Very Worried...

[winny]

This is following my last post.

 

So, last weekend later in the day on Sunday the guy am seeing got back to me saying he is taking his parents out for dinner as it is his Mom's birthday but next weekend (that is this weekend) he will spend time with me.

He has already cleared up his schedule and their would be no problems this time.

After that I said, I understand all that but among all his responsibilities, does he really have time to date, coz I don't like waiting.

He said he wanted me to be patient with him. He will try his best to make some changes so that he can accommodate dates with me in his busy schedule. But if I cannot be patient he will understand. He is trying his best but somehow last few weekends things in his life have been crazy and he is still working on sorting out everything. He wants to date me, but he is having difficulties.

So I said, Ok fine no problem, I will be patient with you, but you really need to make more time if you want to date me.

And he promised he would.

 

After that we texted the entire evening and the whole of last week. We made plans for this weekend. Mostly about a day trip.

He wanted it to be a weekend trip but I said it is too early in our relation for it so let's have a day trip now and we can have a weekend trip later.

He said that is perfectly fine.

 

Now this weekend came and he had some office work on Saturday and so he said he will meet me later in the evening. But after he reached home he got into some other work and we couldn't meet.

When I asked him he said, at this point in our relationship his work and family come first and once we become boyfriend girlfriend I will also be like his family.

Right how he has to take care of some business for his Dad, which is really urgent.

 

But he re confirmed our trip for today.

 

Now today I got up in the morning early to get ready and there was no update from his end.

I thought maybe he overslept and gave him a call and it went to voice. I left him a text reminding him to get ready coz we have to start soon.

 

But still nothing from him yet.

 

Am very confused what to do next. Should I give him more chances or end it.

 

He has been very nice and understanding always so I don't want to let go, but this constant waiting and changing of plans is making me very anxious.

Also if I ask him to cancel or reschedule if he is busy, he keeps on saying... give me few minutes... I will complete work and be there.. I am trying really hard but still taking time... I don't want to cancel.. etc etc.. And I don't know what to do...

 

I am very forgiving and most of the times I see my friends and other guys I have been with in the past taking me for granted.

I don't want this relation to also become like that.

 

Please let me know what I should do.

Sorry about the length of the post.

Edited November 17, 2013 by winny

[ExpatInItaly]

It sounds shady. One thing we know for sure is that he doesn't consider your feelings, as evidenced by the disappearing act after you'd already make plans for today.

 

Are you 100% certain that he is 100% single? Have you been to his home, or met any of his friends?

[d0nnivain]

Sometimes things do come up but not this many. Something is wrong. I am loathe to speculate as to what but I wouldn't rely on him any more. You are clearly not a priority for him. Things just don't change that fast that he can't find a few hours to spend with you.

[CarrieT]

Move on.

 

A guy that wants to be with you will MAKE TIME to be with you.

 

The last two guys I dated were like this:

 

- Guy A lived 9 miles from me

- Guy B lived 80 miles from me

 

- Guy A had a middle management job, working 50 hours a week

- Guy B owned his own business and had a lot of employees, working 60 hours a week

 

- Guy A lived by himself and had a single, grown child

- Guy B had three pre-teens who lived with him every other week

 

- Guy A had a one-night-a-week commitment to play bocce ball

- Guy B had a one-night a week commitment to sing in a choir but also sat on the Board of Directors of several non-profits

 

 

Guess what?

 

Guy B - who had a LOT more on his plate and lived further away, made the time and effort to spend time with me and we ended up getting married about ten days ago.

[winny]

I have not been to his home or met his friends yet... but his Facebook status says single.

And he had told me his last relationship was 6 months back, which looking at his Facebook updates seem to be genuine.

He said he has told his close friends about me and he kind of insisted indirectly that I tell my friends about him.

I text with him all day till we get up till we sleep. And when I met him and the way he spoke and everything he seemed very genuine and normal.

He always initiates these dates himself. I have never asked or pushed him for anything.

And he starts the texting everyday with a good morning text. Only last weekend and this weekend I initiated text when he failed to keep up to the plans...

[d0nnivain]

Texting & posting are FB are far cries from showing up in person for scheduled activities. If that is where he is failing, who cares how much he is texting or who initiates? Do you want a relationship with him or your phone?

[TaraMaiden]

Oh god, he sounds like drama.

 

Why are you so desperate to work this hard?

Ditch the jerk.

He's yanking your chain.

Why?

 

because apparently, he can.

 

Get yourself a good pair of emo-bolt-cutters, and sever the link.

 

Like - now.

 

Why chase a man who is clearly totally reluctant to play the game?

[winny]

Texting & posting are FB are far cries from showing up in person for scheduled activities. If that is where he is failing, who cares how much he is texting or who initiates? Do you want a relationship with him or your phone?

 

I know you are right.

Guess I need to move on. I really thought this is something special.

So it is going to be hard

 

What if he texts me later in the day, what should be my response?

[carhill]

I text with him all day till we get up till we sleep. And when I met him and the way he spoke and everything he seemed very genuine and normal.

He always initiates these dates himself. I have never asked or pushed him for anything.

And he starts the texting everyday with a good morning text. Only last weekend and this weekend I initiated text when he failed to keep up to the plans...

 

OK.

 

He said he wanted me to be patient with him. He will try his best to make some changes so that he can accommodate dates with me in his busy schedule.

 

Hmm....

 

It appears he prefers to text with you all day rather than make time in his busy schedule to date you. Good information.

[d0nnivain]

My response would be that I was disappointed & that I think he's unreliable. I'd put it out there. I also wouldn't go running just because he now -- hours later than scheduled -- he cleared the decks for you. I'd say sorry when you blew me off I made other plans. It doesn't matter if your other plans are staying home watching Sunday football & drowning your sorrows in ice cream, those are other plans.

 

 

If he sends flowers with an apology and actually shows up on time for any future date, maybe I'd give him a third chance but there would have to be massive sucking up first to melt the ice that he caused to form around my heart.

[CarrieT]

What if he texts me later in the day, what should be my response?

 

Why do you feel he even warrants a response when he is being so disrespectful of your time?

[winny]

OK.

 

 

 

Hmm....

 

It appears he prefers to text with you all day rather than make time in his busy schedule to date you. Good information.

 

He only makes these plans and then he fails to keep up and then he gives me explanations...

I never asked him to go out with me on any particular weekend.

 

Earlier I have been involved with guys who never made any plans so I knew they were not interested and moved on...

 

This guy is confusing me...

 

Last evening when he told me he is completely ready but got some urgent work for his Dad, he texted me a pic of him (in which he was all ready) I don't know why he did that, but I guessed he did that to show he is ready but work is keeping him from coming to meet me. I found that weird and funny...

[TaraMaiden]

....

What if he texts me later in the day, what should be my response?

 

Total, complete, unequivocal, right-across-the-board silence.

Not a peep.

no response is necessary.

 

EVER.

 

The fact that he will never get anything out of you, ever again, will tell him everything he needs to know about himself, and how he's treated you.

[winny]

My response would be that I was disappointed & that I think he's unreliable. I'd put it out there. I also wouldn't go running just because he now -- hours later than scheduled -- he cleared the decks for you. I'd say sorry when you blew me off I made other plans. It doesn't matter if your other plans are staying home watching Sunday football & drowning your sorrows in ice cream, those are other plans.

 

 

If he sends flowers with an apology and actually shows up on time for any future date, maybe I'd give him a third chance but there would have to be massive sucking up first to melt the ice that he caused to form around my heart.

 

Thanks d0nnivain.

I am going to do this if he comes back...

I don't know why I am having a feeling, he is not gonna come back... but still I should be prepared...

[winny]

Thank you everyone, talking to you all is making me feel better...

The entire morning I have been feeling like crap.............

[Divasu]

My thoughts are, the beginning is when two people who are into each other, go out of their way to spend time together and show that they are reliable.

 

This sounds more like, everything else in his life comes first. Which, is hard to fault someone on. I mean he's not supposed to rearrange his life, the life he had before you, for someone he hardly knows. But at the same time, you can't get to know someone at arms length.

 

It sounds like he has a lot going on right now and I think if things were more developed between the two of you, there would be less cause for concern. I know when I dated (a now ex), he worked a lot of overtime a couple years into our relationship, we'd go for prolonged periods of not seeing each other. But in the beginning, we saw each other a lot which cemented things.

[winny]

Thanks TaraMaiden and CarrieT - I wish I could be like that. I don't know why I forgive people so much... and then I am the one all alone...

[TaraMaiden]

Maybe you need counselling to answer that question.

One answer may be that you do it to be liked.

 

But all it gets you is 'kicked in the teeth' and then you feel sad and resentful.

 

It little matters why people feel justified in treading all over us. We can't read minds, motives or morals.

 

What matters more is how we deal with it, and prevent it from happening.

There's a very fine line between being forgiving, and being obviously vulnerable......

[winny]

My thoughts are, the beginning is when two people who are into each other, go out of their way to spend time together and show that they are reliable.

 

This sounds more like, everything else in his life comes first. Which, is hard to fault someone on. I mean he's not supposed to rearrange his life, the life he had before you, for someone he hardly knows. But at the same time, you can't get to know someone at arms length.

 

It sounds like he has a lot going on right now and I think if things were more developed between the two of you, there would be less cause for concern. I know when I dated (a now ex), he worked a lot of overtime a couple years into our relationship, we'd go for prolonged periods of not seeing each other. But in the beginning, we saw each other a lot which cemented things.

 

I would completely understand if someone tells me.. I cannot see you for the next 2 weekends because I am going to be busy.

But I don't get it when someone tells me... hey I am home getting ready will start in 5 mins... and so I also get ready and then all silence... when I ask whether he has started... then start the same story.. 5 mins more...1 min more... just about to start... sorry got a call from Dad/Mom.. and till the end he wouldn't say.. hey I don't think I can make it... let's reschedule. He will keep on asking me for extensions till it is too late to meet...

I don't get this type of behavior...

[TaraMaiden]

Thanks TaraMaiden and CarrieT - I wish I could be like that.

 

You CAN be like that.

All you have to do is to delete his number and then block it.

 

Simple.

 

There comes a time when you have to implement damage-limitation measures and moves towards self-preservation.

 

Stop putting him first, because in this instance, I'm reading that your motive for doing it isn't sound.....

[Divasu]

I would completely understand if someone tells me.. I cannot see you for the next 2 weekends because I am going to be busy.

But I don't get it when someone tells me... hey I am home getting ready will start in 5 mins... and so I also get ready and then all silence... when I ask whether he has started... then start the same story.. 5 mins more...1 min more... just about to start... sorry got a call from Dad/Mom.. and till the end he wouldn't say.. hey I don't think I can make it... let's reschedule. He will keep on asking me for extensions till it is too late to meet...

I don't get this type of behavior...

 

Yes, that is not good behavior demonstrated on his part.

[Leigh 87]

sigh.

 

I have had experience with all types of guys, but NEVER a man who was this inconsiderate......

 

And that is a worry:lmao: if you knew my long term ex...

 

My most recent short term ex, however, was a workaholic and managed to see me once a week in the first AND ONLY 3 weeks in which we were bf and gf:lmao:

This recent guy even apologised all the time for the fact he could not see me more than once per week, since his business was not only busy, but his mother was in hospital and his dog had a near miss.

 

Your guy didn't manage to call and cancel your "date?"

Again - the recent ex found the time to call me, whilst frantically driving about, to tell me that his mother had just been admitted to HOSPITAL.

If he can find the time to tell me, his then GF of 2 weeks about an emergency, just BECAUSE he felt the need to share it with me, YOUR guy certainly has no excuse for not having the decency to inform you that he WOULD NOT be maing your "date"

 

This ex guy even told me that he understood if I wanted to discontinue the relationship, because, his words:

" leigh 87, you do not seem like the kind of person who waits around for people, I like that about you but I understand if you canno tolerate it..."

And this was him only being able to see me ONCE A WEEK. Which he stuck to.

And when he had legit reasons about his dog and mother being in ill health.

 

...Be the kind of person that a guy KNOWS He cannot fck with and make wait around for them!

........................................................

 

 

 

 

 

Not showing up for a date is ONLY forgivable:

 

- if it is a one off thing

 

- and if he has a damn legit reason for leaving you hanging.

[Leigh 87]

I would completely understand if someone tells me.. I cannot see you for the next 2 weekends because I am going to be busy.

But I don't get it when someone tells me... hey I am home getting ready will start in 5 mins... and so I also get ready and then all silence... when I ask whether he has started... then start the same story.. 5 mins more...1 min more... just about to start... sorry got a call from Dad/Mom.. and till the end he wouldn't say.. hey I don't think I can make it... let's reschedule. He will keep on asking me for extensions till it is too late to meet...

I don't get this type of behavior...

 

 

 

Listen,

 

A man who is really ito a girl is like a kid with a candy store near their house; who gets pocket money yet are instructed by their parents to not eat candy.

 

The kid will find a way to get to that candy since they have the cash, or heck, even without it:lmao: They will recruit their mates siblings to get the candy. Or just run in and steal it if need be, if they really love candy.

 

They will lie to their parents, saying they spent their pocket money on a "healthy lunch":lmao:, even if they know their parents will not believe them and smack their bottoms.

 

Maybe they will be grounded as well as smacked. To them, it is worth it for a taste of the candy...

 

Guys are the same.

 

When a guy truly wants to be with you, he will. Even if it is only for a mere hour after work, the gym and late night work. He will come crash at yours just so he can interact with you for an hour.

 

When the human drive is pushed to the extreme, in such cases as missing people a lot, it compels people to do anything they can to alleviate this pain within them.

 

It hurts for a guy to miss a girl that he is crazy about. He will naturally strive towards ending this discomfort.

 

If he really wanted you, he would be motivated to put fourth the effort to at least CALL YOU to cancel a date, if he had a legit reason.

 

I do not believe this guy has a genuine reason for cancelling, aside from being too "busy".

...............................

 

 

 

You will lose your self respect and dignity if you agree to be that girl who celebrates the scraps guys give you....

Edited November 17, 2013 by Leigh 87

[winny]

sigh.

 

I have had experience with all types of guys, but NEVER a man who was this inconsiderate......

 

And that is a worry:lmao: if you knew my long term ex...

 

My most recent short term ex, however, was a workaholic and managed to see me once a week in the first AND ONLY 3 weeks in which we were bf and gf:lmao:

This recent guy even apologised all the time for the fact he could not see me more than once per week, since his business was not only busy, but his mother was in hospital and his dog had a near miss.

 

Your guy didn't manage to call and cancel your "date?"

Again - the recent ex found the time to call me, whilst frantically driving about, to tell me that his mother had just been admitted to HOSPITAL.

If he can find the time to tell me, his then GF of 2 weeks about an emergency, just BECAUSE he felt the need to share it with me, YOUR guy certainly has no excuse for not having the decency to inform you that he WOULD NOT be maing your "date"

 

This ex guy even told me that he understood if I wanted to discontinue the relationship, because, his words:

" leigh 87, you do not seem like the kind of person who waits around for people, I like that about you but I understand if you canno tolerate it..."

And this was him only being able to see me ONCE A WEEK. Which he stuck to.

And when he had legit reasons about his dog and mother being in ill health.

 

...Be the kind of person that a guy KNOWS He cannot fck with and make wait around for them!

........................................................

 

 

 

 

 

Not showing up for a date is ONLY forgivable:

 

- if it is a one off thing

 

- and if he has a damn legit reason for leaving you hanging.

 

 

Wow! Is this the same guy or what.

Not sure whether you read my first post from last weekend.

 

The first 2 times when he had to cancel, he was giving me frequent updates on how he is in traffic (it was a Monday) and his dog had an accident the next time, so every minute he was texting to tell me whats happening at the hospital.... he rescheduled and kept up his date. He apologized profusely when we met and said I will make it up to you.

And he sounded so genuine and earnest that I had to say okay fine. But I did say... all right I will see how you are going to make it up to me... he was very affectionate that day.. so I didn't worry much..

For last weekend he blamed his phone, which wasn't working so he couldn't get back to me on time.

I started worrying then. But since he promised he will makes changes to be able to spend more time with him... I said ok no issues...

 

And when he made plans for this weekend... I jokingly said.. Hello are you sure you can make it this time? He said... Yes I am completely sure. You need not worry... all has been taken care of... I have told my Mom and friends... am not available... we will have a great time together...

So I got relaxed.

Still I reconfirmed yesterday just in case... and now again I don't know what excuse he will give... or whether he is going to come back or not even... these days you can never say anything for sure...

[Leigh 87]

sorry to thread bomb -

 

To explain - true story above ^^^^^^ if it sounded weird when I mentioned the gettig their mates siblings to get it,

 

It is because my parents would check in with the owner of the candy store, to see if I had been there (with my picture)

 

I was very young:lmao: