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I'm hurting :(

Jules78

By Jules78
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Jules78 Established Member

Jules78

Posted
Posted (edited)

My relationship with my long distance boyfriend of 2 1/2 years was starting to fizzle a bit and we couldn't figure out why. He really freaked out when I asked for a break. We kept in contact during the break and discussed all of our issues/wants/needs. 2 weeks later I invited him on a weekend trip with me and he agreed. We went and had the best time! The following weekend we spent together as well. While he was there with me I recieved a call from his ex! Those two weeks we were on a break? They were together the whole time! He initiated contact with her the day after I asked for a break. They slept together every day for those two weeks. :( I was devastated. Kicked him out of my house and haven't seen him since. That was Oct. 13th.

 

He has spent a lot of time begging and pleading me to take him back. Said he would change for the better and he would prove that to me. Problem is, he's betrayed me before with her. My trust is broken, my feelings have disapated somewhat but I was afraid to be without him. I didn't want him to fall out of love with me. But I didn't want him to continue to beg me either. I wanted him to give me time. He said he would. We still texted every day. Sometimes friendly banter, sometimes him begging again. He sent flowers, jewelry...but he kept saying the same thing over and over and it was so hard to believe him but I couldn't imagine this was the end. I was scared and I told him so. He said he understood and he would give me all the time I needed. He would always be waiting for me. :o

 

Certain comments would set me off and make me so mad. He would then say things like I wish you didn't hate me. Then he would say I know you still love me so please let's make this work. Non-stop pleading and begging. I couldn't make him stop. I just needed to think. He kept pushing. On Thursday, Nov. 7th he texted me while I was in a meeting at work and he was repeating the same things. He said something to set me off and I asked him to please leave me alone.

 

That's the last time I heard from him. I texted him on Saturday. No response. I emailed him on Monday. He read it, didn't reply. By now I am thinking OK so he is going NC or he went back to his ex. Previously when I asked for a break he was back in her bed the next day! This could be the only explanation. He's tired of trying, needs attention and breaks off contact. Then I notice he posts something on Twitter that says, "You should have opened your eyes sooner. I was crazy about you." What?!

 

So mad! I was mad he cut me off after just telling me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me only. He couldn't give me time to think things through but he could sure cut me off like I was nothing. I had hoped we could talk things through - no texting or emailing - but now I don't have that opportunity.

 

Last Wednesday I sent an email to him that I had intended to be my last. It said I forgave him for what he did (needed to for my own sanity) and I thought he was a good person and I wished him well. It was longer than that but it was the gist. He read it, didn't reply. That next day is when I did something stupid and got snoopy. I remembered I knew his Twitter password and I logged in. And there it was. Messages back and forth between him and a woman who had enjoyed their day and night together that Sunday, 3 days after his last text professing his love to me and how he would be waiting on me forever (and no I didn't expect him to). And there was another message about looking forward to the evening they had planned that past Tuesday evening. GREAT! Here I am suffering again and he's already moved on! How is he OK with this all of sudden while I am missing him and dying?

 

So, after drinking a very potent bottle of wine (bad move in more ways than one) I shot off the meanest email to him and eluded to the fact that I knew about this new woman and how pretty much everything he'd been saying to me was a lie. I said I regretted ever believing him and was glad I didn't take him back. So that pretty much locks up any chance we had at reconciliation. Ugh. As usual, he read it right away but did not respond. I haven't contacted him since.

 

I don't even know what I am asking for here. Clearly he was talking to this woman at the same time he was begging me to take him back? He had to be! I think the hardest for me is feeling like all of his words meant nothing. If they meant something then how was he already with someone else? That's the third woman including me in a month! WTF?! I'm pretty sure you can see I am better off but it still hurts to think that I didn't mean as much to him as he led me to believe. And the silent treatment - no closure. That is really eating me alive. :(

Edited by Jules78
Shaine Established Member

Shaine

Posted
Posted

Your ex is a jerk. Now you know his true intention, dont ever take him back again. He doesnt care about your feelings, all he cares about is himself.

 

He already has a backup if ever you dont take him back. What an a$$.

You need to show him that your totally fine without him. No more drunk emails or text. You will only make him think you cant get over him and you're so affected by him leaving you. Dont feed his ego.

 

Be glad your intuition worked and you didnt take him back.

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