Got Me The 'CHRISTMAS BLUES'...

[chicothechimp]

* It has been 4 months now since we officially broke up... and about 6 weeks since she last saw me and said she never wants to seem me again... ever!

 

Talking about a horrible frikkin' year. Thankfully it is almost over.

 

Two years of going out and then WHAM! She wants 'space', 'time' and more of those vacuous/nebulous break-up terms that just mean "I am leaving... BYE! Oh, I am sorry, too!"

 

To those immediately on the receiving end of of a break-up: yeah, it does get better. The pain lets up, you begin eating again, sleeping again, and if you have removed her pics from your place and computer then her memory even begins to fade... I handled things horribly when she told me she wanted 'space' and 'time'... I pleaded for an extension so we could work on things... she agreed but her heart wasn't into it... I would say that LOYALTY and HONOURING YOUR WORD are two of my most important life principles.

 

Well, I found out in October that she had been getting it on with her boss at work. Yeah, I know some of you have heard this a good few times already. Thanks for your patience again.

 

When I look back a year I remember her being fairly selfish and not asking about how my day had been or what I was thinking about anymore. I thought that it might have been a phase she was in. Nope. I honestly think that the mind-blowing sex we were having at that time just distracted me with the fact that she is very self-centered and quite the gossip, too. Ironically, the last half a year we went out I can't count the number of times that I cautioned her about telling me something that someone else had shared with her in confidence. She simply could not respect the privacy of others and keep her damn mouth shut. There was plenty that others have painfully shared over the years that I have not shared with others. As I said to her from the beginning, "it is all about trust or else it all turns to $hit". How ironic.

 

I have gone on a few dates with one young woman. They went very well and I was able to tell her about the past year. She, too, had her last BF betray her so at least we are mutually cautious and on the 'same page' in that regard. Things are slow and I told her I am adamant that I just want "to talk and to go do fun things". She is on the same page.

 

It gets better. I still feel like a moron and that I was duped by a narcissist. This is the first time a GF has done this to me (i.e. cheat on me). Sometimes I honestly wonder if it is all just frikked up and that it will never work for me. But those thoughts/feelings only make a nest if I allow them to do so. Some days are still brutally dark and unnerving. Most are slowly getting better. I have met many new people the past 3 months... more than I thought possible. I have reconnected spiritually, too.

 

Yes, I miss her. But she is in the past more with each day. Betrayal is truly the hardest thing. For weeks after she broke up I had prayed that I would have the nerve to step in front of a moving bus and just end it. The pain was unlike any I have experienced before... and it was sustained for week after week initially. I still can't believe how much weight I lost and how little sleep I have lived on. Sleeping can still be very hard.

 

Hang in there to all you who are grieving. Keep a journal. Expres your rage, bitterness, lostness, abandonment, lust for wrath, desire to forgive, frustration, etc... you will heal faster likely if you do. Find other people. You simply must take a chance again sometime. Especially those of you who only had your ex.

 

Season greetings.

 

 

 

Chico

[azzer2000]

Iv been split up with my ex, for 3 months after 5 years. I must admit i was expecting her to contact me today, but she didnt. Iv started dating someone else and feels realy wierd. Im not sure if im ready for it yet.

[iceisles]

My ex has been talking to me sporadically since our breakup and yet, despite a Christmas card, a couple of small gifts, and several VERY polite e-mails (the no hard feelings kind), I have not received a call from her. I know you all will say forget about her, but that's not easy to do. It hurts when someone doesn't acknowledge the things you do for them, especially at the holidays. I know she opened her gifts last night (family tradition), and I was really dejected to not see a message on my machine from her when I got home. It looks like I am just a puppet on the end of a VERY long string.

[snilljente]

I'm feeling very lonely and sad today too...miss the guy that broke my heart this past summer...or I should say, I just miss having someone special. He was the first person that I REALLY cared for since my ex-husband who I split from about 4 years ago....and he left me for a 24 year old...actually started seeing her while we were still "together"...I don't understand this world sometimes and the people in it....I just want to be by myself, but it's so lonely...I don't know if I can put my heart on the line one more time...I just don't know if I have it in me.

[sandra parker]

Hi everyone! I share the sentiments of this X-Mas really being the pits. I can't wait for this year to be over with too. My ex of five years broke up with me almost five months ago. He too started dating someone shortly after the split. Someone he has been working with. I go forward and backwards all the time. I see him all the time because he still keeps in contact with my son. He was over today to exchange gifts. I left so that I did not have to see him. But it's God awful. I mean, he is at my house after taking her and her baby to his family gathering (used ot be our family gathering) and spending the night in her bed. I am sick about it. The last couple of days have been horrible. I have been reading these posts for the last five months and sometimes I feel like a niny because I can't be done with this already!!! I will continue to see him at least twice a week until March since my son plays basketball and he comes to watch. It hurts so bad seeing someone you love knowing that they're in someone else's arms!!! Will this ever end??? I have not gone on any dates yet because I am just not ready and no one has sparked my interest. How could they!?

I try to pray, talk it over with friends (who I'm sure are sick of it), I workout everyday, work, keep a home and do things that I enjoy and it just doesn't help. I used to think that a broken heart was a mental condition but you know what, I actually feel my heart being broken. Please don't think I am weak or pathetic, I just really feel this way. I have this constant dull ache in my chest. I just want to get over this. I have been seeing a therapist who claims I am getting better, but times like now, I seriously doubt it. Thanks for reading and being there, Sandra

[sandra parker]

Snilljente,

 

I too just want to be alone and away from everyone today. I have been a royal B---h to everyone around me. I have been apoligizing all day today!!! My ex's new gf is 25. He is 45. I too have a feeling this was going on way before we were over. But, what's the point of wondering, it's still over. Sandra

[iceisles]

Sometimes I wish I could selectively turn off my emotions. There's nothing wrong with being upset, but it sure can put a damper on the holidays. I miss my ex so much, and I'm actually looking forward to going to sleep just so I can forget about her for a few more hours. The funny thing is, I know she could probably give a sh#$ about me, and yet I am still a borderline wreck thinking about her. It amazes me how people can be so heartless, but perhaps it's just our human nature. I know I'm no angel, but I would just never blow someone off at Christmas - that is totally not what the season is about.

[sinkerswim]

I havent posted in quite awhile about my ex fiance....I was starting to feel a little better about things and all.

But of course this is my first Christmas without him. It really hit me the other night while wrapping gifts. Because they were not gifts for him like they usually were....

and I knew that this Xmas was going to be so different. He always showered me with soooo many gifts during Xmas.

Of course I have my wonderful family (parents, brothers, nieces nephews..)

and I spent it with them...

But my sadness was overwhelming on Christmas Eve. I couldnt help but cry.

My fiance and I always had our traditions, and I truly, truly miss that. It made me wonder what he was doing for the night.

When I went to church last night, I prayed soo hard after I recieved communion when the choir was singing a solemn carol. (Catholics know what I mean) Anyway... I wanted to weep. Then my mom whispered in my ear that this next year was going to be a good year for me. Well, that made me cry... I can only hope and pray.

 

I am always going to love and miss my ex fiance Edward sooo very much.

There is so much I miss...we were together 8 years.

So...Im feeling blue and have a yukky feeling in my stomach.

Im lonely.

I forgive him for what he has done to me and I pray that he had a nice christmas....

 

I hope life gets better for me. I hope everythng gets better for all of us.

[iceisles]

I'm sorry to say that I had a rough time, bordering on a mental meltdown. This was my fault, though, because I temporarily suspended NC to open up a final window of opportunity for her during the holidays. Despite some nice e-mails, a Christmas card, and two small gifts, my ex ignored me like I didn't exist. I was VERY hurt that she didn't call to say Merry Christmas or thank me for the gifts, but what did I expect? Maybe I thought the spirit of Christmas would make her want to reconcile and work on a friendship. Man, was I wrong. How could I have been so stupid? Oh, well. I know I am strong enough to go back to NC, which is what I'm doing again. It's not like I didn't try to put our differences aside in the spirit of the season. Maybe one day she will reflect on just how poorly she treated me this holiday.

[Pendawn]

I have to say I'm really feeling it today too. I was okay because I was totally geered towards enjoying Christmas and getting everything done for Christmas, and yesterday was a lovely day wih family and presents etc. i did think about him but it wasn't too bad. But now today it's all over and I'm just left trying desperately NOT to call him/text him/IM him. I'm sad and I'm lonely and I just want a hug.

 

I told him over a week ago i didn't want him to contact me for a few weeks because he was getting his cake and eating it too (he dumped me but was still treating me like a girlfriend, spekaign to me telling me all his news etc) and I couldn't deal with it.

 

I know from the last time I spooke to him his plans for the holiday season (going away to visit family and friends) fell through so I'm really hoping he is home alone, with all this time off his work not knowing what to do with himself and really missing me. It's hard because part of me wants him to suffer so he realises what he's lost, but the part of me that still loves him (and it's a big part) can't help thinking what a miserable time he'll probably have this New Years and feeling bad for him.

 

Anyway I'm going to stay strong and not contact him, and in 2 weeks I'm going to email him, lay out all my feeligns on the line and tell him if he wants to contact me to talk about us then I'd love to hear from him, but if not I'm not sure I can be friends right now.