Helena Cornelia Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 hi everyone . I've been in long-distance relationship for 2 years. we broke up several times ( i broke up) because we couldn't see each other very often because we are both students ( he is 23 and i'm 21) and I couldn't get away with that distance. Recently, we started planning that we'd bee able to see each other more and started realizing options. But he wasn't optimistic. That was the first time he broke up with me. He called me,crying, saying he loves me and that he was thinking about that situation in details and all this is so painful for him,he don't see chance for us in close future ( we couldn't be able to live in same town at least 2 years) and it is better that we broke up and don't have any contact. I was broken. I'm still broken. I've told him that it is ok, I'm not mad and that's it. He told me that i can send him message if I want but I told no. For the first time I was optimistic about us and full of plans and he left me. I don't know what to feel or what to do. I didn't contact him and i don't want to. Give me some advice, please. It was 2 weeks ago. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 LDRs take a toll even under the best of circumstances. If the best case scenario is that you won't be together for another 2 years, he probably just got tired of waiting. It wouldn't surprise me if there was another woman in close proximity. You have to find a way to grieve your loss but move on. I suggest somebody close in geography to you. It's easier.
CarrieT Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 I don't know what to feel or what to do. I didn't contact him and i don't want to. Give me some advice, please. It was 2 weeks ago. You are doing the exact thing you should do. Stay "No Contact" and continue to move forward with your life... It *will* get easier and I'm sorry for the pain you are in. Don't contact him...
Author Helena Cornelia Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 no, there isn't any other women, we didn't cheat and we didn't see other people even when we broke up. do you think he may contact me soon? have you ever been in same situation? yeah, ldr sucks
SoleMate Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Based on what you've said, I suspect that it was your efforts to have more specific plans for seeing each other more and making changes for the future, that triggered this breakup. There is a chance he already has a r/s in the town where he lives and he is afraid that you moving there would disrupt that. I can't be certain, of course, but it is the most plausible explanation. People generally don't end great r/s over factors like geographic inconvenience unless it is severe. (I know of a couple that were involved over 8 years despite living on opposite sides of the Atlantic. They sadly broke up in the end after trying to make it work. She needed to care for her elderly parents in Germany and he felt there was no way for him to find employment in Germany. Your case is much less extreme.) Regardless of why, this r/s appears to be over. I recommend grieving and moving on. If it would help you to learn that he had another woman, most likely in his primary r/s, then I suppose you could research that.
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 no, there isn't any other women, we didn't cheat and we didn't see other people even when we broke up. do you think he may contact me soon? have you ever been in same situation? yeah, ldr sucks I did an LDR for 1.5 years before cell phones & e-mail. It was hard. I didn't say he cheated. I was trying to say that he may have found another woman closer to where is his that he would like to date. He ended things with you because he's not a cheater. Because you two have been on the dysfunctional merry go round of breaking up & getting back together you might hear from him again but I don't necessarily think that is a good thing. Your problem won't have resolved nor will it be closer to being resolved.
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 (edited) hi everyone . I've been in long-distance relationship for 2 years. we broke up several times ( i broke up) because we couldn't see each other very often because we are both students ( he is 23 and i'm 21) and I couldn't get away with that distance. Recently, we started planning that we'd bee able to see each other more and started realizing options. But he wasn't optimistic. That was the first time he broke up with me. He called me,crying, saying he loves me and that he was thinking about that situation in details and all this is so painful for him,he don't see chance for us in close future ( we couldn't be able to live in same town at least 2 years) and it is better that we broke up and don't have any contact. I was broken. I'm still broken. I've told him that it is ok, I'm not mad and that's it. He told me that i can send him message if I want but I told no. For the first time I was optimistic about us and full of plans and he left me. I don't know what to feel or what to do. I didn't contact him and i don't want to. Give me some advice, please. It was 2 weeks ago. I absolutely disagree that he "must have found a new woman" that is closer. It is not impossible but I feel improbable. Please keep in mind the AGE of these two, the fact there were previous breakups, and the MAGNITUDE of upholding such a commitment. Most people who are in LDRs that are going well are also marriage/long term commitment minded; why else "keep yourself" and not just sexually but even just holding hands, bonding in person, etc. if you aren't going to be serious about the person? Long distance relationships are only for the emotionally mature. At this super young age, unless it is a cultural norm (b/c for some parts of the world it is) then it is not very realistic. Most of the ADULTS I know wouldn't dream of doing a LDR so I can only imagine how much harder for very young adults to do. There is also no guarantee that either one of them maybe be in the same town in 2yrs; she may get an amazing job offer somewhere else and likewise him. Too many variables at this point. My heart truly feels for you OP; I think it is best to give him space and go NC for the both of you to face it, accept it, and then cope with it. In the future you may be friends. I also know that not everyone believes in "fate" but I do so if it meant to be, TRUST ME it will be at the right time. I went through a slightly similar situation at your age (21) and had no idea 5 yrs (and 2 gfs) later he would still be in love with me. Initially he wasn't willing to move as my career are specific to only certain cities but over the years and with maturity, he had a change of heart. Lots and LOTS of people get back together later on in life, but don't torture yourself thinking that it will definitely happen and "wait" on him, but find comfort in knowing it is not exactly impossible! All the best ::virtual hugs:: Edited November 17, 2013 by nomadic_butterfly
Author Helena Cornelia Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 butterfly, thanks a lot for looking situation objectively. the most problem aren't fights or jealousy or sth like that. our most problem is distance ( so and college and age). our parents give us great support, we go on holidays together, and see each other through year, but problems are money and time. we are both ambitious and put college on 1st place. my problem now is that i didn't expected this would be so hard, i wasn't ready for that break up and in my head still isn't over
Author Helena Cornelia Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 thanks carrie. this is not about pride, i just don't want him to see that i can't be without him. i didn't erase him from fb, twitter, didn't erase number etc. do you think there is a chance that he would contact me soon?
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 butterfly, thanks a lot for looking situation objectively. the most problem aren't fights or jealousy or sth like that. our most problem is distance ( so and college and age). our parents give us great support, we go on holidays together, and see each other through year, but problems are money and time. we are both ambitious and put college on 1st place. my problem now is that i didn't expected this would be so hard, i wasn't ready for that break up and in my head still isn't over' You are most welcome. It is unfortunate nothing we say or do can ease the pain for you but as cliche as it sounds "it all gets better in time." Just take time out to process this shift in the relationship dynamics and usually when people don't break up on bad terms once they are able to handle it they become friends or at least cordial. Please don't let this affect your schoolwork as it is laying the foundation for your future and you don't want to compromise that; especially over a guy whom you were never married to. Just go out more with friends, study even harder, and just work on being the best you. Life has a way of working itself out when we learn how to adapt to change and always try to better and apply ourselves. If the foundation you have now is strong enough, in a few years provided you are both still single maybe you will reunite; both mature, closer and settled in your careers with stability. On the contrary maybe as you grow and mature you may realize you want to go in a different direction and you will respect the relationship for what it taught you and happily transition into the next. Just try your hardest to live in the here and now and make the best of it .
Kansas87 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Stay strong. It will get better. I just got dumped by my bf of two years a couple weeks ago. We lived together for the past year and a half, too, so I had to find a new place to live and move out on top of everything. Thus my "no-contact" was delayed by 2-3 weeks because I was still living there. Honestly right now I feel totally low and awful- I have cried more in the past two weeks than I've ever cried over anything before. I loved him and I knew he was the one for me- I honestly, honestly did. But here's the thing to remember, and I can say this because this is NOT the first time I've been dumped and had my heart broken: YOU WILL FEEL BETTER. Soon, even. I have found that usually the worse you feel in that moment, the better you feel when it passes. It's like a roller coaster, going from high moments of "I'm fine and happy and my life is good without him" down to really, really low moments of "everything sucks and I'll never be happy again and I'll never find anyone as good as him again." But the roller coaster gradually evens out over time, until the highs last longer than the lows, and the lows get less and less intense. And then one day you see or hear something that reminds you and you realize you haven't thought about him in an hour. And then it happens again only it was three hours of peace this time. And eventually, one day, you are reminded of him and you realize that it doesn't hurt anymore. Just hang onto that thought. It will get better. When you feel really low, force yourself to do something. Get on here and read other breakup stories, it helps you feel not so alone. Call your mom or best friend. Go outside and go for a walk. Start watching a new TV series that you can get on Netflix or on DVD so you can zone out for several hours at a time. Whatever it takes.
Author Helena Cornelia Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 "I'm fine and happy and my life is good without him" down to really, really low moments of "everything sucks and I'll never be happy again and I'll never find anyone as good as him again." absolutely agree. i didn't expect that will hurt so much. tell me why did you dump him?
Kansas87 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 He dumped me. His reasons...well, there are the reasons he gave and then there are the deeper underlying issues that I think led to everything. He basically just decided that we weren't compatible, fought too much, were too different, etc. He wasn't the type who could agree to disagree on anything, and I am. So I was fine with things. I still think he's a wonderful person, but I have to learn to let him go. Personally I think it all stems from him getting dumped by his previous girlfriend before me, horribly and traumatically, and the ensuing fear of committment. But in the end what I think and my analysis of him don't really matter. It's been really hard because, like I said, I really felt like he was "the one" for me, and that we would be together. We had had plenty of fights before, but always worked it out. So I was in denial for a while at first, thinking we could work this out too, but we didn't. He didn't want to, which is the part that hurts- feeling like all the problems would have been really easy to over come IF HE HAD WANTED TO and knowing that he DIDN'T want to do the necessary work.
bbhabib Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 very sad but dont worry . Now a days it usually happen.So enjoy yourself
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