Is it normal for the OW to compare herself to the BS?

[Raena]

gather the evidence.

 

My child comes first, period. AND there is no way in hell I'd allow MY CHILD around a woman who is currently, cowardly, trying to publicly gloat by humiliating me, ESPECIALLY after winning the man.

 

Follow her tweets and STORE them. THERE is no right to privacy on twitter. Actively follow her but never respond unless you can bait her.

 

Then, in an email, I would forward all of them to the x AND my attorney, that unless they stopped immediately, HE will have no further contact with his child.

 

have your attorney write HIM a letter that they must cease and desist.

 

WHO CARES if it is enforceable in a court of law. Time to play hardball and fight stupid with stupid.

 

Or, you just may attract public attention as in, media.

 

This could be the ultimate revenge for you. Are they really that stupid? I see the tabloids eating this up....no matter what the ruling is...

 

Actually, I was thinking that it probably isn't in my best interest to actively follow her on there. It would make it seem that I am inciting her to say things about me. At least, that's what I was thinking on it. Besides, I don't have to actively follow her to see what she is saying. I did report her tweets on twitter, the ones where she made threatening statements. They didn't block her account, in fact it seems like all they did was warn her because she has been smart about it since then.

[violet1]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been on other boards and I haven't heard of OW's going as far as tweeting about the BS. I've mainly read stories of OW's being jealous of the BS. Or bad mouthing the BS because they believe every word that comes out of the WS's mouth. Some people refuse to see and/or believe that there are always two sides of a story. I've never understood why people feel the need to compare themselves to the exes in any type of circumstance. She sounds like a nutjob. Her and your ex deserve each other.

 

As far as preventing her from seeing your son, does she have any drug charges? You can pay money to get a criminal background check done on her. You've got to have good evidence to prove that she's a danger to be around your child. Stay strong and I wish you the best!

[Raena]

Unless you tweet it in a public forum or post it on FB.

 

There are no rights to privacy on the Internet. Dislike whomever you want. Just shut up about it on FB and TWitter.

 

You are exactly right Spark... the fact that she is using a public forum to actively make negative comments about me is definitely something... certainly not "nothing". It isn't just about her not liking me, she's taking it to another level. She's never even met me, so she doesn't have any idea who I am or what I'm like.

[Raena]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been on other boards and I haven't heard of OW's going as far as tweeting about the BS. I've mainly read stories of OW's being jealous of the BS. Or bad mouthing the BS because they believe every word that comes out of the WS's mouth. Some people refuse to see and/or believe that there are always two sides of a story. I've never understood why people feel the need to compare themselves to the exes in any type of circumstance. She sounds like a nutjob. Her and your ex deserve each other.

 

As far as preventing her from seeing your son, does she have any drug charges? You can pay money to get a criminal background check done on her. You've got to have good evidence to prove that she's a danger to be around your child. Stay strong and I wish you the best!

 

I was actually looking at that last night... and wondering which site to choose to do this. There are so many out there, it's hard to tell if the site will actually give me what I need.

[whichwayisup]

Have you talked to her ex? Maybe time to do so. And/or hire a PI, dig up stuff on her, if she has any mental issues, what type of parent she is, etc..etc.. You have every right to keep her from your child. You don't know this woman, all you have to go on is what she's doing and saying..And her behaviour now is quite telling.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

If she is making threatening statements - that's one thing - you need to have that evidence handy. In my case, we caught the pastor that read our names some two years later making a comment on the other pastor's page (both had since been put out of a job) regarding someone else in this church. It was a direct slam and those that read it knew it - we screen shot it, one member emailed the pastor and said "we know who this relates to - this is not how a pastor acts" and it was immediately removed. However, then they blocked all kinds of people so they couldn't see their stupid remarks.

 

All this to say, it she is threatening and if it is defamation of character you might have a case.

 

But spark, I disagree - no tabloid wants this stuff unless it's a celebrity. Believe me I know - I emailed one of the major talk shows to try to get my story (especially the church side of it) publicized - they weren't interested. And I thought I had a pretty good one.

Edited November 19, 2013 by lilmisscantbewrong

[Spark1111]

If she is making threatening statements - that's one thing - you need to have that evidence handy. In my case, we caught the pastor that read our names some two years later making a comment on the other pastor's page (both had since been put out of a job) regarding someone else in this church. It was a direct slam and those that read it knew it - we screen shot it, one member emailed the pastor and said "we know who this relates to - this is not how a pastor acts" and it was immediately removed. However, then they blocked all kinds of people so they couldn't see their stupid remarks.

 

All this to say, it she is threatening and if it is defamation of character you might have a case.

 

But spark, I disagree - no tabloid wants this stuff unless it's a celebrity. Believe me I know - I emailed one of the major talk shows to try to get my story (especially the church side of it) publicized - they weren't interested. And I thought I had a pretty good one.

 

Did you have a lawyer file suit?

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Did you have a lawyer file suit?

 

Hindsight I should have. I think at the time I was so devastated by all off it that I wasn't thinking clearly. In fact I just had a long conversation with a wonderful woman who is actually a close family friend of xmom and his wife and she was livid when she talked about it - still four years later. She would have had an attorney in there in a heartbeat if it had been her child, but most people were so brainwashed by the pastors handling and just so much in shock no one thought about it.

 

I think I would have most definitely had a defamation of character lawsuit I could have won. I have often thought about writing a book about it - now stepping back from the craziness I think I could do it.

[dreamingoftigers]

Unless you tweet it in a public forum or post it on FB.

 

There are no rights to privacy on the Internet. Dislike whomever you want. Just shut up about it on FB and TWitter.

 

I personally think that the tactic is good BUT that she should have her friend do the screen shots, tracking etc. just because that way it doesn't keep Raena obsessing over it. She can live her life etc. while there's a file gathering and then submit etc.

 

At that rate, that yappy girl will have a three-inch binder filled by next week.

[dreamingoftigers]

Nope!

 

You yourself said they were vague references. Secondly, there is no judge that is going to consider hearsay evidence from your friends giving you the 'general idea' of what she supposedly said. Not gonna happen.

 

You aren't gathering any sort of evidence.

 

She said that the more current ones were vague references.

Previous ones were clearly directed at Raena and were acknowledged as such.

[Raena]

Ultimately I really just want to protect my son from this craziness. That's my goal. I don't know how I will do it, but there has to be a way to make it happen. It isn't in his best interest to have to share his time with his father, with his new girlfriend. He's already a mess because his father won't answer the phone when he calls him. It's bound to get worse when he realizes that his father left because he found someone new.

 

He's a very bright young boy and he picks up on things pretty quickly. He has already mentioned to me that he heard his daddy telling some girl on the phone that he loves her and it made him very sad. What kind of message is this sending to him that his Daddy could go from hugging and kissing me, telling me how much he loves me one minute... to suddenly daddy moved out and it living with a new girl and now he won't talk to me. It's rough on the kids. I really wish people would consider that when they have an affair. It isn't just about YOU, not when there are children involved.

[rumbleseat]

the laws surrounding internet and social media postings vary from place to place, and what is legal in one jurisdiction/country may not be legal in another.

 

As with most situations, the bets thing to do is contact a lawyer and get legal advice.They will be able to give you sugestions about what your best course of action may be.

 

About using social media to compare ones self to the betrayed spouse? That just smacks of insecurity and also a pathetic need to be hurtful. Sounds like something a teenager ( or trailer trash skanky sort of person) would do. All she is doing is making herself look vindictive and trashy, and you look better and better.

[dreamingoftigers]

Sadly enough, but frankly,

 

I think he will disappear from your sons life the less you are involved in conflict with them, especially over your son.

 

For people like them, this is about winning a scrap, not looking out for his best interests. Dad will get involved with new gf and her drama. That'll keep him occupied. As long as you don't remind them of what a crappy parent he is (and step parent for her) they probably won't argue it and try to "prove" otherwise OR go after you about it.

 

He'll probably get a couple of "token visits" a year after this calms down in a few months.

 

He's already said he can't have his son over there. He's backburnered his son already. Parents who want their kids put them on the forefront. Nothing gets between them and their kid. He just wants to be able to say "I tried and tried son, but your Mom made it 'too hard.'"

 

Keep the tweets in case they change their mind.

He'll probably pop back for a bit trying to increase visits once the relationship explodes, but until then, he's "taking a vacation" from being a parent.

 

Ultimately I really just want to protect my son from this craziness. That's my goal. I don't know how I will do it, but there has to be a way to make it happen. It isn't in his best interest to have to share his time with his father, with his new girlfriend. He's already a mess because his father won't answer the phone when he calls him. It's bound to get worse when he realizes that his father left because he found someone new.

E

He's a very bright young boy and he picks up on things pretty quickly. He has already mentioned to me that he heard his daddy telling some girl on the phone that he loves her and it made him very sad. What kind of message is this sending to him that his Daddy could go from hugging and kissing me, telling me how much he loves me one minute... to suddenly daddy moved out and it living with a new girl and now he won't talk to me. It's rough on the kids. I really wish people would consider that when they have an affair. It isn't just about YOU, not when there are children involved.

[Raena]

the laws surrounding internet and social media postings vary from place to place, and what is legal in one jurisdiction/country may not be legal in another.

 

As with most situations, the bets thing to do is contact a lawyer and get legal advice.They will be able to give you sugestions about what your best course of action may be.

 

About using social media to compare ones self to the betrayed spouse? That just smacks of insecurity and also a pathetic need to be hurtful. Sounds like something a teenager ( or trailer trash skanky sort of person) would do. All she is doing is making herself look vindictive and trashy, and you look better and better.

 

Yeah, she is particularly upset by being called a white trash skank... I have to wonder why she becomes so offensive about it? I mean, it is what it is! He told me that this sets her off because she's been called it before. Of course, this doesn't really surprise me based on the way she is acting.

[Snowflower]

Yeah, she is particularly upset by being called a white trash skank... I have to wonder why she becomes so offensive about it? I mean, it is what it is! He told me that this sets her off because she's been called it before. Of course, this doesn't really surprise me based on the way she is acting.

 

 

Who called her a white trash sk*nk? I hope it wasn't you who said that and I really hope you can step away from this drama triangle. Unfortunately, I think you have allowed yourself to become too involved in all this drama.

 

I agree with dreamingoftigers with regard to your child. I think he will lose interest if you don't fight him about it. Take the high road. Be gracious and kind when you have to deal with your ex. He has already agreed that your child can't be in his home so you don't have to deal with that. Ignore the OW or be sweet as pie to her when you do have to see her. It will completely throw her.

[Raena]

Apparently, she has garnered no favors with his family. Just today alone I received messages from 4 of his family members telling me that they have looked at her fb page (because he has now reinstated his fb and added her as a friend/in a relationship with) and then went and looked at her twitter as well. They are all completely disgusted by how they are both behaving.

 

These are people that he loves dearly and respects their opinion. I didn't even have to say a word. It's so pathetic really. I don't even know them that well... only met them for the first time this past summer when we finally went to his hometown to meet everyone. We were supposed to only be there for 2 days but I was having such fun that we stayed for almost 2 weeks. I really loved his family. Such great people. Makes me wonder how he ended up being the type of man he is.

 

That bothers me too... I mean why... after 11 years of being together ... did he wait to take me to meet his favorite cousins, aunts, uncles and so on when he was in the middle of an affair? They all thought he was going to ask me to marry him when we were there. Truth be told, I did too. Now I'm very glad he didn't.

[Raena]

Who called her a white trash sk*nk? I hope it wasn't you who said that and I really hope you can step away from this drama triangle. Unfortunately, I think you have allowed yourself to become too involved in all this drama.

 

I agree with dreamingoftigers with regard to your child. I think he will lose interest if you don't fight him about it. Take the high road. Be gracious and kind when you have to deal with your ex. He has already agreed that your child can't be in his home so you don't have to deal with that. Ignore the OW or be sweet as pie to her when you do have to see her. It will completely throw her.

 

No, I wasn't the one who did that... my best friend did after she got blasted by the OW on twitter. This was a month ago though.

 

As for him saying he can't be in his home... what he said was... he can't come stay until I can get some furniture. He said in 3 weeks he will be ok to have him come spend the night. This was all before I knew for sure that the skank was coming up here to live with him. (Yes, I refer to her as skank now, but I don't do it to her face, in fact, I don't speak to or write to her at all)

[Raena]

Who called her a white trash sk*nk? I hope it wasn't you who said that and I really hope you can step away from this drama triangle. Unfortunately, I think you have allowed yourself to become too involved in all this drama.

 

I agree with dreamingoftigers with regard to your child. I think he will lose interest if you don't fight him about it. Take the high road. Be gracious and kind when you have to deal with your ex. He has already agreed that your child can't be in his home so you don't have to deal with that. Ignore the OW or be sweet as pie to her when you do have to see her. It will completely throw her.

 

I just now noticed what you wrote in bold. I actually haven't spoken to her at all other than the day that he texted me that he had been having an affair. Since then, I've had no contact with her at all. She has no idea whether I see what she writes or not. I stopped telling the ex that I was looking too a couple weeks ago. She is getting zero reaction out of me... not as far as she can tell anyhow.

 

Also... I haven't spoken to him either other than to discuss stuff about the car he has that is still registered and insured in my name.

 

I have to say, I'm actually quite proud of myself for the way I've handled this since he walked out. In the beginning I spent a lot of time asking him questions and crying, but I've since decided to not give him the satisfaction of knowing how I feel.

 

I went to my doctor today and got a prescription for an anti-depressant. I've been having anxiety attacks left and right, can't sleep, can't eat, lost a ton of weight. It's insane. When it started affecting me at work, I knew it was time to do something about it. I can usually keep my home life separate from work... and I really have to considering my job... but this has been too much. I also went an made an appointment to take my son and myself to see a psychologist. I think it's time. This isn't going to end anytime soon and I can't handle all this stress. It's too much.

[dreamingoftigers]

I just now noticed what you wrote in bold. I actually haven't spoken to her at all other than the day that he texted me that he had been having an affair. Since then, I've had no contact with her at all. She has no idea whether I see what she writes or not. I stopped telling the ex that I was looking too a couple weeks ago. She is getting zero reaction out of me... not as far as she can tell anyhow.

 

Also... I haven't spoken to him either other than to discuss stuff about the car he has that is still registered and insured in my name.

 

I have to say, I'm actually quite proud of myself for the way I've handled this since he walked out. In the beginning I spent a lot of time asking him questions and crying, but I've since decided to not give him the satisfaction of knowing how I feel.

 

I went to my doctor today and got a prescription for an anti-depressant. I've been having anxiety attacks left and right, can't sleep, can't eat, lost a ton of weight. It's insane. When it started affecting me at work, I knew it was time to do something about it. I can usually keep my home life separate from work... and I really have to considering my job... but this has been too much. I also went an made an appointment to take my son and myself to see a psychologist. I think it's time. This isn't going to end anytime soon and I can't handle all this stress. It's too much.

 

 

I "liked" the way you are handling it, not that you are suffering with a boatload of anxiety.

[Raena]

I "liked" the way you are handling it, not that you are suffering with a boatload of anxiety.

 

Thanks for that. It has been very difficult but I have trying really hard to hold it together and not let it all get to me. Some days are easier than others.

[bentleychic]

I'm not shocked in the least. She honestly sounds like the type of OW that wanted your ex simply for the thrill of "winning" him and not because she actually wanted him. The fact that she left her two kids to come be with him (and one of those is his child, correct?!) disgusts me even more.

 

May they suffer miserably together. I sincerely think they won't last long and he'll come crawling back to you begging once he realizes what he has really ended up with. And I hope you kick him while he's down on his knees begging b/c that's what he deserves, to be with someone that is saying things like that about the mother of his child. I agree about doing all that you can to keep your son away from her because she does sound unhinged and spiteful and I fear she may take some of that resentment out on your son. (Which would be ironic since SHE is the one that has done wrong. And yes, again, I am saying this as an OW.)

[wanting more]

Could it be that she does this beause she knows you're reading it or having other people read it and pass it along?

 

I'll never understand an OW comparing herself or doing this. And I was an OW

 

She really does sound unstable. But I think her knowing you know what she's saying, just fuels her insanity.

[Raena]

I'm not shocked in the least. She honestly sounds like the type of OW that wanted your ex simply for the thrill of "winning" him and not because she actually wanted him. The fact that she left her two kids to come be with him (and one of those is his child, correct?!) disgusts me even more.

 

May they suffer miserably together. I sincerely think they won't last long and he'll come crawling back to you begging once he realizes what he has really ended up with. And I hope you kick him while he's down on his knees begging b/c that's what he deserves, to be with someone that is saying things like that about the mother of his child. I agree about doing all that you can to keep your son away from her because she does sound unhinged and spiteful and I fear she may take some of that resentment out on your son. (Which would be ironic since SHE is the one that has done wrong. And yes, again, I am saying this as an OW.)

 

I know Bentley, I find it refreshing that you have come on here and been so supportive. Thanks for that

 

I bolded your statement. I never said her child was his, but I have to say... I've wondered about this very same thing... I don't think he is my ex's though. If that were the case then he would have had to know her 6 years ago. That is actually quite possible since he was still living in VA then and I was here raising our son alone and... he also fathered another child during that time period with the exact same name as the name of her child. It would be a bit much if the reality is... he fathered TWO other children(who were then named the same) while I was pregnant with ours. Lord have mercy, thank goodness the meds are kicking in or I'd be having another anxiety attack right now!

[Raena]

Could it be that she does this beause she knows you're reading it or having other people read it and pass it along?

 

I'll never understand an OW comparing herself or doing this. And I was an OW

 

She really does sound unstable. But I think her knowing you know what she's saying, just fuels her insanity.

 

Yeah, I think you are right. She does it just because she thinks I'm watching. In a way I think that makes it worse... and I think my ex is complicit in this as well. I believe he is feeding her things to say. He already did that a month ago by telling her what to write to one of my friends. He told her information he knew about her that should have been kept private. Instead, she blasted it on twitter to my friend. Most of the snarky remarks she makes about me is information she would have had to have gotten from him. It's almost like he gets off on seeing her belittle me too.

 

He called me a few minutes ago and tried to tell me that she isn't living there with him. He wants to take our son out to the movies on Saturday. I told him that was fine, but that she can't go with him. I told him that he can stop his lying now. He laughed at me and said she's writing that stuff just to start trouble but that she wasn't with him all weekend. I didn't even tell him that I saw what she wrote.... he brought it up. Very strange. Very strange behavior indeed. He thinks if he keeps lying about it I won't ever know the truth. Still hasn't given me his new address either. I have no idea where he is living.

[wanting more]

It does sound like your WH is pushing her right along. And pushing someone who doesn't seem very stable is not good. They're playing games with you. one day their game will end and they'll both realize what complete asses they are.

 

I had a family member, whose husband cheated on her and left for his OW. They had a 5 yr old son. It was in their divorce papers that the son could not sleep at the parents house if there was someone of the opposite sex there. Until they were married

 

It may be best for you to stop looking or having someone look at her fb or twitter. It horrible what theyre doing. Horrible. Childish. Stupid. And hurtful.