securing, maintaining, and making sure we keep all of "circumstances" as close to perfect as possible (keep making sure we got love, success, money). If we hadn't yet grasped it, that's (a) impossible (for the duration...and often in the short term too), and (b) bloody stressful.

 

We may end up temporarily catching the rainbows we chase (love, success etc) but the rewards are never permanent, they quickly slip from our grasp, and we are left (a) kicking ourselves that we lost it, and (b) chasing down the next dose or temporary high.

 

There has to be a different way to live...and maybe it's about ceasing to chase all this *****. Just "being" and not "doing" may be the key.

 

In relation to love, I'm gonna try to just exist right now...and "seek" nothing. I'm tired of feeling like I'm chasing "love" in order to add it to my shopping trolley cos the one I had in my fridge just expired. I don't think that approach to life is helpful and I'm just starting to see that :-(

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mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
There's a tendency for us (people nowadays) to think of "being happy" as a kind of "organisation of life circumstances" so that everything is "just as it should be." We can kinda relax and feel happy and satisfied when we have managed to accumulate for ourselves all of the social and material resources we think we need.

 

I think I've certainly (and it's hard not to) put myself under pressure to find "love," a respectable career, success, health, a family, beauty, social admiration for being cool, an education, and so on. And that's not surprising given that these are the mythical ingredients emphasised in modern society as reflective of a desirable life.

 

But it's as if I think I'll be happy IF I COULD JUST GET ALL THAT STUFF IN PLACE. Then my life would be perfect! Trouble is, I've NEVER managed to get all that stuff in place in 34 years and I don't think I ever will.

 

The problem is that with this mentality "living your life" becomes the very essence of consumerism; making sure you have all the "stuff" you are convinced that you "need" in order for your life to matter.

 

I don't think it's surprising that we have developed this way (given our world)...but I also don't think (for me anyway) it's really the key to "happiness."

 

For one thing, life becomes a constant juggling act of securing, maintaining, and making sure we keep all of "circumstances" as close to perfect as possible (keep making sure we got love, success, money). If we hadn't yet grasped it, that's (a) impossible (for the duration...and often in the short term too), and (b) bloody stressful.

 

We may end up temporarily catching the rainbows we chase (love, success etc) but the rewards are never permanent, they quickly slip from our grasp, and we are left (a) kicking ourselves that we lost it, and (b) chasing down the next dose or temporary high.

 

There has to be a different way to live...and maybe it's about ceasing to chase all this *****. Just "being" and not "doing" may be the key.

 

In relation to love, I'm gonna try to just exist right now...and "seek" nothing. I'm tired of feeling like I'm chasing "love" in order to add it to my shopping trolley cos the one I had in my fridge just expired. I don't think that approach to life is helpful and I'm just starting to see that :-(

 

I find myself in a similar quandary. My latest BU has lit a fuse to a powder keg. So this recovery has blossomed into not just getting over her, the RS and BU, but really digging into my life. And I feel the same way you describe above. It's a mess and I'm tired of spinning my wheels.

 

I recommend "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Addresses many of the things you mention. The only problem is you are opening Pandora's Box, and once you start down the rabbit hole, there's no turning back. And it's a deep hole ;)

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