hrtblds2ez Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 I'm sure I'll beat a dead horse here but here is my deal. I had been seeing this girl for almost 4 months. She initiated it by saying she wanted to see me outside of work. We went on a few dates that first month, got physical after 3 dates. By the second month we would sometimes spend the day sleeping together after work. Everything seemed fine, was going really well. She was bragging to her parents and friends about how awesome I was. I never fought with her, nothing ever came up really in that short time. I know she was into me deeply I heard it from people at work. And my feelings for her grew immensely into something I never imagined. I know she is looking for someone to marry. I don't have any problems with that. But in one of our earlier conversations, I don't know why, but I made the comment about marriage just being a piece of paper...yeah dumb move. But I'm coming off a divorce and my marriage was less than stellar. But her and I had an easy and mutual uncontested divorce. So, 2 weeks ago my gf said we needed to talk. I knew what was coming after judging the atmosphere the prior 2 weeks leading up. And low and behold, she tells me she needs space. She tells me again how awesome and caring I am, but with all she has going on she cannot cope with this and what I said about marriage was a huge red flag. She does have a lot going on, work, school, coming out of an abusive relationship where the guy thought that about marriage....double whammy.. I ask if there's hope for us and she says yes. she has no interest in anyone or sex in general. So, being in shock, thats about all I said except for do what ya gotta do to make yourself happy. My thoughts on marriage are far from what I said. I said that as a knee jerk reaction having been through 2 marriages based solely on circumstance, not a bond. These past 2 weeks that has dawned on me, that they were not based on bonding, like me and my gf were doing. And I choked at the critical time I should have explained myself. Now shortly after I asked her that when she is ready can we talk and set some things straight. She says yes, and it'll be after thanksgiving when she gets back from out of town with her family. I have been physically ill, losing sleep, not eating, panicking, nauseated. I feel like I'm going out of my freaking mind. I exercise, run 3 miles 3 times a week, and I have been making it to work. I have been doing more stuff with friends to fill the void. I don't feel normal, and don't know what to expect. Any help here is appreciated!! aside from the standard response of she found someone else. If that turns out to be true so be it. Pardon the length of this post.
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Normally I'm not a big fan of the letter writing thing where you pour your heart out. I'm not suggesting that here but I am suggesting a scaled down version: Send her a snail mail Thanksgiving Card (go to your nearest Hallmark store, they sell them). In your own words say something along the lines of I'm thankful that we met & are getting to know each other better. Hope you have a great holiday with your family. I'm looking forward to seeing you when you get back. You really are a bright spot in my holiday season and I'm kind of hoping there will be a kiss at Midnight on New Year's Eve in our future. Keep it relatively light but this extra-ordinary gesture should set you apart from other guys & show her that she is on your mind. Using the word future should help her understand that you are capable of advanced planning even if you aren't ready to seriously start contemplating another walk down the aisle.
Author hrtblds2ez Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 Normally I'm not a big fan of the letter writing thing where you pour your heart out. I'm not suggesting that here but I am suggesting a scaled down version: Send her a snail mail Thanksgiving Card (go to your nearest Hallmark store, they sell them). In your own words say something along the lines of I'm thankful that we met & are getting to know each other better. Hope you have a great holiday with your family. I'm looking forward to seeing you when you get back. You really are a bright spot in my holiday season and I'm kind of hoping there will be a kiss at Midnight on New Year's Eve in our future. Keep it relatively light but this extra-ordinary gesture should set you apart from other guys & show her that she is on your mind. Using the word future should help her understand that you are capable of advanced planning even if you aren't ready to seriously start contemplating another walk down the aisle. I like that idea, but she has made her need for space clear. Youre right though it is an "extra-ordinary" gesture. If I was more confident in what this talk we are suppose to have might entail it would be ideal. Thanks for the input.
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