ByMyself01 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 (edited) I have been dating a guy for 2 years. The first time we met, we met online. We really hit it off really well and within 3 months, were ready to meet and he came to visit for he is from CA and I am from Louisiana. We had the best time of our life for the 2 weeks he was here visiting. Afterwards, we decided to pursue a relationship and it came a time I went to CA with him for a week so that I could help him pack and he come live with me. We made plans to get married and have a family of our own in addition to his 2 kids. Well, fast forward to the present. After he moved in with me, I was on his PC doing work since my computer was acting up. While I was on his computer he received an email from his ex whom he has a child with. I read the emails they were sending back and forth. He had been asking her to take him back the moment he came to live with me. I was very devastated and I confronted him about it. He even told her he wanted to be married to her. Here's what he told me: "I did it because you didn't want me to love you." I didn't know what to say. It did get to the point where I felt unlovable at times and he would tell me he loved me and I would deny it. Either way, I still think I deserved to hear the truth way before I invested so much time and energy into the relationship. Also, while he was here, he sent a suicide letter to his friends and ex stating that he wants to be dead. Now he is back in CA and I have a few of his belongings. We had about 3 lines of communication after he left referring to him shipping the rest of his things. I am so devastated. I keep crying and I can't eat. I miss him so much even though he left me. I know many people will tell me to move on and trust me, I am trying. I could even live with the fact of not having him, but I just want to talk and have closure although I may never get it, it would be nice. I sent him a friend request on Facebook and he deleted the request. What I don't get is that he has been in CA all that time and he never reinforced a relationship with his ex until now. I really don't know how I should go about even getting a word to him about closure. I don't even know if he wants anything to do with me anymore. I don't understand how we could go from talking everyday to absolutely nothing. When he was in CA, nobody wanted him to leave and be with me. His family despised me and cursed me the whole time he was here. I was wondering if that had something to do with it. I'M LOST as to what is going on. Edited November 17, 2013 by ByMyself01
winny Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 I have been dating a guy for 2 years. The first time we met, we met online. We really hit it off really well and within 3 months, were ready to meet and he came to visit for he is from CA and I am from Louisiana. We had the best time of our life for the 2 weeks he was here visiting. Afterwards, we decided to pursue a relationship and it came a time I went to CA with him for a week so that I could help him pack and he come live with me. We made plans to get married and have a family of our own in addition to his 2 kids. Well, fast forward to the present. After he moved in with me, I was on his PC doing work since my computer was acting up. While I was on his computer he received an email from his ex whom he has a child with. I read the emails they were sending back and forth. He had been asking her to take him back the moment he came to live with me. I was very devastated and I confronted him about it. He even told her he wanted to be married to her. Here's what he told me: "I did it because you didn't want me to love you." I didn't know what to say. It did get to the point where I felt unlovable at times and he would tell me he loved me and I would deny it. Either way, I still think I deserved to hear the truth way before I invested so much time and energy into the relationship. Now he is back in CA and I have a few of his belongings. We had about 3 lines of communication after he left referring to him shipping the rest of his things. I am so devastated. I keep crying and I can't eat. I miss him so much even though he left me. I know man people will tell me to move on and trust me, I am trying. I could even live with the fact of not having him, but I just want to talk and have closure although I may never get it, it would be nice. I sent him a friend request on Facebook and he deleted the request. It is so hard for me to imagine what you must be feeling right now Just keep one thing in mind, however hard this maybe.... one day... in future... it will be over... and you will come out of it stronger... Whenever something bad happens I tell myself... whatever happens.. happens for good.. I am unable to see it right now... but few years down the line I will... And I reach out to friends... talk to as many people I can... just get it out of the system... so I suggest you do the same... cry it out if you want to... U can talk here as much as u want... Don't ever get back with him!
Author ByMyself01 Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 It is so hard for me to imagine what you must be feeling right now Just keep one thing in mind, however hard this maybe.... one day... in future... it will be over... and you will come out of it stronger... Whenever something bad happens I tell myself... whatever happens.. happens for good.. I am unable to see it right now... but few years down the line I will... And I reach out to friends... talk to as many people I can... just get it out of the system... so I suggest you do the same... cry it out if you want to... U can talk here as much as u want... Don't ever get back with him! Yeah I feel really bad, almost like a loser. If he gets married and I hear about it, I will just die. I know he's a jerk, but the good times did outweigh the bad. I thought we were moving forward and I always wanted to get married and for him to just walk out on me like that really hurts. I feel like the only way to replace my hurt is if I really do get married to an even better guy. I know it will be the only way I will feel better about what happened to me.
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 If he gets married, that is your closure. As much as we want the explanation . . . for the other person's behavior to make sense, that kind of closure rarely happens. Send him his stuff back & be done with it. The faster you get rid of the tangible reminders, the sooner you can heal. 1
winny Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 (edited) Yeah I feel really bad, almost like a loser. If he gets married and I hear about it, I will just die. I know he's a jerk, but the good times did outweigh the bad. I thought we were moving forward and I always wanted to get married and for him to just walk out on me like that really hurts. I feel like the only way to replace my hurt is if I really do get married to an even better guy. I know it will be the only way I will feel better about what happened to me. I would say do not think like that. You have get over him with or without the presence of an even better guy. It is not a competition. What happened to you has happened to others as well. You will get over it like they did. Just remind yourself how great and strong you are... You have it all within yourself to get over this on your own. And yes, first step would be to get rid of anything and everything that can remind you of him... Right now you are feeling like you will die if he gets married to someone else, believe me at one point I felt similar way about a guy I was in love with... but I didn't die Here I am all good... sharing my new dating issues Edited November 17, 2013 by winny
Author ByMyself01 Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 I would say do not think like that. You have get over him with or without the presence of an even better guy. It is not a competition. What happened to you has happened to others as well. You will get over it like they did. Just remind yourself how great and strong you are... You have it all within yourself to get over this on your own. And yes, first step would be to get rid of anything and everything that can remind you of him... Right now you are feeling like you will die if he gets married to someone else, believe me at one point I felt similar way about a guy I was in love with... but I didn't die Here I am all good... sharing my new dating issues But what does it mean when his belongings do not bring out any emotion in me? Like today, I walked right over his crystal and felt NOTHING. What brings out the emotion in me seeing him on social networking having fun and not talking to me about closure. Like I said, I probably will never get it. He will reap what he sow, that's what I'm really waiting on. But I know I should just block him all together and I will do that on Wednesday.
Author ByMyself01 Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 (edited) FINALLY got the closure that I needed. I broke LC today after I sent him an email asking him when will he send the money for his things or else I will put away with them and we have been on/off chatting for the past hour. He finally explained (in detail) what went wrong. I am finally relieved and can atleast sleep better. As far as us getting back together, that's a no go. I do plan to keep in touch with him, because I still do care for him as a person. After all the drama and mishaps, I really do see my ex as a friend and nothing else. I miss his companionship more than anything. Also, I don't know if my ex was being flirtatious again but we both belong to a Romantic Love Group on Facebook and the question was: "Is there someone in your life who you find yourself thinking about, all the time ... no matter what you happen to be doing, suddenly, thoughts of him/her just pop in to your head?" I answered yes to that question in the comments and so did he. It makes me wonder if he was talking about me, but it doesn't matter. I have my CLOSURE. AND... Just now he claimed he still loves me, but I'm not playing into it that much. Edited November 25, 2013 by ByMyself01
Raena Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 It's good that you got your closure... that's really fantastic. However... I'm a little concerned about you saying that you want to keep in touch with him. Wouldn't it be better for you if you just let it go? I'm assuming he is back with his ex... and possibly getting married to her. Maybe you should just bow out gracefully and be done with it? If you do continue to talk to him... won't you start to think that he still has feelings for you and will come back? Just a thought.
Sugarkane Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 I envy you at least you got closure. I wouldn't remain friends with this guy, I don't think. I'd be too angry and wouldn't trust him again.
Author ByMyself01 Posted November 26, 2013 Author Posted November 26, 2013 It's good that you got your closure... that's really fantastic. However... I'm a little concerned about you saying that you want to keep in touch with him. Wouldn't it be better for you if you just let it go? I'm assuming he is back with his ex... and possibly getting married to her. Maybe you should just bow out gracefully and be done with it? If you do continue to talk to him... won't you start to think that he still has feelings for you and will come back? Just a thought. Of course I don't think he still has feelings for me because he doesn't. The man does not have feelings for anyone but himself not even for his ex and it took a while for me to realize it. However, I will use him for his companionship because overall he is a great friend but an awful partner. For me, for his ex, or anyone else for that matter. Also, if they do get married, good for them, but it would be a sad excuse for a marriage and I'm not hating either. They would be getting married for the child only so that alone won't make it last and being the fact he isn't even attracted to his ex and looks don't get better with age so I will see how long this marriage lasts. It's more of a play to me to watch everything unfold the way I know it will. Just like I saw it coming beforehand that he would eventually go back to her. I was right about a lot of things.
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