Very Worried...

[winny]

Listen,

 

A man who is really ito a girl is like a kid with a candy store near their house; who gets pocket money yet are instructed by their parents to not eat candy.

 

The kid will find a way to get to that candy since they have the cash, or heck, even without it:lmao: They will recruit their mates siblings to get the candy. Or just run in and steal it if need be, if they really love candy.

 

They will lie to their parents, saying they spent their pocket money on a "healthy lunch":lmao:, even if they know their parents will not believe them and smack their bottoms.

 

Maybe they will be grounded as well as smacked. To them, it is worth it for a taste of the candy...

 

Guys are the same.

 

When a guy truly wants to be with you, he will. Even if it is only for a mere hour after work, the gym and late night work. He will come crash at yours just so he can interact with you for an hour.

 

When the human drive is pushed to the extreme, in such cases as missing people a lot, it compels people to do anything they can to alleviate this pain within them.

 

It hurts for a guy to miss a girl that he is crazy about. He will naturally strive towards ending this discomfort.

 

If he really wanted you, he would be motivated to put fourth the effort to at least CALL YOU to cancel a date, if he had a legit reason.

 

I do not believe this guy has a genuine reason for cancelling, aside from being too "busy".

...............................

 

 

 

You will lose your self respect and dignity if you agree to be that girl who celebrates the scraps guys give you....

 

I agree with you completely. And till our last date, his behavior was pretty much like this.

But now I don't know what to think........

 

He told me... I am into you... I like you so much... and he wanted to know all about me... my past relationships... so I told him there is nothing much to say... I ended those because I felt the guys didn't treat me well and didn't adore me...

So he said... Oh I am so sorry... I am shocked and cannot believe that anyone can treat a nice and pretty girl like you bad. I hope we can change it this time...

 

He did not give me any reason to think he was not genuine...

[Leigh 87]

Wow! Is this the same guy or what.

Not sure whether you read my first post from last weekend.

 

The first 2 times when he had to cancel, he was giving me frequent updates on how he is in traffic (it was a Monday) and his dog had an accident the next time, so every minute he was texting to tell me whats happening at the hospital.... he rescheduled and kept up his date. He apologized profusely when we met and said I will make it up to you.

And he sounded so genuine and earnest that I had to say okay fine. But I did say... all right I will see how you are going to make it up to me... he was very affectionate that day.. so I didn't worry much..

For last weekend he blamed his phone, which wasn't working so he couldn't get back to me on time.

I started worrying then. But since he promised he will makes changes to be able to spend more time with him... I said ok no issues...

 

And when he made plans for this weekend... I jokingly said.. Hello are you sure you can make it this time? He said... Yes I am completely sure. You need not worry... all has been taken care of... I have told my Mom and friends... am not available... we will have a great time together...

So I got relaxed.

Still I reconfirmed yesterday just in case... and now again I don't know what excuse he will give... or whether he is going to come back or not even... these days you can never say anything for sure...

 

 

 

No. My jackass long term ex, who was never half or even a quater as terrible at your ex at planning things, is in the past.

 

He never changed. Selfish guys are selfish. Pain and simple.

 

Even if they change for a girl that are head over heals for, they are still not the nicest of guys.

 

Truly nice and decent guys treat all people with respect (unless the person has done wrong by them).

 

 

 

..The second guy, the recent ex I speak of, I feel proved a point; that is how it should be with a busy guy with personal dramas.

 

He had excuses but still managed to see me once a week, and apologised for little things, such as not knowing his workload and therefore, the exact DAY for our date, until a day or two before hand.

[Leigh 87]

EDIT: sorry, u were talking about how your guy was similar to the guy who went out of his way more for me. Sorry, I read it wrong the first time. It is late here in Hong Kong!

 

 

You poor dear...

 

You need straight to the point, must do advice, simple and blunt.

 

At the same time, man......

 

I feel awful at the thought of you finally relaxing, getting all excited to see him, and then.. once he is late, I can see you counting the minutes that he is late... which turns to wondering if he will show at all.

 

Deep down I think you knew the moment he was even a little late, that perheps you shouldn't have been so "relaxed"

 

You go from one extreme of finally being "relaxed", to having the ultimate let down.....

 

I can see how much this sucks for you. It is awful and memorabe for life, when one thinks back to the men who did this to them. Only, once these women are stronger for it and have a zero tolerance policy, they look back and smile at these hurtful events:(

 

I am so sorry about this.

 

It is hard to just leave a guy when he has demonstrated that he is into you on previous occasions.

 

When a guy is, at first, seemingly "into" you, then it is hard to reconcile that with the guy he has become.

 

The lesson I learned: that is who he always was all along.

[winny]

EDIT: sorry, u were talking about how your guy was similar to the guy who went out of his way more for me. Sorry, I read it wrong the first time. It is late here in Hong Kong!

 

 

You poor dear...

 

You need straight to the point, must do advice, simple and blunt.

 

At the same time, man......

 

I feel awful at the thought of you finally relaxing, getting all excited to see him, and then.. once he is late, I can see you counting the minutes that he is late... which turns to wondering if he will show at all.

 

Deep down I think you knew the moment he was even a little late, that perheps you shouldn't have been so "relaxed"

 

You go from one extreme of finally being "relaxed", to having the ultimate let down.....

 

I can see how much this sucks for you. It is awful and memorabe for life, when one thinks back to the men who did this to them. Only, once these women are stronger for it and have a zero tolerance policy, they look back and smile at these hurtful events:(

 

I am so sorry about this.

 

It is hard to just leave a guy when he has demonstrated that he is into you on previous occasions.

 

When a guy is, at first, seemingly "into" you, then it is hard to reconcile that with the guy he has become.

 

The lesson I learned: that is who he always was all along.

 

You are so right about how I feel right now... Thanks

And HongKong.. wow! I had been there in January this year... amazing city

 

If a guy tells you so clearly that he likes you and is into you... and makes double sure that you really understand what he is saying... and then this crap happens... I don't know what to do...

Long time back I decided to stay away from "mixed-signal" guys coz they made life too confusing... and now I have to think how to treat guys who are so clear about all the signals...

This is crazy!!!

[Leigh 87]

Winny, this has happened to me too.

 

By the way - I see you are from Arizona. Also a lovely place! My good friend lives there actually I plan to visit her before I go to South America.

............................................

 

It is completly fickle, but guys can go from showing sure signs they are really into you, to suddenly changing.

 

A guy I briefly dated after my long term ex, I dated for about a week.

He acted head over heals for me, he would spend whole days with me, just sitting next to me and telling me how amazing was.

He acted like he never was this way with his long term ex and he made me feel like I was the first girl he had felt this for.....

 

As soon as I did something off or weird - he dissapeared.

 

Look, initially in the dating process, by all means have fun and get swept away with your feelings.

 

Just realise that SOME guys can be super into you one minute, only to fade, dissapear or change into inconsiderate jerks.

 

Be thankful you found out sooner rather than later.

 

Do not expect anything to come from dating, even if the guy seems like the real deal.

Enjoy the moment, be bummed if the guy changes or dissapears, but do not be all that SHOCKED. It happens.

Never invest enough in a guy early on, so that you are shocked and experiencing high levels of anxiety when they leave or change....

[winny]

It's going to be 11 am now and nothing at all from him.

No phone call or text...

 

He even gave me his work cell number and took my landline number after the mess last weekend, just so that we can be in touch if his or my cell phone has any problems...

 

So right now all of my logic is failing as to why he cannot call back...

[winny]

Winny, this has happened to me too.

 

By the way - I see you are from Arizona. Also a lovely place! My good friend lives there actually I plan to visit her before I go to South America.

............................................

 

It is completly fickle, but guys can go from showing sure signs they are really into you, to suddenly changing.

 

A guy I briefly dated after my long term ex, I dated for about a week.

He acted head over heals for me, he would spend whole days with me, just sitting next to me and telling me how amazing was.

He acted like he never was this way with his long term ex and he made me feel like I was the first girl he had felt this for.....

 

As soon as I did something off or weird - he dissapeared.

 

Look, initially in the dating process, by all means have fun and get swept away with your feelings.

 

Just realise that SOME guys can be super into you one minute, only to fade, dissapear or change into inconsiderate jerks.

 

Be thankful you found out sooner rather than later.

 

Do not expect anything to come from dating, even if the guy seems like the real deal.

Enjoy the moment, be bummed if the guy changes or dissapears, but do not be all that SHOCKED. It happens.

Never invest enough in a guy early on, so that you are shocked and experiencing high levels of anxiety when they leave or change....

 

I wish I had done at least one thing weird

Then I had some reason... some logic... to know what's going on

His last text to me yesterday was around 9 pm when he said... I will take care of this urgent thing and be back to you in 45 minutes tops... if you will be up...

 

Complete silence since then...

 

I try my best not to expect much... but dating or outside dating... I think if we make a plan with anyone and confirm and re confirm... we should at least be courteous enough to cancel on time if we are unsure of making it.

How much time does it take...

Edited November 17, 2013 by winny

[winny]

Winny, this has happened to me too.

 

By the way - I see you are from Arizona. Also a lovely place! My good friend lives there actually I plan to visit her before I go to South America.

............................................

[/b]

 

 

My best friend stays in Hong Kong at Causeway Bay

Hope you have a good time in Arizona

 

I miss the crowds in MTR... what energy!

Happy memories from my visits

[winny]

After an entire week of - "I can't wait to see you" texts ... this is really disappointing.

 

I guess I need to go out and do something to help me feel better.....

 

Thanks to all who have replied till now...

You people are so great

[Leigh 87]

Well, he has demonstrated this fickle behaviour more than once.

 

As soon as a guy is sketchy with plans, and says he will do something and then DOES NOT follow through with it, that is his one chance.

 

He does it again, cut your losses. Realise that he was not that into you, but rather SEEMED into you. He changed his mind.

Or he is a selfish jerk to all his girls, irrespective of how into them he is.

 

And hey, better that you did not weird him out.

When I was new to dating again after my long term ex, well.. my long term ex and I were very strange people together.

Lets just say.... I had to learn rather embarrassingly that I cannot get away with certain strange behaviour with new guys. Who are somewhat normal:lmao:

 

I genuinely effed up with my last guy. Big time.

You, however, have done nothing wrong....

He could still ring or text at any time; let us know what happens either way, even if he dissapears...

 

I made a thread about the last dude I fell hard for....

 

He never called back:(

 

Even though, initially, it just seemed like he was going to call me next day, opposed to that night when he said he would call. To sort things out.

.................................

 

If he doesn't call, delete his number and move on. Live fabulously. You will likely find the right guy one day.

I hope he calls, and I hope you end things with him when he calls. As excited as you will be to hear from him at last.

[Leigh 87]

My best friend stays in Hong Kong at Causeway Bay

Hope you have a good time in Arizona

 

I miss the crowds in MTR... what energy!

Happy memories from my visits

 

 

 

:sick::sick:

 

Really? You enjoy being pushed and shoved and having no personal space?

 

My mother had bruises and scratches from pushing through people on the MTR, when she first moved here.

 

I especially love it how NO ONE gives up their seat for the elderly, besides western people:lmao:

 

My mum, when she sees an eldery, pregnant or injured person, she goes up to a young person and tells them to GET UP AND GIVE UP THEIR SEAT:lmao:

 

She looks at them in disgust and tells them to please, give up their seat for the less able - bodies person:lmao:

 

Great place, but it will drive you crazy living here

[winny]

:sick::sick:

 

Really? You enjoy being pushed and shoved and having no personal space?

 

My mother had bruises and scratches from pushing through people on the MTR, when she first moved here.

 

I especially love it how NO ONE gives up their seat for the elderly, besides western people:lmao:

 

My mum, when she sees an eldery, pregnant or injured person, she goes up to a young person and tells them to GET UP AND GIVE UP THEIR SEAT:lmao:

 

She looks at them in disgust and tells them to please, give up their seat for the less able - bodies person:lmao:

 

Great place, but it will drive you crazy living here

 

Haha... maybe becoz I dont live there so I dont experience these things on a daily basis

My experience at the airport wasn't good though... I found the people very rude...

[winny]

Well, he has demonstrated this fickle behaviour more than once.

 

As soon as a guy is sketchy with plans, and says he will do something and then DOES NOT follow through with it, that is his one chance.

 

He does it again, cut your losses. Realise that he was not that into you, but rather SEEMED into you. He changed his mind.

Or he is a selfish jerk to all his girls, irrespective of how into them he is.

 

And hey, better that you did not weird him out.

When I was new to dating again after my long term ex, well.. my long term ex and I were very strange people together.

Lets just say.... I had to learn rather embarrassingly that I cannot get away with certain strange behaviour with new guys. Who are somewhat normal:lmao:

 

I genuinely effed up with my last guy. Big time.

You, however, have done nothing wrong....

He could still ring or text at any time; let us know what happens either way, even if he dissapears...

 

I made a thread about the last dude I fell hard for....

 

He never called back:(

 

Even though, initially, it just seemed like he was going to call me next day, opposed to that night when he said he would call. To sort things out.

.................................

 

If he doesn't call, delete his number and move on. Live fabulously. You will likely find the right guy one day.

I hope he calls, and I hope you end things with him when he calls. As excited as you will be to hear from him at last.

 

You actually made me smile

[winny]

Well, he has demonstrated this fickle behaviour more than once.

 

As soon as a guy is sketchy with plans, and says he will do something and then DOES NOT follow through with it, that is his one chance.

 

He does it again, cut your losses. Realise that he was not that into you, but rather SEEMED into you. He changed his mind.

Or he is a selfish jerk to all his girls, irrespective of how into them he is.

 

And hey, better that you did not weird him out.

When I was new to dating again after my long term ex, well.. my long term ex and I were very strange people together.

Lets just say.... I had to learn rather embarrassingly that I cannot get away with certain strange behaviour with new guys. Who are somewhat normal:lmao:

 

I genuinely effed up with my last guy. Big time.

You, however, have done nothing wrong....

He could still ring or text at any time; let us know what happens either way, even if he dissapears...

 

I made a thread about the last dude I fell hard for....

 

He never called back:(

 

Even though, initially, it just seemed like he was going to call me next day, opposed to that night when he said he would call. To sort things out.

.................................

 

If he doesn't call, delete his number and move on. Live fabulously. You will likely find the right guy one day.

I hope he calls, and I hope you end things with him when he calls. As excited as you will be to hear from him at last.

 

Yes I will let everyone know if there is any change in status.

And I hope some other girls like me who might be in similar situations read this thread and learn few things about the "nice" and "family oriented" guys with "good values"....

[winny]

winny,

 

Right now, he gives a flying phukk, and frankly, his fine words are hardly matched by any follow-ups, are they?

 

That's it and all of it.

 

No they have not. Since last weekend.

I gave him a second chance to - make it up to me - in his own words.

But I don't even see a phone call... forget about making it up for all the missed dates...

 

If he ever contacts me again... I really want to know his excuse... am sooooo curious

[winny]

Fine, fair enough....but it will be the last time he contacts you or hears from you....

 

Honestly hun....folks like him...they're just flotsam and jetsam....

 

As I said above in some post... I am having this gut feeling that he will not get back to me anymore...

Strange that yesterday whole day he was texting me with all kind of stuff... n today completely AWOL.

 

Of all the relations I might have screwed up in past by something I said or did, this is one I know I have not done anything weird at all.

I gave him all chances to take the lead. I never initiated any dates. I wasn't clingy or needy.

All I expected from him was to stick to his "own" plans.

 

I know for few days I will feel low... more than a month for entire days I have been chatting with him...

The more I spoke to him the less I chatted to the other guys from the dating site...

None of them seemed as good as this person... with no one I made such a connection...

We never had one argument or misunderstanding...

 

When we completed a month, he asked me whether I was happy.. and he said... he wants to see me more and know me more and spend more time with me in the coming time...

He even asked me what gift I want for my birthday which is more than a month away. He made plans to take me to a movie which releases 2 months later.

He never spoke about sex and kept the flirting PG rated stuff.

Didn't give me a single reason to worry till last weekend.

 

(I am putting these details, so that people know that some guy who says all these things to you can also behave weird)

 

I cannot multi date so I thought I will see how this goes n then move on to others if this doesn't work out...

Somewhere my emotions have gotten a bit involved...

So I will work on them slowly to just get back on track... not sure whether I will try online dating ever... at least for near future am not getting back there...

 

Just taking stuff out of my system...

Edited November 17, 2013 by winny

[ExpatInItaly]

As other posters said, seeing posts on Facebook isn't proof of anything in someone's life. Hell, my good friend was just left high and dry by the same husband who often posted lovey-dovery things about her on FB. He'd been cheating for months. Extreme, but my point is that online postings often don't reflect what's really going on.

 

The bottom line is that this guy goes out of his way to prove how busy he is. Texting frequent updates about traffic and accidents, sending pics of him getting ready to work (you're right, a bit odd) point to someone who does have enough time to text. He chose not to this weekend, for some strange reason. What was he doing that he absolutely couldn't find time to send you a quick message? That raises all kinds of red flags. He's avoiding you. Drop him like a hot potato.

[winny]

As other posters said, seeing posts on Facebook isn't proof of anything in someone's life. Hell, my good friend was just left high and dry by the same husband who often posted lovey-dovery things about her on FB. He'd been cheating for months. Extreme, but my point is that online postings often don't reflect what's really going on.

 

The bottom line is that this guy goes out of his way to prove how busy he is. Texting frequent updates about traffic and accidents, sending pics of him getting ready to work (you're right, a bit odd) point to someone who does have enough time to text. He chose not to this weekend, for some strange reason. What was he doing that he absolutely couldn't find time to send you a quick message? That raises all kinds of red flags. He's avoiding you. Drop him like a hot potato.

 

I know... but I am not getting why... I never asked him to make a plan to go on a day trip. It was his idea. I never ask him to come and see me every weekend.

He himself says... hey I want to spend all my weekends with you. I want to meet all your friends. I want to know everything about you.

Last evening also, I gave him the option to cancel from my own side. If he wants to avoid he should have cancelled then and left me to do whatever I want. Instead he said he didn't want to. And on Friday he was so excited that the week was getting over and we will meet... Why would someone be so excited show so much interest and today nothing!

 

As of now also I have not heard from him.

I am feeling tempted to drop him a text but stopping myself.

 

I have been texting him daily all the time... it's not like the messages dwindled and he slowly faded... I was completely unprepared for this disappearance... And frankly a part of me is also worried if something else is wrong....

[Divasu]

I know... but I am not getting why... I never asked him to make a plan to go on a day trip. It was his idea. I never ask him to come and see me every weekend.

He himself says... hey I want to spend all my weekends with you. I want to meet all your friends. I want to know everything about you.

Last evening also, I gave him the option to cancel from my own side. If he wants to avoid he should have cancelled then and left me to do whatever I want. Instead he said he didn't want to. And on Friday he was so excited that the week was getting over and we will meet... Why would someone be so excited show so much interest and today nothing!

 

As of now also I have not heard from him.

I am feeling tempted to drop him a text but stopping myself.

 

I have been texting him daily all the time... it's not like the messages dwindled and he slowly faded... I was completely unprepared for this disappearance... And frankly a part of me is also worried if something else is wrong....

 

These are called false promises.

False promises lead to false hope.

False hope leads to ideas built entirely around fantasy.

[ExpatInItaly]

I know... but I am not getting why... I never asked him to make a plan to go on a day trip. It was his idea. I never ask him to come and see me every weekend.

He himself says... hey I want to spend all my weekends with you. I want to meet all your friends. I want to know everything about you.

Last evening also, I gave him the option to cancel from my own side. If he wants to avoid he should have cancelled then and left me to do whatever I want. Instead he said he didn't want to. And on Friday he was so excited that the week was getting over and we will meet... Why would someone be so excited show so much interest and today nothing!

 

As of now also I have not heard from him.

I am feeling tempted to drop him a text but stopping myself.

 

I have been texting him daily all the time... it's not like the messages dwindled and he slowly faded... I was completely unprepared for this disappearance... And frankly a part of me is also worried if something else is wrong....

 

That was why I wondered if perhaps he's not so single.

 

If something actually is wrong, he's got friends and family around to help him. He also knows how to get in touch with you, should he show you enough respect do so.

[winny]

Thanks guys for stopping me from doing something entirely stupid

Many things are going on in my mind right now... whatever you people are saying and whatever he has told me all this time... and I am processing lot of stuff...

But yeah, whatever it is... he completely blowing me off without any explanation... is not something that can be forgiven...

[winny]

That was why I wondered if perhaps he's not so single.

 

If something actually is wrong, he's got friends and family around to help him. He also knows how to get in touch with you, should he show you enough respect do so.

 

When we met first time, we met thru a dating site and he told me about the girls he met before me... and those were really funny stories and he was catfished more than once... the details he went into... I would guess those were true... he said I was the 5th girl he met and the only one he wants a second date with... there wasn't anything for me to be suspicious about his relationship status. And also since he was texting me every hour of the day (And 95% of times our texting was very fast n continuous.) that's why also I had no doubts.

Still just to be on safer side I did try to do online research to see if I find anything shady that he is married or something (criminal background.. lol). I didn't find any such thing. And facebook status said - Single.

 

But yeah maybe, his ex from 6 months back is still there in his life... in some way... who knows...

 

We can only speculate...

[winny]

turn your 'phone off, and leave it in another room entirely.

In the morning, go to work, and ask someone to turn your 'phone on, check if you've had a message *from him*. If you have, could they please simply delete it?

 

Thanks.

 

ROTFL !!! :D:D

 

I have considered switching off cell, but I want myself to learn to overcome these temptations also, as part of this experience.

I have switched off cell in past (when I was breaking up with someone) and I remember when I switched it on I was still hoping for a text from the guy (magically explaining away all the bad things he did and providing logical explanations) and it hurt me a bit to see there wasn't any ever...

This time I want to keep it on and get over it once and for all....

[lollipopspot]

When I asked him he said, at this point in our relationship his work and family come first and once we become boyfriend girlfriend I will also be like his family.

 

When you're courting someone, you're usually on your best behavior. I would expect that any behavior like this that someone does in the beginning of the relationship would probably just get worse later, when you're already with that person. It sounds like he's not really that interested in having you become his girlfriend.

[winny]

When you're courting someone, you're usually on your best behavior. I would expect that any behavior like this that someone does in the beginning of the relationship would probably just get worse later, when you're already with that person. It sounds like he's not really that interested in having you become his girlfriend.

 

This statement of his last evening really stood out to me and that's why I mentioned it in the thread.

It is something that wasn't even necessary to mention. I never did anything that would keep him away from his work or family.

I only replied to his texts...... and met on the dates he planned for... or asked him to confirm the time or told him to not to keep me waiting and cancel if he is not sure...

Edited November 17, 2013 by winny