wing81 Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 I'm going to try and make a long story short. It isn't so much about breaking up its more about I guess making things right. I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years over a year ago now. Six months before we broke up she gave me back a promise ring I had given her and told me to give it back to her when I was ready. Like I said six months later she called and broke up with me over the phone. I didn't see her for another 3 months because she was traveling but I talked to her occasionally over the phone. I tried to see her in person so we could talked and do all of the other stuff like return things in a meaningful manner. She basically refused. I graduated in December after the break up and she stopped by for 5 minutes to drop off my graduation gift which included a ring that I had given her. We have talked maybe 4 times in the past year, most recently 4 months ago. I haven't seen her in person in over a year. Today, Christmas, I get an IM from her saying she had been waiting for me to send back the ring that she gave back to me because she had given mine back over a year ago now and was surprised I had not sent it to her as of yet. Then left her address and a Merry Christmas. She only stayed on long enough to sent that message. I had pretty much forgotten about the ring because I couldn't give it to her since she wouldn't see me and should had moved a couple of months later and didn't want to give me her address. What do you think I should do? I can't think of a couple of different approaches. One would be to send the ring back with a letter explaining why I hadn't done it before and wishing her luck and all of that stuff. Another would be to send the ring back with no note. And finally not send the ring back at all. I just can't figure out why after all of this time she wants it back now. I mean she gave it back to me a long time ago. This has really thrown a wrench in my holiday spirit, I haven't heard from her in so long and that's all she has to say. I'm not sure how to handle it or what to think about it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
hurtingandconfused Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years over a year ago now. Six months before we broke up she gave me back a promise ring I had given her and told me to give it back to her when I was ready. Like I said six months later she called and broke up with me over the phone. I don't understand that part. She's not over you yet.(Unless the ring was expensive/valuable.) And... Send back the ring with no note.
Author wing81 Posted December 26, 2004 Author Posted December 26, 2004 The ring wasn't that expensive but it wasn't a cheap piece of metal either, just under 100. The rings we gave each other were about the same price. After reading my original post I thought there may be some confusion so I just wanted to get that straightened out. We both gave each other rings, actually now I'm confused. Right now I have both promise rings, the one I gave her and she gave back and the one that she gave me. I would think if she wanted the money she would have wanted the ring she had given me originally. From what she wrote though, I'm assuming she wants the ring I had originally gave her and she later gave back. Hurtingandconfused, you thought that she may not be over her. From what I have heard she has had a boyfriend for about a year now. I'm not sure what kind of difference that makes. I have tried in the past for us to talk and be friends atleast, but she doesn't even want to talk. I have to say that i'm not completely over her, mainly because we only had a ten minute conversation and 1 page email discussing the break up and never really talked after that. I guess I'll send back the ring next week with a note. I'm just not sure how detailed to make it now. Should I leave it simple or say everything I have had to say over the past year? Thanks for your reply Hurtingandconfused If anybody needs clarification let me know. I'm sure there is a better way to explain the situation i'm just not sure exactly how right this second
indigo_moon Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 So please let me make sure I have the facts straight. 1) you both were together for a total of 2.5 yrs. 2) 6 months prior the break-up, she gives you BACK the promise ring you'd given to her - telling you to give it to her "when you were ready" (what does this mean? was she angry then that you weren't making moves to marry and didn't feel you were "ready"?) 3) 6 months after the above ring return, she dumps you over the telephone. (why? Did this come as a shock? Had you been having problems in your relationship?) 4) She basically hasn't given you the time of day over the past year........ 5) She's had a boyfriend for the past year and now, out of the blue, she is asking for the promise ring you gave her, that she'd previously given back to you..........her reasoning for the request is that she'd returned the ring she'd given to you. This is absolutely bizarre. What age is she? Part of me says ignore her, forget the ring......she didn't treat you very nicely over the past year in your attempt to speak with her..............but the logical part says give her back the damn ring if it means so much to her, but don't send a note..or if you do, write something brief like "here's the promise ring I'd given you in the past, returning it to you as per your request." It's possible she no longer has a boyfriend.......and only got with him 'on the rebound' (see, it would be more helpful to know the details of why you both broke up)........and this "ring request" is a long-shot attempt at initiating contact with you again..........maybe trying to send you some vague message that that ring had meant something to her, I don't know. It's very weird, to say the least. Why don't you just email her (you have nothing to lose)..play dumb....say something like, "Hi ____, just want to clarify this.....you're not asking for the promise ring you'd given me, you're asking for the one I'd given to you that you returned to me a few months before you ended our relationship on the phone? I'll surely return it but I'm just curious as to why you're asking for it now, appease my curiousity, please." In her request, did she mention WHY she'd like it back?
Author wing81 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Posted December 27, 2004 Basically indigo_moon you got it. She had returned the ring I had given her I guess as a wake up sign. Things weren't as good as they could have been but they were terrible either. Basically I didn't know what I wanted in life at that time. She was traveling with a job so we didn't see each but talked over the phone a lot. Before she left though I could tell things were really starting to head south and was unsure if the relationship was going to last, mainly from her attitude. The surprising part was she did it over the phone a month after she left for her job. She was going to be gone from August till May. I think things would have turned out a lot better if we had talked in person, I tried my hardest to tell her to meet with me. Right now I'm not sure what ring she wants back. I'm starting to think that she wants the one she gave me. Her message was unclear since I have both rings right now. She made no mention of why she wanted the ring back just that she was surprised I hadn't sent it back to her even though she had given mine back. She is 23 years old now. The guy she is or was seeing she met while she was traveling with her job. As far as the break up goes I'm still not sure of all the details since we never really talked about it. There was a lot of miscommunication throughout our relationship. I have thought about emailing her for more details but she hasn't responded to any in the past and plus she always seems to get pissed when we talk. She usually puts things up on her instant messager profile that are directed toward me in an indirect way. I was thinking about making things real easy and send her back both rings and being done with it. I don't need the one she gave me and I their is nothing I can do with the one I gave her.
Author wing81 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Posted December 27, 2004 Just wanted to update the situation a little more. I just received another IM from my ex, of course she sent the message and signed off again just after she sent it. I guess she wants the ring that she gave me. This time in her message she has decided to tell me that giving her the ring back would be the right thing to do because she gave mine back a while ago. She also said that she is upset that she has to ask for it and I should have sent it a long time ago. WTF? Again this all could have been solved if she would have just met with me in person. Plus, she refused to gave me her address after she moved so how could I have possibly sent it to her. I don't understand why she has decided to continue to treat me like I have done something terribly wrong. What after all this time has made her want the ring back now? Is she going to give it to her new boyfriend? I need to calm down before I sent it back to her because I am likely to write a very long nasty letter to include with it. Do I continue to be polite or do I tell her off?
Zoot Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 I think this was suggested in an above post. SEND her the ring with no note. Just get rid of it.....if you have it. If you don't....tell her to BITE YOU.
indigo_moon Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 She's acting like a bratty spoiled selfish little child!! She didn't have the decency to discuss your breakup in person, face to face like adults DO - instead, she cowardly did it by phone..........and never even gave you a chance to understand all the details WHY... She leaves you these snotty messages on IM, then logs off so you don't even have a chance to converse with her. She's whining over a meaningless ring (it's meaningless now), getting all crappy with you for not returning it, as if you were supposed to be psychic and read her mind that she'd want a meaningless ring back. God she's petty. I'm glad you're no longer with her. And yes, if you didn't know her address, where were you supposed to send it? What the heck kind of ring is it? I mean, is it some expensive ring? Was it some family heirloom or something? What's the big deal? Here's some things you COULD do: 1) totally block her from your IM list so she can no longer harass you - but not before telling her to cease all further contact with you 2) go to a gumball machine and buy a cheap ring, send THAT to her 3) tell her you can't return it because you had it melted down and you and your fiance got matching nipple rings made from it (haha) 4) tell her you'd love to return it but tossed it out long ago 5) tell her that considering the childish, demanding, dismissive way she's acting in communicating this request, she can kiss yer arse. 6) send her a big ring of polish sausage 7) send the ring back and along with it, send a baby's pacifier/soother Okay, some of these are silly but I think you should just do NOTHING for a couple of months. She has no right to demand a damn thing and if you jump when she says jump, well she'll feel she has a whole lotta control and power over you. Screw that.
Pepuchin Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Yeah! Block her from your IM and do nothing.... no return the ring, no letter, no contact, no nothing... NADA. Forget about her... get a new girlfriend. Move on.... life is too short to even stop to think about people like your ex. Good luck
Author wing81 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Posted December 27, 2004 The ring wasn't cheap but I can't see her getting more than 40 dollars for it if she sold it. Maybe she is going to give it to her new boyfriend, that would seem to go along with the way she has been acting lately. I was trying to stay friends with her and keep things civil but I'm quickly realizing she isn't worth it. I have moved on but I don't think she has. Personally I think she is a little jealous. I'm now in grad school far out of state while she is stuck still living at home. While she is in grad school too, I know she isn't doing what she wants to be doing. Thanks for all of your suggestions. I wish I could do some of the things you suggested Indigo_moon but i'm just too nice. I thought at the time we were dating she was this great person and someone I wanted to spend my life with. Looking back though she treated me like a piece of sh*t. I can't believe I put up with the things I put up with. I guess I saw who she really was by the way she has handled the break up and acted over the past year. Makes me thankful that we are no longer together. I will probably send her the ring back sometime next month. If I send the note it will probably be along the lines of don't contact me again, you aren't worth my time. I don't want to be too nasty because it will get back to her parents who I have the greatest respect for. They were always nice to me and I'm sure they told her on numerous occasions that she wasn't handling things well, they always took my side in our relationship. Anyway, thanks again for your suggestions. I feel better knowing that other people think she is being a complete snob too.
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