replaced

[icantthink]

I've been replaced.. I saw it coming but I just confirmed it seconds ago. I can't think straight, I want to shout. I want to cry. I am breaking.. I am shaking, literally shaking. This has been worst than the day she broke up with me. 6 months and though it is considerably an enough time, I haven't moved on like I projected to.

 

I have no rights to her anymore. Somebody is making her happy now, perhaps happier than I used to. I could have love her more, if only, but, she chose to leave, and seeing her confused and sad made me let her go.

 

When she was mine, I made a promise that I will do everything to make her happy, that I'll do every little thing to make her smile. Little did I know that a factor of it was also letting her go.

 

I've been moving on. But from time to time, I get curious and I check on her. She's my first love, and although she broke my heart, she's once of the nicest, sweetest, kindest most charming girls I've ever met. She left because she said she's not happy anymore. Who am I to stop her, when all I ever wanted was to make her happy.

 

although I wish her good, I still can't shake the feeling that she is loving somebody else now. It's so painful. Like i've been torn to million pieces. It is so hard to wish them well, when in all honesty, I don't.

 

I am not ok.. Please, how to shake the pain away.

[Philosoraptor]

You need to promise to make yourself happy first. And right now checking up on her is only hurting you, not helping you. Good for her if she moves on and finds happiness, you need to worry about doing the same for yourself.

[icantthink]

yeah, somehow it is always a bit easier and faster for the ones who left to move on.

 

I already blocked her, and I hope I could block her on my mind completely too. God, it's so painful...

[Philosoraptor]

yeah, somehow it is always a bit easier and faster for the ones who left to move on.

 

I already blocked her, and I hope I could block her on my mind completely too. God, it's so painful...

That's because they already knew their decision while the dumpee is getting blindsided most of the time.

 

Just keep busy and fill your life with other things that make you happy. Hobbies, friends, family, etc.

[icantthink]

thank you..

[yorkie]

i disagree i think sometimes dumpees move on faster i certainly am, go out and date! that does help you find your true self! yes she has gone, but she will compare things as we all do it but at least if your going on dates you are trying and also it gives you confidence that other people want you which makes you feel great! and that she wasnt just the one for you!

[icantthink]

perhaps it is a good thing that I've found out she has found someone new. At least, I have all the reasons to stop hoping now. The past months, although I've gone NC, I was hoping that she would miss me and that she would contact me. But she never did.

 

we were together for 4 years, it was a beautiful love. I believe distance was the reason of our breakup. But perhaps not. She really had fallen out of love.

 

Today may be the start of my moving on. All hopes died.

[Mario79]

, 4 years. You are handling it well. I hope you have friends around you that you can talk to. If not keep venting on your thread. Right now its ok to hurt, to feel angry, to feel sad. If you have to make mistakes just don't fall into obsession.

 

My hopes died last week. They say once hope dies confidence can flourish. I am trying to understand that still. I hope you can move on, and learn about yourself while you do it.

 

[MoooOinkBaaa]

I don't know what to say, just, everything you wrote I've been there myself and I don't know if it's even happened yet. Good luck and remember it's not the end for you, you're going to become so strong and look back at your oldself and laugh.

[GeneralJennyJenn]

No one is expecting you to feel hunky dory anytime soon. As someone who seriously experienced unmeasurable misery after both of my long term breakups you just have to live it. The first breakup I was the dumpee, the 2nd one I was the dumper. Both suxs!

 

You have to hole up especially the first few weeks or months, sometimes years while your bruised heart recovers (and it will) that's just the facts. You won't feel like smiling, you'll wonder can you ever smile again? But you will.

 

Surround yourself with your family and close friends. You don't have to be peppy or even happy but try not to isolate yourself too much.

 

Vent on here, vent on paper and pen, write the same thing over and over again. One thing that helped me out some during my 1st breakup (in which my heart literally, physically felt like it was ripped into too and HURT) I read rituals can help. Here are some that I recommend

 

-gather everything and I mean EVERYTHING that your ex gave you, or reminds you of your ex and box it up, out of sight out of mind

 

-listen to songs that give you sense of strength, I myself listen to Puddle of Mudd 'Control' over and over again as my anti-ex mantra song

 

-write on small pieces of papers all the things you wanted to say to your ex and then in a small coffee canister or the likes, BURN them. It serves as a release and also allows you to SEE your love die in ashes and smoke

 

-watch lots of movies, eat comfort food

 

-get OUT, even though you won't enjoy yourself too much it is good for you and over time you will

 

-work out, exercise it does not only the body but the mind good

 

-lose yourself in your hobbies (sports, cars whatever)

 

And know you will survive this. It may not feel like it right now but you will. We are here for you! And if it makes any difference, it will never hurt as bad again like it does the first time. It still hurts but not as much. The first one is brutal!

[icantthink]

thank you for all your help. I do appreciate it so much. You have no idea how your advice touch and help me through this misery.

 

I've written my last letter to her last night. I didn't send it to her nor will I ever. This letter is for me, because we didn't have a proper closure. This will serve as a lock of the closure I am looking for.

 

I am trying to be strong. I am living in another country. I am taking my second degree. I have new friends, learning new languages, meeting different people from different culture and background. I have my short time and long time goals. I've set out my priorities. In short, I am not the most miserable broken-hearted man in the world. But although I have all these, the pain and the heartache is shattering me to pieces. I loved her dearly, treated her the best way I could think of. Heartache is painful, regardless of wherever you are.

 

Final acceptance is really the key. I have to battle with myself to shake our memories away. Today, I did some volunteering activity. I did good I might say. It felt good. Although the pain was constant throughout the day, at least I was productive. That alone gave me hope that I can go through this misery.

 

I hope this train of thought and courage will continue. I hope to not regress, I really want to move on. I really want to forget. I want to smile like a real smile again.

[Jules78]

Gosh, icantthink, you made me cry. I feel your pain wholeheartedly. I'm suffering now too yet mine has blocked me out 12 days ago and is already seeing someone new. 2 years and 6 months of an incredible relationship - the best of my life. Gone. I feel like I am the only one suffering and it sucks! I want him to be missing me, feeling miserable and I want him to be wanting to contact me like I am wanting him to. Ugh.

 

4 years is a very long time. It's going to take a long time to process it all and move on. Keep your chin up! You are loved and you are worthy! Keep telling yourself that and keep posting here.

[love1336x]

I don't believe we can be "replaced".

We are not objects.

We are not pets..

Everyone loves differently.

Your love you shared with her isn't the same with her new boyfriend, just isn't.

[icantthink]

Hi all,

 

so it's been 5 days since I've found out about my ex seeing someone new. Yesterday night, a callous friend mentioned about her new one. Well, luckily, my shock happened 5 days prior and I was able to handle the situation. I pretended I didn't know and just said, "really?congratulations", and some smiley emoticons. The conversation ended well, but of course it left a hole in my heart. I resisted the urge to ask more as I know it will only hurt me.

 

Tonight, I made an account on some dating site and look who I found, her. She appeared on my matches. I feel like laughing. Date joined, a month before breaking up with me. The fact that she jumped into the market days before our BU reinforced the realization that she's not the girl I imagine to spend my life with. Yes, she's beautiful, she's smart, she's thoughtful and everything nice goes with her. She hurt me but I know that she is a beautiful person. I still love her but it is slowly fading. There are still moments that I feel like crying but these moments become less and less.

 

I know I will feel better each passing day. I just have to look positively at things. My friends and family want me to date, and there have been some I found really attractive. Let's see where it goes. Although I promised myself to not jump in any relationship soon, I am not yet ready. This breakup also gave me clearer perspective of what I really want in life. The time we've been together, everything revolved with her. My dreams and decisions always involved her. When she left, it felt like everything was gone. Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise. I know I will find someone. Someone who will stay even when the excitement is gone. I just have to wait.

[acidios]

well be strong.i know thats it is hard thats why i removed eny connection i had from my ex girl and told my friends that have connection with her to not tell enything if they see something on her facebook etc i know its hard for you right now be strong and move with your life

Edited November 22, 2013 by acidios

[Stay]

Hi all,

 

so it's been 5 days since I've found out about my ex seeing someone new. Yesterday night, a callous friend mentioned about her new one. Well, luckily, my shock happened 5 days prior and I was able to handle the situation. I pretended I didn't know and just said, "really?congratulations", and some smiley emoticons. The conversation ended well, but of course it left a hole in my heart. I resisted the urge to ask more as I know it will only hurt me.

 

Tonight, I made an account on some dating site and look who I found, her. She appeared on my matches. I feel like laughing. Date joined, a month before breaking up with me. The fact that she jumped into the market days before our BU reinforced the realization that she's not the girl I imagine to spend my life with. Yes, she's beautiful, she's smart, she's thoughtful and everything nice goes with her. She hurt me but I know that she is a beautiful person. I still love her but it is slowly fading. There are still moments that I feel like crying but these moments become less and less.

 

I know I will feel better each passing day. I just have to look positively at things. My friends and family want me to date, and there have been some I found really attractive. Let's see where it goes. Although I promised myself to not jump in any relationship soon, I am not yet ready. This breakup also gave me clearer perspective of what I really want in life. The time we've been together, everything revolved with her. My dreams and decisions always involved her. When she left, it felt like everything was gone. Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise. I know I will find someone. Someone who will stay even when the excitement is gone. I just have to wait.

 

 

You have the right mindset, keep it like that. It would've happen sooner or later if she had second thoughts like that right? You need someone that will make a clean break if things are bad, not look for others while she was still with you. I hope that realization will allow you to get over things quicker. It did with me.

 

I found out my ex of almost 7 years was seeing someone else while still technically with me, how long it went on I had no idea but I'm pretty sure it was a while. Once I found out what she did and has been doing it literally put a huge hole in my chest, it felt like the worst burning sensation I've ever experienced, I felt like I had nothing in my chest and everything was about to explode. Took some time for it to kick in and of course I cried a lot, I couldn't take the fact that someone I trusted so much would hurt me like that. I would rather much hurt a person from breaking up with them cleanly than string them along. After finding that all out I contacted some friends to talk because I had to just let it out, it felt good just hanging out and forgetting things. Started seeing this girl and glad it didn't get serious. Personally, finding those harsh realities out allowed me to move on faster. Realizing she wasn't who you thought she was, realizing she was shady/fishy, and realizing if it doesn't happen now it'll happen later because of natural tendency to think like that.

 

I'm a firm believe in the once a cheater is always is a cheater. The only way for anyone to change is wanting to change themselves but it's very difficult to change their thought process.

 

You should hang out and just have fun, get your mind off things, allow a girl to boost your ego and see your worth. You will be so tied up and happy with what you hear that you will not think of your ex at all. Just don't get serious, it's not the time to get into another relationship, it'll hurt the other person and will just confuse things with you more. I will say ignore her, silence is a very powerful weapon, do not under any circumstances reply or talk to her unless you run into her. You need to do this for yourself, until you think you're ready to talk then maybe you can meet up with her to tie loose ends if you really wanted to. But be warned, this will bring back a lot of feelings and it's a huge rush and may feel like steps backwards. It happened with me and made me miss her.

Edited November 22, 2013 by Stay

[icantthink]

You have the right mindset, keep it like that. It would've happen sooner or later if she had second thoughts like that right? You need someone that will make a clean break if things are bad, not look for others while she was still with you. I hope that realization will allow you to get over things quicker. It did with me.

 

I found out my ex of almost 7 years was seeing someone else while still technically with me, how long it went on I had no idea but I'm pretty sure it was a while. Once I found out what she did and has been doing it literally put a huge hole in my chest, it felt like the worst burning sensation I've ever experienced, I felt like I had nothing in my chest and everything was about to explode. Took some time for it to kick in and of course I cried a lot, I couldn't take the fact that someone I trusted so much would hurt me like that. I would rather much hurt a person from breaking up with them cleanly than string them along. After finding that all out I contacted some friends to talk because I had to just let it out, it felt good just hanging out and forgetting things. Started seeing this girl and glad it didn't get serious. Personally, finding those harsh realities out allowed me to move on faster. Realizing she wasn't who you thought she was, realizing she was shady/fishy, and realizing if it doesn't happen now it'll happen later because of natural tendency to think like that.

 

I'm a firm believe in the once a cheater is always is a cheater. The only way for anyone to change is wanting to change themselves but it's very difficult to change their thought process.

 

You should hang out and just have fun, get your mind off things, allow a girl to boost your ego and see your worth. You will be so tied up and happy with what you hear that you will not think of your ex at all. Just don't get serious, it's not the time to get into another relationship, it'll hurt the other person and will just confuse things with you more. I will say ignore her, silence is a very powerful weapon, do not under any circumstances reply or talk to her unless you run into her. You need to do this for yourself, until you think you're ready to talk then maybe you can meet up with her to tie loose ends if you really wanted to. But be warned, this will bring back a lot of feelings and it's a huge rush and may feel like steps backwards. It happened with me and made me miss her.

 

Thanks man.

It feels horrible being cheated. sorry to hear your story. as for mine, well, i don't know. Perhaps she's cheated emotionally. I don't want to dwell on that anymore.

 

Yes, I am mingling. Meeting new people. I am lucky to be in such a beautiful place because it gives me chances of meeting people from all over the world.

 

Life doesn't end with her gone. I know what I deserve. I just hope I could get over this feeling of loneliness soon so I can finally smile

[icantthink]

I thought I was ok but maybe not. Why do I keep thinking about turning my ex down in case she would want me back one day?

 

Why do I have this thought of revenge?

 

It's bad I know and I'm never gonna be completely happy having this thought but I can't help myself and it's giving me satisfaction.

 

What should I do?

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Im doing that too x Ive even written an email for that eventuality... sad eh x they dont even deserve our thoughts ! x