shaunydspare Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 So let me give you the story in bullet points, i am far to lazy to post this whole thing as an essay haha. - I met my ex about a year ago, while she was seperating from her husband. - husband was obviously still a big part of her life, visting their dogs (on the regular) - she told me straight up she wanted to stay friends with him - I wasnt happy with it but I figured there was something there so I just went along. - Her house was covered in marriage pictures, after a couple months I started hinting maybe it would be nice to have some nice memories of us everywhere. - We did a lot together went to New Orleans together, (her favorite place and now mine beautiful place) - Had a great time - We made plans to take a motorcycle class and get motorcycles together. For future travels. - Shes very emotional and sometimes a bit bipolar, and we would spat often but now in retrospect I feel like I may have been the cause of most of it. - I got fed up with the constant hiding from her husband of me and to certain members of her family. So I decided that all the drama and arguments weren't worth it. Started to kinda talk to other girls but my ex still wanted to be with me. - I figured it wasn't right that I was doing that so I called it quits did no contact up until recently. - She would send little life lines saying how she misses me and how I was the sun the moon and the stars to her. Wishing I was happy even if it wasnt without me. - I got wind that her and one my best friends probably fooled around. Bummer. Started losing sleep and thinking about her constantly. How I messed up and how she really was even through all the craziness my biggest supporter and only wanted the best for me. - Started rereading her messages wondering if I should reply which I did. I really love her. - Now we're talking pretty regularly throughout the day. I am going up to her work tomorrow to grab a drink and probably some food. I wanted to give her an apology letter like she did to me. She even made a photo album of all the good times together. Clearly she still loves me and i'm just looking for the right way to approach this. I hope this made sense. Help me. Side note she said she was getting her divorce. I really have been a little miserable since we broke up.
Philosoraptor Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Yes, it's a bad idea. She hasn't healed from her marriage ending and you have been a bandaid. Bad idea indeed to let your loneliness make you want to go back to a bad situation.
Author shaunydspare Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 I should note that she eventually took the pictures down and put more pictures of us all over her house.
Shaine Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 If you both love each other and you make each other happy, i think you should give your relationship another try. But you have to talk about your issues with each other.
leafguy Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I am with Shaine on this one. It sounds like you two care for each other and should talk through your issues. Here's one question...with regards to your situation. With your ex's situation, was she hiding you from the family for the sake of hiding you, or was it just the fact that she hadn't told everyone about the divorce yet? I know I waited to tell people for a few months after my break up just because they weren't in my go to list for support, and I didn't feel they needed to know...extended family etc. How long were you two together? Just make sure she is what you want and it isn't jealousy of someone else. If you are sure, then try and hash it out. Doesn't seem like these issues are that huge. As far as the ex husband goes, give it time. It may just be the fact she wants time for him to heal...maybe he is taking it harder than her. And he should have full rights to see their dogs. It's in a sense like sharing a family.
sun1972 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Ill tell you what stuck in my mind reading this It was when you discovered someone else on the scene that you had a change of heart? That does suggest it may be a case of jealousy and you may still not be happy
Author shaunydspare Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 I am with Shaine on this one. It sounds like you two care for each other and should talk through your issues. Here's one question...with regards to your situation. With your ex's situation, was she hiding you from the family for the sake of hiding you, or was it just the fact that she hadn't told everyone about the divorce yet? I know I waited to tell people for a few months after my break up just because they weren't in my go to list for support, and I didn't feel they needed to know...extended family etc. How long were you two together? Just make sure she is what you want and it isn't jealousy of someone else. If you are sure, then try and hash it out. Doesn't seem like these issues are that huge. As far as the ex husband goes, give it time. It may just be the fact she wants time for him to heal...maybe he is taking it harder than her. And he should have full rights to see their dogs. It's in a sense like sharing a family. We were together for a year. She was ready for me to move in and it kinda freaked me out. Im not quite ready for that jump yet. I told her that and eventually she understood I think she fears being lonely. It definitley isnt fun. but not terrible. My friend has sex with everyone hes just a hound period. I expect it from him. I have a feeling she did it to get a rise out of me and to fill some temporary loneliess. She goes to places that I usually goto hoping i'd show up. All of our friends say so.
Author shaunydspare Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 So i've seen her twice the last two days. Tuesday I went up to her work and hung out for almost two hours, it was cool a bit weird and small talkish but i guess it was a feeling out process. last night a group of us went to a bar to try this special brewed beer and she barely said anything cause the two groups were split. i was under the impression eventually we'd all come together to have a good time. but no dice she thought the same. left without coming over and saying bye but texted me instead. i found her tumblr (silly) with a lot of i guess personal things about me mostly sad.
Author shaunydspare Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 so we saw each other about 4 times in about 2-4 hour spurts. obviously lots of tension and weirdness but its actually been okay. im still lacking sleep because i keep thinking about how I blew it. she isnt innocent either by any means. but i really am realizing how much i ****ing love her. I wrote her a note after having a dinner with her last night and she said shes in a weird spot. but still always initiates conversations with me. i know one of the bars we goto the bartender has a huge crush on her and gives her free drinks. its kinda killing me and i guess i deserve it. oh well, mindless update.
Author shaunydspare Posted November 26, 2013 Author Posted November 26, 2013 Yesterday i texted her trying to get dinner but really i was trying to just see her spend time with her. She saif no thanks i just ateso i dfigured well whatever i guess i will go home. I get home finally get to bed after an 're exhausting day she texts me to come over and i ead half asleep so i stayed home and she got all bent out of shape when i didn't fome crawling. I told her id love too but i have a bunch of work things and im going to Philly so i wanted to make sure i had everything ready .i also told her she could've accepted my offer when i was 10 mins from her house not 30 or she could come here but no dice and now shes all mad. Did i do anything wron?
Author shaunydspare Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 So the whole weekend we have been hanging out, cuddling, sleeping over and we even had sex. whoops. now she said she forgives me for what i did but cant forget and cant be in a relationship where she cant trust someone. im so upset.
Philosoraptor Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 She isn't ready for a relationship with anyone. She was lonely and used you for temporary comfort, but she's not over her marriage and she's certainly not in a mentally healthy state. You need to stay away from this woman and don't let her words convince you of something that her actions has already proven. She's going to use you as often as you let her. Cut her off now so you can start healing, as she will use you to heal up from her marriage then jump to a happy relationship with someone else once she has healed... while you, the bandaid, are left in the dust.
Author shaunydspare Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 Well another wewk went by and we slept together like physically slept two nights this week. We were supposed to tonight but it was late like midnight well almost and i crashedout. I ffeel guilty. Why?
Author shaunydspare Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 I also sometimes shw may be using me as my own rebound. She said she still has a grudge against me
Author shaunydspare Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 well me and my ex or current gf are still working on things. shes been very distant. i see her once or twice a week. she just came back from a trip and instead of seeing me soon i have to wait another 4 days. what am i supposed to do?
Trep Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Stop trying to force being with her for god's sake. She just came out of a marriage, she needs some time to be single even if she doesn't realise it. She's just using you out of fear of being alone and you're letting her.
Author shaunydspare Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 everyone might be right, this **** is not going that well at all.
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