la74219 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 (edited) <Note from moderation: This thread resulted from a threadjack in an existing thread which moderation moved to a new discussion rather than deleting it> My ex just left me about a week ago. I begged, cried, pleaded - stupid I know, but I'm human. Her last words were to leave her alone and not to text her anymore. So I've sucked it up, and today is the first day of NC. Very tough, but I've decided that I have to chin up and march forward. I do work in the same office with her so I'll have to see her often, but have no need to communicate with her. So I'll maintain no contact hopefully. I guess it's human nature to always have that hope that maybe one day she will reach out to reconcile with me, but I am working on eliminating those thoughts. I need to do what is best for me, and if that time ever comes when she wants to talk..then I'll deal with it when it happens. If it never comes, well at least I'll have moved on. I know it's hard for you though. I really and truly loved and still love this girl more than life itself, and for you to have been farther along in your relationship then we were..I can't even imagine the pain you have gone through. Please know that you are not alone though. I will continue to follow this thread..we will get through this together. Edited November 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Mariposa10 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 (edited) No, you can't break NC because she asked you to not contact her. But most importantly, you have to start healing. Your ex girlfriend is ONLY thinking about her well-being. You need to start doing the same thing. Give it time, it's really hard the first month or weeks, but you start getting used to it. Please, do not contact your ex. Whenever you feel like contacting her, post here, vent here. We're all here for you!! How long were you two together? Edited November 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Deleted quote 1
Mariposa10 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Mariposa10 - You mentioned you broke NC. Do you think I should if I feel it is the right thing to do? I'm really struggling with that. I don't know what I want. I guess I just feel like it's so permanent if I don't contact her. Also you've only been NC for two days. Everybody is so emotional right now. NC really allows you to see things clearer. If you contact her, she'll hurt you so much, by ignoring you or being mean to you. It's not worth it. 1
Author la74219 Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 We've been together about a year. I'm trying not to say anything to her, but its tough. She tells me she still loves and cares about me, but that it's not going to work and that we both have to move on because her feelings have changed. That's just the absolute toughest thing to hear. She refuses to say this is "permanent" because she claims she doesn't like the word "permanent". And then she says she doesn't like to say "never" because she doesn't know what will happen but she doesnt think there is a chance. I try not to over analyze, but of course that gives a little false hope. I don't know, it's just a really tough time. Not to mention I work with her. We don't really have to communicate, but I will see her occasionally..starting tomorrow.
faithfully Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Mariposa10 - You mentioned you broke NC. Do you think I should if I feel it is the right thing to do? I'm really struggling with that. I don't know what I want. I guess I just feel like it's so permanent if I don't contact her. Dont break NC, you will be hurt even more if you hear something you dont wanna hear. Everybody on here have regret breaking NC. Stay strong you will be fine. Ive been on NC for nearly 30days and not once ive i thought of breaking it. You will regret it and you start from day 1 1
Author la74219 Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 Dont break NC, you will be hurt even more if you hear something you dont wanna hear. Everybody on here have regret breaking NC. Stay strong you will be fine. Ive been on NC for nearly 30days and not once ive i thought of breaking it. You will regret it and you start from day 1 Thank you. I will try not to. I just feel as if there is so much left unanswered. She refuses to look me in the face and explain to me what happened. She says she "cant do it". Yet she can tell me in a text message, and then tell me not to push it and just stop texting her. It just bothers me how it all came crashing down at once. I'm still in denial right now.
Mariposa10 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 We've been together about a year. I'm trying not to say anything to her, but its tough. She tells me she still loves and cares about me, but that it's not going to work and that we both have to move on because her feelings have changed. That's just the absolute toughest thing to hear. She refuses to say this is "permanent" because she claims she doesn't like the word "permanent". And then she says she doesn't like to say "never" because she doesn't know what will happen but she doesnt think there is a chance. I try not to over analyze, but of course that gives a little false hope. I don't know, it's just a really tough time. Not to mention I work with her. We don't really have to communicate, but I will see her occasionally..starting tomorrow. Aaah, the denial phase, I remember how I used to wake up thinking it was all a nightmare... That was the worst stage out of all the breakup stages. The best you can do is to accept the breakup. People talk about closure, but I don't know if that even exists... Respect her NC request. She knows she has all the power right now. If you start healing/moving on/ not contacting her, she'll know you're in control of your emotions and that's always more attractive than begging...
Author la74219 Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 Aaah, the denial phase, I remember how I used to wake up thinking it was all a nightmare... That was the worst stage out of all the breakup stages. The best you can do is to accept the breakup. People talk about closure, but I don't know if that even exists... Respect her NC request. She knows she has all the power right now. If you start healing/moving on/ not contacting her, she'll know you're in control of your emotions and that's always more attractive than begging... I hope I can stick with it. I hate to compare my situation to BC1980 because everyone has a unique situation, but I feel like we are in similar positions with holding on to hope. I just feel like if I give up and walk away completely, then it becomes my fault. At what point do I contact her? Or do you think she will ever reach out to me?
Mariposa10 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 I hope I can stick with it. I hate to compare my situation to BC1980 because everyone has a unique situation, but I feel like we are in similar positions with holding on to hope. I just feel like if I give up and walk away completely, then it becomes my fault. At what point do I contact her? Or do you think she will ever reach out to me? If I've learned anything on this forum is that no situation is unique. We all hold hope not just you and BC1980... We've told our exes the way we feel and what we want. There's nothing we can do. It's all up to them. They know how we feel, if they change their minds they'll let us know. We have to options, keep fantasizing about what could've been or start living our lives (or of course don't be too hard on yourself it's only been two days of NC).
Author la74219 Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 If I've learned anything on this forum is that no situation is unique. We all hold hope not just you and BC1980... We've told our exes the way we feel and what we want. There's nothing we can do. It's all up to them. They know how we feel, if they change their minds they'll let us know. We have to options, keep fantasizing about what could've been or start living our lives (or of course don't be too hard on yourself it's only been two days of NC). Haha yeah 2 days isn't a whole lot. Breakup was about 6 days ago so it's all still fresh. I'm not sure how the whole work thing will go tomorrow. I guess I just say hi if I see her. This is driving me insane thinking about this.
chris21422 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Man here's what you do. Have a groom.. New haircut/hairstyle Be looking good Be confident when your in office smile when your in office Start loosing weight if you haven't pretend nothing happen and be happy. She will start to notice it and don't even look at her never look at her.. She then gonna realize what she lost if you do it right.. good luck bro!
BC1980 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 If I've learned anything on this forum is that no situation is unique. We all hold hope not just you and BC1980... We've told our exes the way we feel and what we want. There's nothing we can do. It's all up to them. They know how we feel, if they change their minds they'll let us know. We have to options, keep fantasizing about what could've been or start living our lives (or of course don't be too hard on yourself it's only been two days of NC). We all hold out hope. Even the dumpees who have had the door slammed in their faces over and over still have hope. How do you kill hope? That's what I would like to know. Because I sure need to kill mine. Does it just take time? Any suggestions?
Confusedguy81 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 We all hold out hope. Even the dumpees who have had the door slammed in their faces over and over still have hope. How do you kill hope? That's what I would like to know. Because I sure need to kill mine. Does it just take time? Any suggestions? Self Improvement and time.
Mariposa10 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 We all hold out hope. Even the dumpees who have had the door slammed in their faces over and over still have hope. How do you kill hope? That's what I would like to know. Because I sure need to kill mine. Does it just take time? Any suggestions? I think time. And actively working on moving on and healing, but most importantly stop fantasizing. I've improved a lot just by not fantasizing.
Jmk21 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 This is why you shouldn't dip the pen in company ink IMO. Your situation is going to be pretty tough since shes still in your presence at work. I would be all business bro. Don't talk to her, unless its work related. And this is the most important thing. Stay positive and I mean real positive. Listen to kick ass music. Watch alot of comedy shows/movies. This will also help you become witty again. Most importantly is change. After my breakup I got a new haircut, shaved my face, bought lots and lots of new clothes/shoes. Started socializing, re-activated my fb (didnt have it the entire relationship) I got braces. (Sucks but it's beautiful asthetics) No contact will give YOU time to reflect in your own mind. After awhile you WILL remove her off her pedestal. Trust us on that. I was in your shoes a few months ago. Letting go is the hardest part (I didNOT want to) but once you realize your the only one hanging on, you will experience a small stage of relief and your process can finally begin. Good luck
yorkie Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 i know exactly how you are feeling and im telling you now. begging crying name calling cos your frustrated and arguing isnt gonna win her back u need to leave her alone you wont like reading that but yes leave her alone she has left you! yes i bet you are feeling sick reading this but trust me please do leave her alone and if it will work out she will come back if not you will heal dont think yeah i will try once more time as it never is once more time! i did that and it happened for two months. trust me leave her alone i know you are hurting i know you are sad and its fecking sh@t it is but if there is a chance its a better chance if you leave her alone trust me on this just bloody trust me talk to anyone! anyone else but her just leave her alone whilst it will make things alot worse! 1
Author la74219 Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 Thanks everyone for the responses. I broke NC yesterday unfortunately. All I feel like I want is a face to face conversation so I can get some closure. All she tells me is that she just doesn't feel the same. That she wants space because she wants to completely get over it and move on. That it's not easy for her, but shes trying to make it easy so to please leave her alone. Sad situation..I feel like everyone deserves a mature conversation. Oh well. I told her I don't agree with any of it and that we probably could have both handled the situation differently, but that I respect her decision and she knows how to reach me if she ever decides to talk. I just don't get it. If she doesn't feel the same, why the hell is it so hard for her to move on? Why does she need space? Why not just give me the time of day to have one final conversation? Doesn't make sense. That's all I asked for.
lyeex Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 One last final conversation isnt going to change her mind. If anything it pushes her further away from you. She's never going to give you the closure you think you need and anything she says is just going to make you feel worse. You just have to realize that you did what you could and it's her loss. She doesn't want to talk to you because it makes her feel guilty about her decision and makes her feel bad even though breaking up is what she wants. Respect her space and her choice to move on, go completely silent. That's the only way you'll have a chance at getting her back, and if not, then you're already on your way to being healed and might discover that you dont want her back anymore. Trust me, i know how hard it is. My boyfriend broke up with me 6 days ago. I texted him once since then and he ignored it, so not going there again. If he wants me, he knows where to find me. 1
Author la74219 Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 Thanks lyeex - I guess the conversation wasn't to try and get her to change her mind. I just feel like I deserved it..to know what went wrong. At the least, we could've both learned something from the experience. I'm just pissed she won't even give me that. If she feels guilty, the conversation might help her get over that guilt. I don't want her to live with guilt..I know all too well how that feels from a previous relationship. I don't know..I'm trying to understand it from both perspectives. She just says she isn't ready to talk right now, but after some time apart then maybe we can talk. But then she says there is nothing left to say, so I'm thinking why even talk after the time apart?? I have a lot to talk about though. It's like she is hoping that I just forget about everything. I guess I kinda have her backed into a corner, so I've decided it's best to just let it go. I'm struggling to forgive her..not so much for breaking it off with me, but for not even giving me the courtesy to talk. That's like the most disrespectful thing you could do to someone - especially someone you claimed you loved.
cavalier99 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Unfortunatly at the end of the day it doesnt matter. It will be just as hard anyway. Pick a reason and run with that one. And use her disrespect to propel you foward and make a decision to NEVER break NC. This is the path foward. Cav 1
Author la74219 Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 Unfortunatly at the end of the day it doesnt matter. It will be just as hard anyway. Pick a reason and run with that one. And use her disrespect to propel you foward and make a decision to NEVER break NC. This is the path foward. Cav Thanks cavalier99 - You are right I guess it really doesn't matter. It's just the anger and resentment is weighing down on me, it really is. It hurts either way..with or without any concrete reasons. But if I had to pick, I think I'd rather hear something. To be left high and dry is one thing..but to never know why, that's something I am very bitter about and will have a hard time forgiving her for.
Author la74219 Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 Crap I gave in again. This is a vicious cycle..it's a freaking addiction. I hate her. I'm usually pretty level headed, but this is getting to me. Very tough situation especially since we work together. Ughhhh I hate it. Thanks everyone for the help though..it is very encouraging. I really am beating myself up for giving in.
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