A long confusing Semester, b/c of a girl i have fallen for.......Please Help!!!!!!!

[burnout399]

last semester I met this really cool girls, or so I thought. We first met mid-semester, when she need a

plastic container, and we got to talking for a while, we didn't have much in common but there was something between us. it was one of those things where I liked her at first site. (One thing I want to say before I go any farther in my story of heart break, is that I wasn't looking for a one night stand, or anything like that, I am the type of guy that is looking for a relationship)

 

Now back to my story......We started to hang out, and talk all the time. we would go eat together(with a bunch of

people). I would download every recent movie that came out, and we would watch them 2gether and lye in my bed. At first there really was no touching involved, but it got to the point where we would cuddling in my bed watching a movie almost 4 out of five nights a week. (It was good times, I am a big fan of cuddling) after a while, at night she would come in my bed, and we would sleep 2gether and cuddle(no sex involved, we just slept).

 

We would go to bars 2gether or meet up at a bar later on that night. I would always try to walk her back to the dorm, after she has been drinking, I have offered her my jacket when she was cold, but refused to take it, I would even open the door for her and she would go in until I went first. she would always say "she can take care of herself"(she is has mental problems, her dad killed himself when she was 8). I would tell her how much I like her so many times, but she would always change the subject. I have never dealt with more drama in my life till I met this girl. One time, she was at a different bar, and I met up with her crying b/c of her X b/f threaten her, I had her friends take her home and I went back to the bar, saw the guy and his 4 friends at the bar, and threaten to kick all there asses(keep in mind I am about 5'6 130lbs, they are all bigger than me and I am by myself)until the bounce kicked me out!!! that is just one of the stories, I have many.

 

So back to the story, some nights we would come back from the bar, go into my bed, put in the movie, and sometimes, she would kiss me, I wouldn't let it go to far, b/c we are both trashed. This one night we were at the bar, and she was talking to some other guy, and they started making out right in front of me, I left her at the bar, and got trashed at some party, and made my way back to the dorm, b/c I felt sick. She made it back to the dorm and stated to take care of me, and asked me y I drank that much, I told her it was her fault, she helped me into my bed, and lye next to me, started kissing me, then got up and left. I called her like an hour later to see when she went, and she said she went for a walk. I later on got a call from her at about 5am, asking me to let her in the building, b/c she forgot her key, so I let her in, and she goes into her room (coed dorm). I stopped talk to her for a couple of days because what she did really pissed me off. after a couple of days, I kind of forgave her, and we continued our routine. I could tell she wanted to tell me something, and eventually she did, it turn out after she left me in my room, trashed, on my bed, she went for a walk and her other X b/f(she told me the other day she is going to stop talking to him) called her to talk, so she went to his apartment and they slept(sex) together, after she told me that I was so angry, and pissed I threw some warm close on and left her in my room, went to the bar and got trashed, for I think a couple of days straight. also took a bunch of different drugs to make the pain go away. She kept trying to get me to talk to her, by telling me she was trashed, and "he took advantage of me and shouldn't have".

 

The thing that sucks, is that for some reason I can't stay mad at this girl for long, no matter how hard I try. So

in one week I was talking to her and we were kind of back to where we were.

 

I also find out she is in love with me, but I don't know she confuses the hell out of me!!

a converstation we had!!!

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The girl "that is why you know nothing because i love you,that is why i lied i didn't want my mistake to hurt you But i hate lying"

 

The girl "I know more than you ever will, because I don't love often, that i am picky about, I don't let in often because I have had ****ed experiences, But i did both with you"

 

Me " yea....well, u didn't show it....maybe if u were honest, and showed it"

 

The girl "I did show it, I slept next you, I called you when i am sad, or scared, I relied on you, that is how i show it, when i have been in trouble i have called you, that is a big thing for me, I wish i could tell you, the truth, What it is like in my head, Why i can't give in to feelings, why i will hold back, I wish you knew"

 

Me "U keep telling me we were just friends, even though so many times i have told u how much i have fallen for u"

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On one of the last days of the semester, I find out that day that she went to her X b/f apartment(the one she slept with when she was drunk) and use his oven for cooking, or that is what she told me. She came into my room, and feed me some of the cheese cake she made, then I found out where she made it....and I said something stupid, she got pisses, and so did I!!! we then didn't talk for a couple of days.

 

For the next couple of days before I came home, I got trashed every night(not an alcoholic, just depressed), and did an assortment of Drugs(Not a drug addict, just depress, and hope it would make me feel better)

 

 

since we have been back from the semester ending on December 11th, she has been calling me almost everyday to talk, but we haven’t hung out at all(she lives like 20 minutes away from me).

 

I think I have really fallen for the girl(even though we have only kissed a few times), even though I have been through so much crap b/c of her, I miss seeing her and beening around her. I know it is pathic, but I am so picky when it comes to girls. But recently she kinda told me it isn't going to happen. so I have resorted to my old happits, of drinking and doing drugs, in an attempt to make me feel better!!!

 

The problem is also I am shy, and for me to meet a girl i really like, takes a lot of work!!!

 

 

I really don't know what to do about her, because talking to her and seeing her(knowing i have no chance w/her), just makes me sad, so should i just stop talking to her? The only problem with that is she is in the same dorm, right down the hall from me, so there is no way i can avoid her.

 

Or should i keep tring to get with her b/c i still love her? not sure how to make that happen?(any ideas?)

 

Or should i try to just get over her? and how?

[Zoot]

So.....because you are shy and this is one girl you feel comfortable with who happens to occupy your coed dorm...you think it's fair to suggest that you will resort to drinking too much or doing drugs unless she gives you all of her attention?

 

Why would you expect her to repect you enough to fall in love with you? Women at college age are looking for lifelong parners and the father of their children. You won't promote that by invoking sympathy.

 

I can understand where you think she in the one. The trick is.....she has to think YOU are the one. And I doubt you'll get there without some dignity.

[burnout399]

This girl isn't the only girl i feel confortable around, i have many friends that are girls, that i feel confortable around. They just arn't girls i date, just friends. I don't think i have resorted to drinkin and doing drugs because she hasn't given me all her attention. I didn't mention alot of other stuff i have gone through with this girl b/c the story is long enough, but the list goes on and on!!!

 

The girl has mentioned to me that she is in love with me a while back, but doesn't want to hurt me, i think she has hurts me more by not giving me a chance. i know most women in college aren't looking for what i am looking for, but if u have talk to her, like have, she seemed to want the same thing, or atleast that is what she has told me!!! I am not looking for symapthy, i just wont to know how to get over her or understand what she is thinking!!!

 

If u have been around haer like i have, and spent time with her, u would understand y i think i have fallin for her(I never said she was the one, that is a big difference)!!! she probaby doesn't think i am the one, by her actions with her X b/F...and other stuff she has done!!!

[burnout399]

Over New years, i was at a bar and met a girl, we talked for a while, i didn't get her phone number, b/c i drank alittle too much, but she was from this state, anyway, but it made me feel better about myself!!!

 

but i realized 2 things, the only really way i will get over that girls, is if i pull anyway from her(b/c talking to her makes it worse), and go out and meet new girls, and go on some dates, or something like that!!! it wont be easy, but i am going to give it a try!!!