GoGetter1 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 (edited) Hi everyone. I wanted to post a msg about the power of No Contact and how it is currently working for me. I dated someone for a few months, despite thinking he has some great qualities I am looking for, we both did not feel a deep enough bond/connection and he broke up with me. I was really sad and hurt ( I think if some things would of been different, maybe deeper feelings could of grown.) He begged to "stay friends" as he "didnt want to lose me" but I simply refused and walked away. (Dont ever agree to be friends.) I did not talk to him since breakup. I also took down my FB to prevent myself from snooping on his page and I kind of wanted him to be curious about me in return. After 1 (or 1.5 months of breakup) he text me a sweet long message wanted to know how I am doing. I did not respond! Do not quickly cave in once they contact you! They will KNOW they can have you back and that you are still interested. To my surprise, he started calling me (casually, but never leaving voicemail.) And with enough courage, I decided to return his call. Long story short, he kept saying he missed me and wished he was doing all these different things together, etc. I stood my ground when he asked if I missed him by saying "no you did not treat me that great." (He started backing off towards the end of relationship when he didnt want to pursue it anymore.) I really stood my ground and I actually think it made him more interested in me now! He made it very clear he does not want to be intimate, but genuinely missed talking to me daily and being around me (which I think is a good sign.) He even invited me now to spend holidays with his family.. but I am still NOT giving in!! Do not give in when they contact you.. start off slow and make them feel like they have to convince you (or prove to you that it will be different/better this time.) many people use NC to have their ex return, and then when they do.. we easily throw ourselves out there, just to get dumped again. That is now how it works. They have to start pursuing you again, showing they changed, etc. I actually think these actions are what HELP someone realize they love you and want to be with you or not. They cannot realize these feelings if you easily are available (trust me , I have learned the hard way.) Anyway, hang in there everyone.. maintain your ground and be FIRM! One day, the ball can be in your court! Edited November 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs 6
2fargone Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 What if I don't want to play with the ball anymore ? If someone can't realise their feelings, what would I want with such a person ? Lastly, what if he does indeed not want to be intimate, not now, not ever ? How would your post go then ? How would you feel ?
d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 NC isn't about getting the other person back . It's about giving yourself enough space to heal in the face of the loss. I'm glad that you had a happy ending but your post shows to me that you completely misunderstood the purpose of NC. 2
mutualove Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 He made it very clear he does not want to be intimate, but genuinely missed talking to me daily and being around me (which I think is a good sign.) IMO that's a uh-oh sign.You gave in.I think you should've maintained NC for your own good,so you can get better and maybe see the real intention behind his actions.Seems to me it's about him not you,because what he said doesn't contain any substances.
Author GoGetter1 Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 So is he supposed to say "I miss you.. i want you back because I enjoyed sleeping with you??" I think he was trying to say he doesnt want me back for sex.. as some ex's try to come back just to sleep with you and have some fun.
Author GoGetter1 Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 I think maybe I stated things unclear in my initial post. I informed him of a trip I am going on (to Spain, which we mentioned we would go together when we were dating) and he said he wishes he can come and go to all these different things I have planned on my trip. Then he said its not like he wants to come for sex, but because he wants to experience Barcelona with me and create memories together. Do we have to automatically assume if a guy isnt trying to immediately sleep with you, that its a bad sign? One of the problems in the relationship, (i felt), was that we got intimate TOO SOON before love or deep feelings came into place. Then, as the relationship progressed, there were times where it felt like it was just sex (and he was telling me he wants to settle down and not just sex.)
Ftheeastcoast Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Hi everyone. I wanted to post a msg about the power of No Contact and how it is currently working for me. I dated someone for a few months, despite thinking he has some great qualities I am looking for, we both did not feel a deep enough bond/connection and he broke up with me. I was really sad and hurt ( I think if some things would of been different, maybe deeper feelings could of grown.) He begged to "stay friends" as he "didnt want to lose me" but I simply refused and walked away. (Dont ever agree to be friends.) I did not talk to him since breakup. I also took down my FB to prevent myself from snooping on his page and I kind of wanted him to be curious about me in return. After 1 (or 1.5 months of breakup) he text me a sweet long message wanted to know how I am doing. I did not respond! Do not quickly cave in once they contact you! They will KNOW they can have you back and that you are still interested. To my surprise, he started calling me (casually, but never leaving voicemail.) And with enough courage, I decided to return his call. Long story short, he kept saying he missed me and wished he was doing all these different things together, etc. I stood my ground when he asked if I missed him by saying "no you did not treat me that great." (He started backing off towards the end of relationship when he didnt want to pursue it anymore.) I really stood my ground and I actually think it made him more interested in me now! He made it very clear he does not want to be intimate, but genuinely missed talking to me daily and being around me (which I think is a good sign.) He even invited me now to spend holidays with his family.. but I am still NOT giving in!! Do not give in when they contact you.. start off slow and make them feel like they have to convince you (or prove to you that it will be different/better this time.) many people use NC to have their ex return, and then when they do.. we easily throw ourselves out there, just to get dumped again. That is now how it works. They have to start pursuing you again, showing they changed, etc. I actually think these actions are what HELP someone realize they love you and want to be with you or not. They cannot realize these feelings if you easily are available (trust me , I have learned the hard way.) Anyway, hang in there everyone.. maintain your ground and be FIRM! One day, the ball can be in your court! LOL You don't have a clue.
reddragon588 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 You can't be in No Contact if you're talking on the telephone.
mutualove Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 (edited) I wasn't referring to the intimate part,but just being around you is not enough I think.Anything other than him wanting it to work,asking you back,wanting to be with you as in a relationship,just makes it about him.I'm not in your shoes and don't know your background but I would have responded only if he was 'clear' on why the need to be around me,aka his true intentions.False hope is destructive. Edited November 19, 2013 by mutualove
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