What is wrong with men?

[ShiningMoon]

I just read this article about a guy who reluctantly started a Tinder account and found himself interested in someone ...

 

" I didn’t tell any of my friends, because I was embarrassed, but I asked Sheila out on a date. As much as I was scared she’d want a relationship right away, I took a chance because, as terrible as it sounds, I thought she’d be easy to sleep with.

 

We met up the next week at a bar near my place. As expected, the conversation rolled off her tongue. She was full of energy and inquisitive. She wanted to know everything about me. On most of my past dates, I've found myself listening to mind-numbing anecdotes about my date’s job or her love of chicken soup, so this was something new.

 

As fun as it was to talk with Sheila, and as gratifying as it was to think that a member of the opposite sex actually gave a sh*t about my interests, I couldn’t get past the fact that Sheila wasn’t what was advertised on Tinder. She did a nice job culling comely photos of herself, because in person she was short and a little round with a crooked smile. She was so fun, so sweet, but I just wasn’t attracted to her. I couldn’t make something out of nothing.

 

I knew this from the second I met her in person, but of course I went and kissed her when we walked out of the bar . It just seemed like something I was trained to do. I was on autopilot.

 

At that point, of course, Sheila was extremely into the thought of “us.” I hate PDA and she grabbed my hand as I walked her to her subway. I writhed on the inside the whole way back. What had I gotten myself into. Why the hell did I kiss her?

 

After I saw her off, her texts became even more frequent and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I have a job that I care about and I didn’t want to be texting up a storm at work. As the week progressed, my responses to her texts became more infrequent and increasingly aloof. Finally, I lied to her and said I was seeing someone.

 

The next day, I deleted my Tinder account. For the most part, I had no intentions of going on dates, so what was the point? I only wanted the gratification of knowing that I was wanted, that someone else found me attractive. Beyond that, I didn’t want to socialize. I never wanted to know about someone else. I only sought to ogle, like a misogynist "

 

 

 

What is wrong with this guy? Seriously, who does that? Why did he kiss the poor girl knowing he was not attracted to her? I'm slightly taken aback here. I find his reaction to be completely heartless. He says he's not attracted to her then he goes on and kisses her. Some people have a very twisted logic. I feel really bad for the girl mainly because I can relate, but still, it's a terrible way to handle a situation.

 

He could have just walked her to the subway, said goodbye and that's all. Why did have to kiss her?

 

Have you ever lead someone on like this?

Edited November 17, 2013 by ShiningMoon

[carhill]

Have you ever lead someone on like this?

 

So far, no, but that's likely because I dealt with it on the receiving end from a pretty young age, so never felt like perpetrating those kinds of actions on another person.

 

Generally, what's wrong with those such men who do that is that they either are very self-absorbed or have a difficult time functioning alone, so need the validation of another or others to get through the day/week/month, etc. It doesn't matter who the 'another' is, or how they feel about them; essentially, the other person is irrelevant and interchangeable. It's their energy the man wants, directed at him. Think of them as black holes. Nothing escapes, not even light. Stay away. Danger.

[CptSaveAho]

really? Tinder = hookup app

 

like youve never hooked up with someone you werent attracted to or wanted to.

 

so if he told her im not attracted to you and posted that story up here, you would come here posting that variation of it... give us a break

[carhill]

If you're asking me, nope, never have 'hooked up' with anyone I wasn't in a committed relationship with.

 

Tinder is what I use to start a campfire

[Grumpybutfun]

I just read this article about a guy who reluctantly started a Tinder account and found himself interested in someone ...

Have you ever lead someone on like this?

 

Never. Though I wouldn't have used an app like Tinder either. This isn't a man but a boy who shouldn't even be allowed to waste people's time. He sounds like a douche. One who is passive aggressive...letting himself be led and then kicking and screaming the entire way, resenting those who tries to interact with him. Why bother dating if you are only looking for validation for your ego?

SMH,

Grumps

[AHaze]

Who cares?

It's casual sex app... she's a slut, I sincerely hope what he did made her significantly miserable for the rest of her week.

[winny]

At least he gave her a reason (even if false) that he is seeing someone else....

[winny]

If you're asking me, nope, never have 'hooked up' with anyone I wasn't in a committed relationship with.

 

Tinder is what I use to start a campfire

 

I guess u meant Timber

[gaius]

She did something for him so his natural urge was to do something for her. There aren't a lot of people who are mean enough to outright turn down a sweet girl who's done nothing but stroke your ego.

[ShiningMoon]

really? Tinder = hookup app

 

like youve never hooked up with someone you werent attracted to or wanted to.

 

so if he told her im not attracted to you and posted that story up here, you would come here posting that variation of it... give us a break

 

No. I've never done such thing. I always tell the guy I just want to be friends or he's not my type or I'm not interested. I don't care if I hurt his feelings, leading him on would be way worse.

 

"Give us a break"? I'm not attacking anyone here. I'm just wondering if some people did the same thing. Clearly you did.

 

The point is not really about Tinder it could have been POF / OKCupid / Match.com. It's quite irrelevant.

[Leigh 87]

If a young, slim hot girl wanted a date with him, I am sure he would be stoked.

 

IF they had hot chemistry and he fancied her personality, he would be more than happy to date her......

 

Most guys are like this; they don't date or have much to do with a girl they are not all that attracted to, unless they become friends.

 

He is wrong to hae kissed her, but a lot of guys go through the motions.

 

...

 

 

Read my last thread: " Who Does This"

 

About a friend of a guy I am sort of seeing.

 

He met her online, they talked, she sexted him.

 

They met.

 

She was much more overweight than in her profile pictures.

 

He was not at all attracted, but he felt that he had to agree to the deal they had; casual fun. She had already alluded to that being what she wanted.

 

He went to her house, didn't get her name until there, had sex, then left right away.

 

He then rang me friend to tell him about it; they laughed together, as he was like " I said to her " do you mind if I leave straight away:lmao:"

 

He left his wallet there and had to go back. Karma:lmao:

[Confusedguy81]

same thing that is wrong with women. noone really knows what the heck they want

[MalachiX]

"Give us a break"? I'm not attacking anyone here. I'm just wondering if some people did the same thing.

 

Given the title of your thread was "What's Wrong with men?" it sure sounds like you're attacking some people here (perhaps those with a penis). It's frankly naive and a little sexist to thing only guys would lead someone on because they want attention. I have a feeling a ton of nice guys on these boards have experienced the same thing form women. Whether you want to own up to it or not, any time you make a thread like this and direct towards one gender there are going to be people who are put on the defensive. That doesn't excuse the d-bag who called the girl a "slut" nor does it absolve anyone who has done this defended it.

 

As for have I ever done this? No. Not like this.

 

That said, I think MOST people do some form of this to a lesser extent. There's an episode of How I Met Your Mother called "On the Hook" which explores this and tends to show how most people will find someone they use to make them feel attractive but have no intention of dating. Usually we are completely unaware that we're doing this.

 

Think of all the people we know in our lives. Chances are there's going to be one or two who we flirt with or lead on slightly without really wanting to date. We all want to feel attractive and sometimes this sort of thing just happens.

 

That said, the guy in this post is different and more extreme. He's actually going out with this girl known that he's not interested and is aware that he's leading her on with no intention otherwise. To me, that's a lot worse but I'm trying not to judge too much since, once again, I think most of us have such impulses and indulge them in smaller/less-direct ways.

[ChessPieceFace]

What's wrong with that girl that she falsified her appearance?

What's wrong with that girl that she got so emotionally invested in a virtual stranger?

What's wrong with a girl who takes 1 guy's actions and makes a topic line generalizing to all men?

[MrCastle]

This is not something subject to all men, or even men in general. The guy in the original post is a user, but so is every female who friend zones a guy.

 

There are men who see unattractive women and think: this will be easy, I'll just use her for sex whenever I'm in a dry spell.

 

And there are women who see unattractive men and think: I can get him to do things for me.

 

Are either of these people doing it consciously? I hope not, because that would be evil, but it does happen. But no, I think the majority of these people are users in nature and find a way to rationalize their decisions.

 

In his case: What? She's attracted to me. I'm doing her a favor. I think she'd rather sleep with me than have nothing with me at all.

 

In her case: What? He's attracted to me. I'm just being friendly. I think he'd rather be friends with me than have nothing at all.

[filani]

This is not something subject to all men, or even men in general. The guy in the original post is a user, but so is every female who friend zones a guy.

 

There are men who see unattractive women and think: this will be easy, I'll just use her for sex whenever I'm in a dry spell.

 

And there are women who see unattractive men (who have a crush on them) and think: I can get him to do things for me.

 

^^^^^

This !!!

 

There is always TWO SIDES to every coin.

[Emilia]

That said, I think MOST people do some form of this to a lesser extent. There's an episode of How I Met Your Mother called "On the Hook" which explores this and tends to show how most people will find someone they use to make them feel attractive but have no intention of dating. Usually we are completely unaware that we're doing this.

 

Think of all the people we know in our lives. Chances are there's going to be one or two who we flirt with or lead on slightly without really wanting to date. We all want to feel attractive and sometimes this sort of thing just happens.

This. People are who they are. The sooner you make peace with that OP the better for you.

[superb]

I guess u meant Timber

 

 

 

Tinder is easily combustible material used to

ignite fires by rudimentary methods. A small

fire consisting of tinder is then used to ignite

kindling. lol

[carhill]

Yeah, what he said

 

It's an old fart word but that might indicate the thought processes behind the web site's/apps name. Start a fire.

[antonio1149]

Given the title of your thread was "What's Wrong with men?" it sure sounds like you're attacking some people here (perhaps those with a penis). It's frankly naive and a little sexist to thing only guys would lead someone on because they want attention. I have a feeling a ton of nice guys on these boards

 

Good points.

 

Have I done this? Yes. But not because I just wanted to feel attraction or get an ego boost. Sometimes, people do these things because they know they are not attracted but they want to give the person a little something that they think will have a positive effect. Which would you rather hear after a date:

 

"You have a lot going for you, but I think we're on a different page about some important things--life goals, family goals, etc." (LIE)

 

or:

 

"Thanks for the date, but you're shorter, homelier and about 30 pounds heavier than your pictures implied, and that doesn't work for me so I won't be seeing you again." (TRUTH)

 

 

I recently spoke to a female friend who went on a date with a mutual friend of ours. She really wasn't interested, but he kept asking and asking and she finally agreed. It went nowhere, of course, but she thought she was being "nice."

 

Is this the right thing to do? No? But did she do it because she's a bad person or a user or player? No.

[MalachiX]

Good points.

 

Have I done this? Yes. But not because I just wanted to feel attraction or get an ego boost. Sometimes, people do these things because they know they are not attracted but they want to give the person a little something that they think will have a positive effect. Which would you rather hear after a date:

 

"You have a lot going for you, but I think we're on a different page about some important things--life goals, family goals, etc." (LIE)

 

or:

 

"Thanks for the date, but you're shorter, homelier and about 30 pounds heavier than your pictures implied, and that doesn't work for me so I won't be seeing you again." (TRUTH)

 

 

I recently spoke to a female friend who went on a date with a mutual friend of ours. She really wasn't interested, but he kept asking and asking and she finally agreed. It went nowhere, of course, but she thought she was being "nice."

 

Is this the right thing to do? No? But did she do it because she's a bad person or a user or player? No.

 

If that's really why ur friend went out with the guy then no, I don't think she's using him. What I'm suggesting though is that a great many of us actually give encouragement to people we're not interested in dating because we like to feel attractive (or maybe just because we're lonely).

 

Once again, usually we don't even realize we're doing this. We might have a friend of the opposite sex who we flirt with or get a bit closer physically with than other friends yet would shy away if they actually wanted to date. Sometimes it's a mutual thing between both parties who want to feel sexy but who don't want a relationship. Usually though one party would actually like to date and is on the hook.

 

What you, and the OP talked about both involved going on actual dates which i think puts it into a different ball game. I just think we should all be a bit more aware how many of us engage in a more subtle version of this.

[Mascara]

Who cares?

It's casual sex app... she's a slut, I sincerely hope what he did made her significantly miserable for the rest of her week.

 

Well aren't you just a little ray of sunshine.

 

I don't think a kiss is necessarily leading someone on. Kissing is one step beyond a hug. And after a few drinks that might involve tongues. If he'd slept with her, that'd be different.

[StanMusial]

I just read this article about a guy who reluctantly started a Tinder account and found himself interested in someone ...

 

" I didn’t tell any of my friends, because I was embarrassed, but I asked Sheila out on a date. As much as I was scared she’d want a relationship right away, I took a chance because, as terrible as it sounds, I thought she’d be easy to sleep with.

 

We met up the next week at a bar near my place. As expected, the conversation rolled off her tongue. She was full of energy and inquisitive. She wanted to know everything about me. On most of my past dates, I've found myself listening to mind-numbing anecdotes about my date’s job or her love of chicken soup, so this was something new.

 

As fun as it was to talk with Sheila, and as gratifying as it was to think that a member of the opposite sex actually gave a sh*t about my interests, I couldn’t get past the fact that Sheila wasn’t what was advertised on Tinder. She did a nice job culling comely photos of herself, because in person she was short and a little round with a crooked smile. She was so fun, so sweet, but I just wasn’t attracted to her. I couldn’t make something out of nothing.

 

I knew this from the second I met her in person, but of course I went and kissed her when we walked out of the bar . It just seemed like something I was trained to do. I was on autopilot.

 

At that point, of course, Sheila was extremely into the thought of “us.” I hate PDA and she grabbed my hand as I walked her to her subway. I writhed on the inside the whole way back. What had I gotten myself into. Why the hell did I kiss her?

 

After I saw her off, her texts became even more frequent and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I have a job that I care about and I didn’t want to be texting up a storm at work. As the week progressed, my responses to her texts became more infrequent and increasingly aloof. Finally, I lied to her and said I was seeing someone.

 

The next day, I deleted my Tinder account. For the most part, I had no intentions of going on dates, so what was the point? I only wanted the gratification of knowing that I was wanted, that someone else found me attractive. Beyond that, I didn’t want to socialize. I never wanted to know about someone else. I only sought to ogle, like a misogynist "

 

 

 

What is wrong with this guy? Seriously, who does that? Why did he kiss the poor girl knowing he was not attracted to her? I'm slightly taken aback here. I find his reaction to be completely heartless. He says he's not attracted to her then he goes on and kisses her. Some people have a very twisted logic. I feel really bad for the girl mainly because I can relate, but still, it's a terrible way to handle a situation.

 

He could have just walked her to the subway, said goodbye and that's all. Why did have to kiss her?

 

Have you ever lead someone on like this?

 

When I was around 8 or 9 years old I saw a cat who had cornered a mouse against the side of the house. The cat was well fed and didn't care about getting a meal. His eyes were cold and merciless. He would bat the mouse to one side and wait, then when the mouse thought he had a clear route of escape the cat would pounce and drag it back to the other side with his other paw. It was purely for entertainment, he had no care for the mouse one way or the other. My sister started crying when she saw it.

 

I have seen people, guys and girls, do the same thing more or less. Toy with other people for entertainment purposes or for some kind of gratification.

 

At least the guy in the story questioned himself and why he was doing this. He probably felt some amount of guilt on some level.

[antonio1149]

I have seen people, guys and girls, do the same thing more or less. Toy with other people for entertainment purposes or for some kind of gratification.

 

Wow, cynical bunch here! I think this is rare. It's psychopathic behavior, and most people are not psychopaths. I'll bet if you did a survey on this forum, and asked for an honest answer to the question "When dating, do you generally go out of your way to avoiding making other people feel bad?", the answer would be overwhelmingly positive. I believe this is reflective of the general population.

[phineas]

This is not something subject to all men, or even men in general. The guy in the original post is a user, but so is every female who friend zones a guy.

 

There are men who see unattractive women and think: this will be easy, I'll just use her for sex whenever I'm in a dry spell.

 

And there are women who see unattractive men and think: I can get him to do things for me.

 

Are either of these people doing it consciously? I hope not, because that would be evil, but it does happen. But no, I think the majority of these people are users in nature and find a way to rationalize their decisions.

 

In his case: What? She's attracted to me. I'm doing her a favor. I think she'd rather sleep with me than have nothing with me at all.

 

In her case: What? He's attracted to me. I'm just being friendly. I think he'd rather be friends with me than have nothing at all.

 

Pretty much.

PEOPLE do this.

Men and women do it differently however I've known men to use women for their money & I've known women to use men for sex.

 

I go on dates with women, they act like they are into me on the date, say they want to meet again, text with me after the date, then just disappear when I try to set up another date.

 

what's the point?

Who cares.

 

Maybe I should blog about it or make a thread on the intertubes.

 

Or I could treat every woman i meet like a blip on the radar until she actually goes on a few dates with me.