MissyM007 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 I'm 32 and never been in a relationship, never been told I love you, never shared love with a man and whenever I have been honest about my feelings for a man always rejected. I'm told I'm very attractive, down to earth, caring funny and the first ones friends come to for advice. I had a breakdown over a year ago because of all this affecting my self esteem and constant heartache and now I am attracted to a man again I'm terrified of showing my feelings as he has been looking a lot and last week suddenly coldness I just feel like nothing will ever happen with any man. Should I just give up with him? He's 45 I'm 32 but look 25 I'm so fed up and would like some advice please, would he be flattered / laugh at me?
d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Work place romances are tricky. First make sure your employer doesn't prohibit such liaisons. Second, understand that some people won't date you simply because you do work together. Do you know if the guy is single? Do you have other interactions? At work I'd start slowly, possibly by eating lunch together. You can't just go around declaring your feelings . . . that's a huge non-starter. Gradually work up to spending time out of the office together . . . 1st lunch, then maybe a drink after work, then on to a real date.
stillafool Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 I don't think there's that big of difference between your age and his. The only way you can find out if he is interested is to try. Personally, I would wait for him to come on to me first because men seem to value you more when they are doing the chasing. But considering both of your ages I don't think it really matters. 1
PinkInTheLimo Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 First check if he is single, divorced, has children. Try to find out via other colleagues. It's no use wasting your emotions on someone who is not available or has a bad reputation.
Author MissyM007 Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 Apparently he is single and has been divorced 10 years with two sons at university. Everyone in the office says he's such a nice man and that's how I feel so far...I just wish I knew if he was interested. He's gone from talking to me to being shy and head down when walking past I know I haven't done anything wrong to him I've just kept to myself so I don't know why he's suddenly like that?
Neville107 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Oh Missy - First - the reason he walks by with his head down is: he was or is still interested but you haven't shown him any signs. He thinks by you being so quiet that you don't like him and him looking at you is uncomfortable. He doesn't want to rock the boat and cause a problem at work. That's why he's keeping his distance. If you do decide to start something with him, you'll have to make the move and initiate. He's not going to do because he's been scared off. I don't have any advice about work place romance - sometimes it works other times it's a disaster and now you HAVE to work with them. It's a roll of the dice. Lastly - As a guy in his 40's, I can say that I would love to have a girlfriend in her 30's and be the best boyfriend she's ever had. I'm old enough to express myself clearly and appreciate her for who she is and what I have. I (And I think most guys) would never laugh off a female regardless of her age. Good luck 1
jcrew11 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Yeah, I would advise against dating at work. For men, especially if he is a supervisor or a vice president, can easily be hit with sexual harassment lawsuits and get quickly fired. Its worrisome that you have never had a relationship for over ten years? What is the reason for this? Have you had sex with men before? Your flaws in dating, may be that your personality is either too needy/desperate or just not flirtatious enough. You say that guys that you like have always rejected you. So, I would not date your 45 year old co-worker because I sense he will reject you. Now, there are obvious ways to build a friendship over a few weeks that may turn into something more. But I warn you not to rush into "asking him out" because there are workplace rules against sexual harrassment from both men and women. If you come on too strong, he might also file a complaint against you. But generally speaking, people start by building a friendship and talking about shared interests and the things in their life. Ask him how his day is going, ask him how his children are doing.
Author MissyM007 Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Oh Missy - First - the reason he walks by with his head down is: he was or is still interested but you haven't shown him any signs. He thinks by you being so quiet that you don't like him and him looking at you is uncomfortable. He doesn't want to rock the boat and cause a problem at work. That's why he's keeping his distance. If you do decide to start something with him, you'll have to make the move and initiate. He's not going to do because he's been scared off. I don't have any advice about work place romance - sometimes it works other times it's a disaster and now you HAVE to work with them. It's a roll of the dice. Lastly - As a guy in his 40's, I can say that I would love to have a girlfriend in her 30's and be the best boyfriend she's ever had. I'm old enough to express myself clearly and appreciate her for who she is and what I have. I (And I think most guys) would never laugh off a female regardless of her age. Good luck Well just yesterday he came over to my desk and asked all about my business (he heard I have one) and my interests and said he was impressed and I have an interesting life etc he asked lots about it and looked shy but very interested. My friend in the office said she saw him keep hovering by my desk and looking over lots. Could he be interested? Should I ask if he fancies a drink after work / if he's out for Xmas drinks? Would rather it was just us!
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