Etta C. Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Hi, all! I'm new to these forums I've never been in a situation like this before, so if you have, please assist! First off, this guy and I have known each other for a while, even before we started getting more serious. We were best friends, first, and it eventually slipped into a relationship. So, we started dating and everything was going fine. One day, he decided to tell me we "needed to talk". I was fine with this, generally, of course it really sucked. We were friends first, though. I'd been trying to prepare myself for this situation, since some people who get into relationships with best friends say it's too weird. So, we met up to talk about it. I told him I was fine going back to being just friends, and we could chalk it up to something like a weird one night stand that we'll never talk about again. He told me he couldn't go back to being just friends right now. This confused me, since he was the one pushing for the break up, and you would think the person who wants the break up would be happy if things went back to normal? We didn't talk for a week after that. I emailed him different variations of WTF is going on, because he just bailed on me. He eventually replied, telling me that he thinks he's actually in love with me and to use his metaphor, "He's attempting to chain himself to something outside the house, so he doesn't bolt into the same room as me." He said he always wants to kiss me, he always wants to hold me and he always wants to see me smile. However, he'd rather spare us the future heartbreak of pursuing a relationship together, than act on how we feel (because as we all know, there's always a chance of a relationship ending). Just as a side note, he also said that he was becoming "disturbed" by how much he was thinking about me. He said he was starting to have sex dreams about me (we haven't gone that far yet) and when we weren't together, he didn't know how to "tune those thoughts out". I guess my question is, is any of this sane? Normal? Have you ever felt this way about a girl/guy? Is this some fear I don't understand? Did time apart help you with it? (He's not a "player" or anything, either. If we ever progressed into sex, I would've been his first.)
Grumpybutfun Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Etta: I have no idea what this is because the logic of "I don't want to date you because I love you and I don't want it to end so I must end it," really escapes me. I am more of the "I love you so I am going to take my chances with this relationship to see where it goes because I am strong enough to take rejection and I owe it to myself to try to be happy" variety. He sounds like a kid. Are you kids? No drama for me today, thanks, Grumpy 2
MalachiX Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Yeah, it's pretty odd logic. I have been in a situation where I started to sense me and a female friend were getting too close with mutual attraction and tried to distance myself a little. In that case, it was because I had the strong sense that a relationship wouldn't work with us (she had certain characteristics that I knew would bother me if we were dating and I felt I'd never fall in love with her). I didn't want to try it and have our friendship destroyed. Of course, I never told her this, just distanced myself until I felt a bit safer around her. Had I found myself falling in love with the girl however I don't think I would have done that. I think i would have given it a shot even if it was a risk because real love is pretty rare in my life. 1
mortensorchid Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Nonsense. Forget him! He wants to break up but he loves you!? Move on. 3
Meadowgreen Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Hi, all! I'm new to these forums I've never been in a situation like this before, so if you have, please assist! First off, this guy and I have known each other for a while, even before we started getting more serious. We were best friends, first, and it eventually slipped into a relationship. So, we started dating and everything was going fine. One day, he decided to tell me we "needed to talk". I was fine with this, generally, of course it really sucked. We were friends first, though. I'd been trying to prepare myself for this situation, since some people who get into relationships with best friends say it's too weird. So, we met up to talk about it. I told him I was fine going back to being just friends, and we could chalk it up to something like a weird one night stand that we'll never talk about again. He told me he couldn't go back to being just friends right now. This confused me, since he was the one pushing for the break up, and you would think the person who wants the break up would be happy if things went back to normal? We didn't talk for a week after that. I emailed him different variations of WTF is going on, because he just bailed on me. He eventually replied, telling me that he thinks he's actually in love with me and to use his metaphor, "He's attempting to chain himself to something outside the house, so he doesn't bolt into the same room as me." He said he always wants to kiss me, he always wants to hold me and he always wants to see me smile. However, he'd rather spare us the future heartbreak of pursuing a relationship together, than act on how we feel (because as we all know, there's always a chance of a relationship ending). Just as a side note, he also said that he was becoming "disturbed" by how much he was thinking about me. He said he was starting to have sex dreams about me (we haven't gone that far yet) and when we weren't together, he didn't know how to "tune those thoughts out". I guess my question is, is any of this sane? Normal? Have you ever felt this way about a girl/guy? Is this some fear I don't understand? Did time apart help you with it? (He's not a "player" or anything, either. If we ever progressed into sex, I would've been his first.) Sweetie, he sounds a bit unhinged. Cut your losses. Like Grumpy said, you deserve someone who takes a chance on love, not flee from it like a little wuss. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 No, it isn't exactly "normal." There are some deeper problems here, but they have nothing to do with you. His explanation makes no sense. However, that doesn't matter to much. What matters is that he doesn't want a relationship and you deserve someone who is as interested in you as you are in him. This guy isn't it. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Yeah, he sounds like a scared little boy, not a guy who's ready for a real relationship. 1
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