My ex is referring to me as a 'psycho *****'?

[koolkisses]

A background: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/435406-dumper-s-perspective-coping

 

Yesterday, I stupidly looked at my ex's blog after 1.5 months of NC.

Anyway, he's now referring to me as a 'psycho *****'.

It was my first break up, I was the dumper, but I almost regretted my mistake instantly and tried to get the dumpee back. I begged, I grovelled, I sent lots of messages, even when he moved away. :/

 

How do you cope when you know your ex (who you aren't quite over yet) has started referring to you with nasty names?

How do you stop it affecting your self-esteem?

I made a mistake, but I sincerely attempted to amend it.

We were together three years, he knows I'm not some sick psycho. :/

 

Thanks guys!

[d0nnivain]

You are not psycho . . .naive maybe but not psycho. You stop reading the blog. You forgive yourself for being young. You move on. You make jokes about it -- his ego is so big of course he thinks anybody who walks away from him is psycho. So glad I dodged a bullet on that one.

[Omei]

He's hurt he says things to deal with it.

I refer to my ex as a jerk tho I haven't put it in writing.

 

Just dont read it. Who cares! Everyone in your life that loves you friends, family they know you're not and they're the ones that matter.

[koolkisses]

Thanks for the advice guys, this has been a huge setback for me.

 

I just feel kind of horrible because he's found someone new, and suddenly he's being nasty regarding me? Maybe he always has and is jusg vocal about it now.

 

I don't get it? If he's moved on with his life, why does he feel the need?

[d0nnivain]

Part of his healing process may be to call you names. It's not mature but I got tremendous satisfaction out of calling an EX Richard Cranium (D! ckHead)

 

 

He may be saying these things to "prove" to his new GF that he is over you.

 

 

Whatever his reason, they have no bearing on you. Ignore them & him.

[koolkisses]

Thanks guys, I will try to.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

How do you cope when you know your ex (who you aren't quite over yet) has started referring to you with nasty names?

How do you stop it affecting your self-esteem?

I made a mistake, but I sincerely attempted to amend it.

We were together three years, he knows I'm not some sick psycho. :/

 

We put importance on things people say if that person was important to us. The thing to remember is that people say and do stupid things. I like to think we humans are all idiots who are just smart enough to be dangerous.

 

His words have no power or weight in reality. He's releasing some resentment and probably being a bit dramatic about it. It's common for people to talk bad about their exes to boost their own ego. It's nothing more than that.

[HokeyReligions]

Part of his healing process may be to call you names. It's not mature but I got tremendous satisfaction out of calling an EX Richard Cranium (D! ckHead)

 

 

He may be saying these things to "prove" to his new GF that he is over you.

 

 

Whatever his reason, they have no bearing on you. Ignore them & him.

 

OMG. LOL. I used to refer to an ex as Richard Cranium!

 

OP it may seem like he's moved on but I assure you it takes time to process feelings. Referring to an ex in a derogatory manner is a coping mechanism. You must have had a reason to break up but now you are panicking. Focus forward in your life. Force yourself to not think of him or be reminiscent. Its not easy to do but its doable.

[koolkisses]

I think why it hurts so much is because yes, his opinion was/is still important to me.

 

The other reason, I think there is weights to his words. He ignored me, and I continued to send messages until 3.5 months after the break up. :/

I didn't send them 24/7 or anything as such, but some were angry messages and other ones were sad 'i miss you ones'. I did make myself out to be a lunatic at times, but it was only because I was so devastated and wanted to reach out to him. Learned my lesson now....

 

I think the worst thing I did throughout it all was ask him to meet me during study break, and then cancel it angrily with a terribly long 'you never loved me' spiel when I found out he was seeing/wooing some other chick. I knew we weren't together anymore, but it still really stung that he had moved on so quickly. I then regretted it though, and got a friend to ask him if he was still willing to go. As you could imagine, his reply to her (one of the only I ever received - and it wasn't even to me) was very negative. Justifiably so.

 

The only email he sent me, a month after he moved away, he sent to one of my email addresses I don't use often, so I didn't see his explanation/not wanting to see me again until that 3.5 months had passed. I sent him a message explaining that I hadn't seen the email, that I was sorry for my behaviour, and that I loved him, and that although I had met someone I had some interest in, he was my first choice. He replied with the,

 

"You don't sound like you're in the right state of mind for a proper relationship. We're not together anymore, and I don't want to get back together as I don't want to be hurt again. If somebody else is your happiness, then go be with them, and stop chasing me."

 

I sent him one last love letter straight after that, and then that was it. No more messages.

 

I tried to reach him any way I could.

I can definitely see his point of view, and that really hurts.

I thought that even though I was sending messages, he would still identify with the 'me' before, not a newly formed psycho, just hurt.

 

Love makes us do very stupid things.

[Meadowgreen]

I think why it hurts so much is because yes, his opinion was/is still important to me.

 

The other reason, I think there is weights to his words. He ignored me, and I continued to send messages until 3.5 months after the break up. :/

I didn't send them 24/7 or anything as such, but some were angry messages and other ones were sad 'i miss you ones'. I did make myself out to be a lunatic at times, but it was only because I was so devastated and wanted to reach out to him. Learned my lesson now....

 

I think the worst thing I did throughout it all was ask him to meet me during study break, and then cancel it angrily with a terribly long 'you never loved me' spiel when I found out he was seeing/wooing some other chick. I knew we weren't together anymore, but it still really stung that he had moved on so quickly. I then regretted it though, and got a friend to ask him if he was still willing to go. As you could imagine, his reply to her (one of the only I ever received - and it wasn't even to me) was very negative. Justifiably so.

 

The only email he sent me, a month after he moved away, he sent to one of my email addresses I don't use often, so I didn't see his explanation/not wanting to see me again until that 3.5 months had passed. I sent him a message explaining that I hadn't seen the email, that I was sorry for my behaviour, and that I loved him, and that although I had met someone I had some interest in, he was my first choice. He replied with the,

 

"You don't sound like you're in the right state of mind for a proper relationship. We're not together anymore, and I don't want to get back together as I don't want to be hurt again. If somebody else is your happiness, then go be with them, and stop chasing me."

 

I sent him one last love letter straight after that, and then that was it. No more messages.

 

I tried to reach him any way I could.

I can definitely see his point of view, and that really hurts.

I thought that even though I was sending messages, he would still identify with the 'me' before, not a newly formed psycho, just hurt.

 

Love makes us do very stupid things.

 

You seem like a very loving, sensitive and empathetic person and clearly your ex knows which of your buttons to press to send you into meltdown. It's time to back away. You've laid enough trophies at his altar. Don't further disrespect yourself by continuing to reach out to him when he's blatantly told you not to.

 

Best revenge? Get on with your life and start loving yourself. Get to the gym. Keep a diary. Write him a 'never to be sent' letter if needs must and burn it, along with any photos, love letters or mementos you're still hanging onto. Treat yourself once a week to something nice like a massage or a new book to get lost in.

 

Ultimately you must grieve for your relationship and come to terms to the fact he's not coming back. Once you admit that to yourself and most importantly, forgive yourself, then and only then can you begin to heal.

 

There were evidently problems in the relationship if you felt compelled to dump him, and maybe you need to remind yourself what those problems were. We sometimes have a tendency to only remember the happy times, and that does nothing to heal a broken heart.

 

I know it seems impossible to think you'll be happy again, but this guy is one in billions of potential lovers and life partners for you. Take one day at a time, and love yourself no matter what.

[sidney2718]

Thanks for the advice guys, this has been a huge setback for me.

 

I just feel kind of horrible because he's found someone new, and suddenly he's being nasty regarding me? Maybe he always has and is jusg vocal about it now.

 

I don't get it? If he's moved on with his life, why does he feel the need?

 

He hasn't totally moved on. You dumped him, right? He feels rejected, put down, discarded, and does not know why you've done that.

 

So he blames you. Can you blame him for that?

 

As for the name calling, he doubtless thinks of himself as the good guy. Only a crazy person would dump him, right?

 

I feel very sad for you. You don't say why you dumped him, but I trust it was for a good reason. This is the sort of thing that can result from hasty actions. There is no simple fix for this nor is there an easy cure.

 

Let him go and just hang in there, things will get better for you.

[koolkisses]

Thanks guys.

 

It was thought out. I had been feeling it for a while, but it was the complete absence of him in my life afterwards that had me spun out.

 

It just didn't feel real. I've never had somebody change so quickly on me like that before (first break up), and considering that I was the one that was 'left behind' in terms of location, it's been harder to remove the memories and such. He has a clean slate and I really wish now that I had just left him alone. But, considering that I was the dumper, I felt like it was my responsibility to try and mend things, even if I went through that weird transition of angry and sad messages in reaction to his ignoring.

 

There were still those terrible lingering thoughts of 'ownership' (probably not the best word to use, but sort of reflective).

 

It's funny how we move on at different rates, and how we perceive that person when they cope or leave a relationship to us in a different way.

 

I'll never let him hurt me again. In fact, I wish him the best with his life. This is the kick I needed to move on!

[almond]

My ex called me crazy to other people when he broke up with me. On October 18th he hugged me 3x and kissed me when we met up to talk. Who is the crazy one now? haha

 

You, for meeting up with some douche that spread such nasty **** about you.

[Meadowgreen]

You, for meeting up with some douche that spread such nasty **** about you.

 

Hey, lay off with the high horse please. Like she said, her feelings at the time made her do crazy things. We've all been there.

[koolkisses]

I think if you are being honest with yourself alot of this comes down to ego and self esteem. I think most of us (and I include myself here) have had some sort of meltdown when an ex left. You do everything you shouldn't and more.

 

I think this part alone is hard to overcome. You picture your ex laughing and joking with their friends calling you names like 'pyscho' and god knows what else. Sadly people can be cruel and vindicative. When we are fragile this really hurts. This person we loved, saw us at our very worst and actually probably gets a kick out of it with their friends.

 

What's annoying is you know you are not a pyscho. None of us are prefect, we all make mistakes yet this 'meltdown' is the last image some of our ex's have of us. The nice things, great memories all forgotten as they justify to themselves and their friends how much of a pyscho you/we are.

 

It's been said a million times here, but all you can do is live your life well. His opinion of you won't change. The place you need to get to, is where his opinion of you simply doesn't matter or count. This is a time for growth and self improvement. Forgive yourself for the mistakes and vow to learn from them.

 

I remember a few years back being on a friends trip away. It was the first time I had felt like 'me' in a long time. I lived in the gym, read self help books, bought new outfits, new hairstyle all in antipication of a great weekend away. As fate would have it my ex walked into the bar I was in. I just smiled confidently until he broke eye contact turned away all awakward. Everything about that smile told him where I was in my life. Later my ex tried to approach me. I said little. My confidence said more then I ever could.

 

In truth I didn't need to see my ex for validation but yeah it felt good. This is where you need to get to. It's a journey. Sometimes its a damn hard journey with more steps backward then forward. The more you focus on his life, your mistakes and his opinion of you the longer it takes to start this journey and the tougher the journey will be.

 

At some stage you will say enough. I just hope its sooner rather then later. I wish you well.

 

Thanks for the advice Fluorescent! You're absolutely right. It is a self-esteem issue at the end of the day and in a way this is a learning experience in which I can develop a strong self esteem.

 

I've always wanted to use this quote:

 

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” ~ Marilyn Monroe.

[koolkisses]

Or you could try working on being less selfish, less impatient, less insecure, more in control and easier to handle which means you will be 1) happier in your life and 2) a far better partner in a team

 

Sorry, I totally didn't mean it in that way!

I've always been a very easy person to get along with, just trying to keep the positive energy going!

Accepting I've had my moment of terribleness, and moving on.

 

Again, thank you so much for your advice.

Edited November 19, 2013 by koolkisses

[love1336x]

A background: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/435406-dumper-s-perspective-coping

 

Yesterday, I stupidly looked at my ex's blog after 1.5 months of NC.

Anyway, he's now referring to me as a 'psycho *****'.

It was my first break up, I was the dumper, but I almost regretted my mistake instantly and tried to get the dumpee back. I begged, I grovelled, I sent lots of messages, even when he moved away. :/

 

How do you cope when you know your ex (who you aren't quite over yet) has started referring to you with nasty names?

How do you stop it affecting your self-esteem?

I made a mistake, but I sincerely attempted to amend it.

We were together three years, he knows I'm not some sick psycho. :/

 

Thanks guys!

 

 

Why did you break up with him?

It's soo annoying when men do that. So catty, and woman like.

He must be upset still, and that is his way of venting!

There is nothing that can be done, even if you talk to him, it will add on more to your "psycho-ness".

I work with my ex. I remember after 3 months of the break up. His facebook was OPEN to the public... I read his comments, and status. All about ME being CRAZY about him. How I COULDN'T let him go. I must admit the first month of our break up... I was crying, begging, the whole works, but he kept rejecting me. I STOP. I was still hurting, but hell I stop.

 

The best thing to do is to ignore, ignore, ignore... It's tough, but there isn't much you can do. Eventually he will let go!

[rec88]

How do you cope when you know your ex (who you aren't quite over yet) has started referring to you with nasty names?

 

Haven't read all the replies so I hope I'm not repeating but my answer is... know that your ex is acting very immature and he's trying to manipulate the situation to friends. Don't allow yourself to get caught up in this high school bull****. It will blow over in time and whoever he tells will forget all about it, so long as you're not actually a psycho *****. Your actions speak much louder than his words. It's frustrating, but take the high road here and don't let it get to you. Or don't show it anyway .

[carhill]

How do you cope when you know your ex (who you aren't quite over yet) has started referring to you with nasty names?

Accept it for what it is, the rantings of one person

 

How do you stop it affecting your self-esteem?

Spend time on/with people and pursuits which are uplifting

I made a mistake, but I sincerely attempted to amend it.

We were together three years, he knows I'm not some sick psycho. :/

 

Accept your mistake, take actions to correct, and move on. Billions of people in the world and every one of them has an opinion.

 

BTW, almost every man I've ever known has, at one time or another, referred to their existing spouse in such terms. Ex'es? Ha! Pretty standard. TBH, I haven't seen much difference between women and men in this regard, except women do appear to be more convincing, likely a byproduct of superior social skills. Life goes on.

[Sugarkane]

He is the dumpee right? He is probably hurting a lot. I've been called psycho just for asking for an explanation for a breakup and doing nothing but NC after that. I've also been called this even though I've never begged or pleaded.