Patty Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 Yesterday I had went up to my guys familys for Christmas.I had a great time except for when we went up to his room.He said "f--k you" to me cause I wasnt comfortable with having sex.I thought about that moment all day and couldnt understand why he gets so harsh.It shocked me that he would say that.I was crying afterwards cause I just couldnt believe he would say such a thing. Then his family kept asking me what happened.I cried and said "I just wish I could communicate with him"His brother in law said not to do things just to please him,I should do things to please myself.I try to please him,cause i know if i dont,he will get harsh with me.I dont like seeing him mad at me. Patty
alphamale Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 Originally posted by Patty He said "f--k you" to me cause I wasnt comfortable with having sex.I thought about that moment all day and couldnt understand why he gets so harsh.It shocked me that he would say that.I was crying afterwards cause I just couldnt believe he would say such a thing. Sounds like you're both even to me....he did not get sex and you were swore at.
juliafromoz Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 I cant believe he said that to you. When i told my boyfriend that i was uncomfortable with having sex under his parents roof - he said "thats ok babe" - and that kind of attitude made me want to do it! Your boyfriend has no right to talk to u like that - i would have told him to f.off and moved straight out of his life.
quankanne Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 time to practice tough love, Patty. he's going to be rough or rude to you because he knows you won't tell him not to. just put your foot down and have someone translate to him that you will not be treated disrespectfully in any way ... then see what goes from there. personally, patty? I'd have told him to go screw himself for getting on to you for making a decision that didn't agree with what he wanted. there are two of you in this relationship, ad both y'alls needs should be met, not just his.
Author Patty Posted December 26, 2004 Author Posted December 26, 2004 Thanks everyone.I will use all of your good advice. I hope and pray things get better for us. Im going to ask the librarian if she knows anyone that is teaching Spanish.That way it will be easier for us to communicate. Patty
Groovy Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 Patty, no man should ever force you to have sex. That is like rape, just because he's dating you it can still happen. And the fact you trust him makes it all the worst. I had a similar thing in college and remember crying because the guy yelled at me and stormed out of my room after I did not want to give him sex and we were both drunk. So he did not physically grab you and force you. But he is using verbal abuse to manipulate you and break you down for his needs. A little better but still awful. I had a LTR with someone where I had stop in the middle because sex hurt sometimes. And he understood and accepted it. He wanted me to be happy and never made me finish if it hurt me. I've dated men where I am angry and do not want sex with them. I hear them say that's not why they spend time with me. Though I love sex, I have to feel accepted and like there are other reasons we are together. I don't feel like he is giving you that message. He is basically saying he does not care about you if he can't **** you. How absolutely non-endearing. Tell him to have a relationship with his right hand. Or give him a warning. But if he does that again I'd kick him to the curb.
tiki Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 He's a prick, Patty. Definitely kick him to the curb. He treats you like crap.
CurvyGurl Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 You put up with that, WHY? You didn't insist on being driven home, or leaving, right then and there because... It amazes me how people let themselves be treated.
Barby Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 So the saga continues....Patty you've been told over and over and over again, girl he doesn't treat you well. You keep saying you're going to learn Spanish...BUT you have not yet. How do you communicate? Through touching alone? Sorry dear but that is NOT a relationship that is built on "feelings" and "emotions" it is built (so it sounds) on pure sex... I know you may not want to hear it, or get what people are trying to say to you, but obviously he isn't as into you as you are him... If you don't learn to communicate quickly things are never going to get better.
Author Patty Posted December 26, 2004 Author Posted December 26, 2004 So the saga continues....Patty you've been told over and over and over again, girl he doesn't treat you well. You keep saying you're going to learn Spanish...BUT you have not yet. How do you communicate? Through touching alone? Sorry dear but that is NOT a relationship that is built on "feelings" and "emotions" it is built (so it sounds) on pure sex... I know you may not want to hear it, or get what people are trying to say to you, but obviously he isn't as into you as you are him... If you don't learn to communicate quickly things are never going to get better. __________________ Sorry.I should of known not to come here.It was such a shock to me.Thats the only reason I came here.Next time I'll just stay away. Patty
alphamale Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 Originally posted by Patty Sorry.I should of known not to come here.It was such a shock to me.Thats the only reason I came here. Patty Patty, Don't listen to Barby, she give out bad advice. Stand by your man if you love him. Just tell him you did not appreciate his outburst and give him the silent treatment for a few days. You are doing OK.
Author Patty Posted December 26, 2004 Author Posted December 26, 2004 I'll try that.I just hope things get better. Patty
CurvyGurl Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 Pardon but the second 'F--- You' comes out of an SO's mouth is the second he ceases to become an SO. And if this is one of several recurring issues what will it take for you to realize he's not for you? Stand by your man? This isn't a country and western song. He was purposely hurtful, and judging from past posts this isnt an isolated incident. He doesn't sound like a keeper to me. *shivers* Then his family kept asking me what happened. I cried and said "I just wish I could communicate with him"His brother in law said not to do things just to please him,I should do things to please myself.I try to please him,cause i know if i dont,he will get harsh with me.I dont like seeing him mad at me. This seems like borderline abuse to me. How terrible to have to walk on eggshells around someone because you're afraid of them getting harsh or mad. Please, oh please find the strength and courage to stand up for yourself.
Groovy Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 I have to agree with CurvyGirl. I am sorry if I and others have hindered when I intend to help. Ther last thing we want to do is make you feel judged or uncomfortable. There may be reasons you care about him that we don't know, see or hear because all we have is what your brief text tells us. Ask yourself if you get what a good women deserves is all my message was to you. People here do want to help and they don't like hearing that you weren't treated well. I feel all women should be accepted and be friends with the people they date. Your not a piece of garbage to be enjoyed one day and discarded the next minute. We all deserve kindness in our lives and you are too good for that. The comments about him being angry when you don't please him? I thought a relationship was based on give and take, it involved two people. And I thought friends wanted to make each other happy. Not one person wants to make themselves happy and get's hostile when they can't get little things they want. I had worked in the social welfare system for many years. And he is displaying classic behavior of a man who may one day cross a much worse line. I am sorry to say you too are displaying the classic behavior of a girl who gets abused, low self esteem and it's all about making your man happy and nothing about your feelings, personal control or decisions. If you want to date him and feel he had a rare moment, then do so. You know more than us what this is about. We just give advice. Just be cautious and make sure you are not getting involved in a relationship fragmented by verbal abuse, manipulation and selfishness on the road to devastation. Hang in there girl....
moimeme Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Patty, people are giving you very good advice. You should not stay away from LS or ignore it. We've all either seen people in relationships like yours or else been in them and we know what happens. You have a big huge crush on this guy and he is using you for sex. It happens all the time. You want it to be a fairy tale - we all want the fairy tale - but this guy is treating you as though you were a piece of junk. Does he say he loves you except when he wants sex? Does he do nice things for you? Does he treat you with kindness all the time? If the answer to these is no, then he's not treating you the way a good man should and that means you should drop him. Lots of women fall for men who are bad for them. You're not the first. But the thing is, Patty, he's not going to marry you and this is not the Cinderella tale you want. And the sooner you dump him, the sooner you will find a truly good man. You should know by now that people on LS don't tell you what you want to hear - they tell you the truth and, for your own sake, you should listen.
Stone Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Patty, Please don't leave, we always look foward to hearing from you and just because you don't take everyones advice doesn't mean that we won't be here for you when you need us... I've asked for advice on here a million times and not followed it, sometimes I am sorry I didn't and sometimes I am glad I did. I wish you would however talk to your parents a school councler ect. about this, I know that is very hard for you but Maby you should give it a try. Your just such a sweet girl it makes everyone so mad that this guy has to curse at you that's all. everyones intentions are good. Do you know anyone who speaks both english and spanish maby they can transulate for you and decide what the heck this guy really wants, seems like his faimly might help.
Barby Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Sorry.I should of known not to come here.It was such a shock to me.Thats the only reason I came here.Next time I'll just stay away. Patty Okay re-reading this advice I sounded some what harsh..(why is it when I'm the one to say these things it's such a "bad" thing but if it's someone else...ohh they're "so" right) Anyway you do NOT need to leave just because you don't like what I said. We have told you before (in your previous posts) that he doesn't sound like he respects you, even if you don't take our advice it's okay obviously, no one can MAKE you do anything. Alphamale..I give bad advice... WTFE!! Patty I offered to help you learn spanish...people on here have instructed you to good sites...we're only trying to help you to avoid humiliation and heart break. Yes you want to be with him and we all understand that but we don't want him to use you. I'm sorry if I offended you but anything else said doesn't seem to get your attention so maybe some not so "babying" words would make you pay attention...obviously it didn't work. That was by no way a personal attack on you but you have to realize that things do not seem right with the way your guy treats you. PLEASE DO NOT STOP COMING HERE ON MY ACCOUNT! This place is to help,, if you like I won't respond to your posts but please don't leave her because of me.
indigo_moon Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 If there's such a language barrier there, how can it even be a relationship? How can you have a relationship with someone you can't understand, who can't understand you? Patty, there's no need to get all pouty when people point out the obvious, and threaten to leave here and not come back. You wrote out the situation, you asked for feedback and input, you got it....sometimes the truth isn't what we want to hear but it's the truth nevertheless. If you were a mother and had a daughter your age and she came to you and told you this story, how her b/f told her "f__k you" when she didn't feel comfortable having sex in his parents home, wouldn't you tell her that she deserved better and that she should leave his sorry arse? Of course you would...so then why won't you follow the advice you'd give to someone else? Is it becuase you don't think you can find someone else?? Of course you can. It is better to have nobody though, than someone who talks to you like you're a filthy rag. Don't you think? So why do you stay?
Author Patty Posted December 27, 2004 Author Posted December 27, 2004 Im not pouty and I appreciate the advice. Patty
Groovy Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 I agree, I don't think anything you said was "pouty"
Barby Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Nice to see you back Patty I'm glad that you didn't leave!
Author Patty Posted December 27, 2004 Author Posted December 27, 2004 Nice to see you back Patty I'm glad that you didn't leave Thanks. Sorry that I misunderstood you earlier.I wouldnt ever leave here.I may say that if I misunderstand something but dont worry,I wouldnt leave.I always come back. Patty
Barby Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Originally posted by Patty Thanks. Sorry that I misunderstood you earlier.I wouldnt ever leave here.I may say that if I misunderstand something but dont worry,I wouldnt leave.I always come back. Patty I'm glad Patty, I hope things work out, remember if you need help translating something, you can ask either me, or here and a lot of us can help you. Originally posted by CurvyGurl Barby, I like your advice! Thanks...I don't "sugar coat" things and that offends a lot of people but I don't wanna lie to anyone..i want them to know what their situation "appears" like to an outside view..
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