Barbara Jones Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 We all know the Internet is a big window of opportunity and we must be careful of these opportunities. Since many people are using the Internet for dating purposes, safety first should be on the forefront of their minds. (Use this medium wisely!) Internet relationships is a growing population that can't be ignored any more. People are making this way of social behavior a common practice. I have researched extensively on Internet Relationships and have received hundreds of letters from Internet Couples around the world sharing their experiences. Most of our feedback from our readers showed results of marriage to their Internet Lover while others showed devastation as their results. Is it safe to say internet meetings between faceless names on-line is taking the place of meeting people at bars, clubs, churches, parties and other social gatherings? People are looking outside their box (environment) for something different and better than what they're use too! People are seeking companionship where ever they can find it! And it seems to me the internet is where they're looking. Would you have an Internet Relationship and if so how far will you go to make it work? B.Jone
moimeme Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 I would not have an internet relationship, but I think there's nothing whatever wrong with meeting someone via the Internet, using that medium to get to know each other a bit, and then taking the relationship to 3D. Is it safe to say internet meetings between faceless names on-line is taking the place of meeting people at bars, clubs, churches, parties and other social gatherings? Not taking the place of, but another way. There is absolutely zero guarantee that someone you first meet in 3D is not a looney, moron, or axe-murderer any more than someone you meet on the Internet could be. People have the mistaken impression that they can figure out if someone's honest just by looking at them - clearly that's not so. So, IMHO, you need to take exactly the same precautions when meeting people either way. I don't get why people think meeting on the 'net is somehow inferior to meeting people in 3D. As long as the other person is honest, often you get to know the internet person better and faster than you do in 3D - without horniness befuddling your brain!
CurvyGurl Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 I've done online dating off and on for about 5 yrs. I have a hard time with it. It's so hard to guage the person you are meeting because people can be anyone, anything on line. They can lie till their teeth hurt and you would never even know. They could build trust and friendship and then one day disappear. I've found that men on line ( speaking in sweeping generalities) don't really know what they want. They just want to see if they still 'got it', ie how many hits they can get, how much interest they can generate. Whereas women online are seriously seeking relationships, I see more men online searching for 'just friends' than I care to. They don't appear serious to me. The fadeaway occurs more with online men than with men I meet IRL. Those that ARE serious are WAY TOO SERIOUS! Those are the ones that start with the terms of endearment almost immediately and start practically planning the wedding about 7 mnutes into the first chat. A man who tries to get too close too fast is just plain creepy.
debs Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 After being on the net for near 6 years I can say allot on this subject. You can be anything and anyone on the net! Do I trust people on the net, hmmm toughie; my friends , yes because we have hung online more than 4 years together! I am leery of people who are immediatley friendly and attempt to control my time and suspicious of any man who suddenly popps up with hi! or worse what color of panties are you wearing??? lmao Although it has provided me with many lasting friendships. I have seen and helped many through some horror stories. Many have made it past the meetng and dating, but most are dismayed at omg this is you! I agree women are the ones searching and men although they will never admit it are players! Very few are sincere. Can you find love on the net, sure you can. But will it last, only time will tell. It has proven far and in between!
johndoeboy Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 im actually planing to emmigrate to australia from the uk to be with some1 i met in a chat room so yes i do think internet relationships can work but both people got to want the same thing in my instance we grew to love each other after a period of time it wasnt something we both wanted or planned when we started chatting we were just friendsand slowly became more people who base their relationship online in talking filth can not and will not have a successful relationship so my advice is this any1 looking for love online treat the other person like you would expect to be treated also dont base it on sex talking filth may be exciting for some but the excitement wont last so good luck every1 and most importantly STAY SAFE
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 In a relationship, part of what we fall in love with when we fall in love are the ideals, expectations, and hopes that we map onto the other person. As we spend time getting to know the other person outside of our idealistic view of them - one of two things happen. We either fall in love with who they are in reality, or we realize that we don't love who they are at all and move on. The internet allows for a much greater period of idealization of the other person. You don't get to see them or spend time with them, so you are interacting mostly with your idealistic version of that person rather than the flesh and blood person. The longer you go in cyberspace, the more your hopes are built up and when you finally meet the person it can be just like IRL - only much, much more. The higher your hopes, the further they can fall. Thats why you hear stories of people who had intense online relationships, but when they met in real life - one or the other gets the "lets be friends" talk within a short time of meeting. Sometimes it leads to a marriage proposal, though. The outcome depends completely on how honest the partners were with each other - and with themselves. Either way, the internet seems to lend itself to more intense relationships for the better or worse - because of the level of fantasy and hope that are involved. They can work, but only to the extent that the other person is willing to let go of ingrained fantasies and hopes of a person and accept the person for who they are. Hard to do, if you've been interacting with a person for a long period of time without ever actually spending real time with them on a day to day basis.
Icarus Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Man's perspective here. Can they work? Sure, absolutely! But long-distance, internet-only, across the country, meet after months of chat/emails/calls? I highly doubt it! I've met a number of women via the internet. But I restrict my "looking" to nothing more than what I'd be willing to drive in an evening (<100 miles) to spend some quality time with someone. Based on some creepy horror stories I've heard from a few, apparently I'm an exception to the "most men are players" rule. I'd really like to meet someone that I hit it off with and am willing to look down the road should the attraction/connection warrant it. So I look for honesty, sincerity, and interest ... and keep my eyes peeled for red flags. The biggest red flag I've found? A number of women I've gotten to know this way are on the internet because they are recently out of a relationship, and are looking to find a replacement before they're REALLY ready to date someone. For a guy who's a "player", that's ideal because it would never last from the get-go, he doesn't want it to, and she's not ready for it to. So it ends up being a short-lived fling. For the guy that's not a player, he gets burned. Flip the cards, and she gets burned. Hence, the horror stories. But ... there are people on the net that truly ARE looking to start a meaningful relationship. I was/am, and met someone who also was. But over time we just didn't connect like two people should. We tried to make it work, but you can't MAKE anything work. We've stayed in touch, and I've made a good friend, but we're just not compatible romantically. As mentioned already, the internet is a great place to meet people you normally wouldn't. There's lots of reasons two people wouldn't ever meet; jobs, time, social lives, distance (to a point!!!), etc. etc. etc. It's just another venue. And you can't deny the fact that there have been countless times that it's actually WORKED. But keep in mind my first thought ... long distance, internet only, rarely seeing each other ... I'd steer clear! Just my thoughts.
Debster Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Well I'm married to a man I met on an Internet dating site. And next weekend, we are going to a wedding of a friend of mine who also met her fiance on the same Internet dating site. Sure, there are some bad apples out there - just as there are in a bar. The best advice is to be cautious and have friends do it with you and be able to monitor your account and know who/when/where of the meetings. You also need to call when you get back after the date.
SadAndLonely Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 I've been "online" since the good ol' days of Q-Link in 1989, but started meeting potential SO's online in 1995. Out of all of the men I've met and dated (and met almost all of them in real life), only one was truly worth it. I'm not dating him anymore, because we just don't have those feelings for each other, but he's my best friend in the entire world (I met him in late 1996), and has enriched my life in ways few others have. We get together three or four times a year (for 10 days at a time) and have been doing so since 2000. My point is that you can meet some really awesome people online, and dating is definitely viable, but you HAVE to take it to the real-life step fairly quickly, or else you won't really get to know them. Most of the men I dated I thought were wonderful....until I actually met them and spent time with them.
mental_traveller Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 I've had internet relationships, but I prefer meeting women in real life. Internet relationships are useless for judging physical chemistry face to face, which is a key ingredient of a relationship. You can get on really well with someone online, and then find you have nothing to talk about when you meet face to face, or you just don't fancy them even if they had really nice photos. IMO the only good use of the internet for relationships is to quickly scan 100s of people to see which ones are attractive in a photo, then arrange to meet IRL as quickly as possible. I would advocate no more than 3 or 4 emails and no more than 1-2 hours IM chatting before meeting. Any longer is just a pointless waste of time. Phone calls IMO are a much better way to continue communication if someone lives far away.
loudeeley Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 I met my current squeeze through internet dating. which is a bit weird, but he rocks so it doesn't really bother me. It turned out that we lived literally around the corner from each other (like, a minutes walk). So dating - yes. But I wouldn't fall into an internet relationship with someone who wasn't nearby enough to see once or twice a week. that would just be weird I think, because meeting and interacting in the flesh and online are two very different things. online only just wouldn't give me what i need, and also - where would the trust be?
Leaf Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 I have seen it happen time and time again. Some work and some dont. I have 2 friends who live across the country from one another, they have been together for over a year, they talk on the phone and see each other when they can. It works for them and they are trying to move intogether in the future.
happily_divorseing Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Hi. I am dateing a guy that i met on the internet, actually it was someone my ex use to talk to, but i am divorsed now so it doesnt matter. Well we have been dateing for 10 months now, and every time we see each other it gets better and better. We try to see each other about once a month for about a week or two, he just left last week he was here for 3 weeks, it was so wonderful. We live 800 miles away from each other. When we first started talking, i was kinda worried about it, cuz all you hear is the bad things. But we grew to like each other. It took 4 months before we met face to face, ( we were both soooo nervous ). But everything turned out cool. We talk every day on the phone. We exchanged pictures and numbers before any of the meeting happened. I will be moveing down there in like 6 month after my schooling is finished, to be with him. So yeah, i agree with some of you, it can work, it just has to be the right person. Also i agree with the ppl who just wanna talk about sex, i hate it when guys do that. I wont talk to them if that is brought up in the first time we chat. But i would be very careful, there are some wierdo's out there.
alphamale Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Barbara Jones Is it safe to say internet meetings between faceless names on-line is taking the place of meeting people at bars, clubs, churches, parties and other social gatherings? People are looking outside their box (environment) for something different and better than what they're use too! People are seeking companionship where ever they can find it! And it seems to me the internet is where they're looking Meeting on the internet is reserved mainly for people who may have a tougher time meeting people in real life. It could be for a number of factors, maybe a single mom with kids has no time, maybe some dude weights 398 lbs and cannot meet women in real life, maybe a senior citizen who lives alone or maybe someone who has bad social skills or low self esteem. The internet will never replace real life for anything.
k57 Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Meeting on the internet is reserved mainly for people who may have a tougher time meeting people in real life. Since when? Originally posted by alphamale It could be for a number of factors, maybe a single mom with kids has no time, maybe some dude weights 398 lbs and cannot meet women in real life, maybe a senior citizen who lives alone or maybe someone who has bad social skills or low self esteem. I'm 40, 6'2" and 200 lbs. Stay-at-home dad for ten years. Cartoonist and a hell of a f*ck. Originally posted by alphamale The internet will never replace real life for anything. Does that mean you're posting this message in your unreal life? What is "real" to you? Sorry, everyone. My first post.
alphamale Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by k57 Cartoonist and a hell of a f*ck.
k57 Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale err... sorry. Didn't mean to be so graphic.
Icarus Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale It could be for a number of factors, maybe a single mom with kids has no time, maybe some dude weights 398 lbs and cannot meet women in real life, maybe a senior citizen who lives alone or maybe someone who has bad social skills or low self esteem. Or an early 30-something graduate student with a busy schedule, who's fit with a self-esteem that's just fine and dandy, but no interest (realistically, long term that is at least!!!) in the 18-22 yr-olds that are everywhere to be seen! The internet will never replace real life for anything. Agreed, wholeheartedly! But I'll bet you've met someone via the internet that you normally wouldn't have otherwise, haven't you? AM -- you're a hoot on this site and I get a kick out of almost every one of your posts. A fresh perspective, with a bit of sarcastic humor and wit that never fails!
k57 Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Icarus you're a hoot on this site and I get a kick out of almost every one of your posts. A fresh perspective, with a bit of sarcastic humor and wit that never fails! tits!
alphamale Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 Originally posted by Icarus AM -- you're a hoot on this site and I get a kick out of almost every one of your posts. A fresh perspective, with a bit of sarcastic humor and wit that never fails! Thanx ICARUS, you are most kind.
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