Cae Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 My ex told me to either move in with him in June or that was the end of the relationship. Since then we have gone on texting back and forth and he has now said not to contact him again unless he sees some action and I move in with him. I told him that I didn't want it to be the end of the relationship and could we find somewhere that was suitable for the both of us end of jan when his contract on house finishes and he said he is not waiting any longer for me. So I said ok and haven't contacted him but it hurts like hell and he has been sending odd texts to me like: 'A whole day of silence I am impressed' and 'Are you there?' etc. Why tell me not to contact him and then do this?
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 I have never been a fan of ultimatiums & when faced with one, I pick the opposite just to be contrary. Why is he pressuring you to move in? How long have you been together? Why don't you want to move in? Have you discussed all of this with your STBEXBF? When you said that you were willing to go look at places that would be both of yours instead of you moving in with him, why did he say that he was done waiting for you? January doesn't seem that far off. If he can't compromise on something like that, your long term prospects don't seem good at all because he will be rigid about other things that require compromise when living together -- room temperature, household chores, tolerance for mess etc.
Author Cae Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 Hi thanks so much for responding. We have been together for 2 and a half years so wants us to move in together. Ok fair enough he has been waiting since September last year. I have said I would move in with him when his contract finishes on his house end of jan but he says he is not moving anywhere with me in jan unless we try it first. Where he is living at the moment is not very convenient to my work and family etc. I am scared of moving in with him because he has a cannabis problem which he says he will stop if he has my support of me moving in. I love him but am scared he will let me down and get me into trouble? He says he has never had a rapport like this with anyone else and crumbles without me. Help I don't know what to do?
Jmk21 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 To be honest cohabitation is something that needs to be mutual. I believe it's one of many reasons my ex didnt like about me, I had a gut feeling to NOT jump in and move in after we were together 2 years but she really really wanted me to and I didn't. And we split 6 months later But honestly anywhere between 2 and 3 years you should really be making that next step in your relationship ie cohabitation but only if both parties are comfortable. The way he's acting seems very controlling to me. Then again I'm extremely jaded on living together. I did it when I was younger only to find out my gf was having multiple guys come over on her days off when I was at work with 5 months left on our lease. it Left a pretty big stain and one helluv a barrier for me in that dept that I've yet to overcome
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Don't move in with him. If the cannibas is in the house & the house gets busted you get a criminal conviction for possession. If the place isn't convenient for your work he has to be willing to understand that. His bit about wanting to "try it out first" tells me he is not committed enough. He's already expecting it not to work. If you move in & it doesn't work out you have to pick up & move. The up side of that though is that if you aren't on the lease you can just go. If you are both on the lease, the landlord doesn't have to let you out of your legal responsibility & if you can't afford to live in the new place on your own, if you leave you have to trust him to pay the rent & not get you sued for non payment.
Author Cae Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 I am scared of regretting it, when he is not on the drugs things are great. He has told me that I won't find anyone else and if I do they will hurt me by making me feel used etc
Author Cae Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 Last week he really hurt me by saying he had been cheating on me and had a new gf. He said that although he had new gf that his heart was still mine to steal before she took it. The following day he then text and apologised and said it was all rubbish and that he only said it to try and hurt me as much as I had hurt him by not moving in.
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Why do you want to move in with a jerk who takes drugs & does things to intentionally hurt you? The statement that you will never meet anybody else is BS. He's starting down a road of emotional abuse. It's time for you to change direction.
Author Cae Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 Maybe it's all my fault. Thing is when things are good it's great. I just can't let go.
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 You don't have to let go. He's walking away for you. Let yourself be the dumpee then get good & mad because he selfishly chose drugs over you. Anger is much healthier than depression. You will be fine, unless you move in with him. Then your self esteem will be worse than it is now.
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