unknown249 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Hi all, I have been broken up with my ex for almost 10 months now. It was a rough break up but I forced myself through it. However, there is one thing I am struggling intensely with. The fact I know all his passwords has allowed the temptation of looking at his Facebook and Twitter to intensify to a point where it has become a habit. I know it is extremely wrong of me to do this but I am having problems letting go completely. I am aware that by doing this I have effectively not even started NC so my healing is inevitably stopped. I can't keep going on like this, does anybody have any advice for me to stop this? I really appreciate any help. I have tried and tried and tried some more but with absolutely no luck. I fear it is becoming an obsession and it really is hurting and disrupting my moving on process. Thanks
GatsbyMH Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 My advice? Tell him to change his passwords. He might get mad but it will help you heal faster if you can't check up on his world. It will be hard but you must remove the temptation and I'm sure you know you won't stop if you dont have to.
Author unknown249 Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 Hi Gatsby, Thank you for your reply. We haven't spoke for months and I don't ever want to give him that satisfaction of knowing I have been looking since that time. He has also changed his password before, but only to another one which I knew of. I feel this is something within myself that I must come to terms with, I hope there is another way without having to ask him to change the passwords. Thanks again
Kansas87 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 This is a tough one, but if you really want to move on and get better you need to tell him to change them. It would seem that just *trying not to* isn't cutting it. You could always log in and post a bunch of crap about "YOU'VE BEEN HACKED HAHAHAHAH" and make it look like a real hacker and then he'll definitely change his password. But that is kind of crazy, so...yeah. On the other side, I always left my email and FB logged in when I lived with my ex and I know he was checking into things up to a week ago. It actually makes me sad now that he can't do that anymore, in a very sad, pathetic way. 1
Mario79 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Gatsby is right, you never know what temptations you may also have without knowing. Asking for help shows you have the moral dilema. Nothing good will come from seeing it. Its one of those temptations its better to not find out about.
Author unknown249 Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 Well what do you suggest? Is there any possible way of approaching this without sounding pathetic and ridiculously creepy? My willpower is zero when it comes to looking, absolutely hate that
GatsbyMH Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Change the password yourself. He will reset it hopefully thinking it is some weird computer glitch. Hopefully he will change it to something you won't be able to figure it out. Issue resolved without contact.
bobby326 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I know exactly what your going through. When my ex left me I knew all of her passwords for everything including her apple id because she would always lose her phone and have me find it with my phone. I told her I knew her passwords but she never changed them. A few weeks after the breakup I got really drunk, broke NC, looked at where she was on the find my iphone tracker thingie and saw that she was at a bar right next to me, of course in my blacked out stupor I texted her asking her why she was there and all pissed off, it back fired horribly, of course I apologized and explained to her I was hammered and she seemed to understand and asked her to change all her passwords, she again never did. I think she likes the fact that I want to know what she is doing or where she is in some kind of sick twisted way. Luckily I finally got to the point where I have no desire to look at her email, FB or where she is at. I finally realized that I have absolutely NO CONTROL over what she does, where she is, who she is with etc and me knowing about what she is doing is only hurting me and will NEVER help me. I think if you can convince yourself that this habit you have is destroying you, you will not check it. At first when I would go out and drink with friends I would give them my phone and only have them read a message or tell me who was calling me. If you have to do this then do it, if you have a smart phone and can deactivate it temp and use a non-smart phone then do it. Looking at what this person is doing is only hurting you. Since I stopped looking at anything including blocking her friends/family and having my family block her from FB and have avoided ALL information of her life I feel a whole lot better. Of course I still hurt and think of her everyday but I feel as if I am making progress. Good luck, I would not ask them to change their password though, I would find the strength to resist. BTW I am almost 3 months post BU, 2 months NC and was dumped after 4 1/2 years, live in gf. Hope this helps.
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