azzer2000 Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 I have been practicing the n/c rule for 2 weeks, weve been split up 3 months, she left me. i seemed sure she would try and make contact over x mas, but when x mas day passed, i thought she wouldnt. Then out of the blue, she added me to her msn and sent me a message saying " a up, not speaking?." I know she doesnt want me back, but i love her, i didnt reply, because i knew it would lead to nothing. Have i done the right thing? what sould i do?
debs Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 You said it yourself in your post, it won't lead to anything and I know it hurts but no contact works! It allows you to let go, it allows you time to grieve that it is over!!! It is a great defense mechanism for your emotional well being! Step away from the keyboard, go for a ride, go someplace, but no contact!!!!
Author azzer2000 Posted December 26, 2004 Author Posted December 26, 2004 I never replied, and she went offline
debs Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 I know your sad but just let it go..... You have to go through the grieving process. The many awful faces of it to get over this! We are here for you just say the word! H E L P!
alphamale Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 yes, you did the right thing. if you know for sure she does not want u back then she is just toying with you. don't give her the satisfaction.
Author azzer2000 Posted December 26, 2004 Author Posted December 26, 2004 Thanks for the replies, still cant help wondering why she tried to talk to me.......still, im glad i didnt reply.
Sukotto Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 Contact with the ex is pointless unless you know there is something still there and thats hard to judge over the net or phone, you need to see the person. Look into their eyes and see if there is still that lust for you they once had, also them telling you that they still have feelings for you helps too
smile95 Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 good job not repying. I know that it is hard. I have been thru NC and the more we talked, the madder I got. From exp, be prepared for her to contact you again. You not responding is going to make her feel rejected and want to know why you would not reply. I think? Let me know if that happens.
Panther Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 You did good. NC is the only way to go. I wen through a breakup last summer. We didn't chat for a month after the breakup andht en we hung out working on things to see where they went. It went absolutly nowhere. All it did was break my pocketbook, as I tried tyo "buy" her love (I see that now..clearly) with stuff her and her little girl needed, etc. etc. I was always helping her out during the relationship, etc. etc. babysitting, help pay bils, etc. She walked all over me emotionally. Everytime I stood up for myself, I was accused of being mean. She was a controlign manipulative woman who dioes not understand what true love is. But I digress. Once I had her banned from coming into where I work, and stopped all contact with her, tghe ehaling process began. I eventually met a wonderful woman, whom I love with all my heart. She treats em the way I deserve, and I am allowed to treat her the way she deserves. If I opened a door for my Ex, she would always say "how long is this gonna last?" I was always raised to treat people the way you want to be treated, so I alwasy treat people with respect, integrity and honesty. I don't let anyone walk all over me, and let them know when I feel they have stepped over a boundary,as I would hope they would do for me. I had to get used to beign with soemone "nice" again,a s I somehow let myself get into an "abusive" relationship with a woman who doesn't trust anybody and pushes all those who care for her away. I am so happy that I had that experience though. I now know waht a truly wonderful woman can be like with my girlfriend now. I am going ot ask he rto marry me right after Valentines Day. My Ex... unfortunatley for her.. is datign a guy who treats her crap. I have heard from friends to be careful, cause when she gets dumped, she will probably try to ge tme back. He hits her. I didn't. Her Ex prior to me (the father of her litle girl)also abused her. She told me often that I treated her better than any other guy, yet tells her friends I was cold and distant. Interesting, now she a true cold and distant, and abusive boyfriend. I feel sorry for her, and for him. I feel really sorry for the little girl. I do wish her happiness, abut I can't help but think that Kharma really does work. I am with a wonderful woman whom I respect and adore now, and feels the same for me, while my Ex can't go anywhwere without gettign his permission. We have mutual friends who still feel the need to share this stuff with me. At first it bugged me, now I don't really care. Maybe alittle bit of satisfaction I admit. Just thought I would share this for those of you still in that tunnel of sadness and depression over your Ex. Life does go on. Everything happens for a reason, even thogh we may not know why at the moment. I wish you all the best. I know it is hard. It hurts, but NC is the best way... Not to get them back, but to get yourself back. ONE question..... why would any of us want to get back with someone so bad that we lose our self, our self respect, outr dignity, our health, etc. etc? Especially why would we want to get back with anyone who shwoed us so clearly that they don't care, aren't into us, and HURT us? Why would you want to be with someone who would do that for you. Most of us wouldn't let our best friend or a family member treat us the way we let Exes treat us. Why would you let somone do that to you? I understand. I was there this summer. It hurt, and I am now embarrased thay I let somone treat me so poorly, and let them affexct me to the point that I lost weight, lost money, and most of all my self respect. If they don't want to be with you... then let them move on. Hopefully with a good memory. Soem relatiosnhips just end. Nobodys at fault, it just didn't work. Some times we were at fault. If you were the person at fault, learn from it, and move on. If they were at fault, be glad they are out of your life. Your relationship should be your best friend, and a best friend wouldn't treat you so poorly. Good luck...........
VirginiaBob Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 Panther, I think we dated the same woman. Seriously. She manipulated me to pay her bills, mortgage, day care, etc.. Very manipulative. Would say I don't care about her and her kids and if i loved her, I'd pay for that stuff. It is encouraging that you found someone nice after her. I hope the same for me. Pray for me.
iceisles Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 I think my NC backfired because she figured I didn't want to be bothered with her anymore and stopped calling, etc. That would have been fine if I was ready to move on, but I still wanted to work on things (to see if there was anything worth working on), and I think I somewhat pushed her away by not being "available" when she called.
iceisles Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 I think the hardest part of NC is the first few days, or even the first couple of weeks. After that it becomes a little easier, but there is always that urge to call or e-mail them. NC worked great before I fell into a holiday relapse, and now I am preparing to start all over again. I think the thing is that I am hoping that she still cares about me, but if that were true, wouldn't she be giving me a call now and then? It's tough to interpret because she has a lot of personal problems right now which have her exacerbated her depression. When I called her recently, she didn't blow me off or try to get rid of me. Though she didn't say much, our conversation lasted a good half-hour. I can't tell if she just doesn't care about me, or like many folks down in the dumps, just doesn't care about anything in general right now. I am still holding on until I get the final word that she no longer wants me in her life. I am done assuming things based on how they look on the surface - I have assumed and guessed wrong many, many times.
daphne Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 great post panther. i'm gld a good guy got what he deserves in the end. i also went from a complete ahole to meeting a good guy with promise but i'm tking it veeeerrrrrrrr slowly. i'm in no rush and i'm now as gunshy as they come. congrats and i wish you the best.
Author azzer2000 Posted January 1, 2005 Author Posted January 1, 2005 Well, me ex is trying to talk to me almost everyday on MSN. Askin "why aint you talking" and things like that. Even acting stupid and inviting me to play games. I cant work her out, but i am tempted to talk to her. Iv missed her a hell of a lot over xmas. But i think it will make me feel worse, What do you think??
iceisles Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Originally posted by azzer2000 Well, me ex is trying to talk to me almost everyday on MSN. Askin "why aint you talking" and things like that. Even acting stupid and inviting me to play games. I cant work her out, but i am tempted to talk to her. Iv missed her a hell of a lot over xmas. But i think it will make me feel worse, What do you think?? If her intentions are anything other than working on the relationship, this will only make you feel worse. I'm not saying you shouldn't talk to the ex, but know what kind of water you're diving into. I contacted mine over Xmas, and was set back quite a bit because nothing came of it. If it were me, I would specifically wait until she mentions something about you two - otherwise, continue doing what you have been.
Author azzer2000 Posted January 1, 2005 Author Posted January 1, 2005 Thats exacly what i was thinking and doing, its just hard sometimes
Recommended Posts