Lisa_Lisa Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Hey guys. I originally found LS because I was going through a tough time with my BU. At the time, I was completely head over heels and thought he was going to be my future, but clearly he wasn't when he decided to break it off. I guess what hurt me the most was that he unfriended me on FB. But I suppose it was for the best because at least I didn't get to see what he'd be doing post BU. He broke up with me in June 2012 and it took me 6 months to really get him out of my brain. In Oct '12 I sent him a long email and he wrote back that he loved me too, but it was probably just written out of pity. The next time I contacted him was around the New Year or maybe even after that because by that time I saw - through mutual FB friends - that he had a new girlfriend. He put her photo on his cover page and a picture of them both as his profile pic. I looked at it mostly to absorb that he was completely over me and most likely will never speak to me again. I'm currently going through ANOTHER break up - which is hard enough as it is - but...this ex came back into my brain. I was on FB and his sister posted up a couple of photos of purses. My ex wrote to her and said, "that's the purse I want to get for my princess!" For some reason, it hurt me. I think it did because he just wanted money from me. He was always broke and always needed a favor, but he'll do anything to get his "princess" a beautiful purse for Christmas. It made me think that maybe I'm not over him, that maybe I just used another men to mask the pain. But it's been more than a year! I don't know. It triggered the painful memories and I began to wonder if I'm not over him. We've had NO contact whatsoever. It was supposed to heal me and I don't think I've healed at all. Has anyone else ever gone through this? Any advice on how to cope? Thanks. 1
me85 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 I'm so sorry. I'm afraid I will be just like you in a year...still not over my ex. We recently officially ended our 3 year RS & it is ripping me limb from limb. I miss him every second of the day. I have NO intentions on dating again until I am fully over him. Hugs to you. Wish I were helpful but I'm in misery myself. BTW at least your ex doesn't have you blocked on FB like mine does. OUCH.
2fargone Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 I think it's fairly normal after a breakup to not only think about the last ex, but also perhaps about previous ones. I do that (not for all, for some). Besides that, for me the final step of 'forgetting' about an ex is having someone else, since I have a hard boundary that sais 'first come, first serve'. Don't overthink things. You sound normal to me....
Mcnulty Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Sounds like your recent break up has exacerbated your past break ups. Don't be so hard on yourself. Well done for keeping the NC with him, well done for dating and trying to move on and well done for posting your feelings on here and seeking advice. perfectly normal reaction i think. You will move on, think this is one of your stepping stones and maybe you haven't quite realized it yet, but I think you will. Good luck. 1
LumberJack Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 I don't think I'm over her and it's been more than a year and a half it'll take as long as it takes
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Sweetie, you're not in NC if you can still see what he's doing on facebook. You need to block him already. You will only hurt more seeing what he's up to, seeing pics of him and his new gf, what he's writing. The best thing you can do is to make sure you don't expose yourself to any of that stuff. Trust me, I know. I'm the kind of person who needs to block, delete, get rid of all of the photographs, all of the texts, in order to move on. I need to basically pretend they don't exist until I feel like I'm over it. If I could see what my recent ex was up to on facebook, every little thing would hurt like hell. He's tagged at an event? It would remind me he's out having fun. He changes his profile picture from one I took to another one? He's done with me, he's moving on. You interpret everything painfully. The longer you can make sure they are not AT ALL a part of your life, the more you can heal. And looking at his facebook keeps him an active part of your life. The best thing you can do for your own heart is to block x 1
Author Lisa_Lisa Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 We're not FB friends, but I don't have him blocked either, so maybe I should. At one point, I was blocking all of our mutual friends so that I won't see anything, but I guess after a year, I figured I was ok. Maybe this is a one off and it was triggered by my recent break up, who knows, but since I'm vulnerable right, I'll just block everyone again. Thanks guys.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I have pondered particular relationships for years after the fact. I don't think the problem is that you're not over that guy - I think the problem is that you still have some work to do on whatever the issues were that are coming back to you, the issues that relationship shone a light on. You say it really hurts that he's buying his "princess" nice Christmas presents, when he didn't do those nice things for you. Why were you in a relationship with a guy who treated you so disrespectfully? What really hurts is not that he did this to you, but that you chose and stayed with a guy who disrespected you and you allowed the disrespect. It's never about them and what they did or didn't do. It's about YOU - what you put up with, which is a reflection of how you feel about yourself. I'm pretty sure you won't be with a guy in the future who treats you so thoughtlessly - and that's progress. 1
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