J21 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 All cool bro. Just forget about her. If you were recovered id say give her a call and hangout in order to find out. But i really think that would be an aweful idea right now. I would wait for her to contact. Dumpers seem to like to dictate the relationship (even after its over) by controlling the level of contact. The dumpee takes back power by not contacting which is the best. You dictated the end of the relationship. You should respect her right to reinitiate it if she so chooses. Thanks guys, really appreciate your insights. I will hold off contacting her for now. My cousin advised that I go out on dates with two more girls, and if I still think about her give the ex a call.
MoooOinkBaaa Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 You know what's a good movie to watch after a girl breaks your heart? Fight Club It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 This pretty much sums up everything you need to know. 6
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 my ex told me that. that she is no longer emotionally and physically attached, but the thing is she wants to be. she said it wouldn't be fair to me if we got back together because she can't give me everything right now. thats why i'm hoping this time apart will make her heart grow fonder. The denial is strong in this one..... 3
Author Jay C Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 This pretty much sums up everything you need to know. lol. this is true, my ex senses when i say i'm over her, when i'm really not. women are weird, why do we have to let go completely for them to take us men back??
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 lol. this is true, my ex senses when i say i'm over her, when i'm really not. women are weird, why do we have to let go completely for them to take us men back?? The large underlining thing I see in ALL your post is the "she wil come back if I leave her alone" approach. That couldn't be farther from the truth. The large amount of hope you keep holding on to will keep you from healing. She has already emotionally detached and the chances of reconcilation are INCREDIBLY low. Being away won't magically trigger a response of "Oh I love him" That part from Swingers is dead on because by THAT point we are over it. Dont sit around and wait for something that will almost positively won't happen..the TRUE path to moving on/ NC/ etc 2
Author Jay C Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 The large underlining thing I see in ALL your post is the "she wil come back if I leave her alone" approach. That couldn't be farther from the truth. The large amount of hope you keep holding on to will keep you from healing. She has already emotionally detached and the chances of reconcilation are INCREDIBLY low. Being away won't magically trigger a response of "Oh I love him" That part from Swingers is dead on because by THAT point we are over it. Dont sit around and wait for something that will almost positively won't happen..the TRUE path to moving on/ NC/ etc Frank Sinatra & Eddie Hodges - High Hopes - YouTube
Never Again Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Frank Sinatra & Eddie Hodges - High Hopes - YouTube Hope will only serve to work against you. Hope means you haven't let go. Hope means you're still vulnerable and open to being hurt. Hope is the enemy here. 4
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Frank Sinatra & Eddie Hodges - High Hopes - YouTube Is this a joke? Some form of humor? You can continue to live in some fantasy island if you feel like it. Just continue to post here and not move on when there are literally MILLIONS of people better out there. Life is short so why waste it on people who dont want to be with you?
reddragon588 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 i just don't see how ppl can just stop having feelings for someone they love. That's a good question. Why don't you ask your ex how she did it? (note: don't actually ask her, I'm just being sarcastic to make a point)
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 i just don't see how ppl can just stop having feelings for someone they love. Well, the thing is... they probably don't. The fact is that most likely they never did. At least not the way you thought they did. I know this is my situation. Sometimes, the same things are interpreted very differently by you and your ex, and you never even know. That's why the most important thing you can learn about others... is to, instead, learn about yourself. You will never truly understand others. It's impossible... 1
singme2sleep Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 I was the dumper of my ex. It has been 10 months of NC and I have been thinking about her a lot (even though I dated another girl for 1.5 month). If I am being honest, I do want her back. The thing holding me back is I'm not sure if she would take me back, and whether things would be as good as it was the first time. Can I offer some advice? I was dumped by a guy I really loved. We've been broken up for 10 months now so I can possibly give you the perspective of your ex. If you still love her, it's better to try and get rejected than wonder what might have been. If she truly loves you and you prove yourself, anything is possible. 5
Inviv_girl Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Is this could work for boys too? how you guys feeling if we "girls" leave you alone when you want it quit for whatever reason? - Will you miss us? -for how long should we leave you alone to figure out whatever is in your head? - Will you want to get back together? - for good
Simon Phoenix Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Is this could work for boys too? how you guys feeling if we "girls" leave you alone when you want it quit for whatever reason? - Will you miss us? -for how long should we leave you alone to figure out whatever is in your head? - Will you want to get back together? - for good This isn't a gender thing. 2
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 I never advocate using NC as a means to get your ex back. You should use it to purge toxic people from your life and nice on. However, yes, generally, many exes will come back for a second bite at the apple. Problem is, it rarely works out. Once they have you again, they'll drop you again. I'd be liking at just going NC and moving forward. You don't have to replace them, but you do need to remove them from your life. Not that I really disagree.....but even with NC, I've seen many of times where DONT come back and dont take a bit of that apple. Its more of a d**n if you do, d**n if you dont. They more than likely WONT come back, but the very off chance they do, then it doesnt last anyways. Just my .02 1
Froelich87 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 The large underlining thing I see in ALL your post is the "she wil come back if I leave her alone" approach. That couldn't be farther from the truth. The large amount of hope you keep holding on to will keep you from healing. She has already emotionally detached and the chances of reconcilation are INCREDIBLY low. Being away won't magically trigger a response of "Oh I love him" That part from Swingers is dead on because by THAT point we are over it. Dont sit around and wait for something that will almost positively won't happen..the TRUE path to moving on/ NC/ etc Swingers and FSM are the greatest movies ever made. Ive been watching them both so much lately
Simon Phoenix Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 I've seen it work, but it only works if both people have moved forward and then meet back up for a new relationship, not a continuation of the old. To the OP, No Contact isn't to get her back -- it's to get you back.
Haydn Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Why wait? Is she waiting for me? Is she .... I agree with the others here. Hope will leave you on the deck. If they want to come back then they should be kicking down the door. Anything less is just not drama. And it should be their drama NOT YOURS. Take care 3
yorkie Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 you know what, people do try again and keep trying. its more common than thought of. its just a hidden statistic, the longer you have been together the better chance you have. i also think its better even though it hurts more if your ex starts dating and also is in another relationship as they get to see the grass isnt always greener. i recently got told by at least 7 yes 7 people that there ex's came back some are happy now some the ex left again but one of my mates actually said he didnt want her back, for a relationship anyway he screwed her alot of times but could not forgive the trust and he felt he didnt know her anymore. i think that would be the major problem if an ex came back. for me where i stand on this i think my ex will come back but i am now sort of moving on. fri and sat i had different woman with me and i enjoyed just playing the dating game. plus it was a massive confidence booster to feel that i am wanted! even now i have realised that she isnt the only woman. and i think most people on here if they got on the dating scence most would kick there ex's into touch. so far and its nearly 3 months at the end of this month i am happy. even when last night she brought the kids home and she got out of the car and came to the door i just looked away didnt say anything to here and i think she is missing me but you know what yeah i do love her but at the moment dont want her back. most ex's do come back because of the bond and thecloseness of the relationship. hell look at most domestic violence relationships they are always going back!
mutant Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 IME NC realigns the distribution of power in a relationship. The person who goes NC takes a significant proportion of power leaving the other person quite uncomfortable. IMO this is the primary reason why the dumper feels the urge to contact the dumpee to reaffirm their position. Unfortunately, the dumpee may view the breadcrumbs as an ex's statement that they want them back. In some cases, they actually get back together after these breadcrumbs without addressing the issues that led to their break-up. The result is a more painful break-up usually after a shorter duration of time than the previous relationship. People are unlikely to change their core behaviour traits after a short duration. It's not wise to get back with an ex within the first year of break-up especially where the former relationship had incompatibility or cheating problems. I think the dumpee should take their time to evaluate the relationship and appreciate the challenges that led to the break-up. This will also inevitably lead you to identify the key things you will look for in a new partner. It takes two to break-up, you cannot simply blame the other person for the demise of your relationship and just look forward to a new and exciting relationship. IMO it is important that you work on yourself and improve on those things that MAY have led to the break-up. It is equally important that you get out there and meet more people and make your life as interesting as possible. Sitting down and waiting for the ex to comeback is simply lazy. 5
aloneinaz Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Here's my experience- NC is for the DUMPEE to heal and move on with their lives. It's absolutely NOT for winning your ex back or to play head game w/them. There is so much truth to what people say on this site. My ex GF ended our relationship 5.5 months ago. I was pretty hurt. I said ***** it and started dating 2-3 weeks later. My goal was to move on. I PROMISED myself I'd never contact her again and I didn't. I met a wonderful woman 3 months ago and we've been together since. As this site says, your ex always reappears when you're happy and have moved on. I didn't think I'd EVER hear from my ex again. Sure enough, she stopped by my house and knocked on my door! I was half asleep and didn't answer figuring it was a solicitor. She texted the next day apologizing for being a lousy GF, for not being what I deserved, blah, blah, blah... She got ignored and luckily I haven't heard from her again. I reconciled with this ex too many times. It never worked and I got dumped a few times. So, for the recent dumpee's who long for their ex back, it usually NEVER works out a 2nd, 3rd or fourth time.. Focus on you. Be happy with yourself. MOVE ON and find someone your compatible with. I'm so GREATFUL to have found my current GF... The pain will ease, you will be fine. I promise too.. 1
singme2sleep Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Oh, of course. I find blokes are more likely to come back because NC triggers the "chase" in a guy. But yes, plenty don't come back. It's best to give up all hope and move on. It's such a slap in the face though, to see them throw you away and never look back like they didn't even love you at all! 1
ByMyself01 Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 in your case, the ones who came back, where they the dumpers or you? I was the dumper of only one of them, the rest of them dumped me.
xUnknown Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 I was the dumper of only one of them, the rest of them dumped me. So what you're saying is the Dumper came back...not: the dumpee came back asking and the dumper agreed to try again. Correct?
yorkie Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 lol sorry shouldn't laugh but yeah what unknown said
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