Simon Phoenix Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I've come to learn that 'undecided', actually means 'quite decided'. Decided they want something else. Yep, they are decided that they don't want you, but they don't want to tell you that in case they decide they need something from you. 5
Author me85 Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 (edited) Hi me85: The way he went about getting sex from you was so callous and duplicitous that I would question if he is even the guy you thought you knew. No, all guys do not do this. I never lied to any girl or pretended to have feelings to get sex, and I managed to have a really great sex life when single. Honesty is actually better in the long run because both of you are making clear, concise choices based on the correct information provided. Tricking a woman you professed to have cared about in the past to come over for a drunken booty call with pretty words about the future when you know she is still in love with you is cowardly and pathetic IMHO. He isn't worth your obsession, and you need to stop obsessing about this loser and decide that you are going to move forward with your own life and find someone worthy of your time. Waiting around for this guy is only going to trash your self-esteem worse than it already is. He is harming your psyche and making you believe that you aren't worth honesty and care by using you for his own base needs. Wow, you have to know that this guy is a douche. Even if you are young, learn from your life choices and don't keep inviting the same drama into your life. It may be entertaining for a while, but when it becomes habit and ingrained in your ideologies about what love, devotion and commitment looks like, you lose your own identity and become a caricature of what you think every guy who comes along and wants you to jump through hoops wants you to look like. Find out who you are. What do you want in life? And make a pact with yourself of what you will or will not accept as plausible behavior from someone else. NC because he is an idiot! Grumps This was awesome. THANK YOU. I know he's not worthy of my obsession, tears, time, love…He's NOT the person I fell in love with. I've always leaned on him & he's always been the only one to calm me down when I was going through hard times. Maybe I put too much pressure on him. Idk. Grumps, you've really hit the nail on the head. I'm 28, so I guess that's still youngish, but no I'm old enough to know better. This isn't my first heartbreak but it the most difficult to get over. I just have to keep telling myself he's not the one, he's not the one, HE'S NOT THE ONE!!!! What's your story? Are you over your ex? Edited November 19, 2013 by me85
Grumpybutfun Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 What's your story? Are you over your ex? mea85: I am happily married for almost 20 years and I am over all of my exes. I can barely even remember what they look like now, but I mostly have kind thoughts about them. There were those who didn't deserve my time, but they were few and far between because I learned how to weed out those who were so flawed and lacking that they couldn't be a good experience. I casually dated a lot, and had few serious relationships because my heart is something I didn't give away to fools. I don't actually look at forum names except for OW/OM ones because I think some things are just universal. Pain, heartbreak, disappointment, learning from situations, valuing yourself are all fraught with growing pains. The truth is that we all feel heartbreak and we are all disappointed that sometimes things do not work out, but there is always something to be learned from each experience that leads us closer to ourselves and to partners who really are good for us. We have this insane belief that in order for a relationship to be passionate it must be filed with drama. Kindness is ignored for game playing and youthful angst and we get used to it and it becomes a habit. By the time people learn that passion is channeled into the daily interactions of keeping positive energy and positive experiences in a relationship, they have lost all ability to keep their bitterness and past angst out of relationships. It is sad really. I know that my passions are to be channeled not only in the bedroom but in everyday life to be as interesting, fun, thoughtful, kind, and interested as I can possibly be. Chin up, you are going to be fine. Be proud that you are recognizing that you deserve more. Best, Grumps 6
headinthecloud Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I'm afraid I need professional help to cope with this BU. I'm extremely depressed. I am usually such a very strong person. I've overcome a lot in my life. But this has me feeling so desperate, like he died or something! He says he still truly loves me and I know he does. Is it really possible that he is having some kind of crisis? Do a lot of guys go thru that around 28? I know my brother did. I'm terrified he will never contact me again, I feel so stupid for being so torn up for someone who is clearly ridding me from their life. I just keep asking myself why?? The hardest part is knowing they don't want to try again when you want to so so badly. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this person & now he is just GONE. Do you think that maybe he really doesn't know what he wants (as he tells me & says he wants to KNOW that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me not THINK) & could eventually realize he made a mistake? UGH!!! Pointless questions, I know. I'm torturing myself! Firstly, everything you're feeling right now is part of the BU process; it's an irrational rollercoaster of emotions. You're hooked on the love drug and you have to be patient with yourself as you heal - this is why NC is paramount in this moment. It literally takes months to overcome the withdrawal. As for you reaching out to him all the time, that is a clear indication of insecurity so rather than look to him for validity try to seek it from yourself. Try to work on rebuilding your identity without him, focus all your thoughts only on you. And as for what happened with your ex, it happens. Try not to dwell on it, and don't listen to his drunken words. My ex was head over heals for me when he was plastered...and was secretly trolling for other women when he was sober. People are multi fascited and I think every circumstance allows a different part of our personality to show itself. In relationships,I think we just try to find someone who we can't stand 80% of the time. 2
Inviv_girl Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 It happened. Move on and don't dwell to this memory for too long. I know it is hard for you, so for me too! unless he reach out to you for some serious talk- wanting you back, you are the one and only and he is 100% ready then go to him. Other than that stick to NC! 1
Author me85 Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 I do have my insecurities but am confident too though. I just love this man deeply and fell like I CANNOT lose him. No matter how crazy that sounds. My ex is trying to help me & get me help. He is going so far to ask his Mom to get me some help. I really am having a nervous BD. I know how strong I am but there are other things going on in my life on top of this devastating BU. Too many things are happening in my life all at once.
Author me85 Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 (edited) UPDATE. Ex has been in a "relationship" with someone else for the past few weeks (he supposedly got involved like a week before "ending" it with me & days after telling me he loves me & blah blah blah-lies all lies!) So ya, slept with me & has denied being with anyone else. Liar liar LIAR. I'm scared to death I may have an STD now. Getting checked asap! Edited November 23, 2013 by me85
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